Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[Pocahontas]

Those fake Jack profiles?

It's...the mirror's account!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who’s the biggest lying, faking, pretend poor, purveyor of absolute shit food, and manipulator of all?

Why, it’s you, dear heart. Now fuck off.

 

[replace32titles]

Hi, I'm another lurker and I have no idea why. I've never followed Jack on any SM, never even seen her books, let alone bought or read one, never seen her on TV. One minute I was vaguely aware of her existence and the next minute I'm spending half my life playing catch-up with these threads.

 

[Mrslightyear]

Hi I am a lurker. Currently reading thread 17. Sometimes I dip into the real time thread and yesterday I hooted and fizzed at peeky mink revelations as I crammed my Cornflakes into my face like a greedy goblin.

I was a fan until the kitten tragedy really upset me and I delved deeper and found you guys.

I was willing to give her a chance and worried about her until yesterday and ocado.

I told my husband all about it and even he raised his eyebrows and said "Is she a scammer?"

The fraus have got me through lock down and covid madness and have taught me a lot eg weighted blankets, good recipe books.

Thank you Fraus.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I feel irrationally cross about the whisky thing....

 

[Oofadoofa]

Also does she not understand that self praise doesn't fucking count???

*New Book release*

Jack Monroe’s MustTryHarder - How to make bland food on a middle class budget! By Jack Monroe

Just check out what others have been saying about it..

“A seminal piece of work” - Jack Monroe, TV presenter.

“Who knew it was possible to create such culinary delights on such a shoestring, or should I say ‘bootstrap’..LOL!” Jack Monroe, Fire Service.

“Incredible food. And it’s amazing how she finds the time, I’ve heard she’s really BUSY” - Jack Monroe, stripper.

“Jamie Oliver eat your heart out” - Jack Monroe, political commentator.

“Food for all the family” - Jack Monroe, mother.

etc etc...

 

[Eyelid sausages]

Hi Fraus, I stumbled here by accident, but my eyes are truly open now. It was the black eye thing which really gave me the kick I needed to stop following JM's SM, and come over here to the cabal.
Now fuck off x

 

[doop]

Why does she hate food so much?

 

[jenny2603]

Why are people asking what the colour looks like when they have Google at their fucking fingertips?

We do and the first result Google throws up for me describes eau de nil as a pale duck egg blue.

All Jack has done here is illustrate that she is VERY FAMILIAR with the Fortnum & Mason colours. It’s not really on brand for someone who presents herself as some kind of impoverished Dickensian urchin, is it now?

She probably heard F&M being discussed in fancy houses when she was sweeping chimneys as a child.

 

[Houseoflearneddoctors]

Frau’s I don’t have a child so please do tell me if I’m talking out of my (Mediterranean) arse.. but I think that I would sell a sideboard to feed my child quality food

 

[colouredlines]

Yes. Last Sunday I went to Waitrose to pick up bits for dinner (fancy) and the free range meat was something unbelievable like £12 for a pack of chicken so I bought a load of vegetables instead (butchers was closed UGH) and made a big hearty stew. Shall I write an article on it so you peasants can do it too?

Waitrose?? Daughter of a literal baron are you?

Hearty stew? What's wrong with risotto made from salmon paste mixed with rinsed spaghetti hoops?

 

[crystaleyesd]

Her latest pic of Cooper shows one of those tri-fold makeup mirrors - perfect for creating the most REALISTIC bruises and for staring at your sad little narc face in proper HD for hours on end. I'm not going to post the s/s but don't care if someone else does!

Anyway, pretty sure I triangulated it. You can get one of these mirrors for twenty quid on Amazon. Jack's, of course, costs £300. ADD IT TO THE LIST @HarderFaster!

 

[Switchstreetz]

Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the poorest of us all

 

[Themaninblack]

Frauen, please let's be fair. Those sausages are (approximately) 68% vegan.

 

[Formal Chicken]

What a day! I wasn’t around when jack showed up but I can now tell my grandkids I was around for the great uncovering of peeky mink

I’ve been looking after an ill parent last couple of weeks but the cabal has kept me entertained. Special shout out to the photoshopping skills, such talented Frau

 

[Montrachet]

.

Great name and picture. Welcome, Frau.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I wish I had the deluded self-confidence to reach out to industry experts after making a batch of darjeeling vinaigrette

 

[I steal names]

Ahh haha, more Cotswolds stuff too .

 

[HarderFaster]

No 11+ tutor and 32% bollock sausages for SB, but a £400 hammock and a £300 mirror for Jack. They're the true essentials, after all.

Maybe this is what she means when she describes herself as unmaternal. Completely and utterly focused on her own possessions, which she considers SB one of.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Has one go at making kombucha and is now an expert looking for mass production.

I made one good curry so really open to the BashmentLady chain of curryhouses opening up across Europe. Any dear heart investors dm me.

Look she just plays piano by ear, bashes out recipes that work first time, slays dragons, conquers fears and now is ready to release the first ever mom alcoholic whiskey I don’t know why you lot keep mithering on about things you know nothing about

ETA I’m leaving that mother fucking typo in because LOL

 

[Scarletfever]

Don't do it poor squiggle