Jessie and Bebe Cave

[Owlish]

Yes! And the dysmorphia. I rolled my eyes when Jessie was saying "I'm no skinny minnie" and glad Bebe challenged that. I wonder if some people stay at the age they were when they had kids. I'm around Jessie's age and she talks exactly how I did in my mid-twenties (about weight etc), but as someone now in my mid-thirties I feel much more body confident but also much more aware of how that kind of language can be so damaging, including for others.

I think being in the acting world has probably exacerbated the body image issues/diet culture mentality Jessie already had. There is so much pressure on women to be unnaturally thin. Jessie seems to have leaned into that rather than examining her own neurosis.

I felt a huge responsibility when I became a parent, not to pass on my disordered thoughts around food and body image to my children. It was hard work to heal from that but I was desperate to break the cycle. I’m not sure Jessie sees things in the same way. Especially given some of her comments around her daughter’s body shape/size.

 

[skyehigh]

She is ONLY able to be a 'working mother' because she uses her own mum's free labour to bring up her children.

This is not an option for the majority of people! Everyone I know in London pays for their own childcare and the majority are leaving a big enough gap so the free hours can kick in for #1 before they have #2.

 

[Posy Parker]

I don't envy Jessie's parenting lifestyle at all. Co sleeping with 3 children for 7 years and having a relationship with a giant man child, sounds like hell. Actual hell.

I do however like that her house always looks like a chaotic shit hole which is far more relatable for the majority of parents.

 

[blueberriesarenice]

Totally agree with all these. The fact is her mum enables her lifestyle and she is dependent on her. I’m a year or so younger than Jessie and I would hate to be dependent on my mother. What happens if god forbid her mum gets sick or something? Jessie will be a full time parent to 4 under 10, unable to write or travel with her work (I’ve tried to do both and failed because I had kids under 5 and was then a single parent, it’s just a shit reality). I listened to a couple of her podcasts and I jsut got the rage and had to stop listening because I felt that she came across as under informed and quite irresponsible. My sister in law is a midwife and she cringes at Jessie’s advice. Just another posh girl dispensing their wisdom to the masses, yawn. See also:dolly alderton.

 

[Dustye]

Agree with what everyone here has said about the latest episode, of course Tenn isn't going to want to eat properly when he's being bribed with Nutella and getting bottles and bottles of milk at night! And I say this with an incredibly fussy toddler who if he had has own way would be constantly grazing on junk.

I thought her criticism of the mum chat at the playgroup was really unfair. Of course when mums get together they're going to talk about the boring parenting stuff, that's partly why they're there. They won't all have 24/7 grandparent support, lots of them will be first-time parents so it will be their only space to talk about those things and have a conversation with someone else going through it.

I feel quite sad for her, she sounds so sad and anxious. The whole 'oh I have a massive appetite, I wish I ate less when I'm ill' routine is very Cool Girl™ and so so damaging, especially for her kids to hear that.

Oh and Alfie, if your partner has been ill with COVID and norovirus, is heavily pregnant and looking after your three kids (even with her mum on hand), maybe consider postponing the tour?

 

[maytoseptember]

I just wish she’d cut her hair. When you’re that invested in maintaining super long hair, even though it’s difficult to care for and doesn’t look particularly attractive, you have issues. I get the impression that she’s as obsessive about hair as she is about skin and not moving her face She really is neurotic.

 

[blueberriesarenice]

I actually think that “relationship” is borderline abusive. In today’s podcast she mentioned a “deal” she and Alfie made so she could have Tenn, which included this Australia trip. She then said they’re yet to make one for Becker. Seemed reluctant to go into further detail. I’m sorry but if you have to literally bargain with your partner for a child then you shouldn’t be having one, pure and simple. That is pure emotional manipulation on his part as well really, which makes you wonder what other “deals” she’s agreed to for him to even be in a relationship with her. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was allowed to play away, although she’d never publicly admit that. Have some self respect woman. It’s also not fair on these kids she keeps popping out, and I don’t think she’ll stop at this one either. There’ll be at least one more. She claims that being raped didn’t affect her but I think it really has, in that she now attaches and clings to abusive men. It’s sad and I think she needs to really work on her self worth and find someone who actually values her and would step up and be a father. This excuse of a man will never be that.

Agreed! It’s a bit like how childlike she is, and how she seems to struggle a lot with her emotions. Like she never matured. She is very insecure to the point she’s made it part of her comedy persona, she has a history of eating disorders, and sorry if this sounds too harsh but she did seem a little in denial over her brothers death. She still maintains he wasn’t being reckless with the train surfing but that’s how he died and it surprised me she has publicly refused to accept that it was a stupid mistake with tragic consequences. It’s like she thinks everything has to be perfect (her, her family, her relationship) but nothing is, and so she comes across very contradictory and troubled. I don’t know if I articulated that very well but ykwim. The babies thing is a total symptom of that. I’m sure she loves them but when you start having so many close together, sorry but it’s more about you than them. Even 1 or 2 small ones takes a huge amount of focus and resources, 4 is only going to dilute that and it would be better if they had a super involved dad (maybe even a stay at home type dad), it could work, but as it is those kids have a distracted, vocally uncommitted father and a mother who seems never to have emotionally matured beyond her traumatic teenage years, and is self involved enough to have made a whole career out of selling her personal thoughts and hot takes to the public. As I’ve said before on here, it’s all just so weird. I get a bit triggered every time I see her posting about juggling all the kids at once alone, or almost showing off how chaotic her house is, because it’s like: can’t you see this looks all a bit pitiful, from the outside? No ones jealous of her deadbeat partner or her messy house or her apparent benign neglect style of parenting. it’s like she exists in this bubble. I think she’d benefit from some therapy and a total social media break.

