This girl is a frickin walking contradiction:
- She’s going to be the best ally, the best white person to black people. This statement alone is laced with racism. It screams white supremacy. Simply by putting the word ‘best’ in front of white.
- She’s using her platform to educate other white women and men. Not women and men in general. Specifically highlighting white. Again white supremacy. Displacing the focus from oppression of black people back on to white people where history tells us focus belongs because white people are ‘superior’.
- She wants a pat on the back as a couple of years ago she was very ignorant, but underwent an enlightening experience. She’s reformed. Never once has she mentioned this voyage conveniently until now.
- She didn’t think black women and men watched her videos until from time to time she would google viewers’ commentary and realised they gave her wonderful feedback. She apologised. She’s going to make it up to them. Wait, I thought you had your life-changing self-discovery a couple of years ago? Why haven’t you been making it up to them since then?
- She’s an avid runner. No, a sprinter sorry. 10K, 9K, 6K. But she can’t run up a flight of stairs to retrieve her hair oil. Ok then, speedy gonzales.
- She’s come to terms with her height. Her 5ft 7” is not tall to some. Not short to some. It is bullshit to all though.
- She’s always wished to be tall and model-esque. But she’s now accepted her height. Also Lydia...I hope the trousers look as good on me as the model. Hello ego. Nobody puts Lydia in the corner.
- A company have sent her a new launch, she’s allowed to speak about it, but she’s not. She doesn’t like it when a product is mentioned too soon. Glóby. ‘big fish, little fish, shitty copycat cardboard box’. That is all.
- She doesn’t want too much of the same fabric. We’ll just discount your 687 tonne landfill of linen then.
- A three hour finance meeting took it out of her. She felt like a real blogger. Not a fake one. Several back to back meetings are standard in a businesswoman’s day. She’s still a bougie boss bitch though. Obviously.
- She hates packaging. The deliverymen may disagree here.
- The gifted scrunchie will make a cute gift for someone. The 58 gifted scrunchies she received last time clearly didn’t. Even her BFF didn’t make the cut. The show scrunchie jar did.
- She’s ordered two books. None are educational. None are on current affairs.
- She almost ALMOST bought an anklet she had wanted for so long. Just as she was about to pull the online trigger, the company gifted it her. Epitome of convenient.
- She could do with a smaller anklet. She said this in the same shot as her manly hobbit feet. Something doesn’t add up. Or our vision is out of sorts.
- Said gifted anklet will make it difficult for her to shave. What happened to going au-natural? Brows
5 o’clock shadow
Legs are her deal breaker clearly.
- She’s a proud cat mummy that big dick Lumi who’s now banned from going out after terrorising other cats, pissed in her own bed. Not on their bed or the carpet. And definitely not on the cat litter tray, you know where cats are actually meant to go. She needs to clean it up (probably next week, probably never). She was such a proud but bad mummy, it made her cry. People sleeping on the streets did not make her cry, giggle yes, but definitely not cry. People losing their lives and livelihoods to COVID-19 did not make her cry. Ongoing prejudice of people of colour accumulating in an unarmed man’s needless death did not make her cry. But forcing Lumi to use an indoor litter tray against her will did. Side note - Please, PLEASE Lumi piss on her new LV throw. You know you want too. I’ll send you 10 jars of coconut oil if you do. Pinky promise.
- She’s a shiny little peahead. Shiny
Little
Peahead
Shiny humongous pumpkinhead then.
- She couldn’t film her brand promo as she has PMT. She’s aware she goes on about it. A lot. But by sharing she might be able to help others who suffer. That’s most of the pre-menopausal female population then Lydia. The only difference is most suck it up. Cos you know, it’s life.
- She’s hoping she’ll get a release tomorrow after aforementioned shitty PMT. A release of what? Gluten diarrhoea? Testosterone?
- She believes watercress is hard to grow. Didn’t we all learn how to do this in first grade. She must have missed that lesson. And the one on grammar. And the one on acceptance of others.
- She’ll wear the hessian skirt for the rest of her life. Shall we expect a clothing jumble sale next week then? No. We still live in hope for the bushfires sale first. Or did we miss the memo that save the animals was so last month. It’s black people this month. If you didn’t already know this, rest assured, Lydia is going to educate you all.
- She gets so excited opening a package she forgets to disclose if it’s an AD. Other influencers don’t seem to get confused with this. Surprising. Maybe with another couple of years of enlightening she’ll get there too. Fingers crossed.
- She’s going to go enjoy her husband in the garden. Just never in the bedroom then?
All this in one vlog. One frickin vlog.