Miscarriage/Baby Loss

[annabananaw10]

Something I was dreading happened today - a friend made a pregnancy announcement and they have the same due date as I would’ve had. I just cried and cried and cried like I felt borderline hysterical at how upset I was.

Im ovulating today and we aren’t trying so Mr Banana didn’t want to have sex and I know logically he’s right and I have to respect it but it made me feel even more devastated, like I could just be pregnant again next month.

I just hate how ugly and uncontrollable this grief is. I keep thinking I’m doing better then I see a pregnant woman, or I stop and think Id be this many weeks by now and I just start crying.

 

[Disneylover88]

How do people feel miscarriage has affected their relationship? I’m married, 5 years and we’ve dealt with four miscarriages since 2019. It’s been super difficult, both not knowing how to cope with grief and taking it out on eachother. There’s been times and sometimes still are times where I’m so low I’ve thought we weren’t going to make it. X

 

[Ilando]

How do people feel miscarriage has affected their relationship? I’m married, 5 years and we’ve dealt with four miscarriages since 2019. It’s been super difficult, both not knowing how to cope with grief and taking it out on eachother. There’s been times and sometimes still are times where I’m so low I’ve thought we weren’t going to make it. X

I’ve found it so tough. My husband is very supportive but didn’t feel the same need for a baby as I did. He found having tests for infertility tough too whereas I was just glad to be getting tested. We are incredibly fortunate to have become parents recently but I think the pain of TTC and miscarriage will never truly leave us x

 

[fishsticks]

Sadly the loses have meant any positive no matter how faint makes me scared. Its taken the joy out of finding out. Hope everyone is doing okay.

I'm currently feeling guilty. I had a v v v faint positive on Thursday and although it is slowly getting darker I'm too scared to take a digital and I am terrified it's all going to go wrong. I want to go hide in a dark room and disappear for 9 months. I don't feel happy, I feel anxious, scared and worried. I feel so awful as I should be happy, but I'm just not.

 

[Marymoo13]

How do people feel miscarriage has affected their relationship? I’m married, 5 years and we’ve dealt with four miscarriages since 2019. It’s been super difficult, both not knowing how to cope with grief and taking it out on eachother. There’s been times and sometimes still are times where I’m so low I’ve thought we weren’t going to make it. X

we aren’t married but I found that the grief of loss actually brought us closer together in a way. It taught us more about compassion and thoughtfulness than any other experience we’ve Had together. Although I will admit at times when I feel overwhelmed with grief but haven’t spoke about it in a while I can be very snappy with my OH which obviously isn’t a healthy way to communicate but he knows that about me and will then try to start a conversation about how I’m feeling.

grief is a journey that seems to have no set destination, but the road appears less daunting over time

 

[flutternutter]

How do people feel miscarriage has affected their relationship? I’m married, 5 years and we’ve dealt with four miscarriages since 2019. It’s been super difficult, both not knowing how to cope with grief and taking it out on eachother. There’s been times and sometimes still are times where I’m so low I’ve thought we weren’t going to make it. X

I first miscarried with an ex. It broke us. I was terrified of history repeating when i had my 2nd. To be honest the first thing i thought of when i started bleeding was dread and fear of my husband doing the same. Unexplained infertility and 2 miscarriages down we are SOLID.
Life events just pick at the scab a bit, sometimes the wounds healed and its ok, sometimes its too much.

 

[Twinklestar]

I found out Thursday that we had a missed miscarriage. Sac was showing as 7+ 5 but baby was smaller at 6+5 and had no heartbeat. It was my first pregnancy and I’m so heartbroken. Feel torn between wanting this baby out of me and then guilty for feeling that way.
Feels really good to say that, sort of, out loud.

 

[calmyourritas]

I found out Thursday that we had a missed miscarriage. Sac was showing as 7+ 5 but baby was smaller at 6+5 and had no heartbeat. It was my first pregnancy and I’m so heartbroken. Feel torn between wanting this baby out of me and then guilty for feeling that way.
Feels really good to say that, sort of, out loud.

I’m so so sorry to hear this. I had a missed miscarriage in June and I understand all the feelings you are feeling right now. Have you decided on what you are going to do lovely?

 

[Twinklestar]

I’m so so sorry to hear this. I had a missed miscarriage in June and I understand all the feelings you are feeling right now. Have you decided on what you are going to do lovely?

Thank you, it’s really kind of you to comment. I’m finding by reading other peoples experiences it makes me feel less alone and more normal if that makes sense? Naively I always thought it wouldn’t happen to me but here we are.
I’ve spoken with my partner and I’m going to go for surgical. I don’t fancy passing the baby if I can help it. We’ve got to have another scan in a weeks time to confirm the miscarriage which seems cruel doesn’t it x

 

[calmyourritas]

Thank you, it’s really kind of you to comment. I’m finding by reading other peoples experiences it makes me feel less alone and more normal if that makes sense? Naively I always thought it wouldn’t happen to me but here we are.
I’ve spoken with my partner and I’m going to go for surgical. I don’t fancy passing the baby if I can help it. We’ve got to have another scan in a weeks time to confirm the miscarriage which seems cruel doesn’t it x

I went for the surgical option too, it was the best choice for me personally. That is awful, the waiting is horrible. Here if you have any questions or want to just chat anytime xx

 

[Twinklestar]

I went for the surgical option too, it was the best choice for me personally. That is awful, the waiting is horrible. Here if you have any questions or want to just chat anytime xx

Thank you means so much xx how are you doing now?

