Exactly! I don't want to say it's great to hear so many people feel the same - as I wish no one felt this way - but it makes me realise it isn't just me and that it's quite a normal situation to be in. It got so easy to convince myself that I am the problem.
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I agree completely with the moving away thing. It’s so hard to get a core group if you get me ....
I don’t wish feeling/being lonely on anyone but it’s refreshing to see I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I had a good group of friends in school, some went to uni and I went straight into working, we would meet up and visit each other often.
I then started to notice they were arranging and meeting up without me, no big deal I thought I’m working maybe they don’t realise I can get time off etc, then I met my partner and fell pregnant and never heard from any of them again ..
Ever since having my little one and going back to work part time I seem to have lost all of my friends.
I struggled with PND and I seem to have just forgotten how to socialise with people?
All the Mums at the preschool are very cliquey with each other so I can never seem to chat to any of them either and at parties I just kind of stand there on my own.
I don’t get invited out with anyone from work as they always just seem to assume I can’t because of the little one.
I have my parter but he’s literally the only person I speak to apart from when I’m at work and have small talk with work colleagues.
He's said I should maybe try and invite them out instead but as I previously said I’ve forgotten how to have conversations with adults
And I know if we ever get married it would just be family as I literally don’t have a single person I could invite. And in all honestly if I think about it too much it gets me really down and I get so upset I end up in tears as I just don’t know what to do.
Sorry about this long post, I just feel as though I can share how I’m feeling and sympathise with all of you wonderful people
I had a good group of friends in school, some went to uni and I went straight into working, we would meet up and visit each other often.
I then started to notice they were arranging and meeting up without me, no big deal I thought I’m working maybe they don’t realise I can get time off etc, then I met my partner and fell pregnant and never heard from any of them again ..
Ever since having my little one and going back to work part time I seem to have lost all of my friends.
I struggled with PND and I seem to have just forgotten how to socialise with people?
All the Mums at the preschool are very cliquey with each other so I can never seem to chat to any of them either and at parties I just kind of stand there on my own.
I don’t get invited out with anyone from work as they always just seem to assume I can’t because of the little one.
I have my parter but he’s literally the only person I speak to apart from when I’m at work and have small talk with work colleagues.
He's said I should maybe try and invite them out instead but as I previously said I’ve forgotten how to have conversations with adults
And I know if we ever get married it would just be family as I literally don’t have a single person I could invite. And in all honestly if I think about it too much it gets me really down and I get so upset I end up in tears as I just don’t know what to do.
Sorry about this long post, I just feel as though I can share how I’m feeling and sympathise with all of you wonderful people
I have been in my new area 5 years now. I haven’t been out in 5 years! I tried that Girl Crew app but no one even close to my area so I go it alone. I’ve joined gyms/classes/college even slimming world but I think I just have one of them faces. Everyone already has their click so I don’t fit it there.
I’ve heard people saying bumble is good as there’s a making friends element to it but I’ve never tried it.
Love to you all by the way
Love to you all by the way
Hi all, feeling particularly lonely today. Sometimes it just washes over me like a wave and I'm feeling a little tearful at my desk. Doesnt help that my office is full of extroverts, theyre all very nice, but it can get a bit much.
Maybe we could start a discussion of things that might help? I don't want to get myself into a spiral of feeling sorry for myself I need to take action but it's difficult to know what to do.
Maybe we could start a discussion of things that might help? I don't want to get myself into a spiral of feeling sorry for myself I need to take action but it's difficult to know what to do.
Your office sounds like my idea of hell!
Everyone is so nice but I struggle with feeling like people thinking I'm boring and quiet because I'm not extroverted. I don't come to work to entertain everyone. Don't get me wrong I do like a chat and a laugh with everyone, and I like my job and get into my work, but sometimes I just like some space and quiet..Your office sounds like my idea of hell!
Love your username and photo - orange creme is the best!
Yes it's nice to have a mix of people I think.
Just read some of the posts on this thread and can relate to a lot.
I used to be very outgoing and sociable. Around a year after I had my daughter I became physically unwell, and now have several chronic illnesses which mostly leave me housebound. Sometimes it’s not the physical symptoms but I’ve become agoraphobic. I’m scared to go to the hairdressers, I don’t like going to restaurants unless it’s somewhere familiar and even then as soon as I get there I just want to get home and be safe.
