Liz Jones - You Magazine Columnist

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Liz takes an entire public toilet full of piss on the podcast today, where she says that people who criticise Love Island and its contestants are "privileged chattering classes" and have never known what it's like to feel pressure to have cosmetic procedures or look a certain way. Liz understands because "everyone hates her, no one ever supports her" and she's not privileged at all, she's been in their shoes! All right, she does know what being insecure about one's body is like and she has had plastic surgery. But to say she isn't privileged or middle class is a HUGE slap in the face! Nic complains of people being "classist" and "snobby", why do you spend time with Liz then?

This week's column is about "I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN". But that's OK because when Liz's friend Helen came to stay (have we heard of this friend before?) she brought "vegan candles", offered to walk the dogs, helped around the house, and "Liz didn't have to buy anything" to prepare for her visit. No, Liz, you just didn't bother because you consider Helen less important than a male guest. Liz doesn't mind no more sex, because men aren't gentle enough with her Myla thong and they lick her moisturiser off her face. Has her habit of separating her eyelashes with a pin caused enough damage to her sight that her dogs now look like her boyfriend? She says sex is boring, but this won't stop her writing about it ad nauseam

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Liz takes an entire public toilet full of piss on the podcast today, where she says that people who criticise Love Island and its contestants are "privileged chattering classes" and have never known what it's like to feel pressure to have cosmetic procedures or look a certain way. Liz understands because "everyone hates her, no one ever supports her" and she's not privileged at all, she's been in their shoes! All right, she does know what being insecure about one's body is like and she has had plastic surgery. But to say she isn't privileged or middle class is a HUGE slap in the face! Nic complains of people being "classist" and "snobby", why do you spend time with Liz then?

This week's column is about "I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN". But that's OK because when Liz's friend Helen came to stay (have we heard of this friend before?) she brought "vegan candles", offered to walk the dogs, helped around the house, and "Liz didn't have to buy anything" to prepare for her visit. No, Liz, you just didn't bother because you consider Helen less important than a male guest. Liz doesn't mind no more sex, because men aren't gentle enough with her Myla thong and they lick her moisturiser off her face. Has her habit of separating her eyelashes with a pin caused enough damage to her sight that her dogs now look like her boyfriend? She says sex is boring, but this won't stop her writing about it ad nauseam

Men aren't gently enough with her Myla thong? Did she really say this or did you make this up?

I am telling ya, they all want to steal the thong and run off

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

It’s only a matter of time until the Myla thong takes its place as a key part of fashion history in the V&A

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Men aren't gently enough with her Myla thong? Did she really say this or did you make this up?

I am telling ya, they all want to steal the thong and run off

She complained that men stretch the Myla thong when it's not made to be stretched, and throw it in the corner "like a spider." She said, and I'm not making this up either, that during sex she spends a lot of time worrying about where her knickers are

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

It’s only a matter of time until the Myla thong takes its place as a key part of fashion history in the V&A

Eeeek! I hope in dry cleaned condition!

 

[Blurp]

She complained that men stretch the Myla thong when it's not made to be stretched, and throw it in the corner "like a spider." She said, and I'm not making this up either, that during sex she spends a lot of time worrying about where her knickers are

I can safely say that I've never worried about my knickers actually during sex.

 

[Ennui]

Myla Thong sounds like a contestant on Drag Race.

 

[Wifo1976]

Myla Thong sounds like a contestant on Drag Race.

I wish I could change my Tattle name to Myla Thong

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Liz's devotion to that thong is unparalleled. It beats any love interest she's ever had and even her animals: she won't bother to train her dogs or protect her cats but the Myla Thong is sacred

 

[House of Tea]

Cheese grater up an ageing crevasse. Why would you bother? Get the Sloggi on.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I love Sloggi

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

Every time I think about the sacred myla thong my brain autocorrects it to being the pearl one that featured in satc which is just downright horrible. THANKS BRAIN

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Every time I think about the sacred myla thong my brain autocorrects it to being the pearl one that featured in satc which is just downright horrible. THANKS BRAIN

Haha, I read "Thanks Brian" and thought: who is Brian and what has he got to do with Myla thongs.

But yes, my brain also makes this connection.

 

[mrsd1974]

I love that she mentioned tattle by name, I assume (just like with Salk Hughes) she will just drive people here

spot on! I would like to personally say a huge thank you to Liz, were it not for her column mentioning it that day I’d still be unaware of Tattle! It’s been the highlight of my summer!

 

[shushablay]

Liz takes an entire public toilet full of piss on the podcast today, where she says that people who criticise Love Island and its contestants are "privileged chattering classes" and have never known what it's like to feel pressure to have cosmetic procedures or look a certain way. Liz understands because "everyone hates her, no one ever supports her" and she's not privileged at all, she's been in their shoes! All right, she does know what being insecure about one's body is like and she has had plastic surgery. But to say she isn't privileged or middle class is a HUGE slap in the face! Nic complains of people being "classist" and "snobby", why do you spend time with Liz then?

This week's column is about "I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN". But that's OK because when Liz's friend Helen came to stay (have we heard of this friend before?) she brought "vegan candles", offered to walk the dogs, helped around the house, and "Liz didn't have to buy anything" to prepare for her visit. No, Liz, you just didn't bother because you consider Helen less important than a male guest. Liz doesn't mind no more sex, because men aren't gentle enough with her Myla thong and they lick her moisturiser off her face. Has her habit of separating her eyelashes with a pin caused enough damage to her sight that her dogs now look like her boyfriend? She says sex is boring, but this won't stop her writing about it ad nauseam

Thanks for that, I can save myself the pain of reading it now, sounds dreadful.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

"Myla thongs aren’t meant to be stretched, nor thrown in a corner in a ball like a dead spider. I spend the entire time during sex worrying about the location of my knickers, and how soon I will be able to pop them in the laundry basket." Men aren't gentle enough with The Thong

*mental image of Liz dancing in her Mylas to Sisqo's "The Thong Song"*

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

I’m pretty sure this week’s column was produced using some sort of Liz Jones random word generator

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

spot on! I would like to personally say a huge thank you to Liz, were it not for her column mentioning it that day I’d still be unaware of Tattle! It’s been the highlight of my summer!

Ha I don’t think I would have survived lockdown on my own without tattle REAL TALK

 

[Mediastar]

I have to confess I thought she was coming out as a Wearer of the Comfortable Shoe halfway through the column and then reality dawned: it was just the same old list of grievances (generally aimed at the Dirty Baker) who she still hasn't forgiven for providing her with a London address. Same old, same old.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I have to confess I thought she was coming out as a Wearer of the Comfortable Shoe halfway through the column and then reality dawned: it was just the same old list of grievances (generally aimed at the Dirty Baker) who she still hasn't forgiven for providing her with a London address. Same old, same old.

Liz is certainly not a Friend of Ellen, if she were we would have heard endlessly about how discriminated against she is. Helen may be a more gracious guest than the Dirty Baker but she certainly ranks below him, or any other man in Liz's priority list