Lying about cancer?!

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HelloStereo

HelloStereo

Kittykat45 said:
I work in a hospital and patients are allowed cards and gifts, even on the cancer wards.

Have you tried calling the hospital and asking to be put through to his ward….see if he even exists as an in patient?

we do do surgery for cancer patients where the tumour is pressing on certain areas, for example the spine and brain but (his “brother” saying he’s isn’t expected to make it) whether they would do this if he is already “terminal”, it would only be surgery for pain relief for terminal patients, to help their quality of life.
If he has had chemo and radiotherapy, it would mean they would have the tiniest positive prognosis or he’s having it to prolong his life by a few weeks rather than “save” him. They wouldn’t do this and do surgery if he isn’t expected to make it.

I hope that makes sense!

personally, he’s playing you but I am someone that gives the benefit of the doubt but I do think he’s playing a game


Patients are allowed phone chargers. I work in theatre but take patients back to the wards (even cancer ward) and they have all sorts.
also you would go to a gp for test, then be referred to hospital then wait for the appt then wait for the results, it’s not instant unfortunately
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Thank you, I thought so - it seemed like a lot of treatment he had for such a dire prognosis! They were very vague about treatment and whether it was curative or palliative - probably the fewer details they give the easier the lie is to keep up.

I don't even know what hospital he is in to call 😅 or his last name. I don't know much detail about him at all in terms of things like that.

Again that could be deliberate, if I knew his last name it would be much easier to look him up or enquire after him!
 
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strawberrysunshine_x

strawberrysunshine_x

HelloStereo said:
Thank you, I thought so - it seemed like a lot of treatment he had for such a dire prognosis! They were very vague about treatment and whether it was curative or palliative - probably the fewer details they give the easier the lie is to keep up.

I don't even know what hospital he is in to call 😅 or his last name. I don't know much detail about him at all in terms of things like that.

Again that could be deliberate, if I knew his last name it would be much easier to look him up or enquire after him!
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I’m still trying to get my head around you were dating someone and didn’t know their last name !!
 
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HelloStereo

HelloStereo

strawberrysunshine_x said:
I’m still trying to get my head around you were dating someone and didn’t know their last name !!
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I've dated quite a few people where I didn't know their last name. If I meet them out and about it's not something I'd ask and it just didn't come up in conversation I guess 😅 . I never thought something like this would happen where having their last name would be helpful for looking them up.
 
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TheGlossy

HelloStereo said:
I've dated quite a few people where I didn't know their last name. If I meet them out and about it's not something I'd ask and it just didn't come up in conversation I guess 😅 . I never thought something like this would happen where having their last name would be helpful for looking them up.
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It depends on how long you’ve been dating though. I don’t expect to know your last name on the first date, but after a few dates, I think it’s a requirement for your own safety. OP has know this person since June, I’d expect her to know his last name by now.
 
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HelloStereo

HelloStereo

TheGlossy said:
It depends on how long you’ve been dating though. I don’t expect to know your last name on the first date, but after a few dates, I think it’s a requirement for your own safety.
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If people have bad intentions what's to stop them from lying about their last name though?
 
strawberrysunshine_x

strawberrysunshine_x

TheGlossy said:
It depends on how long you’ve been dating though. I don’t expect to know your last name on the first date, but after a few dates, I think it’s a requirement for your own safety. OP has know this person since June, I’d expect her to know his last name by now.
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That is the OP🤣🤣. But I agree!!!

HelloStereo said:
If people have bad intentions what's to stop them from lying about their last name though?
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True. The name he gave you probably isn’t even his name
 
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TheGlossy

HelloStereo said:
If people have bad intentions what's to stop them from lying about their last name though?
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That’s the thing. Once you have their last name, you can perform a quick due diligence online. I get some people might not have an internet presence, but at least, you can try. I’m not saying a last name will protect you from anything, but it’s a way to try and prevent the type of situation you’re in right now.
 
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judgejohndeed

judgejohndeed

I feel like after a few dates it’s kind of weird if you don’t have a last name and have maybe connected on some kind of social media etc? Idk as I’ve not dated for years tbf but if I were to, I would definitely want to validate who someone is after say twice meeting them
 
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Dogtanian

Dogtanian

Not sure if anyone’s mentioned this, sorry I only read the first page so apologies if this doubles up on anyone else.

