Thank you everyone for the kind advice on this matter.I’m so hurt today. I honestly cannot believe this.
I already posted on here about the headache my mother has put us through over my dad’s probate. She has 5K tied and has been creating drama since last year over this (refusing to sign mandatory paperwork, asking to change notaries, asking to pay no fees etc).
In an attempt to close this nonsense, I voluntarily suggested that I would pay the 1K notary fee (despite the fact I’ve already spent 1K in travel and previous fees related to this matter). I need to emphasize I’m not getting a penny from this probate. It’s all a write-off for me.
She said she’d think about it (which I knew would lead to her accepting). She came back yesterday saying ‘I am happy with you paying the notary fees as I have the property tax coming up and I still need to refund your brother for the expenses he incurred for your dad’s funeral’.
The 1K was meant to be deducted from the 5K currently tied in probate.
I saw this and my heart sank. My brother is 28 lives under her roof and has no responsibilities! He paid 1K for my dad’s funeral out of pocket, no debt created. Why on God’s green earth does he need to be refunded? It’s what people do when someone die
I cannot believe she’s taking advantage of a very generous offer to benefit my brother.
My brother may have payed 1K for the funeral, but hasn’t done anything since. I’ve incurred at least 4K in travel, administrative and various expenses to help them out since my dad died. Has she ever suggested to reimburse me? Never!!!
I have my own bills and responsibilities to take care of and she couldn’t even acknowledge that. Granted, I made the offer, but it wasn’t for this purpose. I’m speechless this is her response.
I’m speechless a parent would even say something like this. When I had groceries delivered to their house last year, she said ‘it alleviated a burden from my brother as he doesn’t have go to the shop’.
Last year, she claimed she couldn’t pay 80 quid of taxes, so I paid it only for me to find out she had the means to the extent where she even gave my brother a monthly allowance.
Everything I did to help this, she saw as an opportunity for one of my siblings. I was estranged from her for 6 years for a reason and now I’m damning the day I re-allowed her into my life.
I feel absolutely foolish to have made this offer. Not only did it give them an insight into my financial health, but I also am subjecting myself to voluntarily allowing her to take advantage of me.
This is the same family who did not wish me a happy birthday when my birthday came around last year. After all I’d done for them after my dad died. Not one person texted or emailed me. When I confronted her about it, she said ‘I’m illeterate, I don’t know when your birthday is’.
Right. She sure didn’t forget my brother’s birthday a few months prior.
She wants to refund my brother for my dad’s funeral. If they truly valued my dad, they wouldn’t be engaging in such transactional talks. Paying for a close relative funeral’s is part of what families do. It’s such a disgraceful conversation to even have which goes to shoe their hearts aren’t in the right place.
I didn’t always agree with my dad but if I’d paid for his funeral, I would have seen it as a sign of respect and love because he was our dad. I’d never ask nor expect a penny back as a grown adult no matter what my personal circumstances looked like.
I honestly refuse for my gesture to be dragged into this nonsense.
It reminds me of when they were dead poor and after I had finished college, I couldn’t find a job. I was under their roof for a few months then, being treated like dirt by my mother. I didn’t have a penny to my name and only 20 quid left in cash. It was my baby sister’s 10th birthday and they couldn’t afford as much as a pack of sweets. I used my last 20 quid to buy her a small cake and candles because I didn’t want her to be sad on her birthday. I ended up with nothing in my wallet and bank account at the time with no job in sight then. It wasn’t my responsibility to buy that cake, but I did and never thought of it twice even thought that money could have paid for a bus ticket to go to an job interview or something.
This is the type of person I am. I’m not saying this to make it sound like I’m this amazing person, but just to show my mindset vs theirs.
They (except for the sister whose birthday I mentioned) all feel like strangers to me.
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I forgot to write - I really appreciate all the advice and support. It really means a lot to be understood
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