Narcissistic and Toxic parents.

[Messychaotic - one word]

My narc mother is getting worse when it comes to claiming to be related to people who are in the news for various reasons (usually monied folk). It's downright embarrassing because it's just not true! Whenever she makes such claims, she'll always say, "I'm related to blah blah blah," not "We're related to" (to involve me) - because it's all about her - and her story.

A house came up for sale recently and was in the national papers as it has a lot of history and was at one time an Embassy. Of course she knew the people who owned it at some point (not really), and had been there to parties (not really).

Whenever she makes these claims, she puts on a bit of a voice to go with it. I have a couple of younger cousins who are so dim that they can't see through the lies! It makes me so angry that they could be so gullible. If anything, they encourage it, by asking further questions (to which my mother nearly always says she'll share more information at a later time [probably so she can make up a good story in the meantime]).

 

[Slaybutter]

Hi new username. Accidentally got logged out of all of my accounts and didn’t even have the email for tattle let alone the password
Just wanted to update how things are - it was really hard at first to block my dad but as soon as I did a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. I unblocked him once a week to send him a message that let him know I was thinking of him and then went right back into settings. I called him on Father’s Day and he sounded really good. He was happy to hear from me and didn’t guilt me or anything. It seems that this arrangement works for him too so I plan to keep it up.
My mother I discovered has many different personalities. If I talk to her late in the day I walk away feeling miserable. If I speak to her first thing in the morning (for her. I like to stay up all night and she is happy when I phone and wake her at six am) our conversations are so much better. I was doing this for about a month and I felt so good. Things slipped though and I would talk to her later in the day & her mean side would come out… so that’s interesting.
I’m lucky I can stay up all night and be okay. Strange life though.

 

[TheGlossy]

My mother makes me puke.

When my dad died, she spent every penny she had and was left penniless. Her account was left in the red because of that and I took it upon me to help out with some bills & food. Some of my dad's money was finally released this month and the first thing she thought of was supposedly reimbursing my brother for 2/3 things he paid for when he lives under her roof, eats her food and not contributing at all (he's 25 and isn't bothered to look for a job). Yet, she didn't think to reimburse me what I helped her with when I have my own bills, rent and food to pay for all on my own.

Today, I also found out she claimed she didn't have enough to pay €80 of a tax bill back in April, so I had to cover it for her, but she had enough to make a recurring payment of €50 to my brother (who again, can't be bothered to look for a job).

Reintegrating her into my life after my dad's death was a mistake. The verbal and physical abuse topped with her accusing me of being the cause of her infidelity should have been enough for me to never want to see her again.

 

[no-no]

Nmum’s who can’t understand the world doesn’t revolve around them She’s texting me asking to go to Lidl at 1pm in the day like I’ve not got a life. I went yesterday morning and asked if she needed anything, she was adamant she didn’t so she only wants booze today. Told her no, cue the sulking. She also wants me to take her the dentist later or arrange a taxi for her. I’ve got enough on my plate.

 

[mcgee]

How do you respond to a narcissist father who messages you with a “hey how are you?” Like nothing has happened when just 2 weeks ago he left you on read, ignored you and failed to reply to a message where you explained to him how the actions of he and his wife upset and therefore by ignoring you shows no remorse or accountability for his actions?

I can’t stand to brush it all under the carpet and act like nothing has happened or upset me like he is clearly doing but is there any point saying anything again when he failed to acknowledge anything the first time?

it’s the fact he has the audacity to send a flippant “hey how are you?” when the last message in our convo was a long message from me explaining my feelings for there to be nothing from him in return.

sorry for the ramble

 

[Chandler Bing]

How do you respond to a narcissist father who messages you with a “hey how are you?” Like nothing has happened when just 2 weeks ago he left you on read, ignored you and failed to reply to a message where you explained to him how the actions of he and his wife upset and therefore by ignoring you shows no remorse or accountability for his actions?

I can’t stand to brush it all under the carpet and act like nothing has happened or upset me like he is clearly doing but is there any point saying anything again when he failed to acknowledge anything the first time?

it’s the fact he has the audacity to send a flippant “hey how are you?” when the last message in our convo was a long message from me explaining my feelings for there to be nothing from him in return.

sorry for the ramble

I would ignore him.

Hugs

 

[Snowjoke]

How do you respond to a narcissist father who messages you with a “hey how are you?” Like nothing has happened when just 2 weeks ago he left you on read, ignored you and failed to reply to a message where you explained to him how the actions of he and his wife upset and therefore by ignoring you shows no remorse or accountability for his actions?

