Lying about cancer?!

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The fact you’re contemplating visiting him at his house after all the red flags have been highlighted … I don’t understand, honestly. You’re really setting yourself up.
I'm not going to visit his house. It was more a thought of how dangerous it could be if I did.
 
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Definitely lying, not to sound too morbid but if he’s terminal, he wouldn’t be taking up a precious hospital bed, he would either be in a hospice receiving palliative care or at home with palliative nurses coming in to administer morphine.

Block and don’t look back
 
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Sometimes you have to walk away without knowing the answer to things.

Definitely lying, not to sound too morbid but if he’s terminal, he wouldn’t be taking up a precious hospital bed, he would either be in a hospice receiving palliative care or at home with palliative nurses coming in to administer morphine.

Block and don’t look back
Life with Monique was in hospital for the last year of her life but she was in a really bad way and had lived with cancer for five years.
 
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I sort of worry what might happen if I agree to visit him at his house and someone comes along to pick me up claiming to be his brother, that seems unsafe.



I have spoken to T twice when he has been better and not sedated and he said he'd have understood if I had moved on. But the curiosity just meant I wasn't really thinking about other dates just yet.







His name doesn't begin with T I just used it for some anonymity. He lives in the south west of England though his "brother" lives in South Yorkshire....
Ahh ok.. it's the most minute chance that I could know who this person is but your post just struck a chord, probably with you choosing the pseudonym of T. I can't for the life of me figure out how to send a private message on this site. It's likely not the same person anyway. I hope you figure it all out!
 
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Ahh ok.. it's the most minute chance that I could know who this person is but your post just struck a chord, probably with you choosing the pseudonym of T. I can't for the life of me figure out how to send a private message on this site. It's likely not the same person anyway. I hope you figure it all out!
They took away private messaging.
 
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Definitely lying, not to sound too morbid but if he’s terminal, he wouldn’t be taking up a precious hospital bed, he would either be in a hospice receiving palliative care or at home with palliative nurses coming in to administer morphine.

Block and don’t look back

This is what I thought. It seems like for months he's been in hospital sedated and on morphine and receiving treatment. Whereas I thought he would go home if there was nothing more they could do, just making him as comfortable as possible.

It doesn't make sense to me that they'd spend all this money on treatment and surgeries if there was no chance of getting better. But I don't know anything about treatments really.

By the way, did he confirm what type of cancer he supposedly has?
No and this is another red flag to me, and I have asked his brother lots of times and that question seems to go unanswered. I just know he had a lump in his groin and now has spread to his spine, despite the amount of scans he has had.

I feel like they keep it vague because it is easier to lie then. They don't detail the treatment or even where he is.

Honestly I know from how it sounds it is that I believe him. I don't and I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not being overly cynical..when I first posted this I was so worried people would be like "how can you not believe him when he says he has cancer?"
 
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It’s very telling he didn’t even mention what type of cancer he supposedly has. It’s the most basic information. I guess he did not want to tell you a fabricated cancer type so you wouldn’t go around Googling every treatment step he claims he’s undergoing to compare with the real treatment information one can find online. He’s keeping quiet about this to make up his story and amplify it as he goes.
 
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This has an episode of “Catfish” written all over it - if you’ve ever seen the show, you would’ve seen there’s people out there who lie about this stuff for YEARS.

I honestly find it really weird that his “brother” is messaging you - if your sibling was really poorly in hospital, would you be spending time messaging someone they were having casual dates with, that you’d never met?

I personally would block but if you want to be nice about it, send a message first and just say you’re so sorry but there’s literally no support you can offer if you don’t even know this man’s last name, can’t visit him and can’t contact him directly. That you wish him the best and hope it all works out and maybe you’ll reconnect in the future. Block. Move on.
 
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It’s very telling he didn’t even mention what type of cancer he supposedly has. It’s the most basic information. I guess he did not want to tell you a fabricated cancer type so you wouldn’t go around Googling every treatment step he claims he’s undergoing to compare the real treatment information can find online. He’s keeping quiet about this to make up his story and amplify it as he goes.
Yeah I'm guessing the more specific he is the harder it is to lie. Also then you have to remember more details which gets harder the more details you give.

This has an episode of “Catfish” written all over it - if you’ve ever seen the show, you would’ve seen there’s people out there who lie about this stuff for YEARS.