 

[begaphobia]

I found out Thursday that we had a missed miscarriage. Sac was showing as 7+ 5 but baby was smaller at 6+5 and had no heartbeat. It was my first pregnancy and I’m so heartbroken. Feel torn between wanting this baby out of me and then guilty for feeling that way.
Feels really good to say that, sort of, out loud.

So sorry to hear this. Hope you’re ok. There’s no right or wrong way to feel during this difficult time. However noone understands how hard it is unless they’ve unfortunately went through it x

 

[kindregrets]

Anyone resented/disliked their partner after their loss?

This might sound weird but it's been 2 weeks since I found out I was pregnant, started bleeding later that day and had a miscarriage.
My partner left for a 9 day trip with his friends later that week, he came back yesterday and somehow I feel like he just doesn't understand what I went through during the week he was gone.
Last night I got weirdly protective over my body. He touched my stomach and I just felt weirdly protective, thinking to myself that he shouldn't touch my body because he doesn't know what it went through. I don't want to talk to him about this because I don't want him to worry, I obviously still love him. During his trip we stayed in touch and he asked me how I was doing every day, but I couldn't really tell him how bad I felt via text messages and a few snapchats.
Even though I reached out to my family and friends I still feel like I have to go through this alone and nobody really understands how I feel.

 

[Twinklestar]

Even though I reached out to my family and friends I still feel like I have to go through this alone and nobody really understands how I feel.

It’s a really isolating experience I found. It’s hard to put into words xx

 

[calmyourritas]

Thank you means so much xx how are you doing now?

How are you doing lovely?

Spoiler: TW - pregnancy talk

I am doing okay - I’m currently pregnant again, feeling blessed, but still early days. I am taking each day as it comes

 

[Twinklestar]

@calmyourritas congratulations thinking about trying again is the only thing keeping me going. Lots of baby dust to you

Got my confirmation scan tomorrow then hopefully get booked in for surgery on Monday xx

 

[Gossipgirl79]

It’s a really isolating experience I found. It’s hard to put into words xx

Totally agree. It’s been a few weeks since my MVA after a missed miscarriage and I feel like my husband thinks I should be “over it.” I was crying this morning because a uni friend told me she was 8 weeks pregnant and he really didn’t get it, almost to the point of telling me that I’m horrible for not being happy for her. I am happy for her, but it’s a trigger too. I hate also when he says “we’ll try again.” It’s not that simple…I love and miss the one we lost. Thinking of all you ladies, it’s so hard, sending love and peaceful thoughts.

 

[Ilando]

Totally agree. It’s been a few weeks since my MVA after a missed miscarriage and I feel like my husband thinks I should be “over it.” I was crying this morning because a uni friend told me she was 8 weeks pregnant and he really didn’t get it, almost to the point of telling me that I’m horrible for not being happy for her. I am happy for her, but it’s a trigger too. I hate also when he says “we’ll try again.” It’s not that simple…I love and miss the one we lost. Thinking of all you ladies, it’s so hard, sending love and peaceful thoughts.

.

You sum it up perfectly. I’ve cried recently about my miscarriage last year even though I’ve been blessed with a baby since. Husband can’t understand me crying about a miscarriage while holding newborn. It’s not as simple that you just move on xxx

 

[annabananaw10]

Totally agree. It’s been a few weeks since my MVA after a missed miscarriage and I feel like my husband thinks I should be “over it.” I was crying this morning because a uni friend told me she was 8 weeks pregnant and he really didn’t get it, almost to the point of telling me that I’m horrible for not being happy for her. I am happy for her, but it’s a trigger too. I hate also when he says “we’ll try again.” It’s not that simple…I love and miss the one we lost. Thinking of all you ladies, it’s so hard, sending love and peaceful thoughts.

I had the worst fight I ever had with Mr Banana last week because I was just so overcome with rage at how he just can’t get how I feel. He wants to start TTC-ing in the new year to give us a break to recover from my MC, but I am struggling and I just want to start trying again.

I got so angry because I just thought how dare you, I’m the one that had to go through this and lose my baby, and bleed, and go through all the awful tests again and again.

I also lost my temper at work because I just feel so resentful being stuck in my job to get my mat leave and I don’t know if I’ll even get to take it while people I’m managing are moving above me.

I know anger is part of grieving but I just feel so angry at the world because I feel like it expects me to just move on and forget because I may have another baby one day.

 

[Gossipgirl79]

I had the worst fight I ever had with Mr Banana last week because I was just so overcome with rage at how he just can’t get how I feel. He wants to start TTC-ing in the new year to give us a break to recover from my MC, but I am struggling and I just want to start trying again.

I got so angry because I just thought how dare you, I’m the one that had to go through this and lose my baby, and bleed, and go through all the awful tests again and again.

I also lost my temper at work because I just feel so resentful being stuck in my job to get my mat leave and I don’t know if I’ll even get to take it while people I’m managing are moving above me.

I know anger is part of grieving but I just feel so angry at the world because I feel like it expects me to just move on and forget because I may have another baby one day.

I’m exactly the same as you, I just want my period to come so we can try again, my husband wants to wait…which is easy for him, he has a child already. We just have to keep hoping we’ll get our babies one day.

My MVA after a MMC was 3 weeks ago and I’m STILL seeing a positive, so feel like my period will never come. But of course my husband can’t see it! Is there a line?!