I can’t stand to brush it all under the carpet and act like nothing has happened or upset me like he is clearly doing but is there any point saying anything again when he failed to acknowledge anything the first time?

it’s the fact he has the audacity to send a flippant “hey how are you?” when the last message in our convo was a long message from me explaining my feelings for there to be nothing from him in return.

sorry for the ramble

I hate when they do that…. They just think it will all go away! Playing dumb and brushing it under the carpet makes me even more angry

 

[mcgee]

I hate when they do that…. They just think it will all go away! Playing dumb and brushing it under the carpet makes me even more angry

Same! I find it quite manipulative that they do that to get you back on speaking terms or forgiving them and in turn they are in the clear but you’re left reeling.

 

[Snowjoke]

Same! I find it quite manipulative that they do that to get you back on speaking terms or forgiving them and in turn they are in the clear but you’re left reeling.

Yea I totally get that. It always makes me feel like they undermine you aswell like what we are annoyed about isn’t important or even worth being annoyed about! Yet if the shoe was on the other foot the world would end

 

[Chandler Bing]

Yea I totally get that. It always makes me feel like they undermine you aswell like what we are annoyed about isn’t important or even worth being annoyed about! Yet if the shoe was on the other foot the world would end

This is exactly what my narc dad is like. I am the worst person on earth because I don't like his partner (for a good reason). I never even say anything I just ignore this person. But it's ok for my dad to say horrible things and slag off my partner, my brothers partner, his own brother in law, the neighbours.... List is endless, but you can never say anything cos all hell will break loose.

 

[Snowjoke]

This is exactly what my narc dad is like. I am the worst person on earth because I don't like his partner (for a good reason). I never even say anything I just ignore this person. But it's ok for my dad to say horrible things and slag off my partner, my brothers partner, his own brother in law, the neighbours.... List is endless, but you can never say anything cos all hell will break loose.

Totally sympathise with you… it’s the most frustrating thing. I have the same with some of my in laws and it’s awful. I just don’t speak to them at all now because I’ve realised you just cannot win no matter what you do. I also don’t like the way they always make me feel crap about myself and do genuinely feel a lot better being no contact, definitely for my own sanity. It is very hard at times but no contact keeps me sane lol

 

[RupertTBear]

Sorry not sure if this is the right place to be writing this but just need to rant about the toxic ‘relationship’ I have with my father…

My sister has metastatic breast cancer at 42 ( I am 37, no other siblings). The cancer has spread to her brain which has affected her ability to walk, look after herself, her personality. Loads of stuff, it’s a total head duck. For nigh on 2 years my mum has divided her time between her house (with my dad) and my sisters house where she lives with her husband. My dad is (and always has) playing a very passive role in his care for my sister and provides next to no support for my mum/me/my sisters husband. He can’t talk about his feelings apparently, so somehow this justifies him being a tit dad. I guess what infuriates me is that he isn’t just being a tit dad to her when she needs him but also a really tit dad to me. I’m embarrassed of him if I’m honest and have been since being a kid. I have massive problems with self esteem and the dynamic with him makes me feel worthless and I want to cut him out of my life although at the moment it isn’t an option.
Just wanted to rant really. I consider myself a feminist but this dynamic makes me feel like the worst feminist going.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola x

Sorry not sure if this is the right place to be writing this but just need to rant about the toxic ‘relationship’ I have with my father…

My sister has metastatic breast cancer at 42 ( I am 37, no other siblings). The cancer has spread to her brain which has affected her ability to walk, look after herself, her personality. Loads of stuff, it’s a total head duck. For nigh on 2 years my mum has divided her time between her house (with my dad) and my sisters house where she lives with her husband. My dad is (and always has) playing a very passive role in his care for my sister and provides next to no support for my mum/me/my sisters husband. He can’t talk about his feelings apparently, so somehow this justifies him being a tit dad. I guess what infuriates me is that he isn’t just being a tit dad to her when she needs him but also a really tit dad to me. I’m embarrassed of him if I’m honest and have been since being a kid. I have massive problems with self esteem and the dynamic with him makes me feel worthless and I want to cut him out of my life although at the moment it isn’t an option.
Just wanted to rant really. I consider myself a feminist but this dynamic makes me feel like the worst feminist going.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola x

 

[Snowjoke]

Sorry not sure if this is the right place to be writing this but just need to rant about the toxic ‘relationship’ I have with my father…

