Miscarriage/Baby Loss

[begaphobia]

Hi all, I'm new here, I've had a bit of a rough time this year and just needed a safe space to speak about it all.
First of all, I'm so sorry for all your losses and what brings us here. Its so tit.
I found out I was pregnant (my second pregnancy- I have a 4 year old) last year and sadly suffered a MMC, and had three doses of medical management but needed to have surgery in the end as the miscarriage just wasn't happening. Since then I haven't had a period until last month and it was so light and lasted a day.
I feel guilty and a bit woe is me, but since then 3 of my friends have got pregnant- most recently one of my closest friends told me today via a voice note that she's 12 weeks pregnant. I feel completely broken. I feel hurt and my heart aches for the pregnancy I want, and I'm finding it so difficult to find and express joy for my friends which is so not like me at all but I cant shift this feeling. My friend today, I havent even replied to because I just don't know what to say

So sorry for your loss it’s so tough and unfortunately no one knows how tough it is until they go through it. Not sure if your friend is aware of your MC? Perhaps reply something like “wonderful news, wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy” or something? I know it’s so hard though, but at least via text you can somewhat cover your emotions for the time being. Sorry you’re going through this.

 

[Ramonab]

So sorry for your loss it’s so tough and unfortunately no one knows how tough it is until they go through it. Not sure if your friend is aware of your MC? Perhaps reply something like “wonderful news, wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy” or something? I know it’s so hard though, but at least via text you can somewhat cover your emotions for the time being. Sorry you’re going through this.

Thank you for your lovely reply. My friend knew about the miscarriage, and said in her voice note that it's the reason she's waited until 12 weeks to tell me her news. I don't feel sad that she's pregnant, I think it just reminds me of my miscarriage and it rakes everything back up again
I think there's nothing worse than the feeling that everyone is just getting pregnant around you with such ease, and it just amplifies any sadness you have. It's It's difficult time.
I hope anyone else going through similar is doing ok, it can be so tough x

 

[Ilando]

Hi all, I'm new here, I've had a bit of a rough time this year and just needed a safe space to speak about it all.
First of all, I'm so sorry for all your losses and what brings us here. Its so tit.
I found out I was pregnant (my second pregnancy- I have a 4 year old) last year and sadly suffered a MMC, and had three doses of medical management but needed to have surgery in the end as the miscarriage just wasn't happening. Since then I haven't had a period until last month and it was so light and lasted a day.
I feel guilty and a bit woe is me, but since then 3 of my friends have got pregnant- most recently one of my closest friends told me today via a voice note that she's 12 weeks pregnant. I feel completely broken. I feel hurt and my heart aches for the pregnancy I want, and I'm finding it so difficult to find and express joy for my friends which is so not like me at all but I cant shift this feeling. My friend today, I havent even replied to because I just don't know what to say

It’s just really rubbish and I think most women who miscarry a much wanted baby feel the same. I found that I had to distance myself from pregnant friends which caused problems but it was the only way I coped xx

 

[begaphobia]

Brief update, I’m due to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks after I stop bleeding, which will actually be next week. I had thought it was 2 weeks after my scan. I took one earlier and it was positive but fainter than my tests during my pregnancy, so I’m probably going in the direction x

 

[Ramonab]

It’s just really rubbish and I think most women who miscarry a much wanted baby feel the same. I found that I had to distance myself from pregnant friends which caused problems but it was the only way I coped xx

To be honest that's what's helping me best. I feel like it's a bit of a bury my head in the sand option, but if its what helps my mental health the most at the moment then I'm just going to roll with it xxx

 

[JLXRD]

I know the NHS won’t help or offer any investigations into why you are miscarrying until it happens 3 times. I am assuming chemical pregnancies do count towards this? Does anyone know? I’m thinking surely they do because some ladies may only have early losses (anything before 6 weeks) and they can’t just not receive help?

Just because sadly I’m now at 2 losses in 10 weeks, so if I carry on at this rate I’ll hit that milestone fairly quickly. Obviously I hope my next pregnancy ends in a baby but if it doesn’t at least I could get the ball rolling on why I don’t seem to be able to stay pregnant.

 

[annabananaw10]

To be honest that's what's helping me best. I feel like it's a bit of a bury my head in the sand option, but if its what helps my mental health the most at the moment then I'm just going to roll with it xxx

I am really sorry for your loss. I think every woman I know who told me they suffered a pregnancy loss also told me that they struggled with seeing people have babies and announce pregnancies. I struggle with it at the moment too - I have to go to a women's hospital to see my OB/GYN and today I was surrounded by pregnant women and babies. I had to share a lift with a couple looking at ultrasound pictures and I just had to actually look at my feet the whole time because I felt so devastated that it wasn't me and Mr Banana. I just felt really upset and angry that I have to go through this on top of the actual experience of having a miscarriage.

