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"He was in Cry Freedom with Kevin Kline" ... as "2nd Security Guard"
Yeah, he is quite attractive and was handsome when he was young but "everyone should be jealous" because you didn't have sex with him? I don't think so, Liz
"He was in Cry Freedom with Kevin Kline" ... as "2nd Security Guard"
Yeah, he is quite attractive and was handsome when he was young but "everyone should be jealous" because you didn't have sex with him? I don't think so, Liz
Knowing Liz’s previous and entirely predictable track record about banging on about men that she’s got any kind of history with (no matter how trivial and tenuous) I am utterly amazed this poor bloke has never been alluded to previously.
Somehow, I doubt that this will be the one and only time we’ll hear about him via The Diary either.
I’ll open a book on odds that Nic and Liz start to stalk him via the internet, find out if he’s single etc etc
Knowing Liz’s previous and entirely predictable track record about banging on about men that she’s got any kind of history with (no matter how trivial and tenuous) I am utterly amazed this poor bloke has never been alluded to previously.
Somehow, I doubt that this will be the one and only time we’ll hear about him via The Diary either.
I’ll open a book on odds that Nic and Liz start to stalk him via the internet, find out if he’s single etc etc
He is easy enough to find….
imagine waking up to find you are in the Mail and now a load of strangers are going to start looking you up.
she could have easily changed his name….
He is easy enough to find….
imagine waking up to find you are in the Mail and now a load of strangers are going to start looking you up.
she could have easily changed his name….
I knew I should have washed my hair, instead I glanced over her ramblings today. Its not that she's a twit but a massively boring twit. How the hell is she paid to trot out this utter garbage. I glimpsed Tom Cruise whilst he was filming in the summer in Birmingham... and you know what? I didn't have sex with him but I quite fancied him. The end.
"He was in Cry Freedom with Kevin Kline" ... as "2nd Security Guard"
Yeah, he is quite attractive and was handsome when he was young but "everyone should be jealous" because you didn't have sex with him? I don't think so, Liz
He is easy enough to find….
imagine waking up to find you are in the Mail and now a load of strangers are going to start looking you up.
she could have easily changed his name….
she doesn't care for anyone's privacy, remember that younger partner she had years ago who was constantly asking her not to publish things about him/their relationship and she just ignored it. What a surprise they broke up
she doesn't care for anyone's privacy, remember that younger partner she had years ago who was constantly asking her not to publish things about him/their relationship and she just ignored it. What a surprise they broke up
In Which Russell Runs For the Hills (cut cuz it's long)
Liz gets in a spiel about how much she hates "wellness" talk cuz that'll play well with the Mail's audience. She's much more interested in half a million downloads of the podcast, even though that means half a million listeners know that Liz is incontinent - "not doubly incontinent" she assures us. No, that's just the dogs. Nic gushes again about Liz being "prizewinning" and "columnist of the year." Liz talks about them being invited to a Christmas party which segues into her criticising Nic for not sticking to a diet / fitness plan. Nic has read Holly Willoughby's new book, Liz bashes Holly whom she once called "a disgrace to women" for being photographed without makeup. Liz prides herself on being "subtly bitchy." But it's all OK now because when Liz appeared on This Morning, Philip Schofield criticised her yet Holly stuck up for her. She claims Holly said Liz was "just doing her job" by being cruel in print. Sure, Mac, sure.
Liz complains again about how Nic didn't get her a birthday present and Liz gets "nothing, nothing, nothing." Liz claims that after she tweeted this week about how people should stop having kids if they claim to care about the environment, she received a death threat and comments about her being a cat lady or not deserving to be a mother. She professes to be "an intellectual" with "nine O-levels." This all leads into her archive column which is - surprise! - the infamous sperm banditry column. She says the column was doing a favour to men as she wants them to know how evil and devious women are and the lengths they'll go to so they can get pregnant. All women want is to stay at home "ironing tea towels" and "making Nigella Lawson recipes". They're too lazy to work a proper job, as Liz knows because of all the women that ruined her business by taking maternity leave. I do believe we've filled an entire bingo card in the space of about three minutes.
This week's column: Liz got in touch with Russell, the "film star" she spoke about last week. Except he's now retired from being a "film star." She again repeats that he was in Cry Freedom, which she rented and rewatched his 10-second appearance over and over. Nic has taken to emailing his documentary appearance to fans of Liz who couldn't access iPlayer. Liz stalked him online, got his work contact details, and emailed him. He sent a reply, and Liz humblebragged to him about her stellar career, awards, and interviewing actual movie stars. She had Nic Photoshop an old photo to send him, pretending that it was recent. And flirted heavily with him. Liz bought a "milky" cashmere tank top, booked a "dry-cleaning" of her teeth, and has been using Sisley face masks. He didn't reply for two weeks, and then came back with a polite response saying he would send some pictures of old parties in her flat. At the time of writing he hadn't come back to her and she fears he has Googled her.
