I'm in New Zealand; we do have Covid 'levels' but they're currently set at people being allowed to move relatively freely (until 6am tomorrow morning when a new set of restrictions will come in).
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Ooo where in New Zealand
Hoping to move to Dunedin in next couple years x
I don't understand what the problem is with these women 
You guys are all troopers for putting up with this, day in and day out.
You guys are all troopers for putting up with this, day in and day out.
God, she sounds SO like my MIL. My MIL can drives, but refuses to. My FIL used to drive her around everywhere until he died a couple of years ago, so now she clicks her fingers at my husband and he does it instead.
Bigger bloody idiot he is
She goes to an old folks meet up group (in normal times, obviously it's cancelled at the moment) and moaned, bitched and manipulated until she got their minibus to pick her up and take her and drop her home again (the bus didn't usually cover her area as it's the opposite side of the city) Five minutes after wangling the (free) bus, she started moaning that it was coming too early in the morning and that she didn't like being the last one dropped off.
At least your husband is on your side. Mine think the old bag can do no wrong. I swear, he's actually brainwashed by her.
this is the exact same as mine! if he says he loved a meal I cooked she says āitāll be because it reminds you of homeāMine is a proper c u next Tuesday...... in the early days when she came round she would say things like oh do you miss mummyās home cooking, if we had a takeaway or I just couldnāt be bothered to cook!!!!! Or she would make snide comments like oh Iāve just made dad a cooked breakfast on a Sunday morning if she called !! If for instance we decided to be healthy and have weetabix and toast, can not stand her!!!! And she canāt stand me !!
she Will text me asking how is (her son) but never ask about methis is the exact same as mine! if he says he loved a meal I cooked she says āitāll be because it reminds you of homeā
It is such strange behaviour isn't it!! If my partner says he likes something I've done. She will go on to ask how I done it - then tell me how she would do it. Even though he's saying he liked it?
It's like she doesn't hear the answer but I know she does.
She does is with my daughter too. Asks how she's sleeping - I say great - she then goes on to tell me how I should get her to sleep?!
It's weird because it's like jealousy but the relationship with your mother and girlfriend/wife should be completed different. There should be no competing
Isn't it interesting that it is always the males mother who is a complete narcissistic control freak?It is such strange behaviour isn't it!! If my partner says he likes something I've done. She will go on to ask how I done it - then tell me how she would do it. Even though he's saying he liked it?
It's like she doesn't hear the answer but I know she does.
She does is with my daughter too. Asks how she's sleeping - I say great - she then goes on to tell me how I should get her to sleep?!
It's weird because it's like jealousy but the relationship with your mother and girlfriend/wife should be completed different. There should be no competing
I was just talking about this with someone, off the back of reading this thread. There has to be psychology in it, like studies conducted.
My own mother talks very differently about my husband (says what a great guy he is etc) versus how she spoke about my brothers ex girlfriend when they were together (really judgemental comments about all aspects of her behaviour, a lot of vaguely slut shaming comments etc)
There has to be! I can't ever imagine having a son and treating his partner the way so many MILs seem to treat theirs. But how can so many women be okay with belittling / judging it is insane.
Itās like they have an issue with giving up control of their sons 
Iād never feel like I control my daughter, my job is to love, educate and nurture her ready for life outside. I could never imagine making her adult life that uncomfortable that Iād be responsible for her and her partner arguing over my behaviour. Itās just bleeping odd. My MIL pissed in her own chips because now she has a limited relationship with my daughter, sheāll never have another Christmas dinner with her, sheāll never be included in family days out or ever holiday together. She had 12yrs to not act like a bleep but she thought she knew better. Her behavior could never be defended by my husband and he knew if he tried heād end up back at her house, because I certainly would not have put up with arguing about her. My life will never be a repeat cycle of talking / arguing / exhausted by someoneās behavior who is supposed to be family. Not happening, itās a hill I will die on. Now the SIL has cut me off (took me a year to realise 
) because I cut her mother out. Rather than call her mother out it was easier to agree and keep her sweet for babysitting duties. If this pandemic has taught us anything itās that life is too short to put up with bullshit.
Iād never feel like I control my daughter, my job is to love, educate and nurture her ready for life outside. I could never imagine making her adult life that uncomfortable that Iād be responsible for her and her partner arguing over my behaviour. Itās just bleeping odd. My MIL pissed in her own chips because now she has a limited relationship with my daughter, sheāll never have another Christmas dinner with her, sheāll never be included in family days out or ever holiday together. She had 12yrs to not act like a bleep but she thought she knew better. Her behavior could never be defended by my husband and he knew if he tried heād end up back at her house, because I certainly would not have put up with arguing about her. My life will never be a repeat cycle of talking / arguing / exhausted by someoneās behavior who is supposed to be family. Not happening, itās a hill I will die on. Now the SIL has cut me off (took me a year to realise ) because I cut her mother out. Rather than call her mother out it was easier to agree and keep her sweet for babysitting duties. If this pandemic has taught us anything itās that life is too short to put up with bullshit.
duck. What did she do?Itās like they have an issue with giving up control of their sons
Good on you for standing up for yourself and your family
Itās definitely a psychological thing, I believe in my case she has relied on her only son more than her husband which has created a bond where he feels responsible for his motherās happiness... He is so scared of saying no or not answering the phone to her, he agrees with me completely and sees why Iām upset but could never upset his mum. almost to the point I think that heās on eggshells trying not to upset her.
