Michael and Dave Kay #15 -We're on a Journey Together from Karlsberg to Adler

[PeanutButterCup28]

If Dave Kay's cruise video diaries don't get him hired for a tv show, I don't know what will? Seriously, these are not travel vlogs, but video diaries of his sleep patterns, food reviews, clothes washing, and just complaining. It's almost as if he's held hostage on this ship the way he speaks.

 

[TheNextStacey]

And...we're back.

Just when I thought Michael had disappeared into himself and truly become a human turd, he shows up in Rome, Italy. Yes, my friends, he actually left the USA.

I tried to watch the Day One vlog and it definitely feels like a home movie vibe. Although, he never mentions who he is traveling with and he still doesn't show his face (not a complaint).

He truly has no idea of the history or culture. He complains that it's run down and dirty - well my dude, ruins aren't always sparkly. He seems more fascinated with his paper cup and the paper top of cappuccino then he does of the Trevi Fountain. He first incorrectly identifies the main statue as Poseidon (it's Oceanus), and mentions that he thinks one of the other statues may be Pan. Shocker - it's not. Then he points at another part of the fountain and proclaims they are Romans. Genius!

He continues to wander around and point at things but doesn't know what they are and doesn't seem interested to find out. He is however, very interested in artichokes. He mentioned it so many times you could have played a drinking game.

 

[TikiMeerkat]

I cannot believe this person actually got married.

I cannot believe that years of watching the Michael Kay trainwreck on YouTube has finally ended with him quietly getting married and leaving the public internet completely.

I’m telling you, there had to have been some major leverage or bribery or ultimatum thrown around by the new wife to get him to walk away from his YouTube “fame.” Are we really meant to believe that the same guy who packed up his life and moved to Florida for the sake of his channel, then when it was dying went to such bleak lengths to resuscitate it, including but not limited to “running” 5ks and a visit to Peppa Pig Land… THAT guy was willing to give up what little fame and income he had without a more enticing counter-offer?! Not a chance. Could have simply been “I won’t marry you unless you stop acting a fool on the internet,” or could have been that he’s been a total liar all along, never gave a single shit about Disney and was truly just using it as a means of making money, and now that he’s found a different way to support himself he just stopped caring.

 

[Claude4]

The guy was a grifter. His act was all a facade for the cameras. Ultimately it was his own missteps that doomed him: the move to Florida, Swan-gate, and finally Vaxx-gate that sealed his fate.

And let’s not forget DC Darling. I know some had questions about her but I feel like she showed enough receipts to be 100% real. Mike was a delusional narcissist who abuses anyone he can. Bye bye Captain Hook!

 

[TikiMeerkat]

Michael bustling around a tourist trap gift shop in Greece like he’s on Supermarket Sweep, saying this is a “once in a lifetime opportunity to get things from Ancient Greece”… who’s gonna tell him the Celebrity Beyond isn’t a time traveling vessel?

Also, anyone else reminded of Papa Kay every time Michael says “un-bee-lievable”?

 

[Claude4]

Every time I come on here I see Michael trying to work out the rock and gems, makes me sick. Let's get past this page, please.

Hands down…crying flatbread wins for me.

 

[TheNextStacey]

Today’s vlog was short but full of Dave Kay classics:

-drinking black coffee and being surprised that it tastes like black coffee
-getting scammed by a taxi driver who saw him coming a mile away
-staying in unbearably bleak accommodations that I’m sure were just a few dollars cheaper than a perfectly comfortable hotel room would have been
-failing to plan appropriately and wasting a lot of time
-eating convenience store food in his bedroom and saying “let’s give it a shot, let ya know… not bad”
-his hair continuously expanding like that insulation foam that sprays out of a can
-clickbait title with a video full of unrelated word salad

Maybe he just got charged for 2 passengers...once for Dave and once for his hair.

 

[HeyLetsGoState]

A dead subscriber base or a subscriber base that's dead?

 

[Havok Karlsberg]

I can't believe a Kaykateer hasn't found their way over here. No offense to the posters here because Mike gives us nothing to work with, but the bombshells uncovered in years past blew my mind (DC darling and Mike having a GF, the beef with his father, his father's shady past, the engagement). I'd kill for one of the Kaykateer insiders to show up and spill some real tea.

 

[TikiMeerkat]

Literally all he’s done on the ship is eat at the buffet. The videos will be like “lunch time… dinner time!” This is some alternate universe where Michael Kay’s cruise experience centers on excursions (even though his excursions are to gift shops).

Two stray thoughts:
1. I for one would like to take a moment to be grateful — today we really got the “Michael acts a fool in Europe” content we’ve been begging for for years. What a gift. Things have been slow lately, but hearing Michael describe how he failed to use Google Translate to order his “not really a daiquiri” in Sicily is peak Kay.
2. What I wouldn’t give for a Dr. Princess reveal cruise where Dave comes along. Manifesting this now.

 

[TikiMeerkat]

Another day, another Dave vlog full of painfully ignorant comments and straight up nightmare fuel.

