Mother in law experiences #3

[Rita Chevrolet]

Dogs know alright! I've found that if my mutts don't like someone then theres very good reason for it.

Theres an old saying by some astute French lady who said "The more I see of people, the more I like dogs........................", so I'd hazard a guess she had a horrible MiL too

 

[Curly]

This is the best advice, and something my husband and I do with three of four of our parents - both of our parents are divorced. My MiL won't have it, though, and it's SO draining. She wanted to come up in March and my husband told her I might not be around because my dad is having a knee op, so she's now saying they'll come when I'm back. Jesus Christ. I don't know why she even wants to see me, TBH. It's not like she likes me

This is where I think your husband needs to put his foot down and say she either comes in March or not at all

 

[ChastityDingle]

Honest to God you think you’re the only one who can’t stand their mother out law, then you read this thread and realise you’re not alone by a long shot… 🫣 my heart goes out to you all on here.

Mine and my sister in law are both detestable for different reasons.

Mum in law very quietly domineering - you daren’t argue with her over anything.

Years ago, before I met my husband - she was desperately trying to fix him up with a young colleague of hers at work (they were both teachers) and she saw her as a lovely, pliable middle class lady with ‘good family’ ideal for Golden Balls (son). Anyway, this lady wasn’t interested at all… neither was son. She was bitterly disappointed. So fast forward 5 years or so, he meets me and we get married. I’m not what she has in mind, I’m from a working class northern town and my family - though by no means poor are less well to do. There’s a constant running ‘joke’ about me being a poor, working class scrote, mixing with middle class people like them…

On the night we announced our engagement - at a family meal, everyone but her congratulated us. Afterwards, she said “oh, so sorry I didn’t get up and hug you but I have a bad back”, and knew from that moment she’d be an hole.

So yeah, every opportunity she gets she brings up this other woman she wanted son to marry - 3 times on Xmas day, in front of me and him… everyone… in the end I said “there you go, married the wrong woman…” but he just laughed at me.

Proper narc, always needs to be centre of attention with all her various illnesses and ailments - bad back, always falling, bowel trouble, etc. she LOVES going to A&E every time she has a complaint - then straight on the phone to one of us wanting sympathy. The absolute glee in her voice, she loves it.

She absolutely insists on a weekly phone call - at weekend, but at a time that’s convenient for her, not us, and I get a WhatsApp ‘summons’ to do it . So I’ve started making hubby make the call and leaving the room or going off to do other things as I’m so tired of her. He works away a lot - and on the times he’s not here she still insists on it - I’ve never anything to say to her and she never asks how I am, how my work is going etc. it’s all her, their family and all the wonderful things they’re doing.

I know it’s really daft, got to speak to her and father in law in a bit and just dreading it. It’s nearly her birthday and she always wants to go out for a fancy meal at this horrible posh restaurant the family like - so she’s planning that at the moment. We always have the same shenanigans, she’ll book it - then complain and nitpick the menu, nitpick the staff - then happily hand over the best part of £400 for it… I’ve been looking at the menu already and I literally can’t find a single thing to eat on there. Husband knows I hate it, he won’t argue as I’m the odd one out.

I live a long way from my parents and rarely see them - gave up everything to be with my husband and there are honestly times I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m here anymore. I don’t fit in or belong and she just makes me feel downtrodden.


Sorry for the long rant. This is small fry compared to a lot of the stories.

It's not small fry at all. I do not blame you one bit for ranting. It sounds like you are really isolated, tbh. That is very hard.

 

[Princesst]

My MIL isn't even obsessed with my DP, she pretty much ignores him then insults him when they meet up. His brother is the golden child. However, DP is so stockholm syndromed to her she can do no wrong. He claims she is just 'managing his brothers attenton seeking' and is more 'low key' with him. Fine if thats how he wants to call being neglected or verbally abused when she's so clearly capable of lavishing praise on BIL.

God I could have written this myself! No matter how awful life may get for husband and I it’ll NEVER be as bad as what BIL and even her step daughter go through. Never! My husband is the baby as well but even that isn’t in his favour. We will never know hardship or life struggles like BIL has. Weren’t even allowed to talk about our wedding as it was “it’s all dandy for you with your life, but your brother doesn’t have a solid relationship right now. Imagine how upset he will be…” . Husband insists he just doesn’t need her to be a mother in that way and that his brother is just pathetically clingy Like he has a choice anyway!

 

[Lucyxxxx]

No very recent stunts but just came to say I can't stand his family snide sly bunch of witches. Honestly don't think I can marry into this tit.

 

[Upintheair83]

No very recent stunts but just came to say I can't stand his family snide sly bunch of witches. Honestly don't think I can marry into this tit.