We get the anti-climactic conclusion to the brain scan saga: Liz just has "an imbalance in her left ear" and has been prescribed "water tablets." Does she mean diuretics? As if she doesn't take enough piss already. She didn't want to "waste" her body wax so she booked a room at Soho House and contacted an ex for a booty call in the room. Nic reads a gushing fan letter supposedly from someone whose young daughter wants to be just like Liz and avidly reads the column every week. And another one from the founder of the shelter where Nic got her rescue dog, who reportedly said Liz is as witty as Jennifer Saunders. I doubt it, somehow.
In Which Russell Runs For the Hills (cut cuz it's long)
Liz gets in a spiel about how much she hates "wellness" talk cuz that'll play well with the Mail's audience. She's much more interested in half a million downloads of the podcast, even though that means half a million listeners know that Liz is incontinent - "not doubly incontinent" she assures us. No, that's just the dogs. Nic gushes again about Liz being "prizewinning" and "columnist of the year." Liz talks about them being invited to a Christmas party which segues into her criticising Nic for not sticking to a diet / fitness plan. Nic has read Holly Willoughby's new book, Liz bashes Holly whom she once called "a disgrace to women" for being photographed without makeup. Liz prides herself on being "subtly bitchy." But it's all OK now because when Liz appeared on This Morning, Philip Schofield criticised her yet Holly stuck up for her. She claims Holly said Liz was "just doing her job" by being cruel in print. Sure, Mac, sure.
Liz complains again about how Nic didn't get her a birthday present and Liz gets "nothing, nothing, nothing." Liz claims that after she tweeted this week about how people should stop having kids if they claim to care about the environment, she received a death threat and comments about her being a cat lady or not deserving to be a mother. She professes to be "an intellectual" with "nine O-levels." This all leads into her archive column which is - surprise! - the infamous sperm banditry column. She says the column was doing a favour to men as she wants them to know how evil and devious women are and the lengths they'll go to so they can get pregnant. All women want is to stay at home "ironing tea towels" and "making Nigella Lawson recipes". They're too lazy to work a proper job, as Liz knows because of all the women that ruined her business by taking maternity leave. I do believe we've filled an entire bingo card in the space of about three minutes.
This week's column: Liz got in touch with Russell, the "film star" she spoke about last week. Except he's now retired from being a "film star." She again repeats that he was in Cry Freedom, which she rented and rewatched his 10-second appearance over and over. Nic has taken to emailing his documentary appearance to fans of Liz who couldn't access iPlayer. Liz stalked him online, got his work contact details, and emailed him. He sent a reply, and Liz humblebragged to him about her stellar career, awards, and interviewing actual movie stars. She had Nic Photoshop an old photo to send him, pretending that it was recent. And flirted heavily with him. Liz bought a "milky" cashmere tank top, booked a "dry-cleaning" of her teeth, and has been using Sisley face masks. He didn't reply for two weeks, and then came back with a polite response saying he would send some pictures of old parties in her flat. At the time of writing he hadn't come back to her and she fears he has Googled her.
We get the anti-climactic conclusion to the brain scan saga: Liz just has "an imbalance in her left ear" and has been prescribed "water tablets." Does she mean diuretics? As if she doesn't take enough piss already. She didn't want to "waste" her body wax so she booked a room at Soho House and contacted an ex for a booty call in the room. Nic reads a gushing fan letter supposedly from someone whose young daughter wants to be just like Liz and avidly reads the column every week. And another one from the founder of the shelter where Nic got her rescue dog, who reportedly said Liz is as witty as Jennifer Saunders. I doubt it, somehow.
Bloody hellfire... hard to know where to start with this bilge... but let's pick one or two gems:
a) For someone having an attitude about Wellness, she spends an awful lot of time in spas.
b) Called the stalking last week. Poor sod. If I were him I'd be having a word with m'learned friends and take LJ and MoS for a tidy sum.
c) The Hollaby Wallaby story is plainly bollocks.
d) This hated of mothers is born (pun intended) of her horrifically empty life: she has one paid friend, one who made a packet out of her in a shady property deal, one who evidently humours her (despite being A MOTHER) and that's it. She has no partner, she lives in rented digs with her paid companion, none of her family speak to her.
e) She drinks too much and it can be easily monitored by reading articles from 20, 15, 10 and even five years ago.
f) She is a discharged bankrupt who has absolutely no right to criticise any service that receives any public money as she actively avoided paying her taxes (and was somewhat economical with the actualité regarding her assets with HMRC while Bebb was frantically selling off big ticket items on Ebay).
g) I strongly suspect the download number is a total since she started. Assuming that was a year ago, that's 10,000 a week... or roughly the population of Snodland. Need I say more?
She is a bitter, hollow, empty vessel. She used to have a modicum of talent but wasted it utterly. She will leave no legacy, no footprint in history or even in her own trade. Awards mean nothing: the wheel spins and everyone wins now and again. I suspect she'll warrant little more than a couple of paragraphs when she finally shuffles off.
Bloody hell, I dunno what's worse...her writing such inane drivel or me reading it..it's the most pointless, boring column ever written .
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