Jack Monroe #573 Close your Patreon, you thieving liar

[HotesTilaire]

Fish finger mash is great. Also isn’t that basically a rubbish fish cake? Meh, still better than anything Fack has come up with.

 

[tinklypom]

She's saying she hasn't bought a place for herself and the boy yet...that doesn't mean she hasn't bought one for herself.

Is it conceivable that she could have bought the bungamansion?

 

[Grifty Mc]

Now we know what she spent time doing instead of watching the lights - trawling through her 500k followers, deciding who made the cut / still has the honour, of reading her drivel - oh how times have changed.

Yeah. And she could have gone outside the bunglemansion and sat in the massive garden to watch it all. Maybe she has moved.

 

[BeardyBap]

Can I cut my ears off instead?

Ah, so THAT was Chopper Read’s motivation!

Spoiler: Ear-ectomy

“We can’t let you in, Chop. We’ve got kids in here and they would be afraid of a man with no ears” - Jimmy & Shelby

 

[Carefree]

Just trying to avoid a bitter battle over who gets the cannon.

And the bike

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Kill two stars with one chicken

PMSL

 

[CrushedIcePlease]

What, even the…garish adverts for vodka and fashion shows?

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Was she on or off the gin at this point?

 

[noweverythingsucks]

Spoiler: My crappy time measurement

I remember reading about time blindness and it was so relatable. I always thing I'll get to a place in either 5, 20, 30 etc minutes, but I never seem to get it accurately no matter how many times I've been. If I'm running late I'm always 5 or 20 minutes away, even though that's not always true. I'm also bad for using the phrase 'the back of' for time, as in 'I'll meet you at the back of 7"; I was shocked once when a friend said to me once that she took that to mean around 5 past. To me it means between 7:15 and 7:45.

I don't like being late and keeping people waiting, although I also hate being early because of boredom, worrying I'm in the wrong place, or that I won't recognise the people I'm meeting etc. if I'm going to someone's house, I worry that they won't be ready for me if I'm even 5 minutes early. This is probably because I'm always running around in my jammies when people arrive at the door as I seem to have no concept of how long it takes to do things.

I've never heard the phrase "the back of" before but I'd 100% think that meant toward 8. I do have adhd and time blindness too but even so I can't imagine that meaning just past 7!

Also I once read that "soon" used to mean "now" but so many people misused it that the meaning changed. And I think in Wales they say the phrase "I'll be there now" in the same way. But I might have gotten some of these words mixed up. I am drunk on holiday.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Is Thorpe bay the Florida of the UK?

But for Baptists?

 

[Carefree]

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I stopped singing from that day in 2012 to this day of my hyperbolic absolute fucking nonsense in 2020. Except for these times when I sang, obv. View attachment 2937030View attachment 2937031View attachment 2937033

Receipts for her c**tiness. Good times

 

[MurielSnark]

HER PRONOUNS ARE GETTING CHILDREN FED!!!
she doesn’t care about pronouns, she’s said so a lot of times. And she’s desperate for the Greek points of her old surname (or her old family name which she spells differently and gives me the rage). But Jack, she’s never wibbled, remarkably consistent.

Fair enough, she doesn't like the first name her parents gave her. Loads of people don't. That's what nicknames are for. It's perfectly okay to give yourself a new name if you want to, as an adult.

It's just that guest's narrative around this is so inconsistent and contradictory and she uses it to fraudulently claim she's a victim of abuse and a member of a protected trans minority.

If I met her, I might call her Melissa to her face just to fuck with her. I'd never do that with someone who's non-binary or trans.

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Last two selfies? (June and July)
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In the wild: Question Time (June, two weeks before posting that )View attachment 2933315
View attachment 2933313And mid-July View attachment 2933195in the wild: Greenbelt (August)
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Semi-wild, as in turd-polished but not her own selfie: Curry’s October (poss. filmed a few months before tho) View attachment 2933306

I know this is very subjective but she’s not nice to look at IRL.

 

[YerDa]

The legendary “1-2 to us” score!
---

Have we seen this? I thought she came across really well after the usual ARE WE ON CAN YOU HEAR ME, couldn't avoid talking about herself in the end and how quirky she is. Giving some self awareness vibes too

Batchelors sacked her off didn’t they?

 

[Cookiecookie]

I've thought that about her unfiltered pictures.

I don't usually criticise people's appearance - we are all the way God made us, and to be frank, if I leave the house without make-up dogs snarl at me in the street, young children run whimpering to their mothers and horses shy and throw themselves into gorse bushes, so I'm in no position to comment . . .

However, she has turned from being a (physically) pleasantly attractive young woman into one that sends a shudder through you at the sight of her - more so than can be expected from the mere passage of time. She just looks so sloppy, grubby and unhealthy. Her skin looks grey and pasty, her posture, to my untrained eye, resembles a swamp creature held upright only because it is tightly corseted*, her hands and nails are filthy (nothing more off-putting than poor personal hygiene) and the less said about her hair the better. The tattoos are dreadful, but I don't much like tatts anyway, so that is personal preference.

I'm not sure how old she is (early-to-mid 40's? ) but she doesn't seem to be wearing well.

*She would blame Crumbly Bones, I expect. She could take a few lessons from Meghan Markle - not someone I would normally hold up as a shining example of anything - whose posture is ramrod straight.

She was born in 1988!

 

[MurielSnark]

Ah feck I missed out the main bit, he asked at the desk for the “autobiography-Mein Kampf”


person “hello do you have a copy of Mein Kampf? It’s an autobi..
Library Jack, interrupting “yup, god what a great book, I’ve read it 341 times absolute banger”

In my experience, Mein Kampf is unreadable.

 

[Captainmouse]

Can we not post things like this too early in future Thankyou x

I’m still chuckling at rate my plate, the slop edition from the previous thread, unfortunately I was too late to nominate

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

She must've summoned some sort of Egyptian curse with the wedding dress shoot. Not that being a wife is some sort of grand prize but she seems to think it is and yet it runs through her fingers like so much spunk lasagne.

Is being insufferable a curse? I suppose it is but it's one she's brought on herself rather than through the vulgarities* of fate

*as guest would call it

 

[Onestorytoomany]

She'd likely owe 000s to the estate . . .

My hubby has put on the shittest film, so snuck on to see whats happening. I hate eurovision i dont get the hype, see also Ryan gosling.

 

[Lucky Escape]

Just imagine this, but in Essex.
View attachment 2935671View attachment 2935672View attachment 2935674View attachment 2935675View attachment 2935679Soz for breaching your copyright, Jack. Maybe you can crowdfund a pile of grifted cash to not sue Lee me.

Ouch.

Yeah, I get it, Jack - it can be really scary to take photos of strangers. But maybe try landscapes instead, rather than candid photos of people's backs?

 

[Hollaaa]

Someone who doesn't know how to operate a freezer (or consume frozen fishos) shouldn't have three freezers.