Getting back to the Dave Kay misery in Ireland tour vlogs. I got busy with life then got hit hard by Covid, but I wanted to continue the fun. It seems I have a lot of ground to cover. Also a big FU to the Kays if they are still unvaccinated. I am vaxxed and boosted and covid has still been a
witch. I assume they have to be in order to be going here there and everywhere, but if not ...
Hate-watching Dave in Ireland, #5 so you don't have to. Lowlights below.
When we last left our intrepid explorer he was rushing to get the most out of his Dublin citypass in a single day, every day. Already having taken a rainy bus tour, rushed through a viking museum, and mentioned some creepy things about feeling at home in a cathedral crypt, we were given a mid-day cliffhanger as he headed to 'get drunk' at the Teeling Whiskey Distillery, and makes sure to emphasize Dave DRUNK in the title, and also use the
emoji.
- Teeling Whiskey Distillery:
- Claims he was told it is '10 times better' than the Jameson tour...multiple times
- Doesn't upgrade to the 'more alcohol' version of the tour, because 'I am a lightweight'
- Once again amazed that the icon for 'english' language for the distillery's app uses the Irish flag and not the typical US or UK flag, so he worries it might be in 'Irish english'
- More random 'dick-cam' shots looking up at his awkward facial reactions to the tour guide.
- Heads off to watch a movie, says he probably can't film that, cuts directly to showing parts of the movie
- Does the tour...drinks some straight, and something 'spiced' mixed that he can't remember the name of. Says he's not a connoseuir or expert, but you can definitely taste 'some nice notes' (of what?)
- Has to drop that the gift shop has 'merch'
- Doesn't linger long, have to head to the next thing, but notes that it was a lot of drinks 'for Mr. Lightweight over here...Mr. Doesn't drink'...as he announces the next stop is the Guinness Storehouse
- Guinness Storehouse
- Notorious Mr. Fail-to-Plan unsurprisingly botched whatever reservation system is required and may not get in
- Also Mr. Fail-to-Plan unsurprisingly finds out his 'unlimited' city pass experience also has a 200 total euro value cap, so he's been rushing though everything to try and get more value, but, as a typical tourist trap he has been foiled and maybe should have picked things he actually likes rather than just trying to do everything.
- Eventually gains entry, bumbles around with the self-guided tour app
- Makes a 'backside of water' joke when he sees a waterfall
- Does the 'spooky' voice that Michael always does when he says 'Darth Vader', when saying 'in the daaaaaaaark'
- Shows off all sorts of 'fun facts' about Guinness
- Once again refers to a piece of artwork/sculpture as 'architecture'
- Actually spends $ to eat (a smoked salmon sandwich), which, going back to the previous video where he got a cwoisson for breakfast, means he's actually done that twice in one day!
- He nods in approval twice as he eats it, and gives a thumbs up, but then he says it's only 'not bad'. Mixed signals there, bud.
- Mentions he almost got another cwoisson but since he already had one he had to change it up
- Once again gets lost inside the building he's walking around, which has happened in every single one so far on this trip, has to ask for directions.
- Does the free tasting (a baby size glass worth)
- Gives this horrendously awkward laugh when he ends up in a room with one other person for the tasting and says 'I guess it's just us'
- After this tiny glass and the previous samples at the distillery, mentions he's now 'had a good chunk to drink' (Liquid chunks?)
- Finds the best part of the tour: a free water bottle refilling machine. Makes sure to mention it a few more times later on.
- Later shows its just a regular tiny water bottle, not the giant 2 liter of soda he previous bought with the intention of lugging around as a water bottle
- In fact it's a Kirkland brand one, which means its one he's been carrying around from Costco back at home from who knows how long ago...think of the backwash bacteria over time
- Says he 'could' get a reusable bottle, but he 'might' lose it. Theoretically you could and might have anything happen at any time Dave. Live dangerously.
- Contemplates if he should spend extra $ for the 'stoutie' experience, which apparently is just a way to milk $ off tourists by putting a selfie of them into the foam on the top of a normal pint, i.e. latte art
- Ultimately passes on that.
- Points out a menu for an in-house cafe with items as 'something to think about in the future'. What future Dave? You're never coming back there again, and you just ate so you're not eating in that building again today, that's guaranteed.
- Points out the 1837 Bar & Brasserie, but obviously can't pronounce Brasserie, or doesn't want to (is that what mommy's boobs go into? I don't want mommy to hear me say a dirty word), so he calls it '1837 bar & whatever else'.
- Reaches the gravity bar on the top floor. Has a voucher for a free drink. Bartender asks what he wants. 'I've got to do Guinness, right?' he asks, unsure if he should order something else. 'Is that the right choice?' Wow I wish he would have gone all the way to Dublin to the Guinness storehouse and when he gets there orders a Michelob Ultra or something. Also, I wonder if that bar even has anything else, (maybe Harp lager) and the bartender was trolling him, but Dave is just too dense? That would be some high level trolling by him if he did.
- View of the city from the rooftop includes, of course, a part that is 'ancient'.
- Dave gets a bit slurry with his words, and giggly, from his 1 Guinness
- On to another bus tour and off to the next stop for Mr. Doesn't Drink: Jameson Distillery
- The Jameson Distillery
- Gets off the bus and has to walk the rest of the way. Gets lost yet again. No surprise
- Walks down a literal alley with a dumpster etc, says it 'feels like walking down some back alleys'. It has a little bit of graffiti, but doesn't look all that bad, but Dave is obviously freaking out, calls it 'one of the less comfortable' roads he's been on. Checks behind him.
- Greets the employee with a 'hey' for the nth time since saying he won't do that
- Gets to skip the wait to enter as a 'party of 1'
- Does a tasting with 3 different types of Jameson. Then heads to the bar to use what I assume is a voucher for a free additional drink, he orders Jameson Ginger & Lime
- Has a Eureka! moment when he realizes its like a Moscow mule, except Jameson instead of vodka
- Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Dave today has gone liquor-liquor-beer-beer-liquor-liquor-liquor-liquor, with a salmon sandwich and some bacteria water in-between.
- The Jameson experience does seem very limited compared to Teeling, or Dave was getting too tired/shitfaced to show more, but seems like the guidance about Teeling being better was accurate.
- More 'merch'
- Have to race out of there to catch the bus again, but one more stop:
- Ending the day at Burger King!
- Flash back to day #1 when he saw a BK ad, and was intrigued. This was inevitable. I'm sure Mike was jealous of this part.
- Points out the menu is different. They have 'Chicken Royale' Say What again!
- Blown away that it has a second floor. 'burger king got fancy overseas' he giggles.
- Gets a bbq bacon burger. No fries. Has to mention the price was 'expensive' But hey that's 3 meals-ish in 1 day!
- Food review Dave notes it was lacking in 'flavor' but was a good 'quantity' of food.
- 'Cool' counter: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
- 'Beautiful' counter: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
- 'Guinness' counter: too damn many
Til #6, Wax Museum day, (tbd). Play on!
. They really are THAT dumb! 
Those 2 assholes haven't earned a single thing yet act like their farts don't stink. Michael more than Dave there. It's nice to watch them go down in flames but the fact that there's a big chunk of money as their parachute takes a lot of the joy out of it. Maybe I'll try to get a date with Michelle and work my way into that Kay cash. 
. I'm off to Instagram. Anyone know her username? 
