Mother in law experiences #3

[Jyhy1110]

Iv previously ranted on here about my mother in laws, I have two as they are in a female relationship so I have two devils to deal with

anyway my partner has been stepdad to my child since he was 1 years old as my son’s biological father disappeared when I was 11 weeks pregnant to never be seen again, my son calls my partner daddy and he is now 5 and has never thought any different, my mother in laws decided to ask when me and my partner would be having a baby and I said not sure, he is a submariner in the navy and away a lot so can be difficult to plan things, his mother actually said ooh I’d get a REAL grandchild!

honestly I could of bleeping smacked that witch, I said hang on so ‘bob’ is a fake child then? Just a pretend grandchild? She tried to back track but she’s already said it and this was when my partner was deployed so couldn’t even tell him until 2 months later when he was back, he was shocked, I said I didn’t want her or her partner to ever let it slip he’s a stepdad not Bio dad as it’s a conversation for us when he’s older, and I wouldn’t want my child to know she’s referred to him as not a real grandchild!

bleep

also ‘bob’ is not my kids name

 

[Upintheair83]

Iv previously ranted on here about my mother in laws, I have two as they are in a female relationship so I have two devils to deal with

anyway my partner has been stepdad to my child since he was 1 years old as my son’s biological father disappeared when I was 11 weeks pregnant to never be seen again, my son calls my partner daddy and he is now 5 and has never thought any different, my mother in laws decided to ask when me and my partner would be having a baby and I said not sure, he is a submariner in the navy and away a lot so can be difficult to plan things, his mother actually said ooh I’d get a REAL grandchild!

honestly I could of bleeping smacked that witch, I said hang on so ‘bob’ is a fake child then? Just a pretend grandchild? She tried to back track but she’s already said it and this was when my partner was deployed so couldn’t even tell him until 2 months later when he was back, he was shocked, I said I didn’t want her or her partner to ever let it slip he’s a stepdad not Bio dad as it’s a conversation for us when he’s older, and I wouldn’t want my child to know she’s referred to him as not a real grandchild!

bleep

also ‘bob’ is not my kids name

That's the most awful thing for her to have said. Its so cruel and uncalled for. I'd say to her we will have a 'real'child when you can grow up and treat my son the same way you will any biological children.
I find it so, so sad. When I want growing up i never knew my grandparents, but I had a wonderful aunt (she wasn't an aunt but a family friend) and she was like a grandmother to me. In fact she was more special than that. She died in 2002 and I think about her every single day and miss her more than ever. So the problem lies with her. Your little boy deserves a relationship like that.
Blood isn't always thicker that water
Much love to you. I hate mother in laws. X

 

[Jyhy1110]

That's the most awful thing for her to have said. Its so cruel and uncalled for. I'd say to her we will have a 'real'child when you can grow up and treat my son the same way you will any biological children.
I find it so, so sad. When I want growing up i never knew my grandparents, but I had a wonderful aunt (she wasn't an aunt but a family friend) and she was like a grandmother to me. In fact she was more special than that. She died in 2002 and I think about her every single day and miss her more than ever. So the problem lies with her. Your little boy deserves a relationship like that.
Blood isn't always thicker that water
Much love to you. I hate mother in laws. X

I’m going to spite her and not have another baby me and my partner are happy with 1 anyway as he’s at that age we can do more fun things as a family and go on lovely holidays etc

duck her she ain’t getting a ‘real’ grandchild!

also more insulting is that me and my sister are adopted so when I told my mum she hit the roof and said oh do I have fake children then? As me and my sister aren’t blood related to my parents, she was furious!

My in laws are both in ill health so they’ll die soon…. Hopefully

 

[Crybaby Tania]

Iv previously ranted on here about my mother in laws, I have two as they are in a female relationship so I have two devils to deal with

anyway my partner has been stepdad to my child since he was 1 years old as my son’s biological father disappeared when I was 11 weeks pregnant to never be seen again, my son calls my partner daddy and he is now 5 and has never thought any different, my mother in laws decided to ask when me and my partner would be having a baby and I said not sure, he is a submariner in the navy and away a lot so can be difficult to plan things, his mother actually said ooh I’d get a REAL grandchild!

honestly I could of bleeping smacked that witch, I said hang on so ‘bob’ is a fake child then? Just a pretend grandchild? She tried to back track but she’s already said it and this was when my partner was deployed so couldn’t even tell him until 2 months later when he was back, he was shocked, I said I didn’t want her or her partner to ever let it slip he’s a stepdad not Bio dad as it’s a conversation for us when he’s older, and I wouldn’t want my child to know she’s referred to him as not a real grandchild!

bleep

also ‘bob’ is not my kids name

It's sad and also strange that your mother-in-law thinks like this. She has a wife so she must know that not all families look the same. Families can be made up differently, its true, but if they love and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. Your mother-in-law should feel honoured to be a part of your child's life, and grateful that her son has a happy family life to come home to.

