Jack Monroe #62 A piss-poor cook with bad manners and no decent underwear

[Lanie]

I used to work beside someone who would put cold tinned potatoes on a buttered roll, laggered them in salt and brown sauce and wolfed it down like his life depended on it. Actual boak central.

I have mentioned before I don't really like food in tins I prefer the frozen counterparts if cannot have fresh for money reasons or I just have something else.

I understand that some people love it and that's great for them, I've just never enjoyed tinned meats or veg.

 

[MancBee]

The only thing tinned potatoes are good for is being fried in a frying pan imo. Some of her tips and tricks don't half lack common sense. I'm still not over the whole "herbs are all the same so you might as well use any of them in any dish, won't affect it at all" (paraphrased, obvs) debacle

Like you, it is the anything will do as a substitute that I can't get my head around. There are often suitable substitutes, but not anything will do.

I don't understand the "use butter, or any fat will do" rubbish. Is she suggesting you could use lard, dripping or cheap margarine as a substitute for butter in her recipes? She even said to put any fat, any cheese or any pepper, in that abomination of a recipe for cacio e pepe. Imagine that with beef dripping, green pepper and cream cheese.

 

[Pocahontas]

Christ I’m a dick. The spoiler appeared at the end of the message. I’m off to flagellate myself with tinned potatoes and rinsed minced beans. Really sorry if my last message was triggering for anyone, I’m just genuinely a technological fuckwit. X

Don’t beat yourself up. Getting one’s head around technical fuckwizardry is a challenge - please stay away from rinsed minced beans, nobody deserves THAT. What you wrote wasn’t that bad, just an observation and people can skim it as they’ll see the ‘Spoiler’ at the end

A trick for Spoilers is to try to get your text riiiiight in the middle of the two square brackets, without deleting either square bracket.

 

[Lanie]

Like you, it is the anything will do as a substitute that I can't get my head around. There are often suitable substitutes, but not anything will do.

I don't understand the "use butter, or any fat will do" rubbish. Is she suggesting you could use lard, dripping or cheap margarine as a substitute for butter in her recipes? She even said to put any fat, or any cheese in that abomination of a recipe for cacio e pepe. Imagine that with lard and cream cheese.

She's going back to the days of yore. The days when my 90 year neighbour talks about when she fried potatoes for breakfast, had bread and dripping and porridge sandwiches and condensed milk over bread in lieu of sweets.

 

[CottageWitch]

I used to work beside someone who would put cold tinned potatoes on a buttered roll, laggered them in salt and brown sauce and wolfed it down like his life depended on it. Actual boak central.

That sounds horrific...wait half an hour and JM will be claiming she invented it!

Like you, it is the anything will do as a substitute that I can't get my head around. There are often suitable substitutes, but not anything will do.

I don't understand the "use butter, or any fat will do" rubbish. Is she suggesting you could use lard, dripping or cheap margarine as a substitute for butter in her recipes? She even said to put any fat, any cheese or any pepper, in that abomination of a recipe for cacio e pepe. Imagine that with beef dripping, green pepper and cream cheese.

Some of the sub ideas are just batshit aren't they. I can't believe she's tried all the sub ideas she gives out and genuinely thinks they taste as good as each other. Not all foods are created equal and not all foods can replace each other. Mint and parsley are not the same thing! Neither is butter and beef dripping! If any of her followers would just THINK about what she's saying they'd see how absolutely ludicrous some of hwr suggestions are

 

[colouredlines]

Her followers seem to fall into two camps:

a) the rich ones who see her as their pet pov, and think that by liking her tweets they're Doing Their Bit. They would never actually MAKE one of her recipes, but they do believe that her recipes have literally saved lives (whose?)

b) people who know absolutely nothing about food (letdown larder crowd). I didn't realise these people really existed until I joined that Feed Yourself for £1 a Day FB group that was mentioned here, looking for ideas...and the first post I saw was "What can I do with eggs?" I mean, come on, the answer is really pretty much anything, they are the single most versatile ingredient in the world, and also make a nifty projectile weapon.

