Eeeww David!
Chatty Member
Why does your husband have contact with her still?
narcissists are bloody awful I believe never see themselves as wrong.
- Notice
narcissists are bloody awful I believe never see themselves as wrong.
@alwaysdreaming hope you and your little one are feeling better, I bet you're a good caring mum 
I know the feeling of being isolated, I'm abit of a recluse, haven't left the house for over 2 months apart from dog walking, it's just the way I am now.
I didn't realise what a narc was until a few years ago, then it all made sense, I think back over the years and the behaviour of my old man, and my mother being the enabler, then the golden child who has cloned into my old man, how they twist things which have been said, that's why I get so angry and frustrated, cos I remember but they deny deny. My mother just shuts down, but then tbh, she really wasn't much of one.
I watch stuff on the TV and think wow, how awful some kids are, but their parents are always there for them, no matter what they've done, the way they've treated me and my oh, you'd think we were the worst people ever, which we definitely are not, but they end up making you feel like shit.
I shouldn't have rung him that day, but something happened the night before, and our first thought was him, but as per, deny, then spoke to me like I was a child, which made me madder, which he knew how I'd react, so he can say I was on one, and he's in the right, if that makes sense?
I get you about RH, I love that thread, such a lovely bunch and a laugh, probably most days I have contact, thank you lovely for asking x
I know the feeling of being isolated, I'm abit of a recluse, haven't left the house for over 2 months apart from dog walking, it's just the way I am now.
I didn't realise what a narc was until a few years ago, then it all made sense, I think back over the years and the behaviour of my old man, and my mother being the enabler, then the golden child who has cloned into my old man, how they twist things which have been said, that's why I get so angry and frustrated, cos I remember but they deny deny. My mother just shuts down, but then tbh, she really wasn't much of one.
I watch stuff on the TV and think wow, how awful some kids are, but their parents are always there for them, no matter what they've done, the way they've treated me and my oh, you'd think we were the worst people ever, which we definitely are not, but they end up making you feel like shit.
I shouldn't have rung him that day, but something happened the night before, and our first thought was him, but as per, deny, then spoke to me like I was a child, which made me madder, which he knew how I'd react, so he can say I was on one, and he's in the right, if that makes sense?
I get you about RH, I love that thread, such a lovely bunch and a laugh, probably most days I have contact, thank you lovely for asking x
Slaybutter
VIP Member
Well done!! 
Guys I have a moral dilemma and I feel it’s only one that others with narc parents will understand. Apologies if it’s a bit of a long read, I’ll try and stick to the key points.
both my parents are very narcissistic in their own ways but this is more about my father. I was very close to his parents (my grandparents) growing up, they were like surrogate parents to me. But they were complete enablers and blinded themselves to how he really is.
My grandma got dementia shortly before she died and before I knew the full extent of it, my dad had her large estate, transferred over to him. He’d started spending it before she’d even died.
I’ll never know if my grandma had a will, or if she intended to include myself and my siblings in it. And even if she did have one, legally my father had gotten her to transfer the money across before she died anyway.
to his credit, he did a lot of the caring for her. But I also feel this partially fed into his justification of taking all the money. I estimate she had about £100K to her name.
this happened a few years ago and I never brought it up. I never asked for a penny. I’ve never asked for money from my parents, ever.
my fiancé and I got engaged recently and wedding planning has been tough. I’d saved as much as I could and I thought this would get me a decent wedding, but my funds aren’t going to stretch very far.
part of me hoped that after several months of being engaged and coming up to Christmas, my father would want to gift me something towards the wedding. Putting the money aside, this was a part of me hoping he’d come through for me as a father, to want to be supportive. To want to show an interest. We own a home already and live some distance away, so realistically there won’t be many other opportunities for him to step in as a parent, to help me. It truly hurts how little he seems to care or have an interest in my getting married. If I said I didn’t want him to give a speech or walk me down the aisle, I truly don’t think he’d care other than maybe his ego being bruised
my narcissistic mother thinks I should call him and butter him up in the hopes of him gifting me money. But this doesn’t sit right with me, nor does asking for it outright.
but likewise, the pile of wealth he’s sitting on and spending on himself… it’s my grandparents money. I truly believe they’d have wanted to have contributed to a wedding if they’d been alive.
part of me would feel beholden to him if he gifted me money, whereas if he didn’t, at least he wouldn’t have a single cause to feel entitled to walk me down the aisle or be involved in the wedding.
