Loneliness / making friends

[Princesspinky]

Does anyone else spend a lot of time on thier own ? Find it difficult to make new friends.
I moved to this area when I was young and so I don't really have any local friends, I have a few close old friends dotted about the country. I only really have my mum , who lives 80+ miles away.
I lost my best friend a year ago (she was mentally unwell) , I so miss having someone to pour my heart out to , go on adventures with , just be there when life's gotten too much. I am on my own with my son divorce has just been finalised , I do have a boyfriend and things are going good between us but he works alot and is away (armed forces) . I work part time but I don't socialize with my colleagues.
Maybe it's January blues , but my own company is getting to me a little bit of late . All I seem to do is work , housework , spend the evings with my 7 year old , which of course I love him and the time we spend together is precious but I miss adult company.

 

[Plasticbox]

I have never felt as lonely as I do now and have been feeling the same for the last 9 months or so.

No one ever seems to want stay friends with me, never make the first contact with me, never invites me anywhere. It always has to be me who texts first or asks to meet up.

One friend totally cut me off a few years ago and to this day I can’t work out what happened as she literally disappeared over night.

I don’t do anything or go anywhere apart from work and my house.

I go to bed early most nights as even my husband doesn’t seem interested in being around me.

I’m a really friendly person and love a chat and a laugh so I can’t work out why no one seems to like me.

 

[JellyWobbles]

Yep! I have no friends apart from my Husband and one acquaintance at the school I say hi too.
My problem is social anxiety but I also have little to none social skills, as ridiculous as that sounds I find small talk almost painful.. I’m the person that avoids going out if my neighbour is outside until they’ve gone to avoid it. I sound grumpy and deffo must seem unapproachable, it’s not that I want to be this way it’s jist how I am. One of my goals for 2020 is to ‘learn’ to socialise more, I am looking at volunteering just to get me out there and push myself x

 

[coconochanel]

I'm glad you started this thread Princesspinky cause it seems your not the only one who feels lonely and needs some new friends. People just assume everyone has friends but as this thread has shown its not always the case.

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

I find it hard to keep friends I feel like I do the running around to keep them I.e go see them in their village, do things they want to do change my plans so in free when they are free. Sometimes they cancel or I wonder why I bother when I dont get a message back for weeks. I dont do facebook etc because I dont feel the need to see people's lives I rather be apart of it than see a photo. I am lonely most of time.

 

[Glamourelle]

I’m 26 and I’m also the same. I have a couple of friends dotted around, and I socialise with a few girls at work but I don’t have anyone really close by to me. I struggle really hard and it hit home when I met my boyfriends (big) group of friends, they asked me if he’s met any of mine yet and I couldn’t really say yes!

 

[Cucumber and eggs]

Yes, could have wrote this myself. Since my second daughter was born I suffered from horrible pnd which has now turned into severe social anxiety. I have literally no friends apart from my husband. People assume im rude and unapproachable which couldnt be further from the truth. I just cant start/maintain conversation without my anxiety playing up. This has affected my daughters also. We dont visit mother and baby groups, the oldest doesnt see many of her friends outside of school and we spend a lot of time in the house. I wish I had friends I could meet up with for a coffee or just someone else to talk to. I wish my girls had more of a life outside of the house. I hate feeling lonely which has made my ocd terrible because I spend so much time in the house. Im expecting third baby and my sister is due a week before me. Im hoping we can go to groups/classes together and I can meet more people. I totally feel where your coming from.

 

[Followtheyellowbrickroad]

Hi, maybe join a gym or class of some sort. I moved to a new area a few years back and don’t know many people. A lot of the people where I live all click with each other. I would love for one of the school mums to ask for Coffee !!!! I’m friendly but no one ever asks

 

[coconochanel]

We need to start a tattle meet up group.

 

[fmmac]

I have never felt as lonely as I do now and have been feeling the same for the last 9 months or so.

No one ever seems to want stay friends with me, never make the first contact with me, never invites me anywhere. It always has to be me who texts first or asks to meet up.

One friend totally cut me off a few years ago and to this day I can’t work out what happened as she literally disappeared over night.

I don’t do anything or go anywhere apart from work and my house.

I go to bed early most nights as even my husband doesn’t seem interested in being around me.

I’m a really friendly person and love a chat and a laugh so I can’t work out why no one seems to like me.

I could have wrote this myself. Even with family I am always the one making the effort. A few years ago I made the decision to stop bothering and literally heard from/saw no one except my husband and people at work.

I've often wondered if it's possible to fade away from loneliness? And would anyone even notice?

Don't get me wrong, I like my own company but sometimes I think I would be nice to have someone other than my husband to speak to.

 

[Scvee13]

I'm 31,work full time, started a new job on the 30th December. I do have colleagues from my old job I'd class as friends but never see them. I have a friend from high school who I see once every couple of months, a friend I met at uni I see every couple of months and a friend from my first job I see every couple of months. I'm used to spending lots of time on my own, I have a teenage daughter who isn't interested in hanging about with me . My husband does shift work so days off together are rare. I got a dog to keep me company

 

[Princesspinky]

Allthough it's shit , it's kind of comforting to know I'm not the only one sat here most nights wishing I had a social life

We need a middle meeting ground...I know we will hire out some space in Zoella's office and meet there.

