Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

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kachoochoo

kachoochoo

once upon a time, a girl called jack opened the door of her massive house slightly too small RENTED bungalow.

"oh my," she breathed, nasally. "what the absolute duck are all these treasures amongst my straggly herbs?"

for she gazed upon a trove of magical treasures. "why, Cooper, you 50 per cent catto, have you seen this?" she gasped, hysterically.

cooper did not see. cooper was playing his regular war games with the friendly local mice.

"why, nameless bunny, have you seen this?"

nameless bunny did not see. nameless bunny was fenced in by large amounts of salad-with-a-twist.

jack exhaled satisfactorily.

"oh, look upon the glorious treasure which has so unexpectedly landed on the ground, right here! it must be meant for me! this Burberry scarf, it is for me! these two phones are for me! these airpods, they are for me to drop in food! this tracey emin, for me! these four cotswold co sideboards and shoe rack! for me! and a sentient mirror as well! I'm so deserving as the champion of the poor, so these luxury goods that I have suddenly found on the ground are my rewards, the universe is giving back, cos I am SO POOR (please give generously). there is no one more deserving than me, all the squiggles say so. now duck off and leave me with my luxury goods."
 
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lilamay

lilamay

Toffee finger said:
I’m in quite a few, no Burberry scarves popping up on the search. But as Jack said this was many many years ago so it’ll have been removed now. That is definitely why nothing comes up and not because it’s a lie..

On the Southend Crimewatch page someone had their car broken in to a couple of years ago and a Burberry scarf was one of the items stolen.
Click to expand...
Yes, because everything old just gets removed from the internet... Oh wait no that's just Jack's twitter 🤪
 
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N

nightfeedz

Jack Monroe must be a character. Finding Burberry scarves in the mud. I can no longer accept that this is not performance art.
 
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Silver Linings

Silver Linings

Her Mum is v.poorly, she says. 😔 Still gets a joke in about eating their biscuits though. I hope her Mum feels better soon.
 
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