i think because they spend alot of years basically in charge of their sons itās hard to see them rely on someone else, but it confuses me because why isnāt she happy sheās got someone willing to carry on the good treatment of her son? she gets jealous, competes and always has a better way of doing things. I wonder if she would prefer me to not do anything at all? But then surely I wouldnāt be good enough.
i remember years ago my SIL told me that my MIL had said to her āthe sex must be amazing because she has no crackā i was actually disgusted she was thinking of her sons sex life like that then even saying it out loud... I honestly feel like when she speaks about him being a baby and breastfeeding she actually gets joy out of it
itās so disgusting to think of but sheās honestly more like a girlfriend than a mum.
i think boundaries are out of love and no boundaries are a recipe for disaster. Iām in a difficult positon where myself and my partner are ready to take the next steps but Iām already dreading any big life experiences because i know she will hate it/ go out her way to ruin it. I also want my partner to figure this out for himself, I will be just as bad as her if I force him to do anything.
i think because they spend alot of years basically in charge of their sons itās hard to see them rely on someone else, but it confuses me because why isnāt she happy sheās got someone willing to carry on the good treatment of her son? she gets jealous, competes and always has a better way of doing things. I wonder if she would prefer me to not do anything at all? But then surely I wouldnāt be good enough.
i remember years ago my SIL told me that my MIL had said to her āthe sex must be amazing because she has no crackā i was actually disgusted she was thinking of her sons sex life like that then even saying it out loud... I honestly feel like when she speaks about him being a baby and breastfeeding she actually gets joy out of it
itās so disgusting to think of but sheās honestly more like a girlfriend than a mum.i think boundaries are out of love and no boundaries are a recipe for disaster. Iām in a difficult positon where myself and my partner are ready to take the next steps but Iām already dreading any big life experiences because i know she will hate it/ go out her way to ruin it. I also want my partner to figure this out for himself, I will be just as bad as her if I force him to do anything.
I have a son, and it pains me that one day Iāll be the āmother in lawā - I VOW to be nothing like my own or the ones shared in the thread. I want to be a lovely mother in law whoās helpful and kind but not interfering and doesnāt overstep the line.
The whole of my husbands side of the family drive me mad. His dad doesn't bother calling, doesn't ask after the kids or us but every now and again will turn up unannounced and expect us to listen to his drivel, make him endless coffees and won't bother asking us a single thing about what's going on in our lives. He's definitely undiagnosed on the spectrum, has no ability to read the room and manages to be offensive every time we have the mispleasure of seeing him. And it's not just me who feels this way. My SIL told me the other day he turned up in the middle of the day with nowarning and actually let himself into their home. They could have been shagging on the dining room table for all he knew. My MIL is the queen of empty gestures. Would never dream of picking up the phone to speak to us but will send a sporadic box of generic tat for the kids she doesn't bother to get to know. She quite blatantly favours one of my children over the other as well. It shows in birthday presents and on the rare occasions she actually sees them. Not really surprising though, she's the same with her own children. I don't think I ever forgave her for asking my husband to co-sign a loan while I was pregnant and we were saving for our first house. And as for the rest of his family, users. They've got various trades between them and have basically used my husband as a cash cow in return for an array of poor workmanship. I wouldn't even mind but they definitely don't charge mates rates let alone family and they take about 3 months to get anything done. Phew, feels good to get that off my chest.
Told my in laws we were pregnant with number 3 yesterday. Their reaction, āwowā then silence. So awkward on FaceTime. After 5minutes I called her out on her reaction. āYour reactions make me laugh *MIL* itās the same as if we were telling you we were getting a gerbilā. She said āyeah Iām not good at reacting to thingsā. Still waiting for a ācongratulationsā from my FIL. He hasnāt quite managed that following any of our pregnancy announcements 
Oh hun! I donāt get the in laws at all. My mil hasnāt said congratulations or shown any interest in her first grandchild that Iām carrying- 6 months into the pregnancy and she shows more interest in the dog.Told my in laws we were pregnant with number 3 yesterday. Their reaction, āwowā then silence. So awkward on FaceTime. After 5minutes I called her out on her reaction. āYour reactions make me laugh *MIL* itās the same as if we were telling you we were getting a gerbilā. She said āyeah Iām not good at reacting to thingsā. Still waiting for a ācongratulationsā from my FIL. He hasnāt quite managed that following any of our pregnancy announcements
I find it so odd, just feel sorry for my partner as heās gutted sheās being like this. We always had such a good relationship with her. But Iām glad Iām not the only one who has this problem! Just find it very strange.
Nightmare arenāt they. Wait until the baby comes and theyāll be like tramps on chips.
Iām going to call out my FIL when I next see them and say, āIām surprised you havenāt said congratulationsā, and then be silent. Itās just poor manners really and irks me. I know everyoneās personalities are different but youād think theyād at least manage a congratulations. My husband mentioned it to his mum after our second announcement and she replied with āhe doesnāt really congratulate peopleā
That's awful, you'd think they'd be super excited. Even with it being number three they should still be buzzing! Congratulations, I hope all goes well with the pregnancy xxTold my in laws we were pregnant with number 3 yesterday. Their reaction, āwowā then silence. So awkward on FaceTime. After 5minutes I called her out on her reaction. āYour reactions make me laugh *MIL* itās the same as if we were telling you we were getting a gerbilā. She said āyeah Iām not good at reacting to thingsā. Still waiting for a ācongratulationsā from my FIL. He hasnāt quite managed that following any of our pregnancy announcements
Thanks! Theyāre very odd people, Iām not sure if mentally they might have something a bit different with them as they seem to struggle with āsocial normsā.
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