I don’t want a grand fancy wedding, the costs have come from a somewhat large wedding guest list (~85 people).
but the money would go to having the friends I’ve made over the years there, the people who have meant so much to me, and I can’t ask them to celebrate without their spouses, which is how the guest list has gotten so high. Plus the more people at a wedding the way I see it, the more of a buffer I have from spending time with my parents.
(not inviting my family isn’t an option right now. I don’t want to go into why, but I’m just not at the place where I can do that yet and cut them off that way.)
so yeh, my dilemma is ..
1. I don’t ask my dad for money and end up with half the people I want to join me, and having to spend more time with my awful family.
2. I ask him and he says no, which will cause a lot of hurt but at least I can stop holding out hope.
3. I ask him and he says yes, and I will get to share my wedding day with my loved ones, even if it does come with strings attached from him.
wedding planning has been so tough, because it really has shone a light on how little my parents really wish the best for me, how little they really care. At a time when I desperately want them to be there for me, to want to be parents to me… they just don’t.
I can’t really talk about this with my friends because, as soon as money is mentioned I feel like I come across as shallow and grabbing, but I’ve never asked my father for a penny in my life and I’ve been paying my own way largely, since I was 16. I desperately want him to step up as a dad just once, in whatever way. But I just don’t think that’s going to happen.
so yep, advice and thoughts would be appreciated.
both my parents are very narcissistic in their own ways but this is more about my father. I was very close to his parents (my grandparents) growing up, they were like surrogate parents to me. But they were complete enablers and blinded themselves to how he really is.
My grandma got dementia shortly before she died and before I knew the full extent of it, my dad had her large estate, transferred over to him. He’d started spending it before she’d even died.
I’ll never know if my grandma had a will, or if she intended to include myself and my siblings in it. And even if she did have one, legally my father had gotten her to transfer the money across before she died anyway.
to his credit, he did a lot of the caring for her. But I also feel this partially fed into his justification of taking all the money. I estimate she had about £100K to her name.
this happened a few years ago and I never brought it up. I never asked for a penny. I’ve never asked for money from my parents, ever.
my fiancé and I got engaged recently and wedding planning has been tough. I’d saved as much as I could and I thought this would get me a decent wedding, but my funds aren’t going to stretch very far.
part of me hoped that after several months of being engaged and coming up to Christmas, my father would want to gift me something towards the wedding. Putting the money aside, this was a part of me hoping he’d come through for me as a father, to want to be supportive. To want to show an interest. We own a home already and live some distance away, so realistically there won’t be many other opportunities for him to step in as a parent, to help me. It truly hurts how little he seems to care or have an interest in my getting married. If I said I didn’t want him to give a speech or walk me down the aisle, I truly don’t think he’d care other than maybe his ego being bruised
my narcissistic mother thinks I should call him and butter him up in the hopes of him gifting me money. But this doesn’t sit right with me, nor does asking for it outright.
but likewise, the pile of wealth he’s sitting on and spending on himself… it’s my grandparents money. I truly believe they’d have wanted to have contributed to a wedding if they’d been alive.
part of me would feel beholden to him if he gifted me money, whereas if he didn’t, at least he wouldn’t have a single cause to feel entitled to walk me down the aisle or be involved in the wedding.
I don’t want a grand fancy wedding, the costs have come from a somewhat large wedding guest list (~85 people).
but the money would go to having the friends I’ve made over the years there, the people who have meant so much to me, and I can’t ask them to celebrate without their spouses, which is how the guest list has gotten so high. Plus the more people at a wedding the way I see it, the more of a buffer I have from spending time with my parents.
