MOD & FOD #35 Hiding out by the coast, luckily there’s old pics to roast

[Notaninstamumeither]

Imagine learning when you’re older that your parent earned shitloads of money and freebies off the back of you and you don’t have any of it

‘But darling, you did have GIRLS written in tacky pink letters on your bathroom floor AND a VERY expensive sink’

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Hey, talk upthread of STUFF has reminded me that I have some excellent instamum gossip! Friend of a friend (but a real person as in I’ve met her) rented her house out to an instamum and gave permission for her to decorate. Instamum went full on F&B, interior designers, the lot. FoF doesn’t do insta but got shown the account and went into deep depression (not really) about how much better the Instamum had made her house look - along with reading the comments about how bad her house had looked before etc. Instamum’s account full of sucky comments about her beautiful home etc.

As the tenancy was coming to an end, FoF sent estate agents round to sort out the new letting, and asked a few to go as she was changing letting agency. They all came back to say that the house wasn’t showable in its current state as some of the rooms were just such a mess! I’ve got too much clutter in my house - work in progress - but never been told that when selling a house so it must have been pretty bad. You never know what lurks beneath.

FoF has a few stories about how this person presented themselves online compared to what was actually happening in their life, which are quite funny. I won’t name the Instamum as it outs the FoF which she wouldn’t want, but it’s someone with a thread on here!

 

[Pain of chocolate]

I read MODs book (loaned from the library) I didn’t realise she was an insta mum at the time, I just liked the idea of a book written by a midwife and the real life birth stories. Im sure it was recommended on amazon. It became immediately obvious to me this wasn’t a book for a working class northerner - all the stories were very middle class. The one in particular that sticks with me was a story about a lady who shit all over the floor in hospital whilst shouting ‘I’m shitting!’ And her husband said ‘I know, darling’. (Darling is not a word in mine nor my husbands vocabulary).
The book was actually quite detrimental to my mental health as postnatally I felt I had let my baby down by not staying in bed for two weeks.. (still not sure how that is possible with the constant stream of family visitors, midwives, breastfeeding support, etc etc through the door?)

Yup! 4 days after giving birth to my second I was out doing the shopping, the school run and ferrying eldest to to and fro to a birthday party. And i don't say this in a martyr way, i simply had no choice as his dad couldn't take pat leave straight away and I simply didn't have the choice. Advice like that just makes you feel like shit about the choices you are sometimes forced to make.

 

[KittenRadziwell]

In Asia is very common for everyone to look after the mum in the first month so she can recover. I even heard in Korea there are some sort of post natal hotels you can go to after giving birth and they do everything for you. But other than that, families are heavily involved - would be rare for it to happen in the UK to that extent.. and as far as I know MOD drew up the bridge selectively - her mum was still staying with them buying calpol in the middle of the night!

BRB moving to Korea.

 

[Tattlingpineapple]

I've been promoted from chatty back to well known. Wow that's more upsetting than the Tinder date I just came home from. Might need some time to recover from this shock.

 

[Mustard]

I think she thinks she’s the Goop of Thanet.

 

[Smartie]

4.5 hours since the last post on this thread.....


I think we are starting to say goodbye

 

[FrannyGallops]

Weirdos.....

View attachment 186523

‘All the negativity’. Or...justifiably getting called out for being a racist. Someone call the influencers union, quick!

 

[FrannyGallops]

I feel they may have spent this time joining the influencers union Fuck sake these people want a union when really they need a fexking regulator! Jesus!
This in today’s times!

What. The. Actual. Fuck?!! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. What the hell do they need a union for? Better working conditions? Even less hours? A discount card for Farrow & Ball?! JFC

 

[Rosella89]

See Sophie Robinson Interiors account too. She really irritates me. Tone deaf to her all her privilegesView attachment 190466

That would be like shitting inside a rhubarb and custard. No thank you

 

[Treeofforgiveness]

Oh lord. So many of you (new tattlers on the thread) have joined our community here and seen the shite that Clemmie wrote. Praise be

 

[Libertine]

Being a regular midwife doesn’t attract Needle and Thread dresses, Miele appliances and Martinhal holidays.

You need to be (an Instagram flogger disguised as) a cool midwife.

 

[FrannyGallops]

So to quote one of my all time favourite Tattle quotes they are two cheeks of the same arse

That makes FOD the arsehole in the middle

 

[Pink Post It]

The clueless middle class midwife, assuming her readers would have bottomless purses to afford the pampering, wardrobe procurement and material goods she recommended.

Daft tart. Don’t miss her, or her lip shmacking verbal diarrhoea.

 

[Emmadale]

Oh I remembered one other thing. This post from Mother Pukka:

What a strange post

 

[AbsolutelyFine]

Have some more ladies. But don’t ever let go!!!!

This. These. (Sorry. Too traumatised to form coherent sentences but I'll try.) There was a discussion a while back on what brought newbies to this thread. Pictures like these are exactly what bought me to the MOFODDERS in the first place, and subsequently tattle. I'm child free so wasn't 'au fait' with the insta mumma brigade, however they seem to be on the radar for most of my friends and regularly appeared on my disover feed on insta. When I first caught sight of FODs faux "what is this madness?!" expressions or painfully set up twin pics I thought "wow, this guy seems like a p****. Why has he got so many followers including so many of my friends?!" I can't fully say I didn't feel left out of the whole 'Parent Gang' thing. Anyway, then I was fully invested, hurtling down the rabbit hole. I never followed, but couldn't help checking his awfully written posts out of morbid curiosity. Twitter convos between bella mackie and scouse rach (I miss her) about the insta Mum world going into full meltdown (alicegate) then led me to the wonderful world of tattle!

These photos, particularly the period paraphernalia one with his "poor henpecked modern male" expression make me want to punch something. As for now, I think FOD may be toast. I reckon he'll do one more lengthy swan song post before hanging up his gifted insta boots. There's still life in the House of Hooper account though I reckon.....in all its seizure inducing wallpaper glory.

 

[Pocahontas]

Oh my god that really is awful!!!! Every time you went to the loo would be like falling down some sort of Clockwork Orange-themed nightmare.

 

[Notaninstamumeither]

I’m also on the Mrs Meldrum threads. There is a lot of speculation that she came off in order to claim the self employed furlough payment. Based on last 3 years average earnings... Reckon the SOD’s could be doing this?!

 

[Plinkplonk]

We must all wear our finest needle and thread dresses.

 

[FrannyGallops]

All this Cash talk has distracted us from the fact that FOD hasn’t posted in over a month! He must be dying inside. I bet the twins are wondering if they actually exist without a phone being shoved in their faces every ten seconds.