Aye, Innit, Strewth.
Jack Monroe #65 Green gages and ham
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
This is brilliant, and impossible not to adoptUncle albert!
Every time she tells one of her tall tales, in my head its prefaced by 'durin' the war'...
Wasnt this the reason she moved from her flat over looking the sea too? Caused her erm er 
arthritis flare up..
arthritis flare up..Attachments
Does anyone else ever one to finish her list of things she's wearing, cooking, writing, reading when "and a partridge in a pear tree" no...? Just me...? Lol
Less sideboard buying get better doors?Wasnt this the reason she moved from her flat over looking the sea too? Caused her erm er
Less sideboard buying get better doors?Wasnt this the reason she moved from her flat over looking the sea too? Caused her erm er
Please, someone on Twitter say ‘you could try getting a smaller house’...
There’s no way on earth she’s wearing a jumper, thermals, and hat and yet still needs the heating on in a bungalow. I live in a draughty pile of bricks (for all you MOD & FOD lovers), and yesterday we were out all day and came back to a freezing cold house. I’d left all the upstairs windows open, forgetting that the heatwave is over! Guess what? Jumpers and fluffy socks on, all windows quickly closed, we all warmed up very quickly. I can afford to put the heating on, despite having no Patreon account, and yet still avoided it as it’s wasteful. She’s a bleep.
When she says "aye" the hairs on my Scottish toes curl up.....
Ditto! Gives me the actual rage!
So for some reason, ever since the riveting greengage jam/caramel/lava/slop saga, I get the 2000 Wheatus "hit" Teenage Dirtbag in my head whenever I read the word greengage, and, well, this is the end result. (Having 4 hours of sleep - sadly not due to anything fun or scandalous - might have also addled my brain...)
--------
Her name is Nigel(la)
I need a sugar momma
Postcards to sell
But still in a crappy dormer
Oh, how she rocks
Likes tweets of my slop
But she surely knows I can't cook
And she'll never collaborate with me
'Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
THAT MAN is a dick
And he took my TV show
But I'd simply kick
His shins 'cause I'm Jack Monroe
I fall under trains
And I'm desperate for fame
But why don't they know who I am
And why do I need three sideboards anyway
Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
Oh yeah
Burnt jam
Mrs J doesn't know what she's missing
My food looks like mould
I'm BUSY but I am lonely
Lo and behold
Somebody's tweeting at me
My backstory's fake
But this must be fate
She seems to know who I am
And there's no blue tick but she seems wealthy
"I own five restaurants in central Edinburgh
I'll pay for the sleeper, bring your blender
I'll roleplay Nigella or Fassbender for you"
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
--------
Her name is Nigel(la)
I need a sugar momma
Postcards to sell
But still in a crappy dormer
Oh, how she rocks
Likes tweets of my slop
But she surely knows I can't cook
And she'll never collaborate with me
'Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
THAT MAN is a dick
And he took my TV show
But I'd simply kick
His shins 'cause I'm Jack Monroe
I fall under trains
And I'm desperate for fame
But why don't they know who I am
And why do I need three sideboards anyway
Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
Oh yeah
Burnt jam
Mrs J doesn't know what she's missing
My food looks like mould
I'm BUSY but I am lonely
Lo and behold
Somebody's tweeting at me
My backstory's fake
But this must be fate
She seems to know who I am
And there's no blue tick but she seems wealthy
"I own five restaurants in central Edinburgh
I'll pay for the sleeper, bring your blender
I'll roleplay Nigella or Fassbender for you"
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
After her ‘hit’ this morning of the same old stories about austerity* she’s now desperate for a bigger engagement on her usual shite.
*austerity was, and remains awful, I mean her re-hashing and inserting herself into stories.
Urgh. Just, whatever. (I’m in a mood!)
Just noticed she’s changed her pinned tweet, even a few weeks ago she would have doubled the attention it’s got now, only 61 replies and 1,900 ish faves. I really do think ao many people have muted her because they can’t unfollow her for the optics of it.
