Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[50degreesnorth]

Very wise. Isn’t it “never fly on an empty stomach” they say? I admire your dedication to your health.

 

[LilyPond]

I’m in almost the same situation; became disabled 10 years ago and anxiety and depression followed. I’d love to go back to work. I enjoyed my job and I was good at it. It wasn’t well paid but it was still better than what I get on bloody PIP. I pointed that out to one of the more unpleasant assessors (salary around £40k) and asked if they’d rather sit at home for £500 a month. They didn’t have much of a reply. Probably a MNer. Like you I don’t have a six-figure hubster to keep me either as mine earns around the same as yours.

I‘m shitting myself over all the news stories about benefit cuts. It makes me sick how MN think targeting the vulnerable is a reasonable part of an election manifesto,

Arbeit macht frei. Some of those posters would have fitted in well in Nazi Germany, they'd have been grassing up their neighbours to the Gestapo and enthusiastically cheering at the Nuremberg rallies. Sickening.
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A few years back my partner had a psychotic break (bereavement, lockdown etc), he was really ill and he couldn't work for some time. I supported him and looked after him because that's what you do with someone you love. He got better, he's really well now and he's working again. MNetters would have encouraged me to chuck him out as a lazy cocklodger when he was the same kind, loving,loyal wonderful man he's always been who went through an unimaginably hard time. They have no empathy, I shouldn't let it upset me so much but it does

 

[GBNI]

I need to move away from the plane chat to ask about the sex hat thread. I mean, what? What texture is her hair if it gets matted during sex? I have a lot of questions but I’m not sure I want any answered.

 

[sistersofpercy]

I think I’m jealous she’s having the kind of sex that ruffles your hair.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I need to move away from the plane chat to ask about the sex hat thread. I mean, what? What texture is her hair if it gets matted during sex? I have a lot of questions but I’m not sure I want any answered.

I'll say this VERY quietly but I actually know what she means my hair is incredibly frizzy/curly (almost Afro despite being from a family of Scottish farmers/Essex butchers -I have questions) and it gets tamed once a week by the hairdresser, but if there's every any action it does get totally messed up, tangled and matted (and we're talking just your average MN lights off missionary session even). Mind you at this moment in time I'd trade the need for a sex hat for a lifetime of celibacy!

 

[bread-pitt]

It’s been a while since S&B have spoiled us.
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I’ve found the perfect accessories for a bargain price.

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She wants it for a posh restaurant. Maybe she means McDonald’s have started doing kiddy parties again?

Oh hell no. Not for a restaurant. Unless she’s going with that poster who wears denim coveralls and Birkenstocks to fancy restaurants. What a sight that must be.
Do you ever get the feeling you’re the only normal person left on this planet? And I don’t even think I’m normal.
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Didn’t oompa lumpahs wear these?
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I need to move away from the plane chat to ask about the sex hat thread. I mean, what? What texture is her hair if it gets matted during sex? I have a lot of questions but I’m not sure I want any answered.

 

[Salmonshirt]

I'll say this VERY quietly but I actually know what she means my hair is incredibly frizzy/curly (almost Afro despite being from a family of Scottish farmers/Essex butchers -I have questions) and it gets tamed once a week by the hairdresser, but if there's every any action it does get totally messed up, tangled and matted (and we're talking just your average MN lights off missionary session even). Mind you at this moment in time I'd trade the need for a sex hat for a lifetime of celibacy!

I have straight hair and yes…I will end up with a matted birds nest on top of my head. I always think it would spoil the mood slightly to get the tangle teezer out post act.
On another note, I am flying emirates soon and if I’m able to afford an upgrade I’m doing it. I will roll off that plane steaming drunk and stuffed to the gills if I do. There is a BAR. On the PLANE. What else would I do?!

 

[Thank(space)you]

I have straight hair and yes…I will end up with a matted birds nest on top of my head. I always think it would spoil the mood slightly to get the tangle teezer out post act.
On another note, I am flying emirates soon and if I’m able to afford an upgrade I’m doing it. I will roll off that plane steaming drunk and stuffed to the gills if I do. There is a BAR. On the PLANE. What else would I do?!

