Jack Monroe #566 Set flavours to none

[Phillipa78]

Hallo Frauen und Herren,

Please find the previous thread here; https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-565-demand-0.44072/
There was a lot of mithering about Valentine's poems and semi-motivational Jack quote memes. It went on for ages, because Jack's not doing much (apart from still taking Patreon subscribers money) and we all ran out of steam.

Jack's Duolingo stats were a source of much amusement and I got my wish of a Star Trek-themed title, thanks to the inexplicable presence of Klingon in the long list of languages she's "learning".

Well done to the title creator @CrackingOwlSanctuary and nominator-in-chief @Lurkeryaar
You both win a magical £5 (all currencies are interchangeable) book token which will allow you to dine out on this event forever.

Remember to nominate a thread title in the second half of the thread and no swearing!

 

[StewPots]

@MurielSnark hmmmm I am tempted by your suggestion of Jack “recipes” as erotic poems…. Leave it with me.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Does anyone remember this train incident... Jack was on a train journey and had taken offence to the man sitting behind(?) her, because his long legs were encroaching on her personal space. She tweeted a photo of his leg, and expressed her irritation. Not to him though, she didn't ask him to move or anything, just told thousands of people he was annoying her.

But then... she tweeted something really horrible. I cannot remember exactly what, but I feel like maybe she suggested she would... hurt him(?) God, am I remembering it wrong? I just recall that whatever she said, it left me feeling really, really uncomfortable. Surely someone else here remembers it. It was a really long time ago though, pretty sure it was long before she had a Tattle thread. Unfortunately, she's a duplicitous pos so she will have deleted the tweets and deny it ever happened, but I know that she said something which made me feel like she'd crossed a line into some place dark.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Does anyone remember this train incident... Jack was on a train journey and had taken offence to the man sitting behind(?) her, because his long legs were encroaching on her personal space. She tweeted a photo of his leg, and expressed her irritation. Not to him though, she didn't ask him to move or anything, just told thousands of people he was annoying her.

But then... she tweeted something really horrible. I cannot remember exactly what, but I feel like maybe she suggested she would... hurt him(?) God, am I remembering it wrong? I just recall that whatever she said, it left me feeling really, really uncomfortable. Surely someone else here remembers it. It was a really long time ago though, pretty sure it was long before she had a Tattle thread. Unfortunately, she's a duplicitous pos so she will have deleted the tweets and deny it ever happened, but I know that she said something which made me feel like she'd crossed a line into some place dark.

Wasn't there a train incident where a man sat in the same row as Jack. Not next to Jack but across the aisle, so she may, or may not have accidentally kicked him in the shins.

There are so many Jack and Train related incidents I get confused.

 

[StewPots]

Fucks sake this is tit but I’m absolutely flying on my meds tonight so this is as good as it’ll get.

Based on her Gazpacho Soup recipe on her website…. I call it Horny GazJackSo

First you grab your cucumber;
No need to peel it back,
Your skin is full of goodness
I’d pay good money just to feel it against my crack

You are an onion with papery layers
Who needs wrapping in cling film
For this game in which we’re both players

You’re a naughty stick of celery, who I desire the most
And I can’t concentrate without having you close
Like garlic and pepper too,
You leave your stain on me, and in the middle of my Foo.

But that doesn’t matter because I need all of you
We are blended together,
Just like gazpacho soup

They say we are perfectly useable.
We just need to be put in the freezer
But I can’t think straight right now
Thinking about you, my bleeping geezer.

You garnish my body,
From my head to the ends,
You give me a pleasant little crunch
And you’re my texture, my lover and friend


I still want to put part of you in my blender
And season you with sugar
But I feel that we wouldn’t last that long,
We’d be the texture of a booger

We go at it top speed for a minute,
And if feels like everything is super smooth .
But I can’t do more than two minutes
As I’d burn out my camel hoof.

I love how you season me
With saucy compliments and kinks
I need to go in the freezer right now
And have 40 winks

Then I’ll be your deliciously cool treat
And you can serve me right up
Then flourishingly beat your meat.

 

[MurielSnark]

Fucks sake this is tit but I’m absolutely flying on my meds tonight so this is as good as it’ll get.

Based on her Gazpacho Soup recipe on her website…. I call it Horny GazJackSo


First you grab your cucumber;

No need to peel it back,

Your skin is full of goodness

I’d pay good money just to feel it against my crack



You are an onion with papery layers

Who needs wrapping the in cling film

For this game in which we’re both players



You’re a naughty stick of celery, who I desire the most

And I can’t concentrate without having you close

Like garlic and pepper too,

You leave your stain on me, and in my middle too.



But that doesn’t matter because I need all of you

We are blended together,

Just like gazpacho soup



They say we are perfectly useable.

We just need to be put in the freezer

But I can’t think straight right now

Thinking about you, my bleeping geezer.



You garnish my body,

From my head to the ends,

You give me a pleasant little crunch And you’re my texture, my friend



I still want to put part of you in my blender

And season you with sugar

But I feel that we wouldn’t last that long,

We’d be the texture of a booger



We go at it top speed for a minute,

And if feels like everything is super smooth .

But I can’t do more than two minutes

As I’d burn out my camel hoof.



I love how you season me

With saucy compliments and kinks

I need to go in the freezer right now

And have 40 winks



Then I’ll be your deliciously cool treat

And you can serve me right up

Then flourishingly beat your meat.

Good grief @StewPots. That's truly dreadful. Bravo!

For anyone catching up, there was a post towards the end of the last thread about this writing workshop where you take apart recipe books and craft them into erotica. Right up Jack's fanny jacksy street.

