Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

[Affiliatemebaby]

I got distracted but came on to share this pearl of wisdom. On an interesting thread about whether Richard III was guilty,

 

[Audaciter]

I am size Asda, but I recently bought a top in actual France which fits and is lovely. I’m going to rebrand as size French.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I did check the recipe on Google, in case I was getting real life mixed up with fever dreams again, and it's there if you ever get the urge. Some recipes suggest broccoli instead of water chestnuts which might make it marginally less disgusting and the be-marged Bran Flakes made it far, far worse - I don't think anyone else would think that a reasonable swap.
I've also got a feeling that a contestant on "Come Dine with Me" (the cookery contest for people who can't cook) did it once too.

This sounds like something my mother in law makes. When I first went round for tea (think dinner to most people) back in the early days she explained what she was making and it sounded rank. But in this one there's no water chestnuts and she topped it with ritz crackers and loads of cheese instead of bran flakes. Surprisingly it was actually really nice and now I always want her to make it whenever we go round for tea (dinner)
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Which one of you is this? Or are they starting to become self aware over there?

 

[50degreesnorth]

Well yes, but personally for my children, Chlamydia and Anthrax, they positively insist on a chai latte with their hummus and crudités platter

Oh I love the name Anthrax, but when I asked on the baby names board someone said it was chavvy - then they all started shouting at each other pretending not to know what chavvy meant. I did want a unique spelling though, so I wanted to go for Anphracks as I thought it’d look nice on his Eton application.
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I’m sure I’ve read hummus, crudités and trifecta on the names board

That’s sublime for a sibset

*fucking loons. Sibset.

 

[orangehead]

Ooooh there's a thread in Style and Beauty about a Me and Em dress and someone has come along and linked to Batsheva and other Batshita dresses that are NOTHING like the original dress. I mean, WTAF . It's like a handful of posters have a word document with all these rank dresses linked on that they copy and paste into MN when anyone asks about dresses.

It’s like someone said show me depression expressed as a dress.

 

[HotDawg]

Steamed veggies are filling and around 50 calories.

- an actual Mumsnet post

I would rather be fat, thanks.

 

[holasun]

" Wealth is draining out of the UK " - MN poster dines with the UKs richest who all believe the UK is in decline and they will no longer invest here etc etc blah blah blah.

High paying "proper" career and "in those circles". Also posting on MN throughout the night and into the middle of today.
Would genuinely love to know what (fictional) career lets you be worried about where the ultra wealthy invest and whether your kids will go to Oxford or Yale.. yet spend all day on internet forums ....

cough *BULLSHIT* cough

 

[bread-pitt]

How do these people get through life?

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Good luck! Maybe at the interview make it clear you’re also prepared to do people’s ironing in the staff room?

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

My mum still labours under the misapprehension that pasta is “healthy”. If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times…

And she still takes no notice?

Go NC now!. You can't have this woman around your children - she will stuff them full of carbs and before you know it they will be size American and driving to school on mobility scooters because they are too fat to walk, or even get into the car.
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someone is arguing that an apple and 50g of hummus is (in her very own words) a nutrituous meal

Is 50g of hummus even visible to the naked eye?
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Ah have you tried a silvery laugh?!

I can't afford a silvery laugh. I'm a pensioner. Is there a perhaps a nylon laugh I could use? Or Formica?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

The ones that amuse me are the cleaner complaints ones. Mumsnetters on six figure salaries, managing teams but can't have a reasonable frank conversation with their cleaner. They missed a skirting board so I'm going to text them to say don't come anymore. Everyone agrees that the scum bag cleaner needs to go!
"Iris. There's a cobweb on the bannister. Would you be able to get the duster out and remove it please?"
"Yes Mrs Levinson. No problem"
The end.

 

[Wolf359]

Or 4. OP it’s only a business class flight what did you expect from him? YOU chose that not him. Don’t expect him to be thrilled about the choices you make on his behalf.

That's what happens when you try and buy a child's love out of guilt for splitting up his parents' marriage. I'm sure he'd much rather just have his mum and dad back together than a business class flight from Oz to UK, you homewrecking, stepmum WHORE. *headtilt*

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

And in 15 years she’ll wonder why her daughter wants nothing to do with her.

In all likelihood, the daughter will become overweight. And there's obviously nothing morally wrong with that, but she'll develop a fucked up relationship with food, find it hard to regulate and see both food and her body as a battleground with her mother.

If a child really is overweight and there are health implications, there are ways to deal with it and this ain't it. I'm actually surprised that people haven't learned this in 2024.

 

[FeloniousMonk]

Someone is asking where they can buy a cheap wedding ring from for their wedding on Tuesday as they have forgotten(?) to buy one. Why would you need help with that? If they’re in the UK surely they know what H Samuel is?

Feels like a weird flex along the lines of "i didn't plan my wedding so much that I forgot the ring, we ended up having the ceremony in a bus shelter and the reception was in a layby just off the A45 known as a dogging spot. Everyone said it was the best wedding ever!"

 

[Brandshinynew]

Perfume on a plane continued..

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I've learned a lot about life in the last 15 or so years and what it boils down to is, life is short and then you die.
Live is waaaaaaaayyyy too short to eat powders and sad limp lettuce leaves. There are a billion and one reasons why people gain weight and struggle to lose it, so eat what makes you happy and if your weight is an issue for you, try to cut down gradually. Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.

And as for MN, we've lost sight of what a bit of light hearted trolling looks like...

 

[Samf2020]

Im paying for private health insurance so does that mean I can stay fat? Im not costing the Irish goverment anything by not being size French.

 

[cowtastrophe]

I also lost interest after the first couple of pages.

But all that I can say is - it's lucky they don't keep guns in the house.

There’s been a lot of ‘shameless placemarking’ teehee which has bumped the threads up. Honestly, that phrase just makes me want to punch them. Use the fucking bookmark function you thick twats!

 

[Girl#7]

Just popping on to boast confirm I renew my underwear at least annually.

This is due solely to my ever-increasing bulk rather than following any medical advice.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

I always imagine a large chunk of MNs at work sitting in a polyester pencil skirt and short-sleeved tie neck combo, pursing their lips at anyone who doesn’t fit in, and eating diet yoghurt at their desks for lunch. Something like Victoria Wood and Julie Walters reading their horoscopes to each other, if anyone else remembers that wonderful sketch.