MOD & FOD #26 Fodcliffe, it’s mee, I’m Clammie, I’ve come home, so cold, let me in you drafty Victorian window!

[Heyjude]

 

[ILoveUnicorns]

I think it does this itself as my husband comes up by his full name

I’m still in my husbands phone with my maiden name We have been married 5 years now I think he is in denial still

 

[SaladDressing]

Ohhhh I want to stay and play but work tomorrow and I've been informed we are two MDT members down and numerous other colleagues are in 14 day isolation so it's gonna be a tough on the ward for those of us who are symptom free - keep up the FODness. Fantasy FOD is getting better by the minute I bet real fod doesn't have as many stories!!!!! LaterZ HuNz *mwah* stay safe and send for us in the hospitals!

 

[OhMyWord]

Fod must be sitting on his hands at the moment what with the possibility of being outnumbered in a quarantine situation. These are my content predictions for when he comes back.

1. A serious post about looking after ones loved ones and taking pleasure in small things during these hard times.

2. A picture of a deserted b and q which will allow for all manner of fod dancing.

3. A kitchen disco featuring the twins to while away the minutes.

4. Mother’s Day. A lovingly prepared tray to take to mod. Except she won’t feature as she’s in the attic rocking backwards and forward mumbling.

5. A serious post about intelligent, middle class ways of entertaining your middle class children. This will feature wooden board games and books.

6. Isn’t it useful to have gousto now the shops are all shut?


Have I missed any?

Ohhhhh for Mother’s Day he can make her her favourite veggie breakfast!!! And then all the huns can message and ask for the overly complicated recipe so that they too can toast bread, smash avocado and learn that someone has to make the watercress

 

[Pocahontas]

“ I’m Clemmie I’m a mum and have four daughters and I’m also an author” no mention of being a midwife

What a bunch of wafflers.
Good god, that yellow dress is VILE.
She must miss her days of being interviewed by Vogue about farshun and bewdy and like, how hard it is for mums to keep on top of the challenges of looking good, while being, you know, a mama

 

[houseofhoop]

Ohhhhh for Mother’s Day he can make her her favourite veggie breakfast!!! And then all the huns can message and ask for the overly complicated recipe so that they too can toast bread, smash avocado and learn that someone has to make the watercress

People who post pictures of Valentine’s Day gifts, Mother’s Day presents, personal birthday gifts...to quote @Dogmuck ..’boils my piss’ because these are personal, intimate gifts that are best kept private. MOD and FOD do this (or used to do this!) because they felt they had to prove a point... ‘look at us..see...we are happy and loving...’ just makes you look desperate love. Remember that picture/ poem thing in a frame FOD did for MOD ages ago on Valentine’s Day where he’d written out the lines of ‘oh my darling clementine’ how unoriginal. And she posted really bloody early in the day so she must of got it and already had her camera out to take a photo. He probably did it just for the gram anyway..’go on love, post it, post it now..quick.. for the likes ... and tag me in...’ Ffs, just enjoy the day!!
That’s all.
I’ve had my rant!!

 

[skronkywildcat]

Yes, up to 250,000 people could die in the UK - fucking hilarious. Wanker.

WHAT A CUNT, SERIOUSLY. They have never lifted a finger to help another soul - despite their staggering privilege it's all about getting more and more. I really genuinely hate them.

 

[Rosieee]

“The big girls are fine remote learning”. Of course they are, they get a break from hearing others kids at school making fun of their stupid parents antics on Instagram.

 

[Boredofthem]

The only thing on the internet worse than her 'costume' is people over the age of 15 doing stupid idiotic tik toc dances. Been waiting for him to get on that bandwagon with the little earners.

Over 30’s have ruined tik tok. Can’t the younger ones have anything of their own. No wonder Generation Z hate us

 

[dragonsden62]

I see the employees did the work whilst he supervised!