When your baseline is "what can I do with eggs?" Jack and her fancy pepper may well look impressive!

 

[lilamay]

Her followers seem to fall into two camps:

a) the rich ones who see her as their pet pov, and think that by liking her tweets they're Doing Their Bit. They would never actually MAKE one of her recipes, but they do believe that her recipes have literally saved lives (whose?)

b) people who know absolutely nothing about food (letdown larder crowd). I didn't realise these people really existed until I joined that Feed Yourself for £1 a Day FB group that was mentioned here, looking for ideas...and the first post I saw was "What can I do with eggs?" I mean, come on, the answer is really pretty much anything, they are the single most versatile ingredient in the world, and also make a nifty projectile weapon.

When your baseline is "what can I do with eggs?" Jack and her fancy pepper may well look impressive!

Followers in camp b also forget that google exists. Case in point:

 

[Warrend]

On the subject of tinned food, I like tinned soup. Thinking about it, I even prefer tinned soup to fresh, especially the cheap own brand ones hahaha.

I also like tinned fish, but that's it. Everything else makes me hurl. Once I was in the mood for houmous but the shop only had tinned so I thought I'd try it. Gelatinous, bland slop. Reader, I threw it away!

 

[Lornadoom]

I feel sorry for people who do not have a lot of money and attempt to follow one of the recipes. The slop tastes so awful they have to bin it, a waste of their time, energy and money. ETA I tried two of the veg recipes in the Guardian years ago, binned both.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Walkdengirl]

Haha, thanks, I just have a twisted mind

Thank you, it was amazing!!!

 

[Captainmouse]

The only thing tinned potatoes are good for is being fried in a frying pan imo. Some of her tips and tricks don't half lack common sense. I'm still not over the whole "herbs are all the same so you might as well use any of them in any dish, won't affect it at all" (paraphrased, obvs) debacle

Or in mackie speak herbs schwerbs

 

[lilamay]

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WHERE IS THE EYE ROLL EMOJI?!

She just loves to get angry about things, doesn't she?

 

[Silver Linings]

Jack has spun her wheel of pretend opinions for the day and off she goes.

 

[Toffee finger]

Bravo for completing Tattle @Pocahontas you legend! <Insert all the congratulations/whoop whoop GIFs>

People put flowers on cakes etc because it looks pretty, a concept she clearly doesn’t understand going by her food photos.

 

[Veronicaaa]

WHERE IS THE EYE ROLL EMOJI?!

She just loves to get angry about things, doesn't she?

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Imagine looking at wedding cake photos and being all like OH FOR duck'S SAKE THE FLOWERS AREN'T EVEN EDIBLE.

 

[Lanie]

I feel sorry for people who do not have a lot of money and attempt to follow one of the recipes. The slop tastes so awful they have to bin it, a waste of their time, energy and money. ETA I tried two of the veg recipes in the Guardian years ago, binned both.

I also feel the same for people who cannot execute a basic recipie. Ie the egg comment.
Eggs are so simple to use in so many recipies, pancakes, cakes, eggs Benedict, eggs royale, boiled fried, scrambled, omelette which in itself can be versatile, used along with many ingredients ie bacon cheese or cooked with potatoes to make it spanish.

I've said it before she is not pioneering in cooking but to many people ( who have no knowledge of cooking ) she is a pioneer and is also relatable because her cooking is so tragically basic. They feel they can manage it.

 

[Lornadoom]

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FFS What about her "breakfast bowls" for Mrs J? They were chockful of inedible shite.

 

[lilamay]

Imagine going to a wedding and being all like OH FOR duck'S SAKE THE FLOWERS ON THE CAKE AREN'T EVEN EDIBLE.

They'll probably have INEDIBLE figures of the newlyweds AND an INEDIBLE ribbon on wedding cake, the ridiculousness!

 

[Captainmouse]

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Not as irritated as we get mackie with your inedible recipes, fruits, veg, herbs, spices, fats, oils etc etc have different names because they are NOT the same! Putting your hand in the scrabble tile bag to find a substitution is not cooking. and really doesn’t help. You are just wasting money of people who can least afford it.

and breathe