 

[StrawberryCream]

I know the NHS won’t help or offer any investigations into why you are miscarrying until it happens 3 times. I am assuming chemical pregnancies do count towards this? Does anyone know? I’m thinking surely they do because some ladies may only have early losses (anything before 6 weeks) and they can’t just not receive help?

Just because sadly I’m now at 2 losses in 10 weeks, so if I carry on at this rate I’ll hit that milestone fairly quickly. Obviously I hope my next pregnancy ends in a baby but if it doesn’t at least I could get the ball rolling on why I don’t seem to be able to stay pregnant.

Hello, I had 2 chemical pregnancies and a mmc at 12 weeks last year and then a successful pregnancy baby was born in April. I had a lot of spotting in the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy and a nhs scan at 8 weeks, the midwife that was speaking to us before the scan discussed previous miscarriages and she said if the scan showed a loss they would start investigating why (luckily baby was fine.) So they would have investigated with 2 miscarriages after 5 weeks and 2 chemical pregnancies. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that and you have a successful pregnancy next time but I would still ask for investigations after chemical pregnancies.

 

[fishsticks]

I know the NHS won’t help or offer any investigations into why you are miscarrying until it happens 3 times. I am assuming chemical pregnancies do count towards this? Does anyone know? I’m thinking surely they do because some ladies may only have early losses (anything before 6 weeks) and they can’t just not receive help?

Just because sadly I’m now at 2 losses in 10 weeks, so if I carry on at this rate I’ll hit that milestone fairly quickly. Obviously I hope my next pregnancy ends in a baby but if it doesn’t at least I could get the ball rolling on why I don’t seem to be able to stay pregnant.

Yes, the NHS put it down as early miscarriage. I've had two and they've put it down twice now. Still heartbroken, still feeling lost, still wondering what I'm doing wrong.

Hope you're okay, lovely. Been thinking of you x

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Hello….first post. Just wondered if anyone had any advice for a medically managed miscarriage? My first one was at 3 weeks and was a natural miscarriage. This time it is a missed miscarriage….went for a reassurance scan at 10+3 but heartbeat stopped at 8+3. My EPU have advised I take the tablets tomorrow as no signs of anything happening naturally this time. Expecting it to be quite grim and painful, just thought hearing the experiences of other ladies might help. Love to you all.

 

[Twinks10]

Hello….first post. Just wondered if anyone had any advice for a medically managed miscarriage? My first one was at 3 weeks and was a natural miscarriage. This time it is a missed miscarriage….went for a reassurance scan at 10+3 but heartbeat stopped at 8+3. My EPU have advised I take the tablets tomorrow as no signs of anything happening naturally this time. Expecting it to be quite grim and painful, just thought hearing the experiences of other ladies might help. Love to you all.

Hello, I’m so sorry for your losses. Sending you lots of love
I had a medically managed miscarriage and I took the tablets on the Saturday morning and I went into labour on the Sunday night. I didn’t know I would go into full labour and I didn’t even know that’s what it was at the time as it was my first pregnancy. My contractions came up from the bottom of my tummy in waves and progressively got stronger and more painful. It’s like really strong/bad period cramps. I was also sick and started bleeding as I arrived at the hospital but I then delivered my baby within 10mins so I left it really late, not deliberately, I just had no clue what was going on. You’ll get an urge to push when it’s time and mine was later, I was 20 weeks but I’m guessing the process will be the same for you.
It’s all a bit blurry now tbh but all I can advise is staying calm (really hard I know), deep breathing, paracetamol, sleep/rest until you need to go to hospital.
I’ll be thinking of you

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Thank you so much @Twinks10. Due to staffing shortages, I can’t be in hospital now so took the tablets an hour or so ago in the EPU and now I’m at home to manage it. Stocked up on pain and just waiting now. So so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how hard that would be at 20 weeks.

 

[Twinks10]

Thank you so much @Twinks10. Due to staffing shortages, I can’t be in hospital now so took the tablets an hour or so ago in the EPU and now I’m at home to manage it. Stocked up on pain and just waiting now. So so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how hard that would be at 20 weeks.

You might be more comfortable at home. If you feel up to it, maybe pop to Boots and get some of those maternity bed pads (or ask someone to pick them up for you as I appreciate anything maternity related is hard) they’re absorbent large pads that you can put on your bed to help with any mess. Get into some comfy pjs that you don’t mind throwing out after, I threw mine away so it wasn’t a reminder, silly but thats how I am and try to carry on as much as normal tonight and tomorrow if you can. Just so the waiting isn’t too drawn out but most important thing is to look after yourself - eat, plenty of fluids and rest. Do you have a partner or someone who can stay with you tonight?
I think they’re all hard at any stage, it’s your baby from the minute you get a positive test so this is one of the hardest things you’ll go through - emotionally more than physically.
Im happy to chat to you on here tonight and tomorrow if it helps and if you have any questions or want to know anything else, just shout x

 

[Blonde123]

Today is the due date of the baby I lost at 11 weeks earlier this year. I messaged my mum about it earlier and she just said “bring on April”, which is when I am due with another baby (currently pregnant). I find it really hard when people dismiss the loss but also understand they don’t know what to really say.

