FlipFlop0706
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How did you get on today @TheGlossy x
Uncanny isn’t it.Well that's a very accurate description of my experience!
I hear you - this is my experience too. The guilt is overwhelming. Do read what @cee-bee wrote. It will help.Thank you so much.
On the surface I can tell you and I believe that it’s not my fault and that she’s a grown woman who makes these choices
But underneath in my heart she’s my mum and I feel sorry for her. Even though I know that’s what she wants and thrives on. She always pulls me back and then when I’m there clobbers me over the head with comments like how terrible a teenager I was. She never thanks me for anythng - bringing her stuff, making her dinner…she’s an awful person
This is a thing, apparently - but at least if you're aware of it, you can nip it in the bud?does anyone else ever worry they're 'turning into'/picking up traits of a narc family member?
I'm also so angry they've done this to you, I've had the guilt trips over the years, they don't work anymore. Why do they have to do this on times like xmas or birthdays etc, so calculating of them, hope you're ok xSo as expected, narc mum sent a card (god only knows where she found this one) with a line on the front along the lines of “all I want for Xmas is to hug my child and tell them I love them” she also only addressed it to me, totally left my partner out.
her sibling also sent me a Xmas card and inside wrote “talk to your mum, you’ll never forgive yourself if something happens” - WHY DO THEY DO THIS?! My partner was furious at that card..
Eugh. The holidays make their narc tendencies even worse.
Feeling better but as you know there is a void that never goes away. We are survivors though. Sending you love xxI struggle with this too. As if it isn't hard enough having to go no contact without being judged and condemned by others.... I hope you are okay.
Thanks so muchHe’s a narcissist so he’s never at fault. Ever! I can completely understand why this has triggered you, I’d be the same but you cut him off for a reason. A valid one. I know my mum tells people stuff that makes me look utterly vile but I don’t care anymore because I know it’s not me who is the narc! Remind yourself why you cut him off and that it was and still is for the best x
Thankyou that’s really helpful and appreciate you taking the time to reply, I’ve always felt like an outcast where my brother and sister are concerned, as I’ve said previously they have met up a few times and not included me in anything, always feel so left out and like I’m just not good enough other than to look after my bothers dog and as for my niece she’s a spoilt, entitled madam, brought her gifts for Christmas and not even a thanks, I’ve also never had a good relationship with my sister who is a full on narcissist and I cannot stand her husband honestly done with them all I think your right I will feel better and lighter without them in my life not that they bring anything positive to itI haven’t kept in contact with them. I’m NC with my mum and my brother his wife and my neice. Also NC with my MIL, SIL and her kids.
Believe me when I say I could write a book on all the shit I’ve endured over the years but I’m much lighter without them in my life.
Someone once asked me if it was me that was ‘the problem’ no, it’s just that I don’t take any shit anymore. If you don’t bring anything to my table you’re gone.
It’s well over ten and twenty years respectively.
I’m ok thanks! My baby has just turned 1 and we both have a cold so I’m feeling miserable. Plus I am currently a SAHM and this was not the plan so I’m feeling isolated and feeling like I have lost my identity. I know it’s temporary situation but I’ve been feeling sorry for myself.Thank you for asking lovely, hope you're ok to and likewise, here for you too x
I was so angry after the phone call ( I called him on someone else's phone, I don't want any of them to have my number) I am trying hard not to think about the conversation, but you know what it's like after, I wish I had said things differently?so that still bothers me, but at the end of the day, I never, ever want to have anything to do with again, but he's a vindictive fucker, and I don't trust him at all. It's affected my anxiety alot, but thank god for my dog (he's doing ok thanks) he makes me get on with my day as he needs exercise ( so do I !)
Well done you for finding the strength to stand up to her, it's really hard. Does anybody else find their mother being so nice and caring towards your children and going against any parenting you have in place with them? If that makes sense ?I once stood up to my mum when she blustered into my living room uninvited, with a face the colour of a tomato and started yelling at me. I can still feel the pleasure of telling her calmly that “this is my house and I will not stand for any bullshit she was planning on spewing. If she wanted to talk rationally I would listen but if she was going to rant to leave immediately and close the door on the way out. My house my rules”. I can still see the shock on her face. It stopped her completely in her tracks and left her speechless.
Unfortunately that was the one and only time I’ve ever had the emotional strength to stand up to the old witch. And the only reason I did it was because she was coming to complain about one of my kids who she (wrongly) thought had wronged her.
I went complete mama bear defending my daughter. I only wish I could stand up for myself more often. But years of being ground down have left me drained.
Mr Toes keeps telling me to stand up to her. And I rehearse speeches constantly but I just can’t form the words when I’m with her.
But I’m betting she’ll never call any of my kids again. Because I’m certain that I’d probably find the words then
Why is it so difficult to defend myself?
Sorry for rambling but I too am in bed with a headache.
edited spelling mistake (damn autocorrect!)
Thank you so much for your advice it is greatly appreciated. What could I say to my brother and his wife without coming across as "I couldn't be bothered attending" etc. I just don't want to put myself in that atmosphere as I get extremely unwell during and after it.Hi, I'm sorry this is happening. It's emotional blackmail and triangulation as she's pitting you against her and your brother / her and your daughter.
My advice is stick to your guns. It can be really hard, but backing down gives her the power, so when another situation like this arises in the future she will know which strings to pull to manipulate you and control the narrative.
Have you spoken to your brother directly? It might be a good idea to let him know where you stand so he's not hearing your mothers version of events (which will be twisted to make you look bad by the sound of things)
Let us know how you get on
I’ve decided to do this too. I’ve had a bit of a lightbulb moment this weekend!Hope everyone's ok on here x
I've heard about grey rocking on here today, been reading about it, it's very insightful, I'm going to try and to put it into practice.
Are you still entitled to inherit any money once they pass if you're not in their will though?I'm the opposite, I will take every penny I'm legally entitled to! I see it as compensation for all the absolute s**t and misery they put me through.
I already lost one parent and narc parent (they were divorced and had nothing to do with each other) told me "not to bother traveling to the funeral, it's a waste of time". So i will be taking their own advice when the time comes for their funeral!
It’s just annoying and a millstone that we need to carry around 24/7. Have had a wee read of her comments and will give them a tryI hear you - this is my experience too. The guilt is overwhelming. Do read what @cee-bee wrote. It will help.
I think that's good, i find my own voice in my head torments me with what ifs and criticism as if it isn't hard enough already. Your husband is lovely to step in and protect you. Stay strong. XxThank you. It has been emotional. Ive been scared to look at my phone this week for fear of what I'll receive next. And when I respond they all talk about it together and then I get a reply from another one. My husband has said he will talk on my behalf from now on at least.