Mumsnet #36 My mum died when a fat midwife fell on her so we moved to France

[Millie2023]

Todays “Didn’t Happen”:

It’s a stealth boast. She feels superior because his penis is long enough to wallop her with from the other end of the room

 

[Cheddar Chalpupa]

"My husband has a long penis AMA"

 

[Millie2023]

"My husband has a long penis AMA"

Does he wallop you around the face with it?

 

[Audaciter]

It’s giving me puppetry of the penis vibes.

Which is not good.

 

[Technobiff]

Is it the same husband whose doofer was so long that it managed to snake under a loo seat and get coated in another blokes baby batter?
Otherwise I fail to see how he managed to smack her round the chops with it, unless he was teabagging her.

 

[Florentine]

I think the OP may be a gay man - they talked about having a rocky relationship with their parents after they came out.
Which puts a slightly different spin on kissing the best man at the wedding...
And we must remember that Rupert Campbell-Black in the Jilly Cooper books (Riders, Rivals etc) could bat bread rolls across the room with his mighty member!

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I think the OP may be a gay man - they talked about having a rocky relationship with their parents after they came out.
Which puts a slightly different spin on kissing the best man at the wedding...
And we must remember that Rupert Campbell-Black in the Jilly Cooper books (Riders, Rivals etc) could bat bread rolls across the room with his mighty member!

Oh Rupert… if he were a real person I know I’d have been obsessed with him. Mind you Jilly’s latest book is absolute garbage, I could have wept for my lost youth.

I’ve actually slept with someone who had a ginormous one (a famous sportsman in fact, think crap heavyweight boxer with a stint in the jungle) and have zero desire to go near another! Poking holes in my cervix is not my idea of fun

 

[Technobiff]

I've always wondered why blokes put so much importance on length, we don't want length. Girth is where it's at.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

So far we have a collector of comics, a collector of vinyl and a kite surfing DH - lads, I think we've outed ourselves completely.
Why are mumsnetters so scared of outing themselves via their husbands various hobbies? They don't mind bragging about what private school they're sending little Percival, Persephone and Quentin to, or what upper-class black tie event they've been invited to, or where their favourite bespoke fashion designer hangs out. They're not scared of drawing complicated diagrams of various parking dilemmas or taking selfies in identifiable bedrooms.

However, as someone so succinctly pointed out on the Tattle thread over there, Mumsnetters aren't just one person. Hmmm, they do have a hive mind though

Mine is extremely outing and is also a hobby that mumsnet bleeping hate men having... he plays golf. Most mumsnetters would tell me to LTB straight away

 

[HelenDamnation]

Much worse if you're a Mumsnetter, mine shoots. Or used to, before he retired and got priced out of his small syndicate

 

[flyingfish93]

Some of us would love to have an obscure-hobby-participating DH but are SINGLE (probably because I am not tiny and French and I say bleep a lot) - it's very hard not having a B to L - the only person who greedily scoffs in my house is ME

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

I might have mentioned this before...on a thread about the mysterious outing hobby, someone once said "It's not as if it's ever something like X or Y" where X was my husband's hobby and Y was mine.

I don't know if she identified me or not but she worried me!

 

[cat_follower]

A man should never wear lycra. I know that's sexist and I'm sure the reason for skin tight neon clothing is something to do with the efficiency of cycling or something, but it's just wrong.

I still have haunting flashbacks of my maths teacher rocking up on his wee cycle in his skin tight Lycra bike shorts I swear you could see his fuckin foreskin through them

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I've seen some over the top dramatics on mumsnet in the past, but 'literally crying for a child I don't know' over him not being read a bedtime story is a new one

 

[VC10]

I've seen some over the top dramatics on mumsnet in the past, but 'literally crying for a child I don't know' over him not being read a bedtime story is a new one
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These people only have a tenous grip on reality

 

[HotDawg]

My other half doesn’t have any hobbies let alone an outing one. Useless man. Shall I get my dicks in a row?

 

[NitrousOxide]

Oh Rupert… if he were a real person I know I’d have been obsessed with him. Mind you Jilly’s latest book is absolute garbage, I could have wept for my lost youth.

I’ve actually slept with someone who had a ginormous one (a famous sportsman in fact, think crap heavyweight boxer with a stint in the jungle) and have zero desire to go near another! Poking holes in my cervix is not my idea of fun

Please elaborate...

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I still have haunting flashbacks of my maths teacher rocking up on his wee cycle in his skin tight Lycra bike shorts I swear you could see his fuckin foreskin through them

If it makes you feel any better, someone in our town was arrested when I was a kid as he cycled round naked wearing a short wax jacket. You could see more than his foreskin

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Please elaborate...

I feel a new post coming on ‘I slept with a famous boxer with a very large penis AMA’

 

[CrimsonCountess]

I'm hoping it was Chris Eubank