I think they see the golden child as an extension of themselves ... actually, I don't even know if that's it. I'm never going to understand what makes my mother tick. What I do know is, I could be voted in as Prime Minister of my country tomorrow and my mother would still change the subject to my sister/the golden child or back to herself. I try not to have a great deal to do with my mother and her silly little games but her antics still hurt.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
6 years no contact with my Father - and the best thing I ever did was to tell him to duck off! He likes to tell people I’m mentally ill apparently. (Which is not the case at all - that’s just him coping with the shock of me standing against him).
To anyone here whose life is made worse by narcs, I say this from experience, you will be happier if you just block and move on. If they add nothing to your life and don’t respect you - bin them off. You don’t have to have them in your life because they’re your parents. You owe them nothing. Life is too short to be treated like crap.
To anyone here whose life is made worse by narcs, I say this from experience, you will be happier if you just block and move on. If they add nothing to your life and don’t respect you - bin them off. You don’t have to have them in your life because they’re your parents. You owe them nothing. Life is too short to be treated like crap.
Yes I think there is this unspoken rule of they're your parents so you should accept how they are. The same as family in general, that we should be okay with being treated badly by people because we share a bloodline.
No.
If someone treats you badly, it becomes even more unacceptable when they are family. If someone is supposed to love you, they should want the best for you, they should support you, celebrate your wins. Not belittle you, compare you to others or be dissapointed in your success.
The mental illness smear seems to be a common one when you stand up to them doesn't it.
Cutting ties was probably the best decision of my life actually.
My Father is a narcissist and a bully. It's taken me a long time to realise it. Very long story, but I gave up my share of my inheritance from my Grandmother because my parents (through their own stupidity) have duck all money. Not once have they ever thanked me. Things came to a head a few years back where I gave it to him with both barrels about how he has let his family down by not working for 30 years and how we (me and my Brother) gave up our share of a house for them (he's lazy, has failed businesses behind him and thinks he's above 'menial' work). He replied that my Mother had almost died giving birth to me (news to me) so it was 'just reward' that I gave up a third of a house for them. What kind of bleeping person SAYS such a thing? If I could turn the clock back I would not have given that to them but you can only focus on mistakes NOT to make in the future.
I’m approaching a month no contact with my parents, my mum is a narc. It’s been hard at times but it’s also been a very peaceful 4 weeks. Covid gave me a lot of time to think and made me realise my childhood wasn’t as happy as I thought and question why I put up with it for so long! I’m having weekly counselling sessions which are really helping.
I wonder why MILs of men often seem to be the most controlling and narc like?
I actually joined Tattle so that I could contribute to this thread - I had a mother with what I now recognise as Borderline Personality Disorder, and a father who abandoned us when I was 14 - leaving me stuck with her. I was an only child too, so had to deal with her on my own. I had years of dealing with her behaviour, years of her being nasty (the nastiness got worse when she got older.) She was violent too when I was younger (although that came to an abrupt halt when I was big enough to whack her one back). In later life, she would refuse to speak to me for months on end because of some imaginary slight, was always falling out with people (and expecting me to clean up the mess) guilt tripping me, accusing me of not loving her enough and not caring about her. At the time I didn't know about BPD - I just knew she was a clingy, controlling, manipulative mess that was always trying to insert herself into my life in inappropriate ways. For years, my heart sank whenever the phone rang and I saw her number. When I look back at some of the things she use to say to me - they are so appalling that I can't believe anyone would say those things to a child. It sounds awful to say - but it was a huge relief when she died. Finding out about Borderline Personality Disorder and hearing from children of Borderline mothers was a huge revelation. I'd strongly recommend checking out Dr.Kim Sage on Youtube - she covers all kinds of different scenarios of toxic parents and listening to her has been a real help. With Mother's Day looming (my least favourite day apart from Father's Day) she's been back on my mind..
I grew up in an extremely toxic family system. I'm currently on a "re-parenting myself" journey. Honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, which is basically be kind to myself.
I was recommended this book when I had some councilling sessions and I can not recommend it enough. There is something for everyone to relate to in there (different peoples stories) and then has the perspective of the therapist. It's a very easy read and pretty sure it's available on audiobook.
I was recommended this book when I had some councilling sessions and I can not recommend it enough. There is something for everyone to relate to in there (different peoples stories) and then has the perspective of the therapist. It's a very easy read and pretty sure it's available on audiobook.
Attachments
I’m going through a similar journey. I will check this book out, thank you. Sending you so much love
Thankyou & lots of love right back at youI’m going through a similar journey. I will check this book out, thank you. Sending you so much love
tough isnt it. Please let me know what you think of the book, I've recommended it to a few people who have all got something out of it.I feel bittersweet that I found this thread. Heartbreaking that so many have gone/are going through the same thing but also reassuring, it can feel very lonely. Really appreciate everyone who has shared their experiences on here
Im really sorry to be posting this but I don't have anyone in real life to talk to.
I hate that she affects me so badly
my mum told me she wished she had used a coat hanger and done a DIY abortion with me and flushed me down the toilet. She hopes I rot in hell. She regrets having me.
I hate that she affects me so badly
First of all dont be sorry for posting, you're in good company here with people who understand. I'm so sorry she said that to you thats absolutely horrendous. I know too well how the cruel things our parents said to us as kids becomes our inner monologue as adults so that must be so horrendous to have rattling around in your brain. The fact that you're posting this in here means that you at least realise it's a her problem not you (it took me til my mid 30s to recognise what was truly going on I even convinced myself I was a narcissist and people who were abusive to me were actually reacting to me) I now try to think of myself as lucky to have the emotional intelligence to see things for how they really are. I hope that didnt come across as dismissive by the way it's sort of a cbt brain training thing where I try to look at a better perspective.
