New baby and post birth advice #2

[Hairraiser]

I had my debrief at the hospital. It was me, my partner, a very senior obstetrician and a senior midwife. The dr asked me to run through my version of events and answered all questions I had. She explained their reasons for their actions (they weren’t defensive), they were very apologetic (I think they’re bricking it incase I take it further) and did actually help provide me with information and answers I didn’t know. I did get quite emotional but they were very understanding.

I asked to see my notes and I was allowed to read them at my own pace in a private room while I was feeding my baby. As an FYI, if you request to see your notes, they’re obliged to let you read them! Reading them helped make me piece things together and understand what happened as I was totally out of it at the time. Turns out my c-section under general anaesthetic was 3 minutes from start to finish (8:35 put under GA, 8:37 cut me open, 8:38 baby out) which I didn’t know!

I should also be hearing the response back from PALS about my complaint re: horrific postnatal care I received soon. The midwife there asked for further clarification about some of my complaints so they could tell off the right people.

One thing that pissed me off though is that they said the old ‘at least he’s here and healthy that’s all that matters’ and I said he’s probably my first and last and the dr was like ‘oh no! Have as many as you can! He brings you such joy it would be a shame not to have more! Give it a year!’ She also said she would personally do my next csection and make sure everything is ok.

I had my debrief at the hospital. It was me, my partner, a very senior obstetrician and a senior midwife. The dr asked me to run through my version of events and answered all questions I had. She explained their reasons for their actions (they weren’t defensive), they were very apologetic (I think they’re bricking it incase I take it further) and did actually help provide me with information and answers I didn’t know. I did get quite emotional but they were very understanding.

I asked to see my notes and I was allowed to read them at my own pace in a private room while I was feeding my baby. As an FYI, if you request to see your notes, they’re obliged to let you read them! Reading them helped make me piece things together and understand what happened as I was totally out of it at the time. Turns out my c-section under general anaesthetic was 3 minutes from start to finish (8:35 put under GA, 8:37 cut me open, 8:38 baby out) which I didn’t know!

I should also be hearing the response back from PALS about my complaint re: horrific postnatal care I received soon. The midwife there asked for further clarification about some of my complaints so they could tell off the right people.

One thing that pissed me off though is that they said the old ‘at least he’s here and healthy that’s all that matters’ and I said he’s probably my first and last and the dr was like ‘oh no! Have as many as you can! He brings you such joy it would be a shame not to have more! Give it a year!’ She also said she would personally do my next csection and make sure everything is ok.

Glad it went as well as it could and you feel abit better now knowing what happened and why.
Thats crazy about your section being 3 minutes long, is that the norm? I had a GA C-section and would be interested to know how long mine was.
I finally have my birth reflections appointment booked in for September.
I can’t believe they said about you having another during a debrief of your traumatic birth! Can’t make it up I know you’ve said on previous posts that you won’t be having anymore children. It sucks that we have to justify why we don’t want anymore children!
I think when people say this though, they think they are being nice. (could think of better things to say tbh)
This isn’t baby related but my dad had the same kind of situation recently. He had his leg amputated last year & someone he used to work said ‘ah well, at least it’s not cancer & your not dying’
Fair but stupid comment because his life has now completely changed, he is now disabled & he is mourning the loss of his limb, his old life, his independence..it’s just not right completely trivialising a persons situation as there is something or someone in a worse position.
How you feel matters too, be it mentally & physically. Can you imagine if they just sent you home an hour after you had your baby, after your section? Not caring that you can’t walk, sit up, go to the toilet etc, it’s alright cause the baby is fine? It wouldn’t happen.
I hope you can close the book now on your experience and enjoy your beautiful little baby.

 

[moimoi]

I’m glad you feel it went well overall, and they were able to give you more clarification around everything that happened. Do you feel in any way better (if that’s the right word? Lighter maybe?) for having had the appointment?

Glad it went well, I'm in the middle of my complaint at the mo I'm finding it very hard to write as it brings back awful memories, but I've requested a birth reflections meeting but it takes 3 months for the notes to come back apparently.

Did you feel like it helped alot? Xx

Yeah, when I left I said to my other half that I thought it was definitely worth it. What was also really nice was that they kept asking my partner about his experience and how he felt at certain times as communication was so poor, he had no idea what was happening when we were whisked away for the emergency section, and they said they’d pass on that feedback too.

I really get it, it’s so emotional to relive something so traumatic and in detail! I lasted 5 seconds in the room before crying when they asked for my story. They encouraged me to cry and let it all out if I needed to!