I honestly find it really weird that his “brother” is messaging you - if your sibling was really poorly in hospital, would you be spending time messaging someone they were having casual dates with, that you’d never met?

I personally would block but if you want to be nice about it, send a message first and just say you’re so sorry but there’s literally no support you can offer if you don’t even know this man’s last name, can’t visit him and can’t contact him directly. That you wish him the best and hope it all works out and maybe you’ll reconnect in the future. Block. Move on.
He apparently told his brother to keep me updated when he can't...it is intense how his brother is always gushing over T and trying to pry my thoughts. He'd always be like "he's so kind, the kindest person in the world" etc.

I agree though about stepping away. He even said he doesn't want to see me right now so what use am I being really 😅

I also get a lot of "I don't know" answers to questions. I said if he's just sedated all the time and has had treatment then does it mean the treatment isn't working or will he not need to be sedated eventually and get "I don't know". Or what the future plans are for treatment I get "I don't know".

This is from someone who apparently shouted at a poor customer service rep from his phone company because they couldn't unlock his phone. I also don't think your phone carrier can unlock your phone. I read and you need to do a factory reset...
 
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I'd message the brother this:

Hi, * insert name

I was chatting to someone yesterday, they know * insert name from school and said they'd recently spoken and he'd told them what hospital he was in so they bobbed in for a quick visit. I've just been to buy a few supplies (deodorant, shampoo etc) and am round the corner from the hospital so close by. * Insert name said the hospital staff were friendly and helpful and will likely let me pop my head round the door. I hope he's pleased to see me

See what the response is.

I'd duck with them back to be fair.
 
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I’d message from another phone pretending to be a lad and text him saying ‘You out for a pint tomorrow mate?’ See if he’s living his normal life.
 
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I’d message from another phone pretending to be a lad and text him saying ‘You out for a pint tomorrow mate?’ See if he’s living his normal life.
I thought about this and messaging to try and force his hand and call his bluff etc.

I was in two minds as to whether to do that or just not sink to playing games and just leaving it.
 
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I thought about this and messaging to try and force his hand and call his bluff etc.

I was in two minds as to whether to do that or just not sink to playing games and just leaving it.
Oh just leave them to it. Move on.
 
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The thing is he could be using one number to speak to you and another to speak to his mates, so if you text him pretending to be one of them, he’ll know it’s you. Besides, someone operating like this and presumably faking cancer probably doesn’t have a lot of friends if any.

These people are smart enough to use different numbers to avoid anyone finding out information about them. If his phone number didn’t allow to find any profile on any social media, he’s probably using a burner phone or different number to speak to you.
 
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The thing is he could be using one number to speak to you and another to speak to his mates, so if you text him pretending to be one of them, he’ll know it’s you. Besides, someone operating like this and presumably faking cancer probably doesn’t have a lot of friends if any.

These people are smart enough to use different numbers to avoid anyone finding out information about them. If his phone number didn’t allow to find any profile on any social media, he’s probably using a burner phone or different number to speak to you.
Yeah good point. He will probably sus it is me or another woman if he has led multiple people on.

Both his and his brother's numbers come up with nothing on social media. Unless they don't have social media accounts they definitely haven't associated their numbers with them.
 
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On a serious note i would absolutely not start playing games back. You will never shake him off and you dont need this person in your life. Im sure you are a very kind good natured person so you want to make sure hes ok but no. Stop. Please, a man wouldnt tolerate this from a woman so why do you?
 
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The thing is as well, that you cannot even be certain that his first name is his real first name if he hasn't given any other details and you can't find him on social media with his phone number. He could just have plucked a name out of thin air.

I just want to check if when you met this guy after work did he have any gold teeth or was super flashy?
 
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The thing is as well, that you cannot even be certain that his first name is his real first name if he hasn't given any other details and you can't find him on social media with his phone number. He could just have plucked a name out of thin air.

I just want to check if when you met this guy after work did he have any gold teeth or was super flashy?
Yeah I always wonder this. Like how much do I really know?

He was normal haha. No gold teeth nor super flashy. He was always well dressed but in a modest way. Honestly he just came across as a genuinely good and nice guy. We met out and about but before out first proper date He just sent a text saying "honestly I'd just be delighted if after you said you wanted to see me again."

Until all of this it was just going well and seemed normal, no game playing or anything 🤷‍♀️