Jack Monroe #573 Close your Patreon, you thieving liar

[Valiofthedolls]

Did ye, aye?

Can’t wait to see the photo you post as “proof” this time, Jack!

Spoiler

 

[MooBelle]

Hopkins there making a compelling case for the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy. Glad she’s getting a dig in though, vile as she is.

It's a strange feeling isn't it? The feeling first was felt by me when Edwina Currie stood up to her. Currie is vile but she was incredible.
If you've not seen the footage (the origins of 'my grandfather is DEAD') it is quite incredible. Currie does not show one iota of emotion or weakness on her face whilst Jack has a full on Narc tantrum in front of her. Her response to DEAD is 'I know, I've read his obituary he was a rich man wasn't he?' without skipping a heartbeat. I'm not sure we've got it in the Wiki but pretty sure it is on YouTube.
It's a strange thing to get your head around but I always think that this is just how bad Jack is. She's so bad I'm applauding Edwina Currie followed by pity for Katie Hopkins. That is how awful she is.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

“Getting on with the job”. Ha!

More tricksy language. Has a single one of her critics ever tried to “destabilise and discredit” the eradication of food poverty? No. It’s she who is discrediting that cause. <Insert “Are we the baddies?” GIF>.

It's always "getting on with the job" in the face of criticism. All the rest of the time it's sorting her vast teabag collection into 100 tiny drawers of a vintage piece of furniture she found in a puddle, a long winded thread about cleaning the same copper kettle for the third time, 500 pics of her cat, 1002 facetuned selfies, 24 hours of tweeting about the eucalyptus tree in her garden, an entire year of lying about a house move. I could go on all day here.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Thread title by @MavisBeacon, nominated by @Geetbo. You each win a nice bowl that is not chipped.

Recap: Guest is on Twitter making incredibly acrid slops, and posting close-up photos of her bedroom that we suspect are intended to torment the canal, since it's not obvious from them whether or not she has moved. But we are more worried about ~*~Coopsie~*~ whose coat and nose are looking worse than ever. For some reason she made a big to-do out of eating from a chipped bowl, and she's been making up a few more tall tales; suggesting she's desperate for attention as always. She continues to lock and unlock her Twitter in a fruitless attempt at damage control; squigs are not deceived and we've spotted some amusing comments. Her Patreon, as the thread title suggests, remains open.

She got told off by a clutch of people for posting about eating cheap tinned (farmed) salmon for breakfast. Although she got a little aside in there ("I only said I used farmed salmon, I wasn't promoting it!") she was suspiciously calm and reasonable and no chaos ensued. This leads the canal to suspect that her absence was enforced and she was, in fact, Novak Nailing it when she said she was the real-life Baby Reindeer. We became even more suspicious when she actually said thank you with a space! Are some of her tweets not made by her?

Enkosi (isithuba) kakhulu! Wiki up on the pink button.

 

[Geetbo]

Christ I’m now hoping for Katie Hopkins to come out on top in an argument. Fuck you guest.

 

[TrolleyParton]

I like to think that some of these folks who've changed their tune about guest have seen the light after visiting these threads/the wiki. It'll make all our peripatetically hectic 200 hour weeks posting on Tattle worthwhile. Thank(space)you for all that you do, canal.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Chickpeas and tomatoes and pasta for 8-10 people is at least 4 cans each of chickpeas and tomatoes. How can she pretend to be any good at cokking when she thinks it’s charming that she’s incapable of calculating portion sizes? Twat.

But I’m loving the fact that she hasn’t realised this bloke is taking the piss and is answering him all earnestly.

 

[hoopdedoo]

I can't believe I'm going to say this but.....

at least Suella Braverman is using her public visibility to speak out about the problem. Unlike a certain self-proclaimed "poverty activist" whose social media is full of sh*t recipes, fake football fandom, photos of her poorly-cared-for animals, and "woe is me" mental health references.