 

[Jyhy1110]

It's sad and also strange that your mother-in-law thinks like this. She has a wife so she must know that not all families look the same. Families can be made up differently, its true, but if they love and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. Your mother-in-law should feel honoured to be a part of your child's life, and grateful that her son has a happy family life to come home to.

you’d think so, they are both quite unwell so their world is very small and they don’t really come out of their bubble so it’s always about them and always is making the effort, if I don’t message them I won’t hear from them at all, she’ll moan at my partner when he’s on base that he hasn’t called, they’ve got phones and tablets etc they could always phone him! It’s so one sided!

 

[Onthehop]

you’d think so, they are both quite unwell so their world is very small and they don’t really come out of their bubble so it’s always about them and always is making the effort, if I don’t message them I won’t hear from them at all, she’ll moan at my partner when he’s on base that he hasn’t called, they’ve got phones and tablets etc they could always phone him! It’s so one sided!

I would quietly withdraw here if it’s one sided.

 

[SavvyBee]

Just found this thread purely to vent because I sound like a cold witch if I say it to my husband but my MIL has just booked to have her hip replaced in April and I am already sick to bleeping death of hearing about it!!!!
To make things worse, she started getting pain after lockdown (when she refused to even go on her daily allowed walk) so naturally in her mid 70s she was a lot slower and had been aged by lockdown. Fair enough. She also had a hysterectomy years ago and I’m pretty sure has some adhesions from scar tissue as she’s always complained about aches there. She’s now got some mild arthritis in her hip but because her stomach pain is worse and she’s also got some sort of colitis which she does nothing about, she’s convinced herself and her doctor that it’s her hip that’s causing all the issues. Refuses to take pain. She was going to go private but has somehow managed to get every diagnostic test possible and has now been referred for a replacement in April on the NHS…. And she has the cheek to moan about it! Meanwhile there are people waiting years on other lists for things they actually need. I cannot understand how she thinks stomach pain is going to be solved by a hip replacement. She won’t do the physio or whatever needed for a full recovery so I know it’s years more moaning about how she’s “never been the same” since her op all the meanwhile refusing to address the issues with her stomach which she has the ability to investigate or treat privately if she wanted. Doctors told her she has some sort of colitis and she’s done nothing to change her diet - errrrm don’t you think the gripping stomach pain you’re having is maybe to do with that and not your MILD arthritis in your hip. Gahhhh. Whenever you say something she has decided makes too much sense or she doesn’t want to hear she physically zones out and you can see her drift off mentally and starts talking about something else over you. She brings my husband’s ex wife up in every conversation - she’s always liked her and still has contact due to his older kids (one late teen, one 25, so not really necessary). One day I am going to let slip that the reason they split up was because Ms Precious had an affair and broke her son’s heart and see how she likes that because it’s always been kept from her for some reason. But I’m like - I don’t need to hear about her, the woman has been a cow to me over the years and I don’t need to know that she’s painted her front door or whatever other boring tit she seems to think interesting to share. Every time she picks my 2yo up she says “oh you’re getting such a lump” (he’s not!) and I just find it so annoying. She repeats herself loads and tells the same boring stories over, never ever asks about me, if I dare venture a story about myself or my 2yo she starts talking over you half way through about herself or the other grandkids. When I was pregnant she’d say something like oh what pram are you getting so I’d start to reply and she’d just start going on about “oh well X (my 25yr old stepkid) had one like this”…. Completely irrelevant! Anyway yeah she drives me insane and we’re going to have to see so much more of her post this surgery and I’m just not here for it. Oh and her house is bleeping filthy, my husband drops hints about it all the time and says she needs a cleaner and she just ignores it. Scruffy mare!!

 

[blossombloss]

Yes you are all right, she just won't listen. I should be visiting soon but I've put it off citing the weather. She just makes me weary and angry at the same time. I'm totally done. That's the last I will comment on this particular gripe I'm sure you are all as fed up with it as I am.

Sorry I know this is awful for you, but I can't believe she wants you lot out there cutting hedges, come on!!! The brass neck of some people is unbelievable. This has made me giggle though.