Highlights:

-He makes a “joke” about the Forth Bridge being “like the Golden Gate Bridge, but in Scotland,” because this moron’s walnut brain can’t abide any sensory input that doesn’t immediately get categorized in reference to things he’s already familiar with. It’s the same reason he keeps getting coffees and babbling about how similar or dissimilar they are to American coffees. Anyway, he tries to make the same joke again to a stranger on the tender boat, but she cuts him off and it’s hilarious to hear his disappointed backpedal. Someone tell him it’s probably for the best that he didn’t manage to say it.

-He gets a Negroni and OH, WHAT I WOULD GIVE to have heard his review. Negronis are super polarizing and very bitter. I feel robbed that we didn’t get to watch his facial histrionics as he took a sip.

-He ends up making balloon animals with an off-screen “friend” with a female voice, and no, “making balloon animals” is not a euphemism — this adult man actually spent time on his cruise making literal balloon animals. He’s clearly trying to impress whatever woman he’s with, because as she films him and giggles, he makes a balloon sword, holds it at groin height, waggles it at her, and growls: “Look how long my sword is. Look how long that is.” Dave, babes, the internet is forever and I hope to God you will be reminded of that fact at the absolute most inopportune time in the future. One shudders to think of what that poor woman would see if Dave brought her back to his stateroom: a pool towel spread with the finest buffet leftovers, with a backdrop of dirty clothes because Dave outright refuses to pay to have his laundry done in the middle of his weeks-long trip. His free anchor necklace glints against his Brillo pad chest as he gives her a tour of every drawer and shelf in the room.

-“I gotta ask Mike how to do this,” he says as he struggles with another balloon animal. Which raises several questions: is Michael there? Does Michael have a hidden balloon animal talent? Do the people Dave is speaking to know Michael? Why else would he casually name drop his brother to a bunch of strangers?

-At one point he’s reading a winning raffle ticket into a microphone and the host asks where he’s from. He says “United States, greatest country in the — “ before jokingly cutting himself off. The host laughs but looks like he wants to punch him. Dave is the epitome of the stereotypical ugly American tourist: entitled, annoyed when different cultures are different, making tasteless jokes, imitating people’s accents, being cheap as hell, doing zero research, shamelessly vlogging at times when he should be quiet, and completely incapable of reading the fucking room.

 

[PeanutButterCup28]

I loved how the best tip in today's video was the MOST KAY thing ever - finding the cheapest bottle of water in Croatia. The bottles of water in one shop were around $2, but if you walked over to another shop, it was under $1. He saved so many vacationers from ruining their trips...

 

[DaveKaysChestHair]

Unless someone’s punching it, not interested.

 

[starri]

Man, why even bother at this point?

 

[TikiMeerkat]

If Dave Kay's cruise video diaries don't get him hired for a tv show, I don't know what will? Seriously, these are not travel vlogs, but video diaries of his sleep patterns, food reviews, clothes washing, and just complaining. It's almost as if he's held hostage on this ship the way he speaks.

It’s absolutely giving hostage vibes!!
He says he notices a lack of customer service, and that it seems like the crew tells him no at every opportunity. I can’t help but think that must be because he’s absolutely insufferable and disrespectful and making constant nonsense requests. For example, he asked for a tray to bring food back to his room and wasn’t given one even though “he knows they have them.” Yeah dimwit, did it occur to you that you’re not at McDonald’s? And the way his puny shriveled raisin of a brain is convinced that the movement of the ship is a Cunard thing and not a BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN THING is infuriating. This guy could get lost in his own bathroom.

 

[TheNextStacey]

I started to watch but Dave's hair started to come alive and seemed to be sending cryptic messages for help. I couldn't watch as I was concerned it might begin to speak in tongues.

 

[Karl Berg]

"This is meant to be a ship not a hotel." - Mikey

I was going to go on a Celebrity Cruise but not now since during his room review he didn't let me know if there was tissues or towels. I'll never know now. Also, someone should tell him the port he left wasn't Rome. It was Civitavecchia. And how many fucking meals does he need to eat before lunch??

He must really hate the Wish since he said he loved every Disney ship but that one. What a waste of a video. He just stuffs his face for the entire time.

 

[Sunflower0]

Happy Wedding Day, Mikey and Dr. Princess!
Mazel Tov!

Wishing them a lifetime of all the ahi tuna towers they can eat, unlimited comped parking at the Swan, and endless hot tub time.

 

[Claude4]

Persistent Dave is at it again. Hard to believe it’s one of his worst edited videos. Starts off with what he describes as a high protein breakfast that was all carbs. Shows an industrial crane. Waits for a bus to Cork wanders the streets, goes into shitty souvenir shops, “loves” trinkets, says he’s going to buy a house, gets a Guinness, shows a church with audio from the ship then video of the Guinness back to lunch on board ship with four “not bad“ food reviews. Goes to a show then dinner, shows a crepe being made, 2 more “not bad” food reviews. Then he goes to bed then breakfast another “not bad” food review, a few TBDs. Somehow he has an ice cream cone while walking, back to a sit down dessert, 2 Martinis, dinner with strangers where he breaks out multiple accents, gets multiple desserts while show casing his “believe“ thumb ring. After dinner he actually goes to the buffet for more food where we are treated to an Australian accent and finally another ”not bad” food review. That is all.

 

[esc2476]

I think his editing has regressed to be worse than Jenn Tracker. Cuts all over the pjs e, no sense of a timeline. Drops you in the middle of a scene. Did he hire Dave as his editor?