Iv posted on here before about my MIL. Well it's got worse. We had been no contact for about a year, she hadn't accepted the offer of an olive branch with me and so I decided for my own sanity to take a step back. I hadn't seen her for around a year. But my partner had recently seen her with my son for her birthday and around Christmas time
She then turned up at the house a week or so ago, I could see she wanted a relationship with my son and I suppose I was being a bit soft, I dunno. But I decided to try again with her, so I text her asking to start again, I told her how I wanted her to be a proper grandma, how I'd missed her at times and wanted her to be part of the family.i was willing to admit any wrong doing on my part. Do you know how she repaid me?..... by calling me racist! I'm absolutely astonished. Of all the things to call me. I'm insulted and hurt by this. I can be many things....stubborn, hold grudges etc. But racist? I'm absolutely stunned she's called me this. my son is mixed race and so is my husband and so this insult cuts deep and feels so spiteful.She's saying this because according to her I didnt include her family to my sons Christening a year or so ago.
I said to her, this is an issue for Mr up in the air, not me. He invited his sides (his parents are divorced) and I invited my side. If he had left people out it wasn't my responsibility! Iv not even met that side of his family and she wasn't speaking to me at the time, for me to even ask if we were leaving people out.
These women just use the partners to blame everything on. I swear to god il never be like this with my sons wife or husband.
How can they be so nasty?
It's the last time I ever speak to her again, or even attempt to patch things up
Me and my husband recently got married and part of me wishes I hadn't because the thought of her being in the background until she croaks it is making me despair..... so I feel ya!

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

It's not small fry at all. I do not blame you one bit for ranting. It sounds like you are really isolated, tbh. That is very hard.

Thank you! Yes, I am very isolated where we are. No family or friends - I’m not at all lonely as I cope better alone, but definitely isolated.

Just to say, the advice up thread about making your husband do the communicating/visiting with MIL is superb. I’m practicing this a bit more now with the phone calls etc - and it helps.

Funny the mentioning of dogs - and how they know…they make a beeline for my father in law, but not HER, and the family cat is the same. It runs away from her and it’s wee’d on her stuff too. They’re not daft are they..?

 

[Crybaby Tania]

We took my late mother-in-law out for a lovely country pub lunch one time. Of course she had to start complaining because we didn't get a table near the window. To the establishment's credit they did move us to a window seat. My mother-in-law then sat with her back to the window and did not bother to admire the views even once.

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

We took my late mother-in-law out for a lovely country pub lunch one time. Of course she had to start complaining because we didn't get a table near the window. To the establishment's credit they did move us to a window seat. My mother-in-law then sat with her back to the window and did not bother to admire the views even once.

You know that Only Fools and Horses episode where Uncle Albert falls down the pub cellar trap for compo? MiL mk II did that scam and scored a whole load of goodies from the shop where she'd "fallen over their sign" on the pavement!

 

[DanDanTheIceCreamMan]

My MIL once wrote a letter to our next door neighbours to tell them what terrible people we were. We were on friendly terms with them though so they paid no attention to it.

She loved to tell people how wronged she was #ProfessionalVictim

 

[Lucyxxxx]

My MIL once wrote a letter to our next door neighbours to tell them what terrible people we were. We were on friendly terms with them though so they paid no attention to it.

She loved to tell people how wronged she was #ProfessionalVictim

Oh my days. I was moving into my old place and MIL was sorting everything there before I arrived. This was back when I was on speaking terms. Went behind my back and told the neighbours I'm a slag and to keep her husband away from me. Like seriously first thing first when your son was in jail I never so much as messaged or looked at another man considering I'm such a slag, secondly I'm not a homewrecker and thirdly even if I was like I'd want the neighbours minging husband. They always avoided me after that. Not that I was arsed about being friends but what a vicious thing to do. Get over it love I can give your son something you can't and u be good remembering that. That lot love to always imply he fancies this bird or shagged that one so when they find out I'm pregnant I'm gonna describe conception in great detail whilst staring the mother in the eyes.

 

[DanDanTheIceCreamMan]

Oh my days. I was moving into my old place and MIL was sorting everything there before I arrived. This was back when I was on speaking terms. Went behind my back and told the neighbours I'm a slag and to keep her husband away from me. Like seriously first thing first when your son was in jail I never so much as messaged or looked at another man considering I'm such a slag, secondly I'm not a homewrecker and thirdly even if I was like I'd want the neighbours minging husband. They always avoided me after that. Not that I was arsed about being friends but what a vicious thing to do. Get over it love I can give your son something you can't and u be good remembering that. That lot love to always imply he fancies this bird or shagged that one so when they find out I'm pregnant I'm gonna describe conception in great detail whilst staring the mother in the eyes.

Bloody hell... mine at least waited until we weren't speaking before she started slagging me off!

We were lucky really that very few people (back then) believed much of what she said.

