Yes - I know that feeling well.... 'I never said that' 'That never happened' and 'You're just being overdramatic' were three of my mothers often used phrases...it was amazing how many things that were said/done (including threats and actual violence) could be forgotten about or batted away as 'misinterpretations'. Bit like all the post of mine that she used to open that was addressed to me because she missed seeing my name on it......every single time. Healthy boundaries, what do they look like then?
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
In my case everyone is told that I’m “dramatic “and I make mountains out of molehills. That’s not even my parent saying that anymore ( I’m NC ) but other family members who literally parrot all the things she has said to me. I sometimes ask them “ is that your own opinion or just what you’ve been told” and they can’t answer. They’ve all swallowed the cool aid.
My ex’s mum did that to his post. I mentioned it to my mum and she was aghast, one of the most terrible things you can do etc. It was only because she was so disgusted I said you opened all my post
she got a catalogue out in my name once and even used superglue to close my bank statement which was an epic fail “I never did. My god, you love to make stories up”.
My mother called me at 6:30 in the morning this week so we could finish our conversation. She hadn’t had a chance to talk about herself the night before (a bloody first) because someone else had rung her.
Good on you for calling out the families that repeated that nonsense about you @Eureka. The post stuff was ridiculous - she even opened letters I was about to send elsewhere so that she could give her pronouncements on them. I did catch her bang to rights with my iPad once - she had no clue how it worked and had been jabbing at it trying to get in to see what I had been doing on there - and managed to turn on the camera andfilm herself in the process. I asked her three times if she had been messing with it - and after three denials played her the film. That shut her up.
I've read all of the posts on here and although I can relate to the majority of them I never
thought that the things my parents said meant they are narcs. Until now. I can hear my parents saying those three statements to me.I'm really sorry to hear that @Eeeww David! Mine was more BPD than narc - but either way having your feelings denied and your reality questioned is bloody awful. No child should have that done to them.I've read all of the posts on here and although I can relate to the majority of them I never
Not me but my husbands. We just cut them off, they won’t ever change so don’t bother putting the effort into them
As I agree with you about cutting them off, unfortunately for some of us it really takes along time for us to be able to move on, personally for me, it's been years, they've ruined my life mentally, but hey ho, as a typical narc, they don't give a tit.
agree with you to lovely
Took us 7 years to get the strength to cut them off for good. They are truly evil people that sucker you in xThey don’t, do they? And then they have the cheek to lean on us when they’re old and alone.
Mine is a very long story that goes back 30 years. There has been some truly terrible behaviour by my mother who 100% has NPD. However, I’m through the other side and have a 2 year restraining order on her, her behaviour towards me was also so bad that she received a suspended prison sentence. I’ve also just come out of therapy for the anxiety and suicidal thoughts that were caused by her, but I still have a degree of anxiety and ptsd about all the years leading up to this.
Does anyone else here notice it runs in the family? My great grandmother didn’t like girls, so my grandmother was treated awfully by her, this then knocked onto my grandmother being a awful abusive mother to my mother, and then her to me, so I’m 4th generation. It’s stopped here with me, I’ve worked hard to make sure I do not repeat any of that history. Interestingly though my half sister from my dads previous marriage was raised by my mum, and sadly she’s exactly like her with her children now. We all say that she’s the one most like our mother, I guess that’s the nature/nurture debate.
Does anyone else here notice it runs in the family? My great grandmother didn’t like girls, so my grandmother was treated awfully by her, this then knocked onto my grandmother being a awful abusive mother to my mother, and then her to me, so I’m 4th generation. It’s stopped here with me, I’ve worked hard to make sure I do not repeat any of that history. Interestingly though my half sister from my dads previous marriage was raised by my mum, and sadly she’s exactly like her with her children now. We all say that she’s the one most like our mother, I guess that’s the nature/nurture debate.
Thats one reason why where I am glad I have nothing to do with them, their golden son, who has turned into his (our) dad will do that, he's another narc, all about him and what he can get, really hope karma gets him.
My grandma and great grandma were wonderful women who loved their families. My mother was brought up with nothing but love. There’s no apparent reason for her being the narc thundercunt that she is.
This may be slightly off topic (or equally we may have already discussed this) but did neglecting your basic hygiene etc needs happen to any of the rest of you?
I was just watching a YouTuber show their grocery haul and she had bought her daughter deodorant and I just burst into tears. For some reason it brought it all back out of nowhere.
I was only allowed to shower twice a week, it was considered a waste of water. My mum would tell me I had started to smell of sweat but wouldn't buy me deodorant and I didn't know that I was supposed to use anything like that. I got bullied in school so badly anyway for other things but smelling bad made it so much worse I would sometimes even skip school because I was too mortified to go in.
Periods were another thing I was just left to fend for myself. I was born mid-80's and I don't even know what age I got my first period but I remember having to use toilet paper until a friend in school told me about pads etc and then I would save pocket money to buy them. It was horrible having to hand wash and try dry my knickers in my room and I didn't really even understand why it was happening to me.
I was just watching a YouTuber show their grocery haul and she had bought her daughter deodorant and I just burst into tears. For some reason it brought it all back out of nowhere.
I was only allowed to shower twice a week, it was considered a waste of water. My mum would tell me I had started to smell of sweat but wouldn't buy me deodorant and I didn't know that I was supposed to use anything like that. I got bullied in school so badly anyway for other things but smelling bad made it so much worse I would sometimes even skip school because I was too mortified to go in.
Periods were another thing I was just left to fend for myself. I was born mid-80's and I don't even know what age I got my first period but I remember having to use toilet paper until a friend in school told me about pads etc and then I would save pocket money to buy them. It was horrible having to hand wash and try dry my knickers in my room and I didn't really even understand why it was happening to me.
Maybe overindulging, which can be a type of abuse at the extreme.
I don’t think it was that in her case.
I wasnt allowed to use tampons and used to use tissue too or steal my mum's stuff. I wasnt allowed to shave my legs either and any shampoo/ shower gel I used had to be stored in my room and not left in THEIR bathroom the fuss made after having a shower e.g. condensation on the mirror it was easier not to bother.
Wow that hit me hard. I totally relate. I am pregnant now and I feel a deep pain inside me knowing my children won’t have grandparents.
I cut from my family for over 14 years and never looked back. I feel so safe without them but I always have that longing for a family but it’s all a fantasy sadly.
Reading this Mother Wound book at the moment which is really opening my eyes. Highly recommended.
Attachments
- Status