I'm up for it if everyone else is

 

[slugella]

I was thinking about starting a thread about friendship and loneliness and then found this and wow I can relate so much! I'm so sorry that so many people feel the same and I hope we can really discuss this and try and support eachother and make some positive changes

I have struggled with feeling left out and lonely the past few years. I do have a couple of close friends who I speak to on WhatsApp everyday, but they don't live nearby and I think chatting over the phone is no where near the same connection as face to face. I have a great relationship with my boyfriend but I really value friendship too and urge to have a close knit group.

I had a group of friends in school who have stayed very close and I have drifted as I've travelled and relocated a lot due to work. They have all stayed in our hometown, see eachother all the time, are each other's bridesmaids and maid of honours, and although I do still see them now and again, it hurts that I'm no longer as close. It didn't help that they started to always bring their partners to events, which is fine now and again as they're all nice, but I'm an introvert and never had as much fun when they're there so a lot of the time I just bailed on going.

I feel it's been an on going thing with them since high school. I remember when MySpace brought out the "top 8" thing and I was always ranked behind everyone else. Always had that feeling like, if I'm there its fine, it isn't as if people don't want me there, but it wouldn't really matter if I wasn't there..

Also I can totally relate to the worry about having a hen party and who to have as bridesmaids. I never even have a birthday party as I get it in my head about who would bother to come. I don't want to live like this, I don't want to look back and see that I never celebrated anything.

Sorry this is so long, I've been holding this in for a while it feels so good to let it out to people who feel a similar way.

 

[Kake20]

I don’t wish feeling/being lonely on anyone but it’s refreshing to see I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I had a good group of friends in school, some went to uni and I went straight into working, we would meet up and visit each other often.
I then started to notice they were arranging and meeting up without me, no big deal I thought I’m working maybe they don’t realise I can get time off etc, then I met my partner and fell pregnant and never heard from any of them again ..

Ever since having my little one and going back to work part time I seem to have lost all of my friends.
I struggled with PND and I seem to have just forgotten how to socialise with people?

All the Mums at the preschool are very cliquey with each other so I can never seem to chat to any of them either and at parties I just kind of stand there on my own.

I don’t get invited out with anyone from work as they always just seem to assume I can’t because of the little one.
I have my parter but he’s literally the only person I speak to apart from when I’m at work and have small talk with work colleagues.
He's said I should maybe try and invite them out instead but as I previously said I’ve forgotten how to have conversations with adults

And I know if we ever get married it would just be family as I literally don’t have a single person I could invite. And in all honestly if I think about it too much it gets me really down and I get so upset I end up in tears as I just don’t know what to do.

Sorry about this long post, I just feel as though I can share how I’m feeling and sympathise with all of you wonderful people

 

[Noname12345]

I don't really have friends either. I'm a socially awkward introvert. I struggle in loud places, find drunk people obnoxious and boring. People think I'm arrogant, snobbish etc.

Sometimes I wish I had friends especially that my partner has a close group of friend (whom I can't stand).

 

[Influenced]

I feel the same , I was with my ex husband for 13 years before he left , and he was really all I had untill I met a very close friend when my son started school.
I was just thinking today , who the hell would I put down as my next of kin as my mum's elderly and miles away , and I don't think I'm quite at that stage with my boyfriend so basically I'm on my own which is a very scary thought

It makes me feel a bit better that I am not the only one who feels like this. Even though I am sorry anyone else has to be lonely. And also I read somewhere that loneliness is a silent killer. That it is so unhealthy for us it can make us sick. Which just makes me feel even better as you can imagine. I just hope my 2 girls grow up and manage friendships better than I have but I am afraid I don't have the skills to teach them how.

Sometimes it's been so long since I have spoken to anyone when I do, I get really embarrassed for no reason. Just self conscious I suppose and I stumble over my words.

 

[Miss98]

I generally find though even at my age many ''friends'' aren't even your friends and talk to you when it suits them or they need something. Many people aren't genuine, sad to say.

 

[LittleMy]

I’m the same. I’m 30 and growing up I only had two very best friends (friends throughout school etc). I’ve had various other friends through different parts of my life but couldn’t keep them due to a multitude of reasons - I’m an introvert, I need my space and I also have depression and anxiety. I’m also the first of the three to have children. Since then, we have completely drifted. I don’t see them or hear from them and we have absolutely nothing in common anymore. I’m also a stay at home mum and have lost contact with ex colleagues that I used to get on well with.

I feel so isolated and out of my depth when it comes to making friends. Some days I’m fine with it, then on others I feel desperately lonely (my husband works full time). My eldest son has autism and we’re not sure about the youngest yet, so I have struggled with making mum friends. I tried parent and child groups but spent most of my time trying to engage my son that I didn’t really connect with anyone. Also, I found them cliquey.

I have no advice, just wanted to say that I know how it feels x

 

[Plasticbox]

Been feeling even worse lately and realised that apart from my husband I don’t have anyone to vent to or tell anything to . Also found out via a Facebook meme that I’m not going to be one of friends bridesmaids next year and although I’m honestly fine with it, it would have been nice to have been actually been told.

I was watching friends last night and there is a part when phoebe always says she’s the last to know about things that happen, that’s me.

I also get so embarrassed when people ask what I’ve been up to and I have to just say not much and then move the topic on.

be lonely really sucks

 

[Walnutss]

I'm really sorry your going through this , as someone else has said , it's not you that's the problem. Please feel free to messege me I love to chat too




This happens to me


There's loads to see and do here , I just get fed up of doing it alone , I wish I was the type of person who can just walk in a bar alone etc but I'm just not

Stick to your new online friends then until something changes pinky