The only person that actually fell for it was the parent of one of MrDD's friends, she'd found her phone number (somewhere in her hoarder home) several years after MrDD had stayed with them for a couple of weeks when he relocated for work. She rung her up one day and told her the sad tale of us cutting her off. Her lovely DIL tried to tell her our side but she wouldn't have it. We offered to pay for her phone number to be changed etc etc knowing where it was headed but she refused... MIL took to speaking to her on a regular basis.

Spoiler: What happened next

About a year later, she went ex-directory after MIL rang her up early one morning and threatened to stab her.

MIL was suffering from psychosis at the time, and had dreamt that someone had broken into her home. When she woke up she thought it was real and thought it was this lady... This wasn't the first or last time something like this would happen, but it took another 2 years for her to be sectioned as she needed to be deemed a danger to herself (sod everyone else). Her 28 day hold lasted over 3 years before she was allowed back home and to this day she has daily carers that make sure she takes her meds.

That got a bit dark at the end, sorry I do try to keep things light generally. MIL these days is just a nuisance rather than scary

 

[Starfishface]

When my wife and I first started dating (she was 18, I was 19, both at university), my now MIL phoned up my mum to blame me for "turning her daughter gay". I'd never met the woman, as she refused to meet me for over a year, and this was one of my first encounters with her in any capacity. It really set the tone for our whole relationship, and what my mum thought of my in-laws (she's a certified legend and loves my wife but won't take the time off day off the MIL)

 

[Lucyxxxx]

Oh my fuckin days I spoke too soon. Surprise pregnancy reveal is out the window as well. Wanna know why??? On my fridge is a scan picture of baby. Just having a nap and I've woken up to hear her and DIL chilling in my kitchen with no sign of my fella. WHAT THE duck?? Going down now to ask what on earth is going on.

 

[Caledonianprincess]

Oh my fuckin days I spoke too soon. Surprise pregnancy reveal is out the window as well. Wanna know why??? On my fridge is a scan picture of baby. Just having a nap and I've woken up to hear her and DIL chilling in my kitchen with no sign of my fella. WHAT THE duck?? Going down now to ask what on earth is going on.

Wtf have they just strolled into the house?

 

[Lucyxxxx]

Wtf have they just strolled into the house?

False alarm my fella was with them it was his dad's work break. Was being all sheepish and trying to lay low and sneak them round while I was napping. But his motor mouth mother can never help herself. I just shook my head and went back upstairs. He had the mind to remove my scan so that's something I guess.

 

[Caledonianprincess]

He shouldn't be sneaking them anywhere near your house when your awake never mind sleeping

 

[Lucyxxxx]

@Brewtime87 enjoy!!!

Also @Caledonianprincess I know tbh lately I've gotten so fed up of him. Dunno if it's cause I'm pregnant an hormones an all that but the man just winds me up with an absolute passion.

 

[Caledonianprincess]

@Brewtime87 enjoy!!!

Also @Caledonianprincess I know tbh lately I've gotten so fed up of him. Dunno if it's cause I'm pregnant an hormones an all that but the man just winds me up with an absolute passion.

I found hormones made what was already crappy situations worse like it was unbearable to be round some people

 

[Brewtime87]

I can't believe I didn't know this thread existed until Lucy mentioned it elsewhere!

My actual MIL is lovely, totally bonkers but lovely. My step MIL however, the woman isn't right in the head and not in a fun way. We're sure she has some undiagnosed condition like autism, and in no way am I using that in a judgemental way but I just can't understand why else she'd act the way she does. She's the bluntest person I've ever met. In her mid fifties but still giggles over incredibly immature and unkind stuff, pokes fun at people including children whenever she can but never in a way that others find funny, just pure insulting, and she makes absolutely everything about her. We unexpectedly and devastatingly lost my partners dad (step MILs husband) last year, and through the whole time she kept behaving in a selfish way and making ridiculous statements as if she was the only one suffering. A year later and she's still complaining to my SIL that my partner doesn't message her and insinuated he's rude and heartless for not doing so. She never messages him though! She arranged a big 'in memory' type event on what would have been my FILs birthday but didn't invite my partner or his sister, and instead invited her friends and family while still continuing to complain she doesn't have anyone. Even had the audacity to say my partner and his sister weren't affected by their Dads passing because they still have their partners.

Once I had gastritis at Christmas, and despite wanting to stay in bed sulking, I forced myself out to see her out for breakfast (she works in hospitality, volunteered to work Christmas day and then insisted we all come and visit her at work early morning), when I told her I was poorly, she shouted eew and jumped as far away from me as she could. Charming hey.

She also sometimes demands to know when my partner and I are having kids and getting married. Never even thought to ask us if marriage and kids is something we ever wanted. We tried to tell her once we weren't comfortable with those questions but she dismissed us saying she can do what she wants.

There is so much more, it's all utterly ridiculous, but my mind has gone totally blank