I did have a cry today thinking about it again, it won’t heal everything but it was nice to get answers and see them grovel! I would definitely recommend a debrief for anyone considering but not sure.

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Yeah, when I left I said to my other half that I thought it was definitely worth it. What was also really nice was that they kept asking my partner about his experience and how he felt at certain times as communication was so poor, he had no idea what was happening when we were whisked away for the emergency section, and they said they’d pass on that feedback too.

I really get it, it’s so emotional to relive something so traumatic and in detail! I lasted 5 seconds in the room before crying when they asked for my story. They encouraged me to cry and let it all out if I needed to!

I did have a cry today thinking about it again, it won’t heal everything but it was nice to get answers and see them grovel! I would definitely recommend a debrief for anyone considering but not sure.

Thank you it's good to hear it helped in a way, sorry you had a traumatic experience sending all the love xx

 

[Hairraiser]

Yeah, when I left I said to my other half that I thought it was definitely worth it. What was also really nice was that they kept asking my partner about his experience and how he felt at certain times as communication was so poor, he had no idea what was happening when we were whisked away for the emergency section, and they said they’d pass on that feedback too.

I really get it, it’s so emotional to relive something so traumatic and in detail! I lasted 5 seconds in the room before crying when they asked for my story. They encouraged me to cry and let it all out if I needed to!

I did have a cry today thinking about it again, it won’t heal everything but it was nice to get answers and see them grovel! I would definitely recommend a debrief for anyone considering but not sure.

Can I ask who you spoke to have the debrief? I’m really keen to speak to the people involved in my birth too but just haven’t felt ready until now. It’s nice to hear someone has had a good experience having one, apart from the fact you had to relive everything again, but it’s proof that talking about these things can help!

 

[moimoi]

Glad it went as well as it could and you feel abit better now knowing what happened and why.
Thats crazy about your section being 3 minutes long, is that the norm? I had a GA C-section and would be interested to know how long mine was.
I finally have my birth reflections appointment booked in for September.
I can’t believe they said about you having another during a debrief of your traumatic birth! Can’t make it up I know you’ve said on previous posts that you won’t be having anymore children. It sucks that we have to justify why we don’t want anymore children!
I think when people say this though, they think they are being nice. (could think of better things to say tbh)
This isn’t baby related but my dad had the same kind of situation recently. He had his leg amputated last year & someone he used to work said ‘ah well, at least it’s not cancer & your not dying’
Fair but stupid comment because his life has now completely changed, he is now disabled & he is mourning the loss of his limb, his old life, his independence..it’s just not right completely trivialising a persons situation as there is something or someone in a worse position.
How you feel matters too, be it mentally & physically. Can you imagine if they just sent you home an hour after you had your baby, after your section? Not caring that you can’t walk, sit up, go to the toilet etc, it’s alright cause the baby is fine? It wouldn’t happen.
I hope you can close the book now on your experience and enjoy your beautiful little baby.

When I Google it says csections can take around 40-50 minutes?! I’m sure some of the ladies here will be able to tell how long theirs took. I thought mine was about 20 mins but seeing 3 mins was crazy, no wonder they made such a mess of it and cut his cheek twice It will definitely be in your notes.

I asked how on earth they cut his cheek twice, and they said that they would have accidentally cut it during the first incision (I thought it was just one slice but they do two incisions to open you), they would have checked to see where he was but they said he would have been sensitive to the pain when they cut him (no tit!) so he moved and they accidentally cut him again during the second incision The thought of my little baby writhing in pain and being scared broke me tbh.

I don’t know why people care so much about how many kids you have! She said I’d regret not having any more! But at least she offered to be my personal dr for my next apparent csection… Can’t wait for that!

Can I ask who you spoke to have the debrief? I’m really keen to speak to the people involved in my birth too but just haven’t felt ready until now. It’s nice to hear someone has had a good experience having one, apart from the fact you had to relive everything again, but it’s proof that talking about these things can help!

It was a really senior obstetrician (I think she might have been the head of the department at the hospital tbh) and a senior midwife, both weren’t involved at all. I think probably so it wasn’t biased! The dr who performed the csection spoke to my partner after the csection but had to go to another hospital before I woke conveniently… she did finally bother to ring and speak to me two weeks later on the phone but just blamed my waters being broken for over 24 hours and that there was nothing to protect him.

I hope you get all the answers you need at your debrief x

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Can I ask who you spoke to have the debrief? I’m really keen to speak to the people involved in my birth too but just haven’t felt ready until now. It’s nice to hear someone has had a good experience having one, apart from the fact you had to relive everything again, but it’s proof that talking about these things can help!