I agree that it sounds like fantasy/munchausen (sp?) but IF you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

1/. The brother contacts you, from his own phone and gives his full name and town where he lives.
2. Your bf tells you his full name, address and company
3. Hospital where he’s having treatment so you can go along and hold his hand or visit him.

Anything else or any deflection and you block his ass.
 
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strawberrysunshine_x

strawberrysunshine_x

The last name thing just seems a bit dodgy. Cos you always automatically find out someone’s name anyway. If you’re dating someone who is real and isn’t having you as a bit on the side you usually add each other in socials and find out their Last name just In general convo. Just the fact he’s not told her seems shady to me.

judgejohndeed said:
I feel like after a few dates it’s kind of weird if you don’t have a last name and have maybe connected on some kind of social media etc? Idk as I’ve not dated for years tbf but if I were to, I would definitely want to validate who someone is after say twice meeting them
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Same!! I’ve pretty much just said the same sort of thing
 
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TheGlossy

Also, the bit about him being married - we don’t know the guy’s age range. If he’s in his early to mid twenties, it seems unlikely he’s even married (not saying people don’t marry young, but lesser probability of him being married).
 
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TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo

You poor thing, what a horrible situation for you to be caught up in. I can totally understand why it's plaguing you though, I'd need answers!

Sadly though, I don't think your're going to get them. I think the replies have covered all bases really but for what it's worth, these are my thoughts:

He isn't unwell or in hospital. The brother is him.

He could be married and has created some ludicrous scenario to get out of it but I'm not so sure. There are easier ways to stop contacting someone. Especially as my suspicion is that he's using burner phones so be could have just got rid of the phone.

He's clearly got some problems and should be avoided. I'm not sure money is the motive, probably more a need for attention.

As others have said, it's a new year tomorrow. As frustrating as it, if you feel able to, leave him in 2023. Block him. You deserve better.

If it helps, you're not the first to be caught up in something like this. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine nearly 20 years ago. The bloke went MIA for a couple of weeks then randomly appeared again and announced he had cancer and was having chemo. His story came complete with shaved head and eyebrows but his eyelashes were still there. He went on to describe various other ludicrous, non illness related, fantasy happenings in his life.

It gave us all quite a laugh aside from the fact he knew where she lived. He did eventually go away thankfully

I hope you meet someone wonderful in 2023.
 
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HelloStereo

HelloStereo

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo said:
You poor thing, what a horrible situation for you to be caught up in. I can totally understand why it's plaguing you though, I'd need answers!

Sadly though, I don't think your're going to get them. I think the replies have covered all bases really but for what it's worth, these are my thoughts:

He isn't unwell or in hospital. The brother is him.

He could be married and has created some ludicrous scenario to get out of it but I'm not so sure. There are easier ways to stop contacting someone. Especially as my suspicion is that he's using burner phones so be could have just got rid of the phone.

He's clearly got some problems and should be avoided. I'm not sure money is the motive, probably more a need for attention.

As others have said, it's a new year tomorrow. As frustrating as it, if you feel able to, leave him in 2023. Block him. You deserve better.

If it helps, you're not the first to be caught up in something like this. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine nearly 20 years ago. The bloke went MIA for a couple of weeks then randomly appeared again and announced he had cancer and was having chemo. His story came complete with shaved head and eyebrows but his eyelashes were still there. He went on to describe various other ludicrous, non illness related, fantasy happenings in his life.

It gave us all quite a laugh aside from the fact he knew where she lived. He did eventually go away thankfully

I hope you meet someone wonderful in 2023.
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Thank you ❤. It is just so much. Having a story spun that someone you care about is very sick, at first I didn't know very much as I just got a few texts saying he was sick and was so upset for a long time. Sometimes when you're worrying so much all rational thought goes out of the window.

I don't think money is the motive either, more attention or telling a small lie that has now snowballed. Hopefully I will meet someone in 2023, and I hope your friend did too. That's quite the length the person she was dating went to to keep up with a lie!
 
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