(not inviting my family isn’t an option right now. I don’t want to go into why, but I’m just not at the place where I can do that yet and cut them off that way.)
so yeh, my dilemma is ..
1. I don’t ask my dad for money and end up with half the people I want to join me, and having to spend more time with my awful family.
2. I ask him and he says no, which will cause a lot of hurt but at least I can stop holding out hope.
3. I ask him and he says yes, and I will get to share my wedding day with my loved ones, even if it does come with strings attached from him.
wedding planning has been so tough, because it really has shone a light on how little my parents really wish the best for me, how little they really care. At a time when I desperately want them to be there for me, to want to be parents to me… they just don’t.
I can’t really talk about this with my friends because, as soon as money is mentioned I feel like I come across as shallow and grabbing, but I’ve never asked my father for a penny in my life and I’ve been paying my own way largely, since I was 16. I desperately want him to step up as a dad just once, in whatever way. But I just don’t think that’s going to happen.
so yep, advice and thoughts would be appreciated.
Rodneytrotter
Chatty Member
Do you have good friends? I couldn't get though this without friends xx
griftalo
VIP Member
Is there some place to report this to? I know my mum forged my grandma’s will so everything went to her, but I couldn’t prove it. But if you have the will and no evidence of money isn’t there some regulation? And I’m sorry. She sucks.
Slaybutter
VIP Member
My mom e-mailed me this morning what she would normally text and she is pretending like I didn’t block her two weeks ago. Did anyone else who went no contact experience this or someone just have some words of advice ??
Bettyboo2475
Chatty Member
Same experience here, what would you think would happen if you stopped trying. I did and now get accused of not doing enough. You'll/we'll never win. XxxFirstly, hope everyone is having a nice Easter - events like this are always so tricky with family, so sending love to you all
I’ve been on here before to talk about my narc mum and had some really helpful feedback, so thanks to everyone who took the time, it’s so nice to feel less alone.
My dad isn’t a narc, but I find he is building more and more avoidance tactics when it comes to seeing me and it’s getting to the point where it’s become a bit of a running joke so just looking for a bit of advice really.
my husband and I don’t have kids and have lived where we live for over 3 years and my dad has never visited. My siblings live The same distance from my dad but in the opposite direction yet he is always visiting them. Both siblings have children so I know he’d want to see them, but it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t visit us because there’s no reason for him to come, e.g no grand children.
He has quite an overbearing wife who he is constantly on the phone to or messaging when he is at family events, I think she has major insecurity issues, so when we have been together as a group (when I’ve gone to visit siblings and dad has been there too) he’s terrible to hold a conversation with as he’s always distracted either by her calling or texting, or he just has the same bullet pointed conversation points so it just constantly feels like you’re having the same conversation with him, e.g money, buying a house, work, etc
Every time I ask him about when he’s coming to visit he seems to palm me off and give me an excuse about needing to work a lot to pay off a holiday or something, yet I then see he can find the time to visit my siblings because one of them will share a picture.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s quite upsetting that he won’t visit, and I feel a bit like a baby putting this into words, but it’s like because we don’t have kids my dad doesn’t really care about spending time with us. I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him as even when he calls me to catch up, he’s at work and constantly having conversations with other people at his work whilst on the phone to me.
My husband lost his dad so it’s even more of a big thing to want to see mine but I’m sort of getting to the point of being fed up asking him when he’s coming down.
Anyway, sorry, feels a bit like a pointless moan, but yeah, I just feel like I’m missing something and can’t fathom what it is.
Happy Easter all x
Rodneytrotter
Chatty Member
No I have no idea who the solicitor is and I have nobody to ask who would tell me. My auntie who wants all of the money is the executor.
Thank you we are off Friday for 3 days to babysit our other 2 grandchildren so will keep our distance. Hubby is completely oblivious that he caused most of this and I’m caught in the crossfire. Our son is completely fucked up too he’s so tightly wound and often let’s drink rule him like our daughter does. I don’t drink at all. Although I’m retired I still do the odd job for my sister catering company as it means being away for a few days and then I’m just me and not at peoples beck and call