What was the Big Brother incident, please?
Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist
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Liz was sacked from the Mail in 2014 (the MoS operates differently so kept her on) because they'd told her not to appear on Celebrity Big Brother if she wanted to keep her job, and she ignored it and went ahead anyway. Only to be evicted fairly early into proceedings. The main paper took her back last year
As someone’s mentioned in the Diary comments today, Liz obviously thinks called a young woman a ‘foetus’ absolutely hilarious, as it’s been dragged out again.
What a comedy genius. Not.
What a comedy genius. Not.
Yeah... Laugh? I nearly started
.
I bet the Foetuses look at LJ and think Fossil.
I am sure LJ features on a training course somewhere for young women in the fashion business/trade press. How not to live a successful life.
I am sure LJ features on a training course somewhere for young women in the fashion business/trade press. How not to live a successful life.
Jizz Loans: Back on her Bullshit (aka podcast recap)
Liz plugs an article she wrote for MailPlus about David Cassidy. She says Adele's new music sucks because Adele lost weight and is happy - GREAT ART requires suffering, like Amy Winehouse or Liz! Nic says if Liz were rich and happy she wouldn't need to write the column but Liz says "the world needs art!" Liz says some platitudes about the murder of David Amess, not for the sake of his family or constituents but because he campaigned for animal rights! Nic talks about her charity skydiving, Liz makes mean comments about her and an inappropriate joke about Michael Jackson dangling his baby over a balcony. Nic says she wants to email Nigel on Liz's behalf, it's a "love story" and it's "dragging on." As if the whole world is waiting for them to get together.
This week's column: because Liz "gets so much abuse" she has decided to chronicle the times she did bad things to men. But she can't actually think of anything bad, because Liz is a saint and the worst example she can think of is a bitchy remark about a date's shoes in front of the maître-d'. Surprise! It's Liz complaining again about how badly everyone's treated her. She refers to refusing to kiss an ex (because she knew he'd been cheating on her) as a "#MeToo moment", which is ridiculous unless the guy was trying to sexually harass her. Liz complains that men are "attracted into her orbit like moths" and then become "chippy" about her superiority. There's some Nirpal-bashing and she reads out a list of expensive holidays she took him on.
Liz reads out an archive column with more Nirpal-bashing, referring to him as "the fat twerp." She reads out a long list of his flaws which include farting, not opening his post, not feeding her cats, and using supermarket shaving cream. Liz says she felt indebted to him because she was so much older and Nic is all "that's soooo wrong, he should accept your age, you bring so much wisdom with age!" Completely missing the point which is that Liz blatantly lied to him about her age. Liz makes homophobic remarks about Nirpal and his gay friends. She finishes with Nic reading out some fan mail, Liz witches again about "being trolled on Twitter" and again drags out her "I'm catnip to men!" line.
Liz plugs an article she wrote for MailPlus about David Cassidy. She says Adele's new music sucks because Adele lost weight and is happy - GREAT ART requires suffering, like Amy Winehouse or Liz! Nic says if Liz were rich and happy she wouldn't need to write the column but Liz says "the world needs art!" Liz says some platitudes about the murder of David Amess, not for the sake of his family or constituents but because he campaigned for animal rights! Nic talks about her charity skydiving, Liz makes mean comments about her and an inappropriate joke about Michael Jackson dangling his baby over a balcony. Nic says she wants to email Nigel on Liz's behalf, it's a "love story" and it's "dragging on." As if the whole world is waiting for them to get together.
This week's column: because Liz "gets so much abuse" she has decided to chronicle the times she did bad things to men. But she can't actually think of anything bad, because Liz is a saint and the worst example she can think of is a bitchy remark about a date's shoes in front of the maître-d'. Surprise! It's Liz complaining again about how badly everyone's treated her. She refers to refusing to kiss an ex (because she knew he'd been cheating on her) as a "#MeToo moment", which is ridiculous unless the guy was trying to sexually harass her. Liz complains that men are "attracted into her orbit like moths" and then become "chippy" about her superiority. There's some Nirpal-bashing and she reads out a list of expensive holidays she took him on.
Liz reads out an archive column with more Nirpal-bashing, referring to him as "the fat twerp." She reads out a long list of his flaws which include farting, not opening his post, not feeding her cats, and using supermarket shaving cream. Liz says she felt indebted to him because she was so much older and Nic is all "that's soooo wrong, he should accept your age, you bring so much wisdom with age!" Completely missing the point which is that Liz blatantly lied to him about her age. Liz makes homophobic remarks about Nirpal and his gay friends. She finishes with Nic reading out some fan mail, Liz witches again about "being trolled on Twitter" and again drags out her "I'm catnip to men!" line.
Jesus christ. Every box doth be ticked
Then she really should stop writing and pod-casting because it’s utter dross. ‘The world needs art’, what a bloomin’ cheek! Her head is so far up her bum that she can see her steamed teeth.
Well, she obviously doesn't fart because she gets rid of all her foul hot air in her column and podcast.
I'm not sure about farting, but she certainly talks out of her arse most of the time.