*austerity was, and remains awful, I mean her re-hashing and inserting herself into stories.
Urgh. Just, whatever. (I’m in a mood!)
Just noticed she’s changed her pinned tweet, even a few weeks ago she would have doubled the attention it’s got now, only 61 replies and 1,900 ish faves. I really do think ao many people have muted her because they can’t unfollow her for the optics of it.
Heart bleeds for her. My kids genuinely have to wear a hoodie when they use the toilet in our house come late autumn/winter, as its so cold.
My house is really old and draughty and we are forever damp proofing, yet I am still only needing a jumper. Like someone else said it's wasteful and not very eco to have the heating on for a slightly chilly day.
Doesn't sound like their will be any naked reading today.
Yes and then you have no baseline, either. When it gets properly cold you are already used to being wrapped up/artificially warm. She’s so annoying. But, clothes on and out of the garden today! Maybe she’ll treat us to a wig/hat pic. She needs a new profile pic to go with her new pinned tweet.
Jack blocked me on Facebook because my experience of being in poverty didn’t match the nonsense she was spouting about Rees Mogg and the tower block cooking show.
If people are truly in poverty the last thing they will be buying is that book of hers. It’s unbelievable the same week as Marcus Rashford asks people to email him she’s doing the same. It’s middle class virtue signalling on her part as far as I’m concerned. Also. She’s going to be making money from this book I assume? From other people’s experiences of poverty?
With regards to her heating use. I read an article about how frugal she is with the heating and how her and her son sleep with electric blankets on their beds.
Just put the heating on. If you have money to rent a bunglalow in Southend you have money to pay your bills.
Also her comments about not insuring her belongings. Absolute nonsense. I’ve just moved house and I bought insurance online. You don’t need to speak to anyone to buy insurance for your home.
She would be distraught and rightfully so if a disaster happened in her flat and she had to claim on her non existent insurance.
As for her being a poverty political champion or whatever she calls herself there are people who stand out in all weathers signposting people to services. Handing out food parcels. Cooking in community kitchens. Ones who don’t spend their lives banging on about how great they are and making money from other people’s misery.
If people are truly in poverty the last thing they will be buying is that book of hers. It’s unbelievable the same week as Marcus Rashford asks people to email him she’s doing the same. It’s middle class virtue signalling on her part as far as I’m concerned. Also. She’s going to be making money from this book I assume? From other people’s experiences of poverty?
With regards to her heating use. I read an article about how frugal she is with the heating and how her and her son sleep with electric blankets on their beds.
Just put the heating on. If you have money to rent a bunglalow in Southend you have money to pay your bills.
Also her comments about not insuring her belongings. Absolute nonsense. I’ve just moved house and I bought insurance online. You don’t need to speak to anyone to buy insurance for your home.
She would be distraught and rightfully so if a disaster happened in her flat and she had to claim on her non existent insurance.
As for her being a poverty political champion or whatever she calls herself there are people who stand out in all weathers signposting people to services. Handing out food parcels. Cooking in community kitchens. Ones who don’t spend their lives banging on about how great they are and making money from other people’s misery.
Who the hell says "strewth" north of the equator? What a knob. Next she'll be calling the 50% cat a "flaming mongrel"
Last edited:
How much is a pudding down the Groucho?
Dining room? Fancy!
Erm...why does she care she isn't a waitress nor own a restaurant yet....? So why does that matter to her what people spend their money on.
She bangs on about people telling her off for putting her heating on in August yet tells people they shouldn't be doing this. They probably shouldn't be she needs to be less of a hypocrite. If you don't want people to judge you don't judge them.
She bangs on about people telling her off for putting her heating on in August yet tells people they shouldn't be doing this. They probably shouldn't be she needs to be less of a hypocrite. If you don't want people to judge you don't judge them.
- Status