MOD & FOD #26 Fodcliffe, it’s mee, I’m Clammie, I’ve come home, so cold, let me in you drafty Victorian window!

[AmberSpyglass]

Imagine responding to a thread that was giving her Husband an almighty tonking and calling him a cunt.......

Oh wait a minute

 

[HensInTheSkirting]

I thought he was ill?
Two days ago he was in bed ticking off the symptoms in a game of covid bingo wearing his denim jacket.
Today he’s like the bloody green goddess lapping up Wicks on his flat screen running on the spot!!!!

It’s a miracle!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

She’s genuinely very attractive I just can’t understand why she doesn’t reach out for help re her styling, I know it’s meant to be ~crazy bestival fun~ but it still misses the mark.

Maybe they got this strain of covid

 

[motherofdonkeys]

They haven't had coronavirus, they've had clickbait virus, symptoms include claiming to be ill for engagement while also flouting all the NHS guidelines for self isolating once symptoms start and sliding the disgraced wife into grid posts because she can bear it no longer and is desperate to be seen in her superhero scrub costume again, easing her back in with a leopard print camel toe shot as a starter.

 

[Slatternly]

I was so tempted to comment (or at least toss some salad emoji's around) but the thought of getting blocked during these difficult times was too much. I need FoD in my life at the moment.

The post was ridiculous. Dated, infantile and try hard. He'll do a post on looking after each other next, mark my words. Why oh why did he come back? It would have been so easy for him to just slip off the radar but no. There's something very wrong with him. To make a lame joke about toilet paper when people's lives have been affected catastrophically is so fucking public school tory boy that I don't know where to start.

I hope everyone is ok.

I also think Fod is becoming like a cringey niche export. Remember when David Hasselhoff was a national embarrassment in the USA but a god in Germany? Samantha Fox, has been page 3 girl in the uK, top pop star in the Ukraine. Fod will be famous in Iran and will eventually have to go and do ads there.

 

[Heyjude]

God how I love placing god in imaginary posh twat situations. If it all goes tits up for the fod on the ad front, I think we should pool some money together and sponsor him to act out scenarios of our choice. Fod lolz fodder. A bit like what he does with the twins but for our benefit.

Possible scenarios:

1. Fod in primary school. Hand up all the time even though he has no clue what the answer is. Teacher can’t stand him.

2. Fod losing his virginity and spooning the girl afterwards and calling her ‘baby’ and asking her if she liked it.

3. Fod chatting girls up at freshers week.

4. Fod having an argument with mummy and flouncing off and slamming the door because she didn’t find his prank funny.

5. Fod goes to Thailand.

6. Fod accidentally on purpose takes 10 ecstasy tablets by mistake and looks like that bloke on a yacht that went viral a while back.

The possibilities are endless..

I’m fucking DEAD. This is hilarious! Fantasy FOD is so much better than the real thing! FOD on ecstasy I would pay big bucks to see

7. FOD throws up in the back of Jonno’s mum’s (head of the local WI) car after drinking three cans of weak lager at his first house party and is made to apologise with a bunch of flowers the next day

8. FOD gets initiated into the sixth form rugby team by having a piece of flaming loo roll stuck up his bum and cries about it afterwards

9. FOD falls in love with a ladyboy in Thailand

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

A leopard print catsuit can't change it's spots, eh?

She hated people discussing her on MN, so she swooped in, tried to control the narrative and got her ass handed to her. She hated people talking about her here, so she swooped in, bashed Cash Carraway, along with her erstwhile IG friends and then tried to control the narrative. Twice. Before Candicegate she swooped into her husbands comment section to 'school' the commentary with catty remarks. And here she is, swooping into a twitter conversation where no-one @'ed her, to add her two pence.