Jack, if you think what Braverman is doing is so despicable, then get off your Mediterranean arse and do some actual activism.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Here's a top tip for you, Jack:
(2020)

 

[SendReceive]

wtf is this shit, I’m no medical expert but this sounds like it could be misleading/dangerous. Obviously if it is correct then fair enough but it’s such a bold claim it could be in Grifty kitchen.

View attachment 2930264

Ninnies, I have already submitted a Freedom of Information request to check whether there is an “NHS recommended formula to replicate OTC” and, if so, whether this is the formula.

When will Jack learn about lying about things that are subject to FOI - we’ve already had Essex Police Celeb Squad and the ONS ones.

I suspect that any “medical around the edges” fraus will already know the answers but will share the reply in due course….

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

She never, ever changes. She's still going to be churning out these lines in another 10 years, isn't she?

I can't wait until 2053 when she honks, in a scandalised tone, that nobody told her about National Insurance and so the poor smol pixie has no pension

 

[secretsrsafe]

Too busy shovelling snow

Or passed out pissed. For someone who has their phone glued to their hand, claiming to be none the wiser about the lights is impossible.
---

wtf is this shit, I’m no medical expert but this sounds like it could be misleading/dangerous. Obviously if it is correct then fair enough but it’s such a bold claim it could be in Grifty kitchen.

View attachment 2930264

This is basically a homemade version of an electrolyte drink. Usually used by athletes instead of buying expensive drinks that are basically just sugar, Salt and water. This will do nothing for the maladies she lists. Every tweet is either lies or misinformation.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I have a porch. It has umbrellas, dog leads and coats and boots in it. It’s south facing but no one has ever sat in there chatting about anything.

She’s now trying to make out that her son not only went to the cinema with her yesterday but also stayed the night and is going to be thrilled to see all the photos other people have taken of the aurora from Friday nightView attachment 2930414

Giving me very much these vibes.

Spoiler: Caution

View attachment 2930415

Thanks to @Valiofthedolls for the screenie

That’s nice, Jack. Given the decade-long “dream to go there” he’s had since he was four years old and you dragged him back to Southend when yet another of your relationships went tits up, maybe you and “your boy” can go and see them for yourselves in the Tanzanian night sky. Kill two stars with one chicken, so to speak.

Or maybe in another story you can be Scout and Jem visiting with Miss Maudie Atkinson and chatting about her scuppernong arbor. In that one, you and “your boy” can just set a spell together rocking and fanning on an imaginary porch talking to fictional elderly ladies and admiring the forever hydrangeas,

Also, as if Chocco and Ev didn’t have enough to contend with while huddled around/warming their hands on a flickering garden solar light in a dark and freezing attic, spooning sustenance out of a shared can of CHEAP cold beans (while their cherry cheeked children and dozens of glittering eyed consumptive feral urchins slumbered fretfully in their dormitories downstairs) turns out they also had this shit to deal with from child-Jack

Spoiler

Fucking fantasist.

 

[lilykestrel]

I love this detail. It's such a window into somebody who's never had a real job. If you need to get to work and you don't have a car, if public transport isn't an option... You liftshare with a colleague in exchange for petrol money. Hitchhiking is a bizarre and unreliable way to get to a job that works shifts.

"Sorry your family and belongings and abode were incinerated, Mrs Borbora. We were one man down because Fireman Wispa was still thumbing his way down the A127 when your call came in."

 

[Katkat]

Surely not!

 

[houseofhoop]

Not to derail but has anyone watched the bbc expose on Depher? Looks like a series, wouldn’t it be a dream to have St Carly and Monroe featu (ed)

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Why would a boring old coke hag need a rehydration formula?

 

[rage naan]

Can I just say that "who is Sue Lee" made me lol actually ol

 

[Geetbo]

That’s the thing with the VBI. All she had to do was come out and say “sorry paypigs, it’s too much for one person” and that would have been the end of it.

 

[Mr Krabs]

The Ireland act is giving me serious Jack vibes though. Describes self as a ‘goth gremlin’, announces she’s queer while her male partner sits next to her, trying desperately hard to be different yet utterly dull and conventional.