My mum's thrown me out of the house, which I own btw, and she's turned our neighbour against me. Filled her head with all sorts of nonsense, telling half the story etc, so she won't take me in lmao. How can a mother be so cruel? Just when I doubted my assumption that she's a narcissist, she's proved me right in the end.
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I completely understand and relate
I'm 3 years no contact from my dad this month. He was so cold, such an unloving person and full of hate for anyone who wasn't a white British male. I can't believe I spent my whole life trying to make someone who was so sexist, racist, bitter, judgemental and spiteful love me. I'm just shocked how the rest of the family fall for his victim act.
When I started dating I actually used to freak out when boys were nice to me. It used to feel all wrong and creepy. Like a boy told me once that he liked me, I'd liked him for ages but him saying that he liked me just put me off. I guess it was all just unfamiliar.
I dont know if anyone has ever read the book or seen the series 'Normal People'? One of the main characters called Marianne is from a very unloving family and I can completely relate to her.
When I started dating I actually used to freak out when boys were nice to me. It used to feel all wrong and creepy. Like a boy told me once that he liked me, I'd liked him for ages but him saying that he liked me just put me off. I guess it was all just unfamiliar.
I dont know if anyone has ever read the book or seen the series 'Normal People'? One of the main characters called Marianne is from a very unloving family and I can completely relate to her.
Reading through this thread makes me realise that my mum might be quite toxic. I don’t think I really noticed it fully until I moved out 2yrs ago.
Since then it’s made me realise how negative I feel after every interaction with her. It’s always about her and all her dramas. She makes me feel guilty or bad for her with the things she says. I feel like I can’t talk to her about any of my problems or worries.
She doesn’t have a good relationship with my grandma either, they’ve been NC many times over the years and I didn’t meet her until I was 7. My mum has always made out like my grandma is awful but now I’m thinking maybe my mum is just as much part of that issue!
The thing is, my mum thinks that it should be my grandma who initiates contact with her. And since I’ve moved out, I’m always the one who has to try and initiate contact with her. Funny how it’s never my mum who has to make the effort??? Except when it comes to her male friends and then she will make the effort to communicate with them almost daily! It makes me feel so lonely and unimportant since I’ve left. I moved over 100 miles away from her and we’ve only seen each other a handful of times in 2yrs, maybe that should have given me the inkling that deep down I wanted to get away from her in a big way. Urgh. I just have so many thoughts and feelings about my whole childhood that I don’t know how to process and now I’m in my early 30s dealing with neurodivergence that was only recently picked up on and complete failure to launch with nowhere to turn for advice. It sucks.
My dad is another kettle of fish altogether. He would always be there if I needed him now but he abused me when I was a kid and he’s also a raging racist / misogynist / generally awful boomer white male which makes it very hard for me to want to interact with him.
Feel like I’m really at rock bottom and just needed to vent.
Since then it’s made me realise how negative I feel after every interaction with her. It’s always about her and all her dramas. She makes me feel guilty or bad for her with the things she says. I feel like I can’t talk to her about any of my problems or worries.
She doesn’t have a good relationship with my grandma either, they’ve been NC many times over the years and I didn’t meet her until I was 7. My mum has always made out like my grandma is awful but now I’m thinking maybe my mum is just as much part of that issue!
The thing is, my mum thinks that it should be my grandma who initiates contact with her. And since I’ve moved out, I’m always the one who has to try and initiate contact with her. Funny how it’s never my mum who has to make the effort??? Except when it comes to her male friends and then she will make the effort to communicate with them almost daily! It makes me feel so lonely and unimportant since I’ve left. I moved over 100 miles away from her and we’ve only seen each other a handful of times in 2yrs, maybe that should have given me the inkling that deep down I wanted to get away from her in a big way. Urgh. I just have so many thoughts and feelings about my whole childhood that I don’t know how to process and now I’m in my early 30s dealing with neurodivergence that was only recently picked up on and complete failure to launch with nowhere to turn for advice. It sucks.
My dad is another kettle of fish altogether. He would always be there if I needed him now but he abused me when I was a kid and he’s also a raging racist / misogynist / generally awful boomer white male which makes it very hard for me to want to interact with him.
Feel like I’m really at rock bottom and just needed to vent.
I’m paranoid I think my mom is always upto something just to turn people against me so I’m left with no one.
What makes you think that? X
I'm sorry you feel that way, I understand and have found that most of my family on my mum's side don't contact me. So I don't bother myself. She is wanting you to be the victim, so be strong and don't worry about it. Find your own people.
How do you deal with other family members who criticise me for walking away from my neglectful parents? It's particularly loud around things like Easter and Christmas. I'm struggling a bit at the moment x
It's hard isn't it. My NM hid her personality very well and certain family and friends have never seen the other side. NM is in care and I've never been to visit her and likely won't. I have an uncle that keeps me informed but I don't have contact with anyone else. It's a shame there's not more awareness of the reasons why adult children have to go no contact. Take care x
Is there a thread for narcissist friends and family? Unfortunately my sister married a narcissist and they’ve yet again ruined another holiday for my children 
I struggle with this too. As if it isn't hard enough having to go no contact without being judged and condemned by others.... I hope you are okay.
