What about an overflowing kitchen bin? Isn‘t that basically kindling for when the extension leads dangling over your hob catch fire, joined swiftly by the shitty oven you’ve got perched above head height? Before the fire lunges out towards the garden shed where you keep your gas canisters and camping stoves, all ending in a massive fireball that takes out your luxury hammock? More tips please, Jack!Aww Naya. That reminds me, remember when Jack jumped on that bandwagon and then deleted the tweets. Speaking of tweets, she’s had her Station Officer Steele hat on this afternoon and has been tweeting about fire safety tips. She is scarred from listening to someone stuck in a grain silo, which I have to confess I snort laughed at as I tried to sneakily grunk. View attachment 255052
Perhaps she can also teach us how to walk one foot in front of the other, inhaling oxygen as we go. And fucking ‘gas station’.
We love you @Incywincy. https://giphy.com/X8y8asmKRNaMn3h508Incywincy is on the grunka express, currently in #66
Where exactly is Southend?Aww Naya. That reminds me, remember when Jack jumped on that bandwagon and then deleted the tweets. Speaking of tweets, she’s had her Station Officer Steele hat on this afternoon and has been tweeting about fire safety tips. She is scarred from listening to someone stuck in a grain silo, which I have to confess I snort laughed at as I tried to sneakily grunk. View attachment 255052
Perhaps she can also teach us how to walk one foot in front of the other, inhaling oxygen as we go. And fucking ‘gas station’.
This may come as shocking news to Jack but most regional fire services have an entire section devoted to home fire safety and prevention. Including hoarding. Whole teams of hard working, very experienced staff helping people out in their communities.All that fire hazard safety chat from a woman whos house looks like an episode of Hoarders. Ovens balanced on top of microwaves. Remember her DKL setup with all the plugs and wires. Sure, jan
Maybe she's doing a photoshoot for a collaboration with them .I'm genuinely quite horrified by this. How can anyone promote five dinners all based on sausages? It's insane. I'm sure our Jack was their consultant. It's the only explanation that makes sense.
What?! Sorry you must have it wrong, dear. Jack Monroe was and is the one and only nation's leading Fire Safety Expert. Is it any wonder she is so busy and exhausted that one morning school run calls for her to go back to bed.This may come as shocking news to Jack but most regional fire services have an entire section devoted to home fire safety and prevention. Including hoarding. Whole teams of hard working, very experienced staff helping people out in their communities.
Gosh. Yes. My silly brainWhat?! Sorry you must have it wrong, dear. Jack Monroe was and is the one and only nation's leading Fire Safety Expert. Is it any wonder she is so busy and exhausted that one morning school run calls for her to go back to bed.
It would be like the Krypton Factor if she had to escape quickly ! Right you're cleared 3 sideboards squeeze by the Smeg then avoid your £300 quid mirror now breathe .Aww Naya. That reminds me, remember when Jack jumped on that bandwagon and then deleted the tweets. Speaking of tweets, she’s had her Station Officer Steele hat on this afternoon and has been tweeting about fire safety tips. She is scarred from listening to someone stuck in a grain silo, which I have to confess I snort laughed at as I tried to sneakily grunk. View attachment 255052
Perhaps she can also teach us how to walk one foot in front of the other, inhaling oxygen as we go. And fucking ‘gas station’.
I had an actual enema today (in hospital for exploratory surgery) which was probably preferable to swigging down Jackie’s slop.Thank you. It involved an enema(I drank some of Jack’s kombucha)
I'm only laughing as I've had one too (and that horrible painful camera test up the unmentionables) and wholeheartedly agree with youI had an actual enema today (in hospital for exploratory surgery) which was probably preferable to swigging down Jackie’s slop.
Indeed. Part of my (peripatetic!) job involves doing that very thing. Imagine! Not thinking you know it fucking all? Even after actual real life decades of experience. Pfft.You know what needs to come back into fashion? Deferring to others who have more experience than yourself.
So many Tom, Dick and Jacks need to have an opinion on everything. It's okay to go 'dunno man, I only worked there for five minutes so I couldn't comment'
The JackolytesWho the fuck needs a recipe for sausage, chips & beans? Or Sausage, mash, peas & gravy?
Shouldn’t that be a fistful of kale?Can you imagine Jack's recipe for sausage, mash, peas and gravy?
INGREDIENTS
6 x sausages (3p each)
Asda essential cola (17p) - to marinade the sausages
1 tin of sweetcorn INC. ephemera
Instant potato mash
POBP
1 tin spaghetti hoops (rinsed) mixed with 1 tin of marrowfat peas
red lentils
Gravy granules
1 kilo lard
Handful of kale
1 tin Tesco finest sardines
1 5 day old bag of lettuce
1 cup cold tea
3 tablespoons tomato puree mixed with 500ml stock & some tiny bits of carrot
EQUIPMENT
Bullet blender
Slow cooker
Mandolin
Sieve
Chainsaw
Le Creuset casserole dish
Sunglasses
Potato ricer
Air Fryer (aff link)
Ah I hope you are ok xI had an actual enema today (in hospital for exploratory surgery) which was probably preferable to swigging down Jackie’s slop.
Thank youAh I hope you are ok x
she hasn't posted dinner yetAnyways peeps. Seeing as I am blocked on Twitter. What’s for dinner.....
Still pretending to do £20 meals?
Lol. I live in the Southend area and I don’t recognise the places she talks aboutWhere exactly is Southend?gas station, thrift shop, has the eye/tap interface caused some sort of concussion? Does she think this is the U.S?
If it leads her new client and people in general to google "jack monroe david cameron" then I for one wholeheartedly approve of her shrine to the swineFor the price of printer ink you could probably buy sausages with 0% eyelash content instead of printing out half page pictures of David Cameron?
she hasn't posted dinner yet
nowt since she was wittering to a squiggle about all the fire hazards her dad has warned her about.
these include, but are not limited to, electric blankets, silos, motorbikes and ouija boards. well, the ouija board isn't strictly a fire hazard, but there was wittering
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