Maybe but it didn't really feel like that at first. Whenever we weren't together we were always talking throughout the day and I've seen bits of his house and there wasn't any evidence of other people living there. It could be him and his mrs was on a break though. We would meet after work in my city, and then over the summer he went on a few holidays by himself (he says) so we didn't have long to plan for me to go to his.
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Sometimes they never do though, they just ghost an move onto someone else who will buy the stories
I know all hospitals are different but that's the first I've heard of someone being kept in, I've had family an friends (one even being similar as to having to have a hernia removed down below because of cancer) an none of them have ever been kept in hospital despite having to go in an out constantly for chemo both for treating an surviving an also treating to prolong life a bit for terminal cancer, they get put on bed rest but they don't stay in
Unfortunately I do think he's playing you. And I think his brother is actually him. I had a similar situation happen to myself as a teenager where a guy I was seeing rang me at 4am telling me he was in Spain and had just been stabbed. I was frantic with worry until another girl contacted me to tell me he told her the exact same thing a week before. I don't know why some people do this but I've heard of it happening quite a lot. You definitely deserve better than this. All the best 
I'm reading your responses and really feel for you. You're giving him too much credit and seem to be clinging to the idea he's being straight with you. You need to step back and take the emotion out of this situation. He's at it, save yourself more angst and move on. This won't end well.
He’s lying, I’m sorry to say but I have no doubt he is. He’s either got a wife/girlfriend already or he’s just a weirdo. Ask him questions about his treatment plan and clinical pathway, and who his consultant is.
I did find this strange too. Apparently he is in lots of pain due to tumours near his spine and needs to be sedated almost all the time and have morphine. He's been in hospital / bedridden for months now and it seems like a lot. I know other people who have received treatment and they're usually at home most of the time and go in as an outpatient. Even during the last stages their pain was managed and they just slept a lot.
I don't understand the no cards / gifts allowed policy either. Especially when his brother then said the staff brought in presents for the patients...
He presented himself as this almost perfect person when we first met and I thought things were going quite well as we were making future plans for trips and things. And then all of a sudden he drops this bombshell. You're right I am giving him too much credit...it just feels like a lot sometimes.
I really feel for you.. Clinging on to hope and not knowing what to do is hard but I think it’s in your best interests to cut all contact.
I wish I knew more medical terms so I could be direct and know what to ask
. He told me he had radiotherapy, chemo + radiotherapy combined and then chemo. He had to have another operation last week apparently because the tumour changed shape and was pressing on the spinal cord. Then he said they would take a break for Christmas and look at the effectiveness of surgery before deciding what to do next...I don't know if this is plausible.
I’m not entirely convinced there’s another woman but the whole things is crazy.
The whole situation is just so bizarre. It feels like one thing after another with small details that just don't seem to add up.
I felt so awful posting this as it's a terrible thing to lie about but I'm also almost relieved people are thinking the same as me?
He's definitely playing you, he's saying theres a no gifts/cards policy because he's not in a hospital, I think he's also taking advantage of cancer being treated in so many different ways so that he can tell you things that you aren't going to know you are being lied too
I don't know how cancer is treated so I like you would just take someone's word, it's not something I would ever dare ask anyone
Am sorry he's taken advantage of you, he's not the first person to lie about something that should never be lied about an unfortunately won't be the last, these type will always seek out good hearted people an take full advantage
I’m sorry to reply again but these men always appear to be amazing in the beginning.. it’s how they get you hooked.
it is to your credit that you are showing this man so much empathy and understanding but i can only echo the other replies - cut contact. he’s playing a game here (who knows for what purpose) and it’s absolutely not fair to you.
My friend suggested "why don't you ask his brother to take a picture of him?
" I agree. I don't know anything about treatment so I can't really question it either. Whatever he says I just take onboard because I have no reason not to. But you're right it's then easy to tell someone something and it be believable.The no card / gifts policy seemed sus to me, and not being able to visit despite being a reason he smiles. It also seems like when I question something his brother then disappears for a while.
Ain't that the truth. He was apparently a good cook, DIY king with a well paying job, feminist modern man who was talking about taking me away on holiday
. He'd also say things like "I'm not like other men" which I found insincere and strange even then.Thank you, I guess I just am a bit too trusting and want to see the best in people ha. My more cynical friends have echoed everything said in this thread.
The photo thing crossed my mind but I’m sure you would get an excuse.
Yeah, like "he doesn't want you to see him sick" or something.
You have had some very supportive comments on this thread.
My only response would be that if you're in your 30's and there's even 1% of you that thinks that even 1% of this *may* be true then genuinely, I can't be of service here.
My only response would be that if you're in your 30's and there's even 1% of you that thinks that even 1% of this *may* be true then genuinely, I can't be of service here.
Wow, what a story. My thoughts:
The brother is likely him. A brother may exist, but I doubt that's who is communicating with you
Do not give this person any money under any circumstances, whatever they may claim. Do not confirm any information about yourself either e.g. mother's maiden name, name of first pet, place of birth. Nothing.
This part is harsh - you don't know their full name, work place or address. There is no relationship here. Block them and move on.
The brother is likely him. A brother may exist, but I doubt that's who is communicating with you
Do not give this person any money under any circumstances, whatever they may claim. Do not confirm any information about yourself either e.g. mother's maiden name, name of first pet, place of birth. Nothing.
This part is harsh - you don't know their full name, work place or address. There is no relationship here. Block them and move on.
He’s married
End of
End of
No relationship no. We went on dates but it never progressed to a relationship. I wouldn't give any details away or send money and I do think the brother is him.