I have an amazing fiancé thankfully. We’ve both been through a lot of stuff since childhood, both of us have had a lot of therapy and we communicate very well.
But apart from my fiancé I don’t have any other family.
I do have a couple of friends but very rarely see them. It’s sad really, I have 2 support workers that I see twice a week mainly just to have another human to speak to.
I actually feel like I’m disappearing more and more from life.
I tried a couple of support groups in the past for physical illnesses but they were cliquey and competitive about their illnesses, I can’t stand that.
I tend to save any energy I do have spending time with my daughter and fiancé, even if it is just in the house. But it’s really not what I wanted for my life.
I used to be very outgoing and sociable. Around a year after I had my daughter I became physically unwell, and now have several chronic illnesses which mostly leave me housebound. Sometimes it’s not the physical symptoms but I’ve become agoraphobic. I’m scared to go to the hairdressers, I don’t like going to restaurants unless it’s somewhere familiar and even then as soon as I get there I just want to get home and be safe.
I have an amazing fiancé thankfully. We’ve both been through a lot of stuff since childhood, both of us have had a lot of therapy and we communicate very well.
But apart from my fiancé I don’t have any other family.
I do have a couple of friends but very rarely see them. It’s sad really, I have 2 support workers that I see twice a week mainly just to have another human to speak to.
I actually feel like I’m disappearing more and more from life.
I tried a couple of support groups in the past for physical illnesses but they were cliquey and competitive about their illnesses, I can’t stand that.
I tend to save any energy I do have spending time with my daughter and fiancé, even if it is just in the house. But it’s really not what I wanted for my life.
I'm going through one of those lonely phases. I go to gym classes every morning and see some friends there but we don't often meet up outside of that. I got laid off and where I live is v difficult to get a job because of the downtown. That is starting to feel a bit old now too. Glad this thread is here though.
Sorry you’re all feeling like this.
I tried to be proactive and reach out to some people I’d lost contact with. Been for a lunch and a coffee but now I feel like I’m being desperate trying to arrange more meet ups.
been sticking with the netball and it’s good. Slowly getting to know people but not at the friends level.
It’s during the day I really feel it. Between school runs there’s a lot of time to fill. I’m just sleeping all the time and I can see it impacting my mood.
Would be good if there was a way to see if we were local to do coffees without outing.
I’m sure some of us are.
I tried to be proactive and reach out to some people I’d lost contact with. Been for a lunch and a coffee but now I feel like I’m being desperate trying to arrange more meet ups.
been sticking with the netball and it’s good. Slowly getting to know people but not at the friends level.
It’s during the day I really feel it. Between school runs there’s a lot of time to fill. I’m just sleeping all the time and I can see it impacting my mood.
Would be good if there was a way to see if we were local to do coffees without outing.
I’m sure some of us are.
@Peeltheavocado sorry to pry but don’t suppose you have Fibro? Apologies if not.
Loneliness is definitely crippling, I get about the extroverts just being too much and then people are the ones that look at you as unapproachable or just boring Sally in the corner. I get told all the time I’m cold or I’m unsociable but it’s because I’ve now become anxious and depressed which isn’t just a switch. People also don’t understand the insecurities that come with being alone for so long, friends don’t understand that although I might not want to say go clubbing, you can still keep me company at home. Pizza. Netflix. But that dried up and I felt to much of a burden to ask that question from them. It’s not easy to make friends. Especially where I’m from and my age. Everyone has the clique.
Loneliness is definitely crippling, I get about the extroverts just being too much and then people are the ones that look at you as unapproachable or just boring Sally in the corner. I get told all the time I’m cold or I’m unsociable but it’s because I’ve now become anxious and depressed which isn’t just a switch. People also don’t understand the insecurities that come with being alone for so long, friends don’t understand that although I might not want to say go clubbing, you can still keep me company at home. Pizza. Netflix. But that dried up and I felt to much of a burden to ask that question from them. It’s not easy to make friends. Especially where I’m from and my age. Everyone has the clique.
I do, and I hate the diagnosis. Also not convinced it’s correct as I was diagnosed with Hypermobility spectrum disorder by two rheumatologists. GP’s know very little about HMS and/or EDS. I don’t like the fact that people are very judgemental about fibro either. I also know people diagnosed with fibro who are still able to work and only seem to have flare ups.