Feeling better but as you know there is a void that never goes away. We are survivors though. Sending you love xx
Firstly, hope everyone is having a nice Easter - events like this are always so tricky with family, so sending love to you all 
I’ve been on here before to talk about my narc mum and had some really helpful feedback, so thanks to everyone who took the time, it’s so nice to feel less alone.
My dad isn’t a narc, but I find he is building more and more avoidance tactics when it comes to seeing me and it’s getting to the point where it’s become a bit of a running joke so just looking for a bit of advice really.
my husband and I don’t have kids and have lived where we live for over 3 years and my dad has never visited. My siblings live The same distance from my dad but in the opposite direction yet he is always visiting them. Both siblings have children so I know he’d want to see them, but it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t visit us because there’s no reason for him to come, e.g no grand children.
He has quite an overbearing wife who he is constantly on the phone to or messaging when he is at family events, I think she has major insecurity issues, so when we have been together as a group (when I’ve gone to visit siblings and dad has been there too) he’s terrible to hold a conversation with as he’s always distracted either by her calling or texting, or he just has the same bullet pointed conversation points so it just constantly feels like you’re having the same conversation with him, e.g money, buying a house, work, etc
Every time I ask him about when he’s coming to visit he seems to palm me off and give me an excuse about needing to work a lot to pay off a holiday or something, yet I then see he can find the time to visit my siblings because one of them will share a picture.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s quite upsetting that he won’t visit, and I feel a bit like a baby putting this into words, but it’s like because we don’t have kids my dad doesn’t really care about spending time with us. I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him as even when he calls me to catch up, he’s at work and constantly having conversations with other people at his work whilst on the phone to me.
My husband lost his dad so it’s even more of a big thing to want to see mine but I’m sort of getting to the point of being fed up asking him when he’s coming down.
Anyway, sorry, feels a bit like a pointless moan, but yeah, I just feel like I’m missing something and can’t fathom what it is.
Happy Easter all x
I’ve been on here before to talk about my narc mum and had some really helpful feedback, so thanks to everyone who took the time, it’s so nice to feel less alone.
My dad isn’t a narc, but I find he is building more and more avoidance tactics when it comes to seeing me and it’s getting to the point where it’s become a bit of a running joke so just looking for a bit of advice really.
my husband and I don’t have kids and have lived where we live for over 3 years and my dad has never visited. My siblings live The same distance from my dad but in the opposite direction yet he is always visiting them. Both siblings have children so I know he’d want to see them, but it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t visit us because there’s no reason for him to come, e.g no grand children.
He has quite an overbearing wife who he is constantly on the phone to or messaging when he is at family events, I think she has major insecurity issues, so when we have been together as a group (when I’ve gone to visit siblings and dad has been there too) he’s terrible to hold a conversation with as he’s always distracted either by her calling or texting, or he just has the same bullet pointed conversation points so it just constantly feels like you’re having the same conversation with him, e.g money, buying a house, work, etc
Every time I ask him about when he’s coming to visit he seems to palm me off and give me an excuse about needing to work a lot to pay off a holiday or something, yet I then see he can find the time to visit my siblings because one of them will share a picture.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s quite upsetting that he won’t visit, and I feel a bit like a baby putting this into words, but it’s like because we don’t have kids my dad doesn’t really care about spending time with us. I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him as even when he calls me to catch up, he’s at work and constantly having conversations with other people at his work whilst on the phone to me.
My husband lost his dad so it’s even more of a big thing to want to see mine but I’m sort of getting to the point of being fed up asking him when he’s coming down.
Anyway, sorry, feels a bit like a pointless moan, but yeah, I just feel like I’m missing something and can’t fathom what it is.
Happy Easter all x
Don’t be sorry 🩷 It’s awful that you’re in this situation with your dad and if getting it out in words helps even a little bit then it’s the right thing to do. I don’t have too much advice to offer but I just wanted to say that I empathise with you. I moved out from my mum 2 years ago and she doesn’t visit. It feels absolutely
I was getting the train back to see her quite a bit but it was costing me £70 each time and I couldn’t justify it anymore when I felt like all I was doing was inconveniencing her.
When the effort only goes one way, it quickly wears you down.It’s horrible to feel like a parent doesn’t care about seeing you or spending time with you. I hope you’re being kind to yourself and enjoying your Easter Sunday.
Same experience here, what would you think would happen if you stopped trying. I did and now get accused of not doing enough. You'll/we'll never win. XxxFirstly, hope everyone is having a nice Easter - events like this are always so tricky with family, so sending love to you all
I’ve been on here before to talk about my narc mum and had some really helpful feedback, so thanks to everyone who took the time, it’s so nice to feel less alone.
