My name is Maddie and I have no talent. I am the Argos, Amy Whinehouse. I just drone on, like a depressed A level student. My parents think I am the next Adele. But they are always stoned, and are lying fantasists. They took me, and sis out of school because I am so precious. The school and the pupils are all bullies. So I have been educated at home. Which involves sitting around eating crap, going to art galleries, and being on social media nonstop. I have no life skills. I live like a squatter with my dysfunctional family, and write songs about ME. Mum says I don't need any qualifications and Uni will be begging me to go there, because home schoolers are special. This time next year we will all be millionaires.