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

Sorry I know this is awful for you, but I can't believe she wants you lot out there cutting hedges, come on!!! The brass neck of some people is unbelievable. This has made me giggle though.

and like mentioned earlier tell the old bag that you cannot simply go out there and chop lumps out of the hedge to suit her because there is a contracted gardener employed to do that! If she feels that strongly about it then she should nab the gardener when she sees him and ask that he chop out the offending bits - and see how far that gets her!

My late MIL (mkII) used to go to the cemetary and pinch those fancy quartz-like stones from the graves for her pots, plus she was not averse to swiping potted plants from the graves that would look so much nicer in her garden............................

 

[SamBamford]

The gardeners won't speak to her, she's already offended them. We called around to take her for a meal once. She wanted me to stick my hand down the drain claiming it wasn't draining properly. That was a no too, its not her drain and I'm not doing that then going to eat.
She's started to walk and fart and think that no-one hears it. She's rattling them off like gunfire.

 

[Spacemonkey1972]

Well after the tit fest that was yet another ruined Christmas and the whole debacle over it (few pages ago) I just want to add that when we went to visit other family between Christmas and new year she got straight on the phone to her bestie to tell her we’d be abandoning her next Christmas. Bestie then phones post new year and does the whole ‘we’ll come up and hire a nice log cabin with fire. We’ll look after you’. Firstly, you do that. Secondly why aren’t you moaning at my SiL who has never seen her mum at Christmas and has only visited her twice in 20+ years. The other thing is why doesn’t my MiL understand holidays? My husband gets 4 weeks, 2 he must take at Christmas. So the 2 weeks in summer is totally a rest for him. We usually go camping or to a hotel. Yet whenever we go up she has a list of jobs-painting the outside of her house, unblocking drains, trimming hedges etc. New Year’s Day he was up to his shoulders in crap in a blocked drain . When he has the audacity to say I’m on holiday (he works bloody hard) she scoffs and says ‘that’s what you think mister’. Hubbys cousin even told her off last time about it. Yes, if we lived closer he’d be about to do odd jobs but he’s not so we can’t. She has a plethora of odd job men but would rather make a list for him. I could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs but I’m making myself cross . Can’t wait for our Austrian Christmas this year

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Honest to God you think you’re the only one who can’t stand their mother out law, then you read this thread and realise you’re not alone by a long shot… 🫣 my heart goes out to you all on here.

Mine and my sister in law are both detestable for different reasons.

Mum in law very quietly domineering - you daren’t argue with her over anything.

Years ago, before I met my husband - she was desperately trying to fix him up with a young colleague of hers at work (they were both teachers) and she saw her as a lovely, pliable middle class lady with ‘good family’ ideal for Golden Balls (son). Anyway, this lady wasn’t interested at all… neither was son. She was bitterly disappointed. So fast forward 5 years or so, he meets me and we get married. I’m not what she has in mind, I’m from a working class northern town and my family - though by no means poor are less well to do. There’s a constant running ‘joke’ about me being a poor, working class scrote, mixing with middle class people like them…

On the night we announced our engagement - at a family meal, everyone but her congratulated us. Afterwards, she said “oh, so sorry I didn’t get up and hug you but I have a bad back”, and knew from that moment she’d be an hole.

So yeah, every opportunity she gets she brings up this other woman she wanted son to marry - 3 times on Xmas day, in front of me and him… everyone… in the end I said “there you go, married the wrong woman…” but he just laughed at me.

Proper narc, always needs to be centre of attention with all her various illnesses and ailments - bad back, always falling, bowel trouble, etc. she LOVES going to A&E every time she has a complaint - then straight on the phone to one of us wanting sympathy. The absolute glee in her voice, she loves it.

She absolutely insists on a weekly phone call - at weekend, but at a time that’s convenient for her, not us, and I get a WhatsApp ‘summons’ to do it . So I’ve started making hubby make the call and leaving the room or going off to do other things as I’m so tired of her. He works away a lot - and on the times he’s not here she still insists on it - I’ve never anything to say to her and she never asks how I am, how my work is going etc. it’s all her, their family and all the wonderful things they’re doing.

I know it’s really daft, got to speak to her and father in law in a bit and just dreading it. It’s nearly her birthday and she always wants to go out for a fancy meal at this horrible posh restaurant the family like - so she’s planning that at the moment. We always have the same shenanigans, she’ll book it - then complain and nitpick the menu, nitpick the staff - then happily hand over the best part of £400 for it… I’ve been looking at the menu already and I literally can’t find a single thing to eat on there. Husband knows I hate it, he won’t argue as I’m the odd one out.