It's incredibly brave of you to open up, personally find it easier in a setting like this (my real life friends dont know the half of it) so talk away xx you are precious, loved and worthy and deserve help to heal xx
It would take far too long to detail just how awful ‘the parents’ were. I grew up in a home without any affection and every slight misdemeanor either real or sometimes imaged by them resulted in extreme violence. I left home at 16 and for revenge my dad killed my dog.
I haven’t seen my dad since 2005 when he publicly ridiculed my 7 stone weight loss at a family event and told everyone I looked ‘a bleeping mess’. I get texts asking me to call and the usual emotional blackmail crap about him being old and sick but I don’t respond.
My mum who was as violent of not more do than my dad, I’ve had an on and off relationship with over the years. She can be very odd with me particularly around achievements. When I get my first degree she accused me of lying about it, and she does a weird thing I can’t explain when I talk about myself or my work, studies etc ... it’s a kind of mmm noise that means she thinks it’s bullshit. The husband thinks I imagine it but I’ve know her 48 years so I think I know what it means by now. I have a rule that I only speak to her once per month and I stick to it.
sometimes I look at other families like my husbands or friends with their own children and I realise that I don’t understand what it is they have. I never experienced a real family so I just don’t get it. Not sure if that makes sense or not but ...
I haven’t seen my dad since 2005 when he publicly ridiculed my 7 stone weight loss at a family event and told everyone I looked ‘a bleeping mess’. I get texts asking me to call and the usual emotional blackmail crap about him being old and sick but I don’t respond.
My mum who was as violent of not more do than my dad, I’ve had an on and off relationship with over the years. She can be very odd with me particularly around achievements. When I get my first degree she accused me of lying about it, and she does a weird thing I can’t explain when I talk about myself or my work, studies etc ... it’s a kind of mmm noise that means she thinks it’s bullshit. The husband thinks I imagine it but I’ve know her 48 years so I think I know what it means by now. I have a rule that I only speak to her once per month and I stick to it.
sometimes I look at other families like my husbands or friends with their own children and I realise that I don’t understand what it is they have. I never experienced a real family so I just don’t get it. Not sure if that makes sense or not but ...
Your mother is a disgrace and she doesn’t deserve you. Her thoughts and comments are not at all a reflection on you. Might be difficult to believe, but honestly they aren’t. She isn’t a well woman to say that to you and that’s on her not you. My advice would be to speak to a good therapist to understand more about how this affects you. Look after yourself xx
Is anyone else finding the Meghan and Harry interview quite triggering but also a comfort because if such a high profile family are toxic and can have a breakdown yours is a drop in the ocean.
Yes I was also told by my mum that she wishes she'd never had me, I ruined her life, that she wishes she would die so she wouldn't have to look at me any longer.
It's not ok for her to have said those things to you, I hope you know that. All my love to you I know how hard it is.
I find myself wishing I had a normal family, but there's no such thing really. Even in "perfect" families like the royals.
I always feel like this, it is a sad feeling, but I try to tell myself that I’m lucky that now I get to choose my family. I have a handful of friends that I think of as my family. It will never be the same, I think there’s always that missing piece but it’s kind of comforting feeling like I have a family in other ways. Just know that you aren’t alone
My mother is a narcissist. What she’s done would take tons of paragraphs to write but her treatment of me has left a scar that I don’t think will ever go away. My poor Dad was an absolute sweetheart and in the end he divorced her. I have a sister who is a tit of the highest order. A bully. But my mother can’t do enough for her?? About 6 years ago I decided enough was enough and I slowly stopped a lot of contact. It’s a phone call to my mother about once a month. I don’t speak to my sister and it may sound harsh but I couldn’t care less about their lives. I am a much better person for it and wished I had done it earlier. People will tell you ‘family is everything’. Yeah, to those that have that family unit but when you haven’t it’s the most hurtful and crushing thing ever. Today, I’ve been to Tesco’s to do my shop. I’ve had to get Mother’s Day cards. My MIL is an absolute gem and I searched through the cards to get her one that reflected that. My mother? I searched through the cards to get one so basic - not ones with I love you, best mum, what would I do without you. I do the same for birthdays etc.
To all of you who have suffered with narc parents, know that it’s not your fault. Lots of love to you all and honestly, if you can get out of it, even slowly at first, your mental health will improve so much. It’s hard but in lots of ways you’re taking control back? And I think they hate that.
To all of you who have suffered with narc parents, know that it’s not your fault. Lots of love to you all and honestly, if you can get out of it, even slowly at first, your mental health will improve so much. It’s hard but in lots of ways you’re taking control back? And I think they hate that.
I remember being around 9 and sitting in a bay window with a green sofa in our grotty rented hone with water coming through the ceiling with my mother. She told me she never wanted me and my brother, my dad said give me kids if you don’t I’ll hold you down and you’ll give me them. She told me to keep it to myself and I did because I felt special being told something so secret. When I got older I asked and she completely denied it and called me mental to anyone that would listen (I knew my brother has a different dad too and no one believed me!) even my brother. It wasn’t until he was about 18 an old friend of my mums asked him if he ever met his dad (said his name) and it was the name of said all along and it all came out. I will never forget and all my mum says nowadays is what have I don’t SO wrong deserve children like you - Julie’s son looks after her and buys her holidays
.I did this with the cards last week. I got one with Have a good day on it in the end. I will do the same as you’ve done when I’m financially I’m a position I can
- Status