First thing I thought when I watched his video let the cash cows pick up the crap with their bare hands....... People think we ‘jump’ on his every post with negativity but I find it truly hilarious how someone who has been “gifted” most of his possessions and treats things with such a cavalier attitude ( perfectly good bath chucked in the garden) and whose carbon footprint is off the scale for most parents has the bare faced cheek to act like David Attenborough/Greta Thunberg all of a sudden just for content because that’s all it is CONTENT

 

[SaladDressing]

Did someone say he has been removing messages which aren't 'Hunning' him up and massaging his ego?
He obviously has a lot of time on his hands
Good to see you using it wisely, Slymon. Well, wisely in favour of yourself anyway but just in case you were wondering, the real world still revolves outside of Insta. Hospitals are in crisis and Adolescent Psychiatric inpatient wards (such as where I work) still continue to admit, under extreme guidelines, because mental health is still a thing.
Sly n Clam, I do hope none of your tribe ever find themselves needing a psychiatric inpatient stay. So spare a thought for the parents out there who have no choice but to be separated from theirs and those of us who put ourselves last to ensure these youngsters are cared for not only mentally but physically.
That is if you can take a break from the LoLz!

I get the thing about everything being overly serious at the moment, I truly do, but as a Father (because he is one ha!) who sees himself as some kind of master parenting representative due to his massive (decreasing) following, you'd think he'd put something out there to touch base with the real parenting world - but NAH. Not this guy. He really is all about the HUNZ and his own ego. I've said it before and I'll say it again -
"the bloke's a fucking salad"

 

[skronkywildcat]

Ahem. to the tune of "you're the one that I want" from Grease:

Fod's got chills, or perhaps he's lying and he's losing control, on his arse he's been dying, he's STULTIFYING.

 

[Dogmuck]

I just wish he’d post something, he only has 30 people to offend and he’s down to 981k

 

[Motherthreebeige]

Why couldn’t he spend one little bit of time to write ‘all joke aside’, check on your elderly neighbours, or the mum down the road in the middle of chemo or whatever. Just use his nearly a million follower reach to actually get people to think about the vulnerable around them.
I hope the baby wipes clog their pipes and cause a major shitstorm.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

A friend just lost his young cousin to Covid 19 so Simon can fuck the fuck off with pretending he got it for engagement. There is literally no level he won't stoop too for attention and I find him utterly repellant.

CUNT

 

[Pocahontas]

Who wears a denim jacket in the house like that?? I bet he's just got back from getting some shopping in or walking Pablo and plonked himself down next to Marnie (it appears to be Marnie) for the pic!!

Each time I see that denim jacket (same as mine) I question my life choices

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Yes, up to 250,000 people could die in the UK - fucking hilarious. Wanker.

WHAT A CUNT, SERIOUSLY. They have never lifted a finger to help another soul - despite their staggering privilege it's all about getting more and more. I really genuinely hate them.

This is exactly how I feel too. They’re so vile, so grabby, so disgusting. In a world where socially media is becoming increasingly socially conscious it’s so weird to have someone who remains such a relic active on there?

He could be helping vulnerable people, sharing links to food banks in need, just anything. But instead he’s wheeling around tescos doing mock surprised faces?

Honestly I couldn’t be married to him he’s trash.

 

[Blahblahbuzzy]

Who predicted toilet roll??

Me! Yesss!!!! Knew it What's my prize? I am actually running out of toilet roll owing to my lack of panic buying... maybe someone could gift me a 4 pack?

 

[OhMyWord]

A few weeks ago he was trying to be a public service with misleading information, then he tries to sell us insurance and now claims he's only here for the LOLs -

What do you want from him? HE CAN’T BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE!!! (I’m glad I have a screenshot of that, I almost wrote ‘everything to everyone.’)

He‘s just shooting stray bullets these days hoping he hits a target. Then he can say that’s his thing. So far, not good.

 

[Exhaustednurse]

I think as a previous poster has said, FOD will be seething that they aren’t able to monopolise on the St Clem of midwifery angle. Wow that would have brought some freebies in. St Clem in full PPE, tirelessly delivering babies, liking it to her practising midwifery in war torn Syria.