My comment on today’s offering - let’s see if it gets up:
Hilarious! My comment has appeared directly under Nige’s…and he’s mentioned about his concern about Liz ‘going on top’
I don’t know why Nigel consistently gets downvoted. It’s clearly satire. And amusing.
Hilarious! My comment has appeared directly under Nige’s…and he’s mentioned about his concern about Liz ‘going on top’
I don’t know why Nigel consistently gets downvoted. It’s clearly satire. And amusing.
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@Miss Lola yep your comment made it in, directly underneath Nigel from Dorset comment, with 58 likes, well done
In Which Liz is More Boring than Ever (podcast recap)
Liz and Nic discuss Halloween and The Exorcist. Liz talks about watching After Life in which Ricky Gervais plays a widowed journalist, Liz sneers that the character only works for local press unlike her and shouldn't be able to afford a nice house. Her column this week is about being "haunted by a ghost from her past" (TF?) Apparently Liz spotted an old crush, named Russell, in a documentary about The Exorcist that was on the BBC. She says that he is a "movie star" (although, under pressure from Nic admits he's not particularly famous) and apparently was in the film Cry Freedom starring Kevin Kline. She brags that everyone should be jealous of her because he once stayed the night at her house and used her bed when she was 19-20, he wanted sex but she was too nervous and "profoundly deaf" so nothing happened. Liz has uploaded the relevant clip for her fans to watch. She name-drops about meeting a lot of celebrities when she was young partly because she had several friends who were studying drama.
Nic talks about her rescue dog and a burglary at her and Liz's home where Nic's quad bike was stolen, Liz has a horse called Swirly and is pissed off that the thieves left the pen open and Swirly could've escaped. Liz reads out her archive column about the first time she met Nigel, Nic continues to make out they're this awesome love story yet to unfold. Apparently, Liz went to a psychic who encouraged her to perform a love spell on Nigel and told her that The Tortoise will be a huge bestseller. Liz and Nic finish off with reminiscing about how they met, Nic's early days working for Liz as an "equine behaviourist", and bonding over how much they hate people but supposedly love animals. Also, Liz started an Insta account for "Mini Puppy" so the world can see that said "puppy" is, in fact, an elderly fully grown dog.
Liz and Nic discuss Halloween and The Exorcist. Liz talks about watching After Life in which Ricky Gervais plays a widowed journalist, Liz sneers that the character only works for local press unlike her and shouldn't be able to afford a nice house. Her column this week is about being "haunted by a ghost from her past" (TF?) Apparently Liz spotted an old crush, named Russell, in a documentary about The Exorcist that was on the BBC. She says that he is a "movie star" (although, under pressure from Nic admits he's not particularly famous) and apparently was in the film Cry Freedom starring Kevin Kline. She brags that everyone should be jealous of her because he once stayed the night at her house and used her bed when she was 19-20, he wanted sex but she was too nervous and "profoundly deaf" so nothing happened. Liz has uploaded the relevant clip for her fans to watch. She name-drops about meeting a lot of celebrities when she was young partly because she had several friends who were studying drama.
Nic talks about her rescue dog and a burglary at her and Liz's home where Nic's quad bike was stolen, Liz has a horse called Swirly and is pissed off that the thieves left the pen open and Swirly could've escaped. Liz reads out her archive column about the first time she met Nigel, Nic continues to make out they're this awesome love story yet to unfold. Apparently, Liz went to a psychic who encouraged her to perform a love spell on Nigel and told her that The Tortoise will be a huge bestseller. Liz and Nic finish off with reminiscing about how they met, Nic's early days working for Liz as an "equine behaviourist", and bonding over how much they hate people but supposedly love animals. Also, Liz started an Insta account for "Mini Puppy" so the world can see that said "puppy" is, in fact, an elderly fully grown dog.
Would this be the same psychic who assured her that her screenplay would bring her "Riches beyond measure"?
She didn't say
OMG, the podcast is getting worse by the week.
I always listen whilst doing the weekly shop and this week's shop contains a lot more sweets and fast food than what I would normally buy.
I always listen whilst doing the weekly shop and this week's shop contains a lot more sweets and fast food than what I would normally buy.
Blimey, the Dreary tomorrow is scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel: She was watching some bilge about the making of The Exorcist and one of the extras was some bloke she didn't have sex with *over forty years ago*.
What the actual duck? What next? A dry-cleaning bill she found tucked in an old coat from 1979?
She mentions that even at that young age (19 or so) she was deaf as a post so how did she manage at 'university' (she never graduated btw) or at interviews? So many questions I care so little about...
What the actual duck? What next? A dry-cleaning bill she found tucked in an old coat from 1979?
She mentions that even at that young age (19 or so) she was deaf as a post so how did she manage at 'university' (she never graduated btw) or at interviews? So many questions I care so little about...
So, tomorrow, shall I read her arse wipe material that is her column... Or shall I wash my hair... Decisions, decisions. Hair washing it is then 
.
.good call on washing your hair, I had been warned, but I read it anyway..oh dear what a pile of crap...no other words can sum it up
I've said it before and I will say it again, how the hell does she have both a column and a podcast?!
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