Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

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Ohhhhhh I canā€™t keep up with these threads at the mo! But I had to comment on that insta post from the last thread because it made me absolutely seethe. You know she absolutely loved that two people were concerned for her and took time out of their day to pay some attention to fragile little troubled Jack (if it happened which it probably didnā€™t). Itā€™s so pathetic. Jack Monroe, the protagonist of reality.

ā€˜Notoriously deep lakeā€™. How deep does a lake have to be to obtain notoriety? Does it penetrate into the earthā€™s core? Is it a gateway into hell? To be fair Iā€™d consider any place with Jack sat waiting at the end of it the gateway to hell.
She loves throwing in pointless adjectives, like it adds more depths to her writing and makes her sound intelligent when sheā€™s doing a ā€œmoodyā€ selfie/article for the Guardian. Then does lots of ā€œvery veryā€ ā€œmany manyā€ posts ā€œthe crappy bungalow is very very coldā€ and ā€œmany many noticesā€ writing like we were taught exactly NOT to write once we got to secondary school age 11. You can see when sheā€™s spent an age thinking about her words and when sheā€™s replying to a tweet with a lie
 
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A little rummage on facebook shows several "found" Burberry scarves, but not That One, but there seem to be loads of scams with random people receiving very realistic fakes, unsolicited, through the post, ( is this called "brushing"?) , for the purpose of leaving a review of a "verified" purchase on Amazon.

Her story is such a pit of slurry.
 
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I was in Sarfend in November last year (to see Tim Minchin at the Cliffs). Iā€™m *sure* I just happened to lose my Burberry scarf...
I wouldnā€™t have seen any notices or FB posts on local pages as I donā€™t live there
Go on, dare me ;)
Scarfend, please...
 
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Can I just say how funny it would be if someone replied to her saying that they were in Southend at the time and happened to lose their scarf, and thank her for finding their Ā£370 scarf and get details of how to return it to its rightful owner.

The tweet would be gone quicker than you could say salmon paste.
Yes! Iā€™m dying for someone to do this. I bet someone somewhere has actually lost a Burberry scarf, sheā€™s so full of tit it would become so awkward with her changing the details of her bullshit (obsessive about facts) to squirm out of it.
 
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Funny how she was offered a Burberry trench coat for free but turned it down for moral reasons. What are the chances that a few years on sheā€™d find herself a free Burberry scarf. How lovely.
 
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Finding a Burberry scarf in the mud, having it cleaned and trying desperately to find the owner and merely now "looking after it" is just one of those instant classic Jack Monroe moments. It's immediately in my top 3.
 
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No offence but Thanks to TV I find Burberry really chavvy. Wouldn't touch it even if I found it.
 
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Anyone a member of any Southend Facebook groups? šŸ˜
Iā€™m in quite a few, no Burberry scarves popping up on the search. But as Jack said this was many many years ago so itā€™ll have been removed now. That is definitely why nothing comes up and not because itā€™s a lie..

On the Southend Crimewatch page someone had their car broken in to a couple of years ago and a Burberry scarf was one of the items stolen.
 
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No offence but Thanks to TV I find Burberry really chavvy. Wouldn't touch it even if I found it.
Yes. Reminds me of those fellas that would sell 5 lighters for a pound and fake Burberry caps in Belfast city centre back in the day. That being said, I would still absolutely love to find a genuine designer anything. What luck she has! šŸ˜‚
 
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A coconut and salmon/haddock ...soup? With cheese and massacred leeks on toast? I am baffled by this combination. Just because you can buy a jar of salmon paste for 30p doesn't mean you should, she could quite easily have saved the 30p and just made it a vegetable soup, no hiding required. Furthermore why is she acting like there's a bleeping tundra directly outside her door? She's apparently already bundled up like some sort of venomous Eskimo ffs, just go outside you ludicrous prune.

In the last thread @Blurp made mention of a bingo card so I made one for you all. The prize is not having to eat any mysterious slop.

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I was thinking of one the other day, but you beat me to it. šŸ˜…

Here is mine:

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The ā€˜nice lady editor offering her a Burberry coat over lunchā€™ receipt. Soz if someoneā€™s already posted this, Iā€™m a tired Frau tonight.

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The mittens are from Asda, stand down Fraus. And honestly, the milk tray man. Why are her references always so strangely dated?
The strangely dated cultural references will be from having very little herself but picking some up from older girlfriends I would wager.

I can say this with some confidence as Iā€™m the same age as Jack and despite remembering a fair bit of TV from my early childhood years, I have 0 memory of the milk tray man because heā€™s way before my time šŸ˜‚ however, I know of the reference because of an older ex!
 
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Wish she'd do a poll on 'Who believed my story about the scarf?'. I am absolutely hooting. Dear god how gullible are these people
 
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