Have a look on your hospital website at my hospital online it's called birth reflections it's also on the front of my red book given by the HV, your HV might know the contacts aswel xx

 

[Definitelyme]

From first incision to my babies being out in a scheduled c section was only about 5-6 minutes I think. It is the sewing you back together that takes an age

 

[littlepup]

it’s just not right completely trivialising a persons situation as there is something or someone in a worse position.
How you feel matters too, be it mentally & physically. Can you imagine if they just sent you home an hour after you had your baby, after your section? Not caring that you can’t walk, sit up, go to the toilet etc, it’s alright cause the baby is fine? It wouldn’t happen.

Absolutely!! We all understand someone will be in a worse position but it doesn't stop us feeling the way we do and being entitled to do so.

RE: your section. Did they give you your yellow notes back? There's loads of information in there including the delivery record. This is what I have below with the timings. I was in theatre for less than 10 mins before it started, being anaesthetised then it too probably 40 mins to stitch me up.

 

[Hairraiser]

Absolutely!! We all understand someone will be in a worse position but it doesn't stop us feeling the way we do and being entitled to do so.

RE: your section. Did they give you your yellow notes back? There's loads of information in there including the delivery record. This is what I have below with the timings. I was in theatre for less than 10 mins before it started, being anaesthetised then it too probably 40 mins to stitch me up.

Oh wow, I didn’t know this information was on there. Will have to dig it out and have a look. Tbh I avoided my notes due to the trauma, but I’ve put them away to look at whenever I’m ready. But il definitely look at this part. Thank you!

 

[mg89]

When I Google it says csections can take around 40-50 minutes?! I’m sure some of the ladies here will be able to tell how long theirs took. I thought mine was about 20 mins but seeing 3 mins was crazy, no wonder they made such a mess of it and cut his cheek twice It will definitely be in your notes.

I asked how on earth they cut his cheek twice, and they said that they would have accidentally cut it during the first incision (I thought it was just one slice but they do two incisions to open you), they would have checked to see where he was but they said he would have been sensitive to the pain when they cut him (no tit!) so he moved and they accidentally cut him again during the second incision The thought of my little baby writhing in pain and being scared broke me tbh.

I don’t know why people care so much about how many kids you have! She said I’d regret not having any more! But at least she offered to be my personal dr for my next apparent csection… Can’t wait for that!


It was a really senior obstetrician (I think she might have been the head of the department at the hospital tbh) and a senior midwife, both weren’t involved at all. I think probably so it wasn’t biased! The dr who performed the csection spoke to my partner after the csection but had to go to another hospital before I woke conveniently… she did finally bother to ring and speak to me two weeks later on the phone but just blamed my waters being broken for over 24 hours and that there was nothing to protect him.

I hope you get all the answers you need at your debrief x

In my C-section, an emergency one but not life threatening, just prolonged labour and no dilation past 4cm, they had baby out in 4.5 minutes.

 

[LilyRose1234]

Is there a 6 week sleep regression? Last few nights baby has been really unsettled, she writhes around grunting like she’s uncomfortable even after bringing up a lot of wind, making loads of noise and when I feed her she wriggles around, kicking her legs and grunting again. She won’t sleep anywhere, not even on me - at a push I can get half an hour if I feed her lying down and she falls asleep while feeding. But she’s not crying at all, so I don’t think she’s in any pain? Also, she only does this at night - no wriggling or grunting during the day.. I’m just really confused and have tried every burping position possible. Honestly could cry - except my eyes are too tired and dry

 

[Ilando]

8 days old and about to have their first bath. It’s like a military operation. Husband has insisted we need we need the heating on while baby is in the bath so I’m currently wondering about the house wearing just my bra and Always pants

 

[WhatABore]

Is there a 6 week sleep regression? Last few nights baby has been really unsettled, she writhes around grunting like she’s uncomfortable even after bringing up a lot of wind, making loads of noise and when I feed her she wriggles around, kicking her legs and grunting again. She won’t sleep anywhere, not even on me - at a push I can get half an hour if I feed her lying down and she falls asleep while feeding. But she’s not crying at all, so I don’t think she’s in any pain? Also, she only does this at night - no wriggling or grunting during the day.. I’m just really confused and have tried every burping position possible. Honestly could cry - except my eyes are too tired and dry

My baby did this for the wholeeeee first few weeks. I started her on dentinox just incase as I wasn't risking it being colic again
I then actually moved her from what she was sleeping in, into a moses basket.
Changing where she slept made the most difference