My sister has metastatic breast cancer at 42 ( I am 37, no other siblings). The cancer has spread to her brain which has affected her ability to walk, look after herself, her personality. Loads of stuff, it’s a total head duck. For nigh on 2 years my mum has divided her time between her house (with my dad) and my sisters house where she lives with her husband. My dad is (and always has) playing a very passive role in his care for my sister and provides next to no support for my mum/me/my sisters husband. He can’t talk about his feelings apparently, so somehow this justifies him being a tit dad. I guess what infuriates me is that he isn’t just being a tit dad to her when she needs him but also a really tit dad to me. I’m embarrassed of him if I’m honest and have been since being a kid. I have massive problems with self esteem and the dynamic with him makes me feel worthless and I want to cut him out of my life although at the moment it isn’t an option.
Just wanted to rant really. I consider myself a feminist but this dynamic makes me feel like the worst feminist going.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola x

Sorry not sure if this is the right place to be writing this but just need to rant about the toxic ‘relationship’ I have with my father…

My sister has metastatic breast cancer at 42 ( I am 37, no other siblings). The cancer has spread to her brain which has affected her ability to walk, look after herself, her personality. Loads of stuff, it’s a total head duck. For nigh on 2 years my mum has divided her time between her house (with my dad) and my sisters house where she lives with her husband. My dad is (and always has) playing a very passive role in his care for my sister and provides next to no support for my mum/me/my sisters husband. He can’t talk about his feelings apparently, so somehow this justifies him being a tit dad. I guess what infuriates me is that he isn’t just being a tit dad to her when she needs him but also a really tit dad to me. I’m embarrassed of him if I’m honest and have been since being a kid. I have massive problems with self esteem and the dynamic with him makes me feel worthless and I want to cut him out of my life although at the moment it isn’t an option.
Just wanted to rant really. I consider myself a feminist but this dynamic makes me feel like the worst feminist going.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola x

I’m so sorry about your sister and that you are all going through that. Sickness really does show people for their true colours. Some family members really do show themselves up and think it’s acceptable to do nothing, it’s awful and a very disturbing way of getting on. What I will say is I’m sure your sister is so grateful for you and your mum She is lucky to have you both xxxx

 

[RupertTBear]

I’m so sorry about your sister and that you are all going through that. Sickness really does show people for their true colours. Some family members really do show themselves up and think it’s acceptable to do nothing, it’s awful and a very disturbing way of getting on. What I will say is I’m sure your sister is so grateful for you and your mum She is lucky to have you both xxxx

Thank you for being so lovely x

 

[boomska]

A year ago, I bought tickets to a comedian with a friend. We fell out. So i have a spare ticket. I'm not asking for money for the ticket, just cost towards petrol. I've asked a couple of friends but they've either said no, or they're busy. My mum is aware of this as we spoke about it. She then "jokingly" said she's not happy being someones back up...Well, she wasn't joking. I've emailed her to ask/tell her she's going to be my plus one. She's then emailed back saying "to keep trying to find someone" So i've asked her does she not want to come? And I just KNOW she's going to say no. Not because she doesn't like the comedian, because she was the back up plan.

Ffs. That's her and me not going to talk now for 2 months

 

[rainbowlemon]

A year ago, I bought tickets to a comedian with a friend. We fell out. So i have a spare ticket. I'm not asking for money for the ticket, just cost towards petrol. I've asked a couple of friends but they've either said no, or they're busy. My mum is aware of this as we spoke about it. She then "jokingly" said she's not happy being someones back up...Well, she wasn't joking. I've emailed her to ask/tell her she's going to be my plus one. She's then emailed back saying "to keep trying to find someone" So i've asked her does she not want to come? And I just KNOW she's going to say no. Not because she doesn't like the comedian, because she was the back up plan.

Ffs. That's her and me not going to talk now for 2 months

Maybe try to list the ticket on a resell website.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

My dad who i havent spoken to for 18 months randomly text my husband to ask for a lift home from the hospital. Didnt mentioned me at all or ask how I was.

 

[Snowjoke]

I’m in the bad books as didn’t physically call in to see my in laws in their house when they all had covid (and were still testing positive with it btw) I’m CEV Dropped groceries etc up and obviously messaged to see how they were

 

[Blonde123]

My dad who i havent spoken to for 18 months randomly text my husband to ask for a lift home from the hospital. Didnt mentioned me at all or ask how I was.

What did your husband do?

 

[Rodneytrotter]

What did your husband do?

My husband asked me what I wanted him to say. I said he should agree to give him a lift home. For a split second I wanted to visit my dad in hospital and imagined he would be really pleased to see me. Then I remembered that it doesnt work that way. My husband asked if he needed shopping. My dad text him a list of what he needed. Then my dad text again and said the dr had said he could drive home after all but that the shopping would still be handy. My husband dropped the shopping off at his (I still have a key). My dad thanked him for the shopping and offering to drive him home. That was the end of that.