You are so welcome lovely.Firstly, thankyou so muchIt was so nice to read this as you get it.
Your point about the moon and stars - so spot on. My sibling actually said something similar to her that if we rang her every day for 6 days and didn’t on the 7th she’d complain about how much we are terrible children, so you’re absolutely right.
Yes, her saying she wouldn’t even get the treatment was horrible. Even my partner got angry about that as he lost a parent and couldn’t fathom how she was even saying something like that to us. It hurt and thankfully she went through with it and is almost out the other side now and getting better which is good.
It really does hurt your heart and your head, doesn’t it? My partner has been really good in supporting me but I’m considering writing all of it down just to get it out of my head.
Thankyou again for being so kindX
Has anyone here been to therapy for their narc parents?
I’m so pleased you’ve found it helpful, and thanks for your insight on the first meeting - I think that’s what I was concerned with so good to hear your thoughts on it.I found therapy to be very helpful. Being removed - stolen really - from my mother at birth had a profound impact on me (and her). I'm mostly okay thanks but found out recently that my bio father is a sexual predator. Makes my skin crawl.
The first meeting with a therapist is the hardest but it's not weird. It's like having a really wise friend who will definitely keep confidentiality and can help with practical advice.
That’s really interesting that it all came back to the parent - I think a few things will come to light if I go down that route too. Good to hear it helped to give you tips on triggers too, that’s definitely something I could do with help with, it’s just so hard to not take everything to heart.I went to therapy for something else but it all came back to my parent. It was very eye opening and helped me see things more clearly. Counselling also gave me tips on how to handle things like my own triggers, how to deal with family when they called etc. I feel in many ways I didn’t actually start living until I went to counselling.
Thankyou againYou are so welcome lovely.
I haven’t had therapy but I will not rule it out and eventually I think I will need to work on suppressed emotions more than anything.
You are lucky you have a supportive husband.
Take care x
You make complete senseI’m probably not making sense. Having a narc in your life is truly soul destroying - I’m just feeling the pain more today.
oh my god - yes!!!!Also just to offload a bit more
Does anybody find they start arguments with your kids (like being really unreasonable) and they start blaming you and saying you “can’t control” your own kids then I find myself in the middle of a brawl between NM and the kids.
I may go back and see my GP. My blood pressure is high again. I didn’t sleep well last night, everything seems to be getting on top of me...
Mental and physical exhaustion and dealing with toddler attitudes from NM is taking its toll. I wonder if I’m having a midlife crisis? I looked in the mirror and I cannot see myself? I don’t recognise the woman in the mirror anymore. My hair is turning grey, my youth is fading, I’m overweight (she likes me being in this box!) , it’s really sad. I’m single and have been for ten years. It’s easier that way. I get called all manner of names otherwise and get told he doesn’t want you etc etc...
Muddling through...
I’m crying because I feel a bit less alone and I’m sad you have it this way too... it’s very lonely sometimes
I get this so much. I think you become accustomed to the narcissistic abuse and when it’s all you know you become easy to be manipulated. Partners, work colleagues, friends, many of whom are narcissistic. Lots of love xMy parents are both messed up people and they use me as a dumping ground for their unresolved issues. Particularly my mum. If she perceives any slight criticism directed at her, she flies into a rage and vows to get revenge on whoever said this to her.
I am also autistic so I’ve been bullied all my life by them but also need help. I have no siblings. They do something which is ostensibly helpful and in good grace, then later they throw it back in my face.
In my mid 20s, I suffered a severe breakdown and was hospitalised in a psychiatric unit with my 4 week old baby who is now 13. My mum said that she didn’t love this baby (her grandchild!) strangely enough, this daughter is now one of the most favoured grandchildren. My mum will deny that she ever said such a thing. It was the worst time of my life. My parents were the most nasty and abusive they’ve ever been. My marriage had broken up and I was living with them and it was awful. They were just so spiteful. I felt they hated me and wanted to destroy me. They would arrange meetings with my mental health team and then pick me to pieces in those meetings. The mental health professionals would say to me ‘stand up to them’. Not easy when you’re I’ll. When I was in the hospital, my psychiatrist would put me on home leave and my parents would refuse to come and pick me up.
The situation with my parents isn’t as bad as it was but I’ll never forget what they did. My mum is still very changeable and turns on me out of the blue.
I have also noticed that I attract abusive people. I’ve had a toxic male friend for about 14 years. It has taken me a long time to realise that he gaslights me. This morning he was saying to me that I should put up with the abuse from my parents because the things they’ve done for me offset the abuse! I got angry about this and he shut the conversation down and said I always have to be right.
Lately, he’s been propositioning me. I’m feeling angry now because I’ve realised that the only interest he’s ever had is getting into my knickers.
I have 4 children, all girls and we all get on so well. We never argue. I have tried hard to change things so that I don’t treat them the way my parents treated me. I know it sounds unusual for a family to not argue but we really don’tI’m sure I’m not a perfect parent but I can honestly say I love my children and I want them to have a happy life. My mum seems to get angry if anything nice happens to me.
Sorry for the long post. I feel better for getting that off my chest.
I second this. When all you've ever experienced is narcissism, you don't know what "healthy" and "sane" looks like, so you subconsciously choose to surround yourself with the same type of narcissistic energy because it's familiar. Anything healthy, you will try to sabotage because it seems foreign and uncomfortable to you.I get this so much. I think you become accustomed to the narcissistic abuse and when it’s all you know you become easy to be manipulated. Partners, work colleagues, friends, many of whom are narcissistic. Lots of love x
I’ve had many opportunities to have relationships with caring men who are emotionally healthy and I tend to decide the dynamic isn’t right. I’m trying to go against that now though. Otherwise I’m going to be around abusive people for the rest of my life. As far as living goes, at least I only live with my children so they don’t see bad relationship examples. They are aware of my mums outbursts and their response tends to beI second this. When all you've ever experienced is narcissism, you don't know what "healthy" and "sane" looks like, so you subconsciously choose to surround yourself with the same type of narcissistic energy because it's familiar. Anything healthy, you will try to sabotage because it seems foreign and uncomfortable to you.
I was like that until I met my husband. He fooled me, I thought he was a bad boy but he truly wasn’t.I’ve had many opportunities to have relationships with caring men who are emotionally healthy and I tend to decide the dynamic isn’t right. I’m trying to go against that now though. Otherwise I’m going to be around abusive people for the rest of my life. As far as living goes, at least I only live with my children so they don’t see bad relationship examples. They are aware of my mums outbursts and their response tends to bebecause they know she’s abnormal.
Happy BirthdayFunny today is my birthday, and my dad wrote a massive post on his fb for my birthday but all About him. People who don’t know what our home life has been like etc commented saying how amazing he is, how he has their full respect etc proper rubbing his ego.....
I messaged him to thank him for my birthday card and birthday money (was actually from my mum really) took him all day to reply or even message me personally to say happy birthday... but had been online in the mean time to thank them for their kind words to him
Happy BirthdayFunny today is my birthday, and my dad wrote a massive post on his fb for my birthday but all About him. People who don’t know what our home life has been like etc commented saying how amazing he is, how he has their full respect etc proper rubbing his ego.....
I messaged him to thank him for my birthday card and birthday money (was actually from my mum really) took him all day to reply or even message me personally to say happy birthday... but had been online in the mean time to thank them for their kind words to him
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