She is too thin-skinned and has waaay too many issues to cope with life as a z-lest sleb, and the analysis/critique that comes with it.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I wonder if they gave him suggestions and he decided his shitty idea was better. He obviously knows what his demographic wants, followers dropping and all

This is really interesting tbh - I don't know how it works that side, but I worked at a record label during Yewtree, we had a *entire catalogues* of (profitable!) artist repertoire they had to write off because they were ponces. We also had a few modern day rape "allegations"/court cases (I don't like the word allegations but I guess that's what some of them were as not every rapist gets charged do they) brought against artists who were in a release cycle, so you've got all of those costs building up for something you can't release. Or with Yewtree, you have to destroy stock (CDs/vinyl/merch), cancel promo/events/tours/whatever, and write off all projected revs from that artist project because it's all been taken off for digital download or streaming. In less scandalous situations the same applies on smaller scales - some artists refuse to turn up to stuff, some leak their work or someone who got a sample leaked it for them, some don't want to monetise their YouTube channel cos they think it's tacky, want their shit off Spotify (what an era that was), don't want to put another album out under their contract, can't get into the US cos they got caught with some weed at 15, their daughter's sick and they're not leaving their house to do anything for the label, etc, etc. That industry's biz model understand + absorbs loss cos something like 9/10 new signings/development acts will never even break even, you just need 1 superstar to keep the lights on and wages paid for the decade.

But there's not that same talent development/A&R stuff with influencers at all cos you're only 'signed' when you're already a huge profit generating being with X hun thou or mil followers, so there's never been a model where they outlay significant costs with the assumption you'll recoup. There is no gambling on success, it's quite formulaic? I imagine like any agency they'd have had someone cost what was needed to even *hope* to recover the situation, how much is X hours from PR, creative & copy writers, strategists, analysts, etc to fix this mess? Woulda been tens of thousands of pounds a week, and for how many weeks? What's the probability of them getting back on track? How reliant are they on this one individual client? What did they bill last year & what have we forecast for this year? All of these questions have clearly come back and they've determined it's a no from them, so yeah I imagine they have been very much abandoned. I imagine their account manager would have kept happy smiley cos they wouldn't want to cut the cord in case they did reverse their fates, but even she'll know she can't bill more than X hours per month against their job code cos it's not paying the bills.

They should have hired their OWN PR to sort this mess out, tbh. They could have done it through the company's purse so it's insane to me that they didn't, they could have even asked the agency to co-pay and pitched it like look we're in the shit, this is our plan, we need support and we'll up your fee to x% if you help us so you'll recoup too. They're clearly fucking morons though and even though Clem seemed to see herself as press (referencing thread 5 btw - she kept going on about being an 'editorial content creator' when using the pressdiscount hashtag, she really believed the hype didn't she) they've never actually worked in digital/creative industries so don't understand enough about how it all works to navigate it effectively. Sorry this has been an essay but that brings us to why Simon's still creating this shit content too, they're fucking clueless at anything other than getting sent some freebies by fucking idiot marketing managers from SMBs (like that tile business their marketing manager is probably just the boss' fucking neice, who is just a rich girl with an instagram account and no idea about conversion or ROI).

 

[CakeQueen]

Ahhhh here we are! Knew he’d come back. I missed all the posting last night after all that waiting as I was feeling too I’ll to even pick up the phone.
It’s so unbelievably inappropriate to joke about the toilet roll situation and show empty shelves like that. It’ll make more people panic and it just all worse! I’m currently suffering with (suspected) corona virus and my family is self isolating for 14 days. We’re ok at the minute but can’t get any online shopping slots and if the people we rely on end up in isolation too- it’s a worry! Plus with SSP for my husband and no pay for me next month is going to be near on impossible. And I’m not even hospitalised or in an at risk category. Yet he’s joking about toilet roll dealers. Boils my piss.

 

[FrannyGallops]

‘I don’t follow MOD’
No, love, that’s because you’ve no need because you ARE her. Those old posts really are a thing of beauty.