I live a long way from my parents and rarely see them - gave up everything to be with my husband and there are honestly times I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m here anymore. I don’t fit in or belong and she just makes me feel downtrodden.


Sorry for the long rant. This is small fry compared to a lot of the stories.

 

[Crybaby Tania]

Don't worry my dears, one day these awful woman will be your late mother-in-laws.
I have a late mother-in-law buried in our local graveyard. I often visit her grave when walking my dog. He likes to cock his leg up her gravestone, and he never even knew her.

 

[Delia Smith]

A lot of these comment really resonate with me.
Does anyone else have a MIL who thinks her perfect son is still a baby but at the same time acts like he's her husband? She's utterly obsessed with him.
My partner is an only child so the attention on him is ten fold.
Layered with that is her dislike of me for not being submissive to her control, her constant 'momager' behaviour (telling us what to do and when etc) Her insistence that she is right about everything and the fact my partners dad, her ex, was a semi famous sports person, she had a WAG lifestyle for a long time and still has that type of outlook - big white house, big flashy cars etc.
I'm from a working class family so obviously that will never do in her eyes!

 

[Matisse182]

My MIL isn't even obsessed with my DP, she pretty much ignores him then insults him when they meet up. His brother is the golden child. However, DP is so stockholm syndromed to her she can do no wrong. He claims she is just 'managing his brothers attenton seeking' and is more 'low key' with him. Fine if thats how he wants to call being neglected or verbally abused when she's so clearly capable of lavishing praise on BIL. She barely visits us anymore as I made it clear a few years ago that I wouldn't tolerate her rude comments. She tells them all I am 'difficult'. I like to see it as not being willing to be walked all over. I've even stopped going to see them at Christmas. I'm keeping my time with her as low as possible until she's too old to travel to see us anymore. She's 80 and lives 300 miles away. I'm at least grateful for that!

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

Don't worry my dears, one day these awful woman will be your late mother-in-laws.
I have a late mother-in-law buried in our local graveyard. I often visit her grave when walking my dog. He likes to cock his leg up her gravestone, and he never even knew her.

My late MIL demanded her ashes scattered in her back garden. I can picture her jackbooting around the garden disapproving of the flowers and moaning that they took down her poster of Ian Botham from the summer house
First MIL is most certainly bending the devil's earholes to the degree he's thinking of asking forgiveness so he can LEAVE

 

[petitspois]

A friend in work was having real issues with her MIL and saw a counsellor. She told her to step back from contact and, as it was her husband's mother and not hers, let him take the reigns with her seeing the MIL maybe one meeting in 10 as opposed to each time. She's much happier and reasons that the MIL wants to see her son rather than her anyway.

 

[Pjta]

A friend in work was having real issues with her MIL and saw a counsellor. She told her to step back from contact and, as it was her husband's mother and not hers, let him take the reigns with her seeing the MIL maybe one meeting in 10 as opposed to each time. She's much happier and reasons that the MIL wants to see her son rather than her anyway.

This is such good advice and I have also put it in to place and never been happier. We don't really have a relationship anymore, I'm polite, I detach myself whenever I'm with her so nothing can bother me and I just don't rise to anything. I've set boundaries for me and my children and she doesn't respect them so I've had no choice. She used to smother us and it was so unhealthy. Funnily enough she was the only reason me and my partner would argue, since I've taken a step back his eyes have been opened. He's apologised endless amount of times about what I had to put up with from her but I am actually at peace with it - she's lost out I'm a fab DIL and my kids are bloody amazing

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

A friend in work was having real issues with her MIL and saw a counsellor. She told her to step back from contact and, as it was her husband's mother and not hers, let him take the reigns with her seeing the MIL maybe one meeting in 10 as opposed to each time. She's much happier and reasons that the MIL wants to see her son rather than her anyway.

This is the best advice, and something my husband and I do with three of four of our parents - both of our parents are divorced. My MiL won't have it, though, and it's SO draining. She wanted to come up in March and my husband told her I might not be around because my dad is having a knee op, so she's now saying they'll come when I'm back. Jesus Christ. I don't know why she even wants to see me, TBH. It's not like she likes me

 

[Jyhy1110]

Don't worry my dears, one day these awful woman will be your late mother-in-laws.
I have a late mother-in-law buried in our local graveyard. I often visit her grave when walking my dog. He likes to cock his leg up her gravestone, and he never even knew her.

this made me laugh more than it should of I swear dogs know when people are arseholes