 

[sptatnation]

Hello….first post. Just wondered if anyone had any advice for a medically managed miscarriage? My first one was at 3 weeks and was a natural miscarriage. This time it is a missed miscarriage….went for a reassurance scan at 10+3 but heartbeat stopped at 8+3. My EPU have advised I take the tablets tomorrow as no signs of anything happening naturally this time. Expecting it to be quite grim and painful, just thought hearing the experiences of other ladies might help. Love to you all.

I had a missed miscarriage a couple of months ago (picked up at my 12 week scan) and went for the tablets. I took them on the Saturday lunchtime and started bleeding properly on the Monday night. I read some serious horror stories when I googled what would happen (I had no idea what to expect). It was heavy and I passed some large clots but it was honestly nowhere near as bad as I had worked it up to be in my mind. Completely bearable from a physical point of view and a couple of paracetamol did the job. It is mentally quite tough though and it’s a lot to come to terms with so I hope you’ve got someone to support you - we’re all here for you if you need us xxx

 

[Twinks10]

Today is the due date of the baby I lost at 11 weeks earlier this year. I messaged my mum about it earlier and she just said “bring on April”, which is when I am due with another baby (currently pregnant). I find it really hard when people dismiss the loss but also understand they don’t know what to really say.

Sounds like something my mum would say too and people don’t know how to respond or what to say.
I found comfort in marking the loss in my own way and usually on my own, without telling anyone, not even my husband sometimes just so I knew that I was still remembering and letting my baby know that I’ll always love them. But others will need support and want to share it so find a friend or your partner maybe who’ll talk to you about it.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, wishing you all the best

 

[begaphobia]

Hello….first post. Just wondered if anyone had any advice for a medically managed miscarriage? My first one was at 3 weeks and was a natural miscarriage. This time it is a missed miscarriage….went for a reassurance scan at 10+3 but heartbeat stopped at 8+3. My EPU have advised I take the tablets tomorrow as no signs of anything happening naturally this time. Expecting it to be quite grim and painful, just thought hearing the experiences of other ladies might help. Love to you all.

I’m so sorry for your losses. I can’t comment on a medically managed MC but I took paracetamol and ibuprofen every few hours (alternated between them) when I was going through a natural MC and it helped. I also took ibuprofen the couple of days after as I was quite crampy still and it massively helped. But as others have said, it’s an awful experience, but it probably won’t be quite as bad as you’ve made it out to be in your head. Us women are made of tough stuff! You’ll get through it physically, it’s your heart that will need a bit more time to heal x

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Thank you all so much. Think it’s more or less over….went to bed at 9.30pm, woke up at 2am and there was a lot of blood, but must have went back to sleep, at 5am was like actively bleeding and I’m sure it slipped out but I’d already decided not to look. And now it’s much less blood, so im assuming that was it. Just want a quiet day now, tired, but paracetamol seems to be enough and helping.

 

[Twinks10]

Thank you all so much. Think it’s more or less over….went to bed at 9.30pm, woke up at 2am and there was a lot of blood, but must have went back to sleep, at 5am was like actively bleeding and I’m sure it slipped out but I’d already decided not to look. And now it’s much less blood, so im assuming that was it. Just want a quiet day now, tired, but paracetamol seems to be enough and helping.

Thinking of you and sending love
Look after yourself x

 

[annabananaw10]

I saw my doctor yesterday and thankfully my HCG is down to single digits so the period/bleed I had must’ve been the final part of my miscarriage. I feel a sense of closure now but it’s only really starting to hit me how horrible and traumatic the last few weeks have been.

So many blood tests, having to stop myself from thinking “if I was still pregnant, x would be happening”, randomly crying, finding out my miscarriage was incomplete and having to go to a maternity hospital and see pregnant women and babies. I took a photo of myself today and I just look so exhausted and depressed. I feel like this has changed me and I don’t know if I’ll go back to the person I was before.

Mr Banana and I decided we are going to sit my next cycle out. I went from going off the pill to pregnant to miscarriage all within 6 weeks so I want to just give my body a rest and I don’t feel ready yet. We may just stick to NTNP for the rest of the year. I anyway can’t really summon the strength to go back to OPKs and BBT-ing.