 

[MarmiteExtract]

People who post pictures of Valentine’s Day gifts, Mother’s Day presents, personal birthday gifts...to quote @Dogmuck ..’boils my piss’ because these are personal, intimate gifts that are best kept private. MOD and FOD do this (or used to do this!) because they felt they had to prove a point... ‘look at us..see...we are happy and loving...’ just makes you look desperate love. Remember that picture/ poem thing in a frame FOD did for MOD ages ago on Valentine’s Day where he’d written out the lines of ‘oh my darling clementine’ how unoriginal. And she posted really bloody early in the day so she must of got it and already had her camera out to take a photo. He probably did it just for the gram anyway..’go on love, post it, post it now..quick.. for the likes ... and tag me in...’ Ffs, just enjoy the day!!
That’s all.
I’ve had my rant!!

My favourite was when they went for that weekend away and one of them uploaded the world’s cringiest video of Clem opening a present from Sly, think it might have been a ring or necklace. It was so staged and so awkward. It was peak MOD and FOD though, not even being able to go for a weekend away without uploading a load of nonsense.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Yeah, he might be waiting til Mother’s Day is over. That way he’s put enough distance between the AXA ad and he won’t have to mention MOD in a post about Mother Day.

He must be gutted he can’t use her in her Saint Clemmie costume, in a likes-bonanza about NHS staff pushing through and catching babies on the front line! That would have been insta gold for brand FOD.

 

[SaladDressing]

I can still manage a post tho.... I blame the temperature on the bravery

I'm 'ok' ish. My temp has crept up gradually today but now I have an irritating cough too plus achey and a bit dozy. My work bestie was sent home at 09:00 this morning. I was off today but we've work pretty much every other shift together the last 3 wks. I was hoping my cough was allergy related but the temperature
I am the shittest patient ever!

 

[Dogmuck]

he has been busy - I’m blocked. I reckon he has been going through old posts as the last time I commented on his page was over the BBQ. I bet he is in ‘self iso’ (like Reno) and frantically blocking anyone who has dared be critical in the last 6 months.

I’m guessing he’s coming in here and reading what we said we’ve posted and then finding it in the appropriate post. Did you mention your comment you made on here about the BBQ? I think I recall someone saying about their comment on his BBQ not that long ago was it you?
Hi Sly you already blocked me on two can you find my third and make it a hat trick?

 

[Spoke]

What a kick in the teeth veneers

 

[Jumperoo62]

It’s a bit fucking hypocritical to encourage mass consumption as a career and then moan about plastic on the beach.

And tie that bag up before you dump it in a bagged waste bin or it will fall out Numbnut.

 

[rainbowlemon]

 

[houseofhoop]

I’m not sure how to cope with this FOD wilderness? I’m mean I’ve spent the last six months hoping he would stop being a twat and stop posting.. now it’s been a week I feel empty and nowhere to channel my disgust. How will I fill my days of isolation?? Had been banking on some juicy FOD content...

 

[Kaywree]

Jesus, these two are scary!

Honestly, I risk sounding unhinged but I find these two unbearably creepy. The faces they pull are always terrifying and give me real robots with skin, social experiment, nightmare vibes. Just imagine them pulling their masks off at the end of the day

 

[Motherthreebeige]

Oh lord I started to look at that earlier but I don't want to see people panic because panic is just so contagious isn't it... What are my beloved FOD tattlers getting up to this quarantine season?

2019 coronavirus: The Korean clusters

How coronavirus cases exploded in South Korean churches and hospitals

graphics.reuters.com

Is interesting, obvs not a scientist but this feels like pretty compelling evidence for us to all be at home. I fucking hate our shit gov't for not saying anything fucking conclusive, I appreciate the sample size/duration is too small to have ~definitive science led policy but ffs there is also a bit of common sense no???

My work aren't doing the WFH thing until the gov't mandates it (they are huge cunts and I will not be returning after mat after all of this shit show and other pregnancy cuntery) but I've just been whatsapped to say I can this week, I think someone must have been diagnosed for such a grand gesture because they'd happily have me give birth at my desk and then ask the baby when he can start nd all.

Sound like my cunty ex employers. When I told my boss I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer that lunch time, they asked me if I would need 2 or 5 days off.
I replied that they’d need longer to recover from the cock on their forehead being removed.