 

[ForeverMakingJibesWicked]

That's not fair to Peter Dinklage, who is a good looking man and seems like a decent sort.

Completely agree.

He gives me really strong Seann Walsh vibes - who, incidentally is also a complete dick and was before Strictly and any extra curricular snogging.

 

[blueberriesarenice]

God I find their whole setup really irritating and just bad vibes for Jessie and alfie as a couple. Hate his immature, entitled “negging” attitude towards her, isn’t he in his mid thirties and should think about growing out of that? (And is it me or is he just not very attractive, I think he’s punching by being with Jessie, in pretty much every way) But also the way she makes a joke of it and accepts it and stuff just speaks to serious self esteem problems on her part. Her writing is ok, her doodles are kind of funny, her podcast is ok in small doses, but why doesn’t she focus on her kids if a big family is what she really really wants? I’m one of 6 and my mum similarly seemed addicted to having babies/small kids, but as we grew up we were all pretty attention starved, there was little money to go round, and there was a lot of sibling rivalry. That’s just my experience but really if all she thought after popping out Tenn was that she wanted the next one, that’s pretty selfish and blinkered. I wish Jessie well but most of all I hope she finds a healthy relationship with a kind man who loves her someday. This is harsh but maybe that would help fill the void she keeps plugging with babies…..

 

[blueberriesarenice]

Urgh at Jessie reposting Alfie’s story about how he and Jessie prefer their way to “traditional relationships”. Yeah because it’s so normal to have 4 kids with (and be unmarried to) a chronically commitment phobic man who negs you despite being in his mid to late 30s

 

[maytoseptember]

I really want to like Jessie and I’ve followed her on Insta twice (and unfollowed twice ) but there’s just something about her I can’t get on with.

I think it’s because she’s just another cliched posh, privileged girl being chaotic and bohemian.

 

[sixback]

My thoughts exactly! I’m not saying sibling names need to be matchy-matchy, but there’s something so incoherent about those names as a set.

Tennesse & Becker sounds like a cigarette/tobacco brand.

 

[sixback]

She has a serious eating disorder and I wonder if the people in her life are concerned about it or just go along with it. The fact she won't even let herself eat properly during pregnancy is so depressing. I also despair for how her disordered eating will affect her kids. My mum had an eating disorder while we were growing up and it definitely negatively impacted my brother and I in our relationship to food.

 

[17daize]

Lurker here moved to comment on Jessie’s weird mimicking of their patreon supporters in their podcast today… It just seemed ungrateful and nasty and then they went on to joke about only being able to afford to feed the children beans which is massively tone deaf at the moment. I have always found Jessie annoying but I’m starting to think they are the worst kind of entitled privileged as hell people. Also paying a sleep therapist to help with the baby as she hasn’t slept for more than 3 hours since he’s been born… meanwhile Alfie is taking it easy in his own bedroom!? Her pushing him as some great talent who just needs a break is getting old too… he is not at all funny or clever and we definitely aren’t lacking another posh white boy with industry parents so just cool it Jessie!
Also definitely believe the kids would be going to private school. They own a flat in the Barbican (which Bebe lives in/is worth around a million *starving actress vibes*) and the private school kids always get the acting jobs so it’s a good investment isn’t it?

 

[blatherer]

I feel bad for donnie who also supports lpool (because of his dad) but instead of watching the game together his dad fucks off to Paris to watch it live without him

 

[17daize]

Shame for them they can’t do the double barrel name thing. Although I can imagine Jessie stoically trying to style out Brown Cave

 

[boxoftreasures]

Does anyone else have women close to them who harbour a man like Alfie? Women with an extra man child who they hold on a pedestal… It’s so archaic and irritating yet so common!!

YES. I know SO many women like this and it’s infuriating. I definitely am guilty of always thinking my women friends deserve better men than they have but I do look at a lot of their man-child husbands/boyfriends and wonder why they’re settling for them.
The same is true of Jessie and Alfie. She thinks he’s wonderful but he’s so clearly the sort of tosser you’re supposed to age out of dating in your late 20s and look back on with a shudder. I can’t believe she’s chained herself to him with 3 kids. Poor girl can’t think much of herself to do that.

 

[Alansbigplate]

It’s like they don’t know how to be in a relationship without a baby

 

[ForeverMakingJibesWicked]

It still refers to Tenn as Abraham.

Am I missing something; was he originally called Abraham?

you know, anyone who wants to have numerous kids has my full backing on the proviso they don’t reek of dysfunction - something this set up really does.

there’s something about Alfie Brown, he really sets off my red flags and I think she’s just so fucking grateful to be with him there’s bound to be an element of potentially trying to hold onto him with every kid born.

I really don’t get that vibe with Sophie Ellis Bextor - I don’t even get it with Jools Oliver, even though Jamie is a bit of a shagger by all accounts.

 

[Sprezza]

I don't know if I'll bother listening anymore. The podcasts are so repetitive and all seem to follow the same formula:
so hard being a working mum
so hard being 'poor'
so hard being a 'fat' actress
so hard having a much more talented sister
so hard being the only people in the world to experience grief
so great coming from such an artsy/ quirky family
weight,weight,weight,kids,acting,weight, Alfie blah blah blah