I’ve had a few other weird things show up in bloods and they’ve never been able to answer why.
I agree that people don’t understand, I’ve stopped keeping up with many friends because I freak out about having to leave the house. Or if I’m too physically unwell I don’t want to continue to cancel on people. This has been going on for a few years now.
I’m not sure if you get much support yourself but there’s very little support out there. Places like drop in centres have all been closed in our area and that would have been perfect for me. Something I could dip in and out of and not let people down because I can’t commit.
Have you any family around?
Oh I also tend not to talk much about chronic illness on any social media anymore. For a while I did but people got annoyed. Didn’t want to hear or see it. I had seen others trying to raise awareness and thought I could maybe do the same but I think people just thought I was trying to gain attention and/or sympathy. I wasn’t, I was just saying it like it was.
@Peeltheavocado ok to PM you?
This thread makes me so sad, I hadn't realised how prevalent loneliness is in general. I hear a lot in the media about how it affects the elderly, but it seems like it affects all age groups equally. There are charities who need volunteers to visit lonely elderly people, or those whose partners need a break from caring duties so they can go shopping, for instance. People who do this say it so rewarding and that they gain as much from it as the person they visit. Worth thinking about if you have time on your hands. Somebody said in one of the comments above that they wondered if anyone would notice if they weren't there and it reminded me of an awfully sad film I saw a few years ago that told the true story of Joyce Vincent, the film is called Dreams Of A Life - a very sobering story and one that illustrates how, even in today's hyper- connected world, people can fall off the radar. We all need to look out for one another.
I don't have many friends tbh i don't mind it that much just boring when you have no one to talk to
Thank you for sharing! I'm in a situation like yours and I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one in this situation.This is me. I’m twenty and I’ve struggled to make friends all my life. I am disabled and had a TA all through school - I think it alienated me quite a bit And actually played hell with my social skills because everybody talked to me ‘through’ the TA rather than to me. I have one or two school friends which I’m still in contact with now, and an online friend who I absolutely adore, but other than that I don’t have other friends. I have people to talk to at university but I just seem to really struggle otherwise - it’s like we never move past the acquaintance stage! I’m hoping that once I get a job I’ll be able to meet more people... it worries me purely because I don’t see how I’ll ever get a girlfriend/boyfriend if I can’t talk to anyoneI’ve made peace with being alone for now. I tell everybody I like being by myself which sort of does the job at convincing myself I do... I will be at peace by myself with a cat and a tortoise, me.
Oh wow, Joyce Vincent’s story is unbearably sad. The detail that always stuck with me was how the tv was still on, all that time... seems so symbolic to show that the television cannot keep you company and isn’t a replacement for a friend. For so many, particularly the elderly and house bound that’s all they have.
But having said that, I think the vast majority of those talking about their loneliness on this thread aren’t elderly or housebound. It’s almost more ‘taboo’ In your 20s /30s /40s because of the assumptions and stereotypes people place on your life. But you definitely reach a point around your 20a where it gets much harder to make friends and it can be a shock. At school you mostly don’t think about it, because you all meet young and are used to socialising, kids always are at birthday parties, after school clubs, whatever. Anyway for those who go to uni, many find it’s harder to make friends than they realised. I know I did. Even if you do eventually make them, that was the first sign of the loneliness of adulthood that no one tells you about growing up...
I don’t think im suffering as badly as many in this thread. And my issue is different. I spend an inordinate amount of time on my own but that’s mostly self imposed. I dislike time spent in big groups to such an extreme degree (I think since uni actually ) that I convince myself I want to be alone whenever I can and end up my own worst enemy and feeling lonely from my choices.
I totally understand how draining it is having those extroverted types at work. I’m not particularly quiet or withdrawn but i hate it when you have those people who know everyone can hear them and perform almost. I find that so uncomfortable.
But we have something here a lot of people don’t have. That is to say a genuinely supportive and caring safe space. Sounds cheesy but I really mean it. 7 pages and counting of this thread where people are being really honest and open and others are responding with genuine kindness. That’s not going to solve anyone’s loneliness but i hope it might help a bit...?