Have you always been an alcoholic? I'm reporting you to DAA & Dpolice

 

[mindlessness]

It's been at least a week since we had a 'what makes you middle class' thread. I love those, especially the posters who use it as an invitation to brag about their house and decor and garden and bean to cup coffee machine and privately educated gifted and talented Tobias and Araminta and the ponies and the dogs and the piano lessons and the tennis court and their 6 figure earning DH and their annual summer holiday to France and winter break skiing in Austria.

I read a book recently, called Magpie by Elizabeth Day, about infertility and surrogacy (I enjoyed it but the reviews are terrible) and Mumsnet featured strongly.

Elizabeth has some Mumsnet tendencies on her social media and podcast (she's a frequently discussed character on the Literary Luvvies threads here on tattle). So I imagine she didn't need to dig deep to write the Mumsnet like characters

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I have straight hair and yes…I will end up with a matted birds nest on top of my head. I always think it would spoil the mood slightly to get the tangle teezer out post act.
On another note, I am flying emirates soon and if I’m able to afford an upgrade I’m doing it. I will roll off that plane steaming drunk and stuffed to the gills if I do. There is a BAR. On the PLANE. What else would I do?!

Make sure you get the cabin crew to take a photo of you behind said bar! I worked my way steadily through the cocktail menu for those 19 hours onboard but I did regret it when I landed in Newcastle and my mum said 'I thought you flew business class?' #dishevelled

 

[Itchy of Itchington]

Elizabeth has some Mumsnet tendencies on her social media and podcast (she's a frequently discussed character on the Literary Luvvies threads here on tattle). So I imagine she didn't need to dig deep to write the Mumsnet like characters

Rushing to the literary luvvies thread right now. I hope it's because we are all just so jealous of their lives that you all have these threads.

 

[HelenDamnation]

I just really want a sex hat.




Nothing to do with hair.

 

[SIXTYNINEDUDES!]

I just really want a sex hat.

Thread title anyone ?!

 

[missymunch]

I think I would want a multi-way sex hat. I could then use it to signal to Mr Munch the “type” of sex I was up for . Something like this versatile sister wives hat would be parfait non ?

 

[50degreesnorth]

I just really want a sex hat.




Nothing to do with hair.

Yeh - duck the Victoria’s Secret. Just stroll through the back door back in from lambing, drop a lascivious wink and pop your sex hat on. He’ll know.

 

[Girl#7]

Thread title anyone ?!

AIBU - To think I need a sex hat?

I wouldn't bother. They're claiming its set for the classics. Which it probably is given the dross that ends up there.

 

[Blurp]

I was lucky enough to fly first class twice and I ate and drank everything that came my way. More champagne, madam? Yes, in fact, just leave the bottle.

I once flew Concorde. Sadly I was under 18 and obviously so (15 I think) so no champagne.

 

[Girl#7]

On the sex hat thread, one poster claims she has a Dhusband who believes her putting in a pony tail is a signal for him to prepare himself/standby for a blowjob.

I'm astounded at their lack of spontaneity. Oh, Giles, hang on while I put my hair up if you're looking for a bj. It's right on up there with the sex towel/penis beaker formulaic nature of their coupling.

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

On the sex hat thread, one poster claims she has a Dhusband who believes her putting in a pony tail is a signal for him to prepare himself/standby for a blowjob.

I'm astounded at their lack of spontaneity. Oh, Giles, hang on while I put my hair up if you're looking for a bj. It's right on up there with the sex towel/penis beaker formulaic nature of their coupling.

Way too much paraphernalia, you would have to keep it all in a sex kit. "Get the sex kit out Frank, it's my birthday" Wouldn't be arsed once i'd put the hat on, dipped his penis, laid on a towel....I would say just have a wank, but MN don't allow that.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

I need to move away from the plane chat to ask about the sex hat thread. I mean, what? What texture is her hair if it gets matted during sex? I have a lot of questions but I’m not sure I want any answered.

Wavy or curly hair, yeah, that does happen.