Mumsnet #36 My mum died when a fat midwife fell on her so we moved to France

[MediumLoad]

I have many questions.

With absolutely zero apologies to The Smiths


Panicked by a massive lasagne

Panicked by a massive carbonara

I wonder to myself

"Could I ever be size 8 again?"

 

[sistersofpercy]

I accidentally made an enormous red velvet cake once.
Oh no, wait, it wasn't an accident. I ate it.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I CBA to worry about what’s on the plates of others. I’m too full up from my massive salad to even think about it.

I see one of the cunts on MN (tattle thread) is threatening to go to head/governors as she suspects a tattler <clutches pearls> is a teacher!

WTF will they do if they discover tattlers work for DNHS or government?

What small-minded vindictiveness in play. Cunt.

FYI I work with children. And use the word cunt. And slag people off.

 

[Boring Monday]

When I was a teenager, my mother told me that one of my friends was adopted. I took this onboard with a shrug as, so what? My friend never mentioned it to me and I had no intention of saying anything to him about it. For months afterward, my mother would ask if I had told him yet.

Nigh on forty years later it has stayed with me as who the fuck would take pleasure in dropping that news on someone?

Mum’s friend adopted 2 older boys, brothers who had had the most awful start in life. Because they were older … about 8 and 6 … they started off calling her and husband by name. The first time the eldest called her ‘mum’ she cried for a week.

 

[maytoseptember]

My uncle died, here’s a photo of my fanny.

Next thread title!

Although I know I should feel sorry for all the women who use Mumsnet as an outlet for their debilitating health anxiety, there’s also a part of me that thinks they need to buck up, stop wasting NHS resources on unnecessary tests and work on turning their MH around.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Again this was the first reply

 

[MediumLoad]

They are a fucking horrendous bunch of arseholes. I am reminded of something that still makes me want to cry with anger and slap someone. One of my mum's friends was talking about her son's wife's pregnancy and said 'we're so happy, we'll have a REAL grandchild at last.' She already had two REAL grandchildren, an 11yo boy and his 7yo sister, her daughter's children, adopted as toddlers. I remember saying something along those lines, and she said, pityingly, you'll understand when you're a grandmother. No I fucking won't.

When I was a teenager, my mother told me that one of my friends was adopted. I took this onboard with a shrug as, so what? My friend never mentioned it to me and I had no intention of saying anything to him about it. For months afterward, my mother would ask if I had told him yet.

Nigh on forty years later it has stayed with me as who the fuck would take pleasure in dropping that news on someone?

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Typical Mumsnet reading comprehension. This was genuinely the first reply

 

[Blond3g1rl]

It's obviously based on personal experience of her partner being traumatised by his adoption. Being taken away from a parent is always going to be horrible for a child, even if the alternative ends up being better. I think it's probably fair to give her some slack.

I would agree to give her some slack if the post was about the issues surrounding adoption. However this was a post about creating a ‘baby shower’ for adoptive parents. It was completely unnecessary

 

[Bingie]

I’m not sure whether these posters are taking the piss on the thread about touching bakery items with your bare hands

 

[50degreesnorth]

Dried fig: however, I shall now post it in General Health and ask if anyone knows what’s wrong. No doubt there will be a few medics along with a professional opinion and/or “I knew someone once whose bumhole looked like that. They were dead by Tuesday”.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

I don't believe this to be the case on Tattle...!

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I’m going to leave my husband, let’s all vote on if I posted this story on Mumsnet what would happen:

I said to my husband this evening I need raid the cupboard for a good snack because I want to have a Dr Pepper later. He said why aren’t you having it with dinner. I said I’m having sushi, he said so? I said you can’t have sushi and Dr Pepper it doesn’t go. He looked at me like I have early onset dementia and said drinks don’t have to go with food. Obviously I can’t live with someone who thinks Dr Pepper goes with sushi so I’m leaving.

Let’s put the Mumsnet responses in the order we think they will happen

Ducks in a row
Fat cow drinking Dr Pepper
Teeth will fall out
Are you a child because only children drink pop
What is pop *head tilt*
Shit hot lawyer
Could he be autistic
People don’t need snacks
Well done eating like a Japanese person because they’re all thin
He’s controlling
You’re controlling
I wish my husband was here to be controlling but he’s dead
My 8 month old loves sushi, he’s very adventurous like that and is hand rolling his own as he’s very advanced

You omitted

BIWI adjacent acolytes rolling along to say 'You eat RICE? Japanese women don't eat that stuff, they just hold it between their chopsticks for photos. Rice and Dr Pepper is how you get Sumo Wrestlers'

'What about swapping the fish for a lovely filling slice of cucumber or beetroot and the rice for a leaf to wrap it in?'

'I can't see how you can bear to eat the raw, mercury tainted flesh of a sentient creature dragged from its home to suffocate helplessly as it's sliced up for people to trough down by the pound. Watch Earthlings and Seaspiracy first'

'Be careful, OP, I knew somebody whose niece ate raw fish and got a parasite. She's dead now'

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

Speaking of intelligence - spotted on today’s “Tattle are evil nasty bitches and can I have a code please?” Thread.

View attachment 2861065

And yet we know the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’.

 

[EffingDust]

Omg the whole thing was under the dome then.
The whole thing??

Mate you’re thinking of The Hunger Games not Center Parcs

 

[Serene Serena]

I've been reading What age would you put this child at? in AIBU. I think the OP was hoping for people to say her child is obviously gifted and talented for her age, but no, Mumsnetters' children are all fluent in French and Latin and can write in cursive font since they were 2. One poster has even dared to suggest the handwriting sample may have been written by an adult pretending to be a 5yo.

My 4yo has beautiful handwriting, he has just had his second 100,000 word novel accepted for publishing, and is currently enjoying the works of Hemingway, Dickens and Chaucer.

Really though, he's playing Jurassic Park very noisily with his mate whilst DH is watching Arsenal play Brighton

 

[Nighttime Freedom]

Hi all, can I join this thread please? Having been on mumsnet a long time I'm increasingly feeling like I'm done with it! Like I've read all the threads before and immediately know how they are going to go just from the title.
Will my exceptional child be alright at state school?
Will my fat friend break my chairs?
Where shall I go on holiday where there won't be any chavs?

I've had more fun lurking on here than I have actually over there for ages!

 

[HelenDamnation]

As an adoptee and an ex social worker, I too haven't trusted myself to comment in that thread.
The level of vitriol and ignorance is depressing and infuriating, so it’s probably better for my mental health and blood pressure not to.

In other news, I ate a whole yellow labelled trifle yesterday and no actual food.

 

[camotea]

We just went through Manchester and they are trialling a new security scanning system and it was very quick I think the liquids rules are set to change, or something.

Am on my all inclusive It's 0843 here and I just had three breakfasts #sizeTui

 

[CoverMeCagney]

There’s a new Tattle thread just started tonight

they all come here for a nose then run back saying ‘oooh no, it’s all too nasty’

silly mares!