I need somewhere to offload and I don’t know if this is the right thread but it is the only thread I can see which relates to parents. Anyway, my Mum and I are okay. We’re not that close as I’ve moved away from my home town, not far away but far enough because she won’t visit me. Since she retired she’s been really weird. Like I’m getting married in a couple of years and asked for help, I specified I didn’t want financial help but help with organisation and messaging suppliers that sort of thing, since she has the time and I work FT. However my parents have been kind and paid for certain things anyway. I asked for help the other day, was literally just to message a supplier because I was at work and she wouldn’t. I explained that the supplier is only open 11-3 which is my main working hours and she still wouldn’t - I missed out on the supplier. I don’t know why she won’t help. However today is what has really weirded me out/annoyed me. I woke up to lots of Facebook notifications which is weird for me as I hardly use it. She has went through birthday posts from friends on my birthday from 2019 and loved them all. I could understand a couple of likes here and there like a mid-click but not loving them all! Of course the friend and myself get those notifications so I asked her about it. She’s ignored my message which I can see she’s read. This is only two instances, there is more but these are the ones that are weirding me out at the moment and I don’t know what to do. Any advice?
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Im having a pang of guilt today thinking of my dad living all alone.
My narc mother and enabling father stopped speaking to me in February, I was thankful for the opportunity as I’d never have took it so really worked on myself and got in a good place. She’s just emailed me to ask if I want her sofa like nothing has happened! Said it’ll be ready in a months time so is obviously alluding to something bigger going on! I’m bridesmaid for the first time tomorrow and it’s like she knows as she always ruins special occasions. Trying to stay strong and not let her ruin another!
Oh god, how predictable of the timing. Please try and turn off any inner-dialogue (who does she think she is, why is she acting like this is normal?!, what’s her angle etc.) and distract yourself with bridesmaid duties
Just tell yourself “I’ll worry about it later”. Good luck for tomorrow. Hide that email until/if you want to reply and if you do, be firm with your new boundaries. Keep your peace 
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hearOh god, how predictable of the timing. Please try and turn off any inner-dialogue (who does she think she is, why is she acting like this is normal?!, what’s her angle etc.) and distract yourself with bridesmaid duties
Narcs make other people’s special occasions about them. They’ll kick off if their scapegoat has something good happening to bring the attention back to them.
I’m glad I have nothing to do with my narc mother. The peace is fabulous. It’s been many years now and I have no regrets.
I’m glad I have nothing to do with my narc mother. The peace is fabulous. It’s been many years now and I have no regrets.
I had my first child and it became clear to me I could never speak to those people again. Some people are best kept far far away. My children don't know who they are.
Same here!
Delete the email and act like it never happened.
She might be worried that if she calls the suppliers that she will have to pay? I would make it clear that you don’t need or want any money from her as it sounds like the wires have been mixed up along the way if she’s paid for stuff already.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear
hope you had a nice day!How did you go to no-contact? I’ve been low-contact for a while now, have done NC in the past but she’s on her own so I got roped back in. However, she’s been acting up lately and is causing drama every single weekend (my time off work).
I asked her what was up before because it’s such a chore speaking with her and she accused me of “picking on” her
She’s in her 70s! I ended the call calmly after listening to her craziness for several minutes (my fault). They are the most ungrateful people you could ever come across.No doubt she will run into her neighbour bad-mouthing me again
the same neighbour she doesn’t have a decent word to say about.Sorry I know this wasn't directed at me but I tell myself those people deserve the same love, care and compassion they gave me. Which in my case is non so that's what they had in return.
How did you go to no-contact? I’ve been low-contact for a while now, have done NC in the past but she’s on her own so I got roped back in. However, she’s been acting up lately and is causing drama every single weekend (my time off work).
I asked her what was up before because it’s such a chore speaking with her and she accused me of “picking on” her
No doubt she will run into her neighbour bad-mouthing me again
My mother came to my house, got drunk, had to be prevented from driving, got nasty and punched my face.
It was easy going NC after that. It followed many nasty incidents with her but this one gave me the reason to not have her in my life permanently.
It was easy going NC after that. It followed many nasty incidents with her but this one gave me the reason to not have her in my life permanently.
Totally get this. My mother invited herself round to ours for Easter and was silent and moody throughout - nothing could please her. She ignored my children and hissed vicious comments to me quietly. My husband gave her a lift home - usually I would be in the car myself as I never like leaving her alone with anyone from my family, but I could not face being in her company any longer. I heard from him later that she had bitched about me the whole journey back, bringing up episodes from decades back replayed to make her look the victim.
They just make it so easy for us to close the door on them.
I have never regretted it.
Sending a big digital hug * I know this is tattle and all* to all of the little helpless children we once were and to the adults who we are today who have survived despite the people we relied on us for that survival failing to do what is biologically ingrained in them to do (or at least should of been). Proud of u guys!
Just wanted to recommend a good channel on YouTube for those dealing with narcissistic parents. The channel is called Narcissism Survivor. I’d be lost without these people sharing their stories 
such an amazing resource.
such an amazing resource.
I feel like an algorithm any time I suggest another thing people might like after they’ve shared theirs, but I so like Patrick Teahan’s channel! He’s been really helpful to me latelyJust wanted to recommend a good channel on YouTube for those dealing with narcissistic parents. The channel is called Narcissism Survivor. I’d be lost without these people sharing their stories
Feel like a lot of us can relate
Attachments
My mum is a narcissist and I’ve been no contact for 6 months now. I don’t have the energy to write my story but I just want to be another person to say it’s ok choose peace and put yourself first, you deserve too! You are not responsible for your mother’s happiness, even though if you have an NM you would have been conditioned all of your life to put her feelings first ahead of your own. You have to unlearn the toxic tit they taught you it was all manipulation.
It’s definitely ok to choose your peace every time! It’s what I’ve done an absolutely no regrets. I’m 8 months in now.
There are no words to express my feelings towards my narc parents this week… Happy birthday to both of them though 
I genuinely wondered at one stage if my mother had alzheimers or dementia.There are no words to express my feelings towards my narc parents this week… Happy birthday to both of them though
View attachment 818108
No. Turns out she is indeed just a gaslighting narcissist.
- Status