I did the same
i was home in my bedroom with her (I was 19-she was about a week old)
she would just not shut up-she was just being a baby
i couldn’t get her to settle at all and it was going through my skull
my (thankfully now ex) mil (who’d had 4 kids of her own) was shouting at me to get her to stop crying,her son was loudly moaning about her and her useless father just walked out leaving me to it-and I just snapped
thankfully I came to before I did anything but it scared me so much
i fully understand how mothers can go too far and hurt their babies-a lot are not evil (a small group are) but pushed to their limit
thank you to all that have quoted me-and not judged me
in rl I’ve only ever told a few people as I’m so ashamed (the kids know-I’d never hold that from them and they say there is nothing to forgive but I’ll never forgive myself)