Mumsnet #36 My mum died when a fat midwife fell on her so we moved to France

[sistersofpercy]

I want some of what they've had....

 

[Technobiff]

I'd rather be a smug dick sent as a gift from God, than a hysterical crayon munching mnetter.

 

[PrincessCharming]

It would be easy to find out who had the fanny wafts in her office.

The one with the mug that says “If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my minge”

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

When mamma noddy got scammed on Amazon their ‘test’ purchases were Lego and lube…

 

[bread-pitt]

We need to talk about Kevin. He’s obviously the greedy husband who “scoffs” all the “posh chocs” that MNers get on their birthday.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Was it Robbie Williams? He's bought a new house in London recently, but tbh, I think it was for something like 75million and even that would be a stretch for most mumsnetters. Wouldn't it?

A 75 million house in London just makes you an average earner. <Holly Valence head tilt>

 

[girlinbrum]

On s&b someone just suggested this £65 "statement necklace" when OP asked for what outfit to wear to a BBQ.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Just saw this on the latest Tattle thread. What absolute bollocks. I’ve never seen fat shaming on here, where as over there anyone over a size six is considered morbidly obese.

If it does happen on tattle, I’m sure it’s just “fat cow ate 2 Big Macs” as opposed to the judgement of moral failure and burden upon society.
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I’ve been thinking (i can! Despite not going to a Russel group uni…) - and one of the things I love about tattle is its diversity in membership. Mostly women (aside dicks in a row ) - but so many much younger women than me who are child-free and living life large. My own social circle doesn’t contain much of that anymore, so it’s great to suck the energy from their young souls. That probably sounds patronising as fuck - but god I miss dancing on tables and random shags of a weekend instead of the mundanity of the myriad of worries.

 

[50degreesnorth]

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There’s not an ounce of self awareness on that Tattle thread is there but could someone point me in the direction of the “bums” threads??

Yeh they’re over on mumsnet under “General Health”. Literal pictures of bum holes.

 

[CatCafe234]

The 90s too. "Heroin chic", for fuck's sake, no irony. I hope you're all right now.

Not to make light of anything, but I love it when people get ‘heroin‘ wrong in news articles. I once read one where someone was described all the way through as a ‘heroine addict‘, which made it sound like the person was addicted to Mills & Boon novels.

 

[Geetbo]

I can honestly say that I've never been to a wedding where there's been a free bar yet, and I've been to a fair few.
Must be the circles I mix in.

I have actually been to a wedding with a free bar. And I was the designated driver. My dad was so twatted he fell into a bush.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

Having a nineteen year old girlfriend at 38 is as icky as fuck.

 

[Miss Begotten]

There’s a letter to James O’Brien on there which is making me roll my eyes so far that i can see the backs of my ankles. Why do they feel the need to be so verbose all the time?

Im clearly having one of my stupendously thick days, but if you’re going to write a letter to James O’Brien, wouldn’t it make more sense to send it to James O’Brien, rather than posting it on MN and just hoping he pops in?

 

[SarcasmSpecialist]

Those competitive washing threads do my head in. Who the fuck cares how much a total stranger washes? I only care if someone in my vicinity stinks. I don't want to know about Madge from Mumsnet's minge.

 

[Serene Serena]

Mum’s friend adopted 2 older boys, brothers who had had the most awful start in life. Because they were older … about 8 and 6 … they started off calling her and husband by name. The first time the eldest called her ‘mum’ she cried for a week.

That's made me tear up. I remember my little cousin beaming up at my auntie, saying 'look mammy, I'm painting a picture of you!' and my auntie just weeping, my cousin was 7 and auntie had been Trish to her for the last 2 years.

 

[Serene Serena]

I've already said I'm calling my new baby Camilla (if it's of the female variety) to honour our monarch and his queen, because my boy is called Charlie, but obviously I shall spell it Camille and pronounce it en francaise.

 

[Geetbo]

I’ve never posted anything on here that I wouldn’t post under my real name tbf. Doubt many of the mumsnet twats could say the same.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I have left a scathing review on Amazon of a book I read where the male author describes our detective heroine as 5’8” strong and muscular but with curves in all the right places and coming in at 105lbs.

 

[Geetbo]

I just want to go on every food thread where they’re handwringing about how many calories are in their minging tea and tell them to go to the chippy.

 

[bread-pitt]

I just can’t with the medical advice on there. People should not be asking for advice there but not everyone has the same thought process as me and I know some people feel the need to be heard on line rather than discuss with doctors. And I also know there are plenty of illness fakers on there.

But Jesus fucking Christ! There’s a thread from someone claiming a hospital discharged her with a blood oxygen level of 90. That would never happen here and shouldn’t happen there either. I’m a PE survivor. When I was admitted to the hospital my blood oxygen was 84 and my liver and kidneys were in shut down and I’d lost my sight. My brain was short of oxygen. I had life-saving surgery within an hour of arriving at the hospital, and my husband was told I had less than 4 hours to live like that if I didn’t have surgery. Any oxygen level below 90 is dangerous. But some fucking martyr has posted to say it’s only dangerous when it gets to 70. 70! Many people would be in organ failure and heading towards brain death at that point. And how she is regularly below 90 and she soldiers on.

It’s not true. It can’t be. And it’s dangerous advice. They need to remove and ban people who post shit like that. I want her to see me in the ICU with my husband being told my chances of survival are slim and tell me it’s only a concern if it gets to 70.