Mumsnet #38 imagine spending £100 on a notebook and writing 'bleach arsehole' in it

[orangehead]

Did anybody die?

No?

Then that is indeed top parenting.

That has always been my personal criterion.

Well no one is technically dead yet but she’s feeding her children crisps and fast food and that’s even worse.

 

[Florentine]

Hang on, we're missing something important here: the cleaner doesn't wear a uniform?
What's the world coming to when the chav char doesn't wear a suitable overall, preferably accessorised with hair in curlers & hairnet and a bucket and mop?
Obviously the obligatory drooping fag in mouth is no longer acceptable, but she could at least chew gum.
I mean... Sod the affair rumours - the neighbours could think it's OP's friend!
Or - far worse - a relative!!
I'm shaking and crying just writing this

 

[Serene Serena]

Calling in from Planet all you can eat Tui. It’s husband’s big birthday, for context he’s 40, and our entire extended family are here in Tenerife, even Nan, in her one piece cossie she’s had since she got married in 1957. I am already size Tui and am pleased to report most of the clientele are too. Must dash, snack bar closes in 5 minutes and then it’s lunch. If anyone is on the Costa Dorada and sees a huge family gathering say hola. I’m the pregnant one drinking mineral water but looking fetching in a larger lady’s style kimono thing.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

The daughters are 35 and 31 years old.

I think you mean the DDs are 420 and 372 months

And yes, I did have to use a calculator

 

[Girl#7]

I'm so glad now I was out getting drunk and not watching Eurovision.

There is no space in my life for more satanic dark erotica.

 

[Lovespizza]

Haven’t caught up with this thread so sorry if I’m derailing an ongoing chat but saw this on Facebook and thought one of you non banned MN members could try and get it into S&B somehow. I was thinking - perfect for a weekend at Centre Parcs to allow easy access for the bum fun

 

[missymunch]

If a diabetic nurse can’t work In a diabetic clinic then they will be very surprised to hear I guess that I as psychotherapist have an anxiety disorder . Guess what wounded healer is a thing. I did my dissertation on looking at therapists to see if they went into training due to suffering their own emotional wounds and 84% of us had indeed done exactly that. It’s a thing to go into a healing profession due to going through your own shit.

 

[orangehead]

I love how a Mumsnetter will post a thread complaining about something but not give all the relevant info. They'll then get grumpy when the responses aren't all going their way, respond bitchily to a few comments and also not answer all the questions, slowly drip feed information that causes even more negative responses, and then continue to selectively respond to the comments that support their pov. It doesn't matter what the topic is either (though step-kids, ex's new wife, mil, neighbours, & teachers are often the target).

I love those threads!

AIBU to go NC with my MIL because she cooked a roast dinner when we visited on Sunday?

YES!

Well she cooked pork and I am a Jewish vegan, she smacked our 1 year old for crying and she also invited my DH ex wife and locked them in the shed which she pretended was an accident to try and get them to reconcile ‘parent trap style’ and you’re all being mean to say I am being unreasonable about it.

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

I once opened the door to a takeaway with a baby clamped to my boob, the fella obvs was embarrassed and just pointed and went "is that a baby?"

Reported to the DFBI for looking at my tits and in case he was asking in order to kidnap said baby. Obvs.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Is Zippy still pooing carrot… bless her little shell

We taught her to use a cat litter tray - it hurts her little foot a bit, but she discreetly buries her "business", and I don't pry into anything so private.

Taking her for a walk isn't a job you can rush, though.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

View attachment 2942790 Would rather die than be a massive fatty

She could just keep eating gluten then she'll damage her gut beyond repair and end up with cancer or needing surgery. That will help her lose weight! If anyone is interested you do usually gain weight as your gut heals due to lost nutrition. As coeliacs we don't absorb certain things properly.

 

[Limetree]

Loving the thread about the dog who’s so gorgeous and beautiful the male dogs can’t keep away and their lipsticks keep coming out at the sight of her. One for the collection along with a 6 figure earning DH with mystery hobby, tall hollow legged rugby playing sons who need constant peanut butter, and the teeny tiny frighteningly intelligent daughters who get on the ferries late and cause everyone to clap.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Just settling in for this one

"Not judging, just curious" Yeahhhhhhh of course you are, you just have a fatty hating inquisitive mind Evahara...

 

[orangehead]

Today I’ve done something that would make mumsnetters lynch me. I’ve two kids and with the weather like this the pressure to make the bastard memories is real. But I really fancied a day where I acted like I was on holiday and that’s exactly what I did. I put the paddle pool up but I let the kids do what they wanted; tv, pads, switch….crack on. I sunbathed, ate crisps, drank beer and ordered in fast food. I read a whole book.

I’ve just come inside with that slightly stingy skin feeling, smelling like suncream with a nice beer buzz. Honest to god, it was AMAZING

Why did you have children if you didn’t want to be a proper parent? *head tilt* Aren’t you worried your neighbours will call social services? And a paddling pool? Gosh, well I guess some people don’t mind risking their children’s lives for so called fun *tinkly laugh*

 

[CatCafe234]

Sorry if already posted but this amused me. It's pure Catherine Tate.

A chai latte won’t mix well with the gooseberry and cinnamon yogurt …

 

[daisybrown]

If I get even fatter, I am blaming Mumsnet. Reading their fat shaming posts made me eat chocolate biscuits for lunch. I would rather be overweight than a judgemental idiot!

 

[Miss Begotten]

Even let them share a can of pop

Good god, your back garden must have looked like an episode of Shameless.

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Last I saw of Richard III, he was even slimmer than size Japanese.

 

[Brandshinynew]

This is a reply on a thread where neighbour has taken a parcel in and isn't answering the door. What is 19th century " available"

 

[Sunlifeover50]

Stew = healthy lasagna = junk food???? How on earth is a lasagna cooked from scratch considered junk food??

Also why has she described her 12 year old as “boobs that only just started growing, lovely legs and bottom and a really round belly…” that’s just fucking creepy.