 

[Hbirdette]

8 days old and about to have their first bath. It’s like a military operation. Husband has insisted we need we need the heating on while baby is in the bath so I’m currently wondering about the house wearing just my bra and Always pants

Hope it goes well! I hated baths in the early days cause they were just so tiny and slippy!! Definitely took a few weeks to feel confident!
that’s Funny but quite sweet of your husband

Does anyone else get royally fucked off when people ask to put stuff in the pram? We met up with my inlaws the other day, baring in mind it was 20 degrees they were like “can we put our picnic, coats and bags under the pram?” I just said no lol. I’m not carting round their tit too

 

[Pinkii]

Is there a 6 week sleep regression? Last few nights baby has been really unsettled, she writhes around grunting like she’s uncomfortable even after bringing up a lot of wind, making loads of noise and when I feed her she wriggles around, kicking her legs and grunting again. She won’t sleep anywhere, not even on me - at a push I can get half an hour if I feed her lying down and she falls asleep while feeding. But she’s not crying at all, so I don’t think she’s in any pain? Also, she only does this at night - no wriggling or grunting during the day.. I’m just really confused and have tried every burping position possible. Honestly could cry - except my eyes are too tired and dry

I think its just normal newborn behaviour, i remember reading its something to do with their digestion and everything happening and its all new sensations.

Newborns are genrally very loud sleepers, are you sure she is not asleep when doing all this? Cause I always used to think mine were up but they were that loud but asleep, although mine had silent reflux to that contributed a lot to the grunting

 

[LilyRose1234]

I think its just normal newborn behaviour, i remember reading its something to do with their digestion and everything happening and its all new sensations.

Newborns are genrally very loud sleepers, are you sure she is not asleep when doing all this? Cause I always used to think mine were up but they were that loud but asleep, although mine had silent reflux to that contributed a lot to the grunting

Yeah, I think it’s just where it came on suddenly and only overnight it worries me a little (probably unnecessarily!). Feels like one step forwards, two steps back which is just frustrating.
it’s quite dark so I just assumed she was awake but you could be right! I’ll keep an eye tonight and see if she’s actually asleep (not that I’ll be able to sleep with all the racket )

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Is there a 6 week sleep regression? Last few nights baby has been really unsettled, she writhes around grunting like she’s uncomfortable even after bringing up a lot of wind, making loads of noise and when I feed her she wriggles around, kicking her legs and grunting again. She won’t sleep anywhere, not even on me - at a push I can get half an hour if I feed her lying down and she falls asleep while feeding. But she’s not crying at all, so I don’t think she’s in any pain? Also, she only does this at night - no wriggling or grunting during the day.. I’m just really confused and have tried every burping position possible. Honestly could cry - except my eyes are too tired and dry

My wee one is the same with the noises, gave me such a fright at the start

 

[Hbirdette]

Is there anything you can put on baby’s dribble rash on their chin? It’s not awful but just wondered if I’m best to leave it or not

 

[OIM]

Is there anything you can put on baby’s dribble rash on their chin? It’s not awful but just wondered if I’m best to leave it or not

Sudocrem worked for my eldest.

Anyone else weaning yet? I have done it before with my first but this time around the baby just doesn’t really seem interested at all and gets quite upset by it all.

 

[mg89]

Sudocrem worked for my eldest.

Anyone else weaning yet? I have done it before with my first but this time around the baby just doesn’t really seem interested at all and gets quite upset by it all.

Yes.. we've been trying for last 7 weeks. He's not really interested at all to be honest, just clamps his mouth shut and refuses - doesn't matter what it is, purees, blw style etc. We are still on one 'meal'. Annoyingly the other day he devoured some banana pancakes I'd made and has been having vomiting and diarrea since, so now we are wondering whether he has an egg allergy alongside a dairy one.

We use sudocream for dribble rash too.

Is there a 6 week sleep regression? Last few nights baby has been really unsettled, she writhes around grunting like she’s uncomfortable even after bringing up a lot of wind, making loads of noise and when I feed her she wriggles around, kicking her legs and grunting again. She won’t sleep anywhere, not even on me - at a push I can get half an hour if I feed her lying down and she falls asleep while feeding. But she’s not crying at all, so I don’t think she’s in any pain? Also, she only does this at night - no wriggling or grunting during the day.. I’m just really confused and have tried every burping position possible. Honestly could cry - except my eyes are too tired and dry

Very very normal.. their digestive system kicks in in the early hours and there's an acid dump, which makes the grunting and farmyard noises happen.