My dad isn’t a narc, but I find he is building more and more avoidance tactics when it comes to seeing me and it’s getting to the point where it’s become a bit of a running joke so just looking for a bit of advice really.
my husband and I don’t have kids and have lived where we live for over 3 years and my dad has never visited. My siblings live The same distance from my dad but in the opposite direction yet he is always visiting them. Both siblings have children so I know he’d want to see them, but it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t visit us because there’s no reason for him to come, e.g no grand children.
He has quite an overbearing wife who he is constantly on the phone to or messaging when he is at family events, I think she has major insecurity issues, so when we have been together as a group (when I’ve gone to visit siblings and dad has been there too) he’s terrible to hold a conversation with as he’s always distracted either by her calling or texting, or he just has the same bullet pointed conversation points so it just constantly feels like you’re having the same conversation with him, e.g money, buying a house, work, etc
Every time I ask him about when he’s coming to visit he seems to palm me off and give me an excuse about needing to work a lot to pay off a holiday or something, yet I then see he can find the time to visit my siblings because one of them will share a picture.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s quite upsetting that he won’t visit, and I feel a bit like a baby putting this into words, but it’s like because we don’t have kids my dad doesn’t really care about spending time with us. I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him as even when he calls me to catch up, he’s at work and constantly having conversations with other people at his work whilst on the phone to me.
My husband lost his dad so it’s even more of a big thing to want to see mine but I’m sort of getting to the point of being fed up asking him when he’s coming down.
Anyway, sorry, feels a bit like a pointless moan, but yeah, I just feel like I’m missing something and can’t fathom what it is.
Happy Easter all x
Could you possibly write to your dad and explain how you are feeling about him not wanting to visit and ask him outright why he doesn’t. Whatever the answer, at least you will know you have tried to understand his motives.Firstly, hope everyone is having a nice Easter - events like this are always so tricky with family, so sending love to you all
I’ve been on here before to talk about my narc mum and had some really helpful feedback, so thanks to everyone who took the time, it’s so nice to feel less alone.
My dad isn’t a narc, but I find he is building more and more avoidance tactics when it comes to seeing me and it’s getting to the point where it’s become a bit of a running joke so just looking for a bit of advice really.
my husband and I don’t have kids and have lived where we live for over 3 years and my dad has never visited. My siblings live The same distance from my dad but in the opposite direction yet he is always visiting them. Both siblings have children so I know he’d want to see them, but it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t visit us because there’s no reason for him to come, e.g no grand children.
He has quite an overbearing wife who he is constantly on the phone to or messaging when he is at family events, I think she has major insecurity issues, so when we have been together as a group (when I’ve gone to visit siblings and dad has been there too) he’s terrible to hold a conversation with as he’s always distracted either by her calling or texting, or he just has the same bullet pointed conversation points so it just constantly feels like you’re having the same conversation with him, e.g money, buying a house, work, etc
Every time I ask him about when he’s coming to visit he seems to palm me off and give me an excuse about needing to work a lot to pay off a holiday or something, yet I then see he can find the time to visit my siblings because one of them will share a picture.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s quite upsetting that he won’t visit, and I feel a bit like a baby putting this into words, but it’s like because we don’t have kids my dad doesn’t really care about spending time with us. I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him as even when he calls me to catch up, he’s at work and constantly having conversations with other people at his work whilst on the phone to me.
My husband lost his dad so it’s even more of a big thing to want to see mine but I’m sort of getting to the point of being fed up asking him when he’s coming down.
Anyway, sorry, feels a bit like a pointless moan, but yeah, I just feel like I’m missing something and can’t fathom what it is.
Happy Easter all x
Even though I'm no contact, i will never be fully free from my dad until I die. He always finds a way to try and control me.
Family members have been coming for me big time this week.
My grandma has left me some money in her will. I'm getting texts and emails from family members including narc dad saying that my gran had wanted to change the will so that my auntie receives it all, except my gran ended up with dementia and didnt have chance to change it. Apparently others have given up their share for my auntie and want me to do the same. I'm estranged from my family so not sure whether to trust what they are saying.
Any advice? My husband has messaged my dad and told him to cease contacting me about this.
Eta i wasn't estranged from my gran and she had written the will about 20 years ago.
My grandma has left me some money in her will. I'm getting texts and emails from family members including narc dad saying that my gran had wanted to change the will so that my auntie receives it all, except my gran ended up with dementia and didnt have chance to change it. Apparently others have given up their share for my auntie and want me to do the same. I'm estranged from my family so not sure whether to trust what they are saying.
Any advice? My husband has messaged my dad and told him to cease contacting me about this.
Eta i wasn't estranged from my gran and she had written the will about 20 years ago.
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If your auntie had been the only full time carer, then maybe you could consider it.
You only have your father’s word that everyone else has given up their share.
I would take the money, put it in a savings account and wait and see if the others really have made over their share and if she really needs it.
Then decide. There is no rush to do anything.