Found poetry workshop recycles recipe books into 'erotic' poetry

A new workshop teaches people how to recycle recipe books and food reviews into poetry.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Does anyone remember this train incident... Jack was on a train journey and had taken offence to the man sitting behind(?) her, because his long legs were encroaching on her personal space. She tweeted a photo of his leg, and expressed her irritation. Not to him though, she didn't ask him to move or anything, just told thousands of people he was annoying her.

But then... she tweeted something really horrible. I cannot remember exactly what, but I feel like maybe she suggested she would... hurt him(?) God, am I remembering it wrong? I just recall that whatever she said, it left me feeling really, really uncomfortable. Surely someone else here remembers it. It was a really long time ago though, pretty sure it was long before she had a Tattle thread. Unfortunately, she's a duplicitous pos so she will have deleted the tweets and deny it ever happened, but I know that she said something which made me feel like she'd crossed a line into some place dark.

I'm sure it went like this, he manspreaded his legs into her space and she got so enraged that she jumped up, kicked him in the shins, told him to get fucked and then flattened him with her giant Mediterranean arse. The impact caused the train lights to go out and the doors were locked. She panicked, but ever plucky, whipped out her latest expensive mobile and tweeted foul mouthed rants to the train company twitter page. This caused offence to the train twitter admin who repeatedly asked her to stop using foul language. A fascist on twitter decided to slander her kumquat and during all this carnage a bunch of reporters turned up to interview guest. However, they could not find her as she had her sleeves rolled down. BTW, all this occurred on the sleeper train to Celery Town where guest had an affair with a bearded old man called Rab C something or other. It might have been Rabert the Bruce. He wooed her in Dishoom with a milkshake from 5 (homeless strawberry costa drink loving) guys. When it was time to piss off and sandwich back down south, she complained again on twitter about the lack of plague doctor masks and insisted a train representative meet her with a shoulder sling which is code for snow. Once the train arrived at Southend, she teetered off the edge of the platform due to her ugly orange heel boots (made from orange peels dried on the radiator) and derailed the train with that arse. She is being taken to court by the train company for reals and that is why she has been so quiet. Oh, also HMRC have cracked onto her because she steals donations. A real class act.

 

[StewPots]

Good grief @StewPots. That's truly dreadful. Bravo!

For anyone catching up, there was a post towards the end of the last thread about this writing workshop where you take apart recipe books and craft them into erotica. Right up Jack's fanny jacksy street.

Found poetry workshop recycles recipe books into 'erotic' poetry

A new workshop teaches people how to recycle recipe books and food reviews into poetry.

www.bbc.co.uk

It’s so awful and the worst part is my partner was like, “what the duck are you doing” looking over my shoulder.

I don’t know what’s worse - admitting I’m writing a tit erotic poem or admitting not only am I writing a tit erotic poem, it is in fact one about a washed up cookery writer and grifter that no one outside of here and Twitter knows about, and her properly tit recipes.

To my shame, I admitted the latter. I just got “riiiiiiight” said to me before he carried on watching the golf

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Wasn't there a train incident where a man sat in the same row as Jack. Not next to Jack but across the aisle, so she may, or may not have accidentally kicked him in the shins.

There are so many Jack and Train related incidents I get confused.

She might have threatened/suggested that she would kick him in the shin. I can't remember, but I definitely have the feeling that she did suggest she would cause him harm. It made me (still makes me) feel quite shaky and uneasy because she hadn't even asked him to move his leg or anything, didn't even give him a chance to move.

I'm short, and have short legs but the man I spend my time with is tall, with long legs. I know a lot of the time, he doesn't fit into spaces like I do. He might put his leg down the side of a seat, not realising it would annoy someone. If they asked him to move it, he'd be so embarrassed and move immediately. If someone just...attacked him?! Makes me feel like crying.
She does have a lot of train incidents. Prick.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

It’s so awful and the worst part is my partner was like, “what the duck are you doing” looking over my shoulder.

I don’t know what’s worse - admitting I’m writing a tit erotic poem or admitting not only am I writing a tit erotic poem, it is in fact one about a washed up cookery writer and grifter that no one outside of here and Twitter knows about, and her properly tit recipes.

To my shame, I admitted the latter. I just got “riiiiiiight” said to me before he carried on watching the golf

My husband doesn't get it either, he isnt into gossip at all. I just need to say Tattle and that is enough luckily for him I had to share Mr tumble car exhaust, Hugh's arse and other juicy gossip tid bits in my WhatsApp group because he is just not interested.

 

[StewPots]

My husband doesn't get it either, he isnt into gossip at all. I just need to say Tattle and that is enough luckily for him I had to share Mr tumble car exhaust, Hugh's arse and other juicy gossip tid bits in my WhatsApp group because he is just not interested.

I shared the Christian Horner finger or dick pic with my partner Friday night. Nice child free evening, and that’s what we spent our time doing.

Quality

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I shared the Christian Horner finger or dick pic with my partner Friday night. Nice child free evening, and that’s what we spent our time doing.

Quality

Critical discussion is a sign of intelligence and maturity Something Horny would benefit from.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Can't believe you influencers have got to me. I'm just arriving back from the Geri thread. I don't care if it is a finger or a cock, I just want to know why most men are SO BAD at taking dick pics?

 

[I'm not actually here]

Fucks sake this is tit but I’m absolutely flying on my meds tonight so this is as good as it’ll get.

Based on her Gazpacho Soup recipe on her website…. I call it Horny GazJackSo

First you grab your cucumber;
No need to peel it back,
Your skin is full of goodness
I’d pay good money just to feel it against my crack

You are an onion with papery layers
Who needs wrapping in cling film
For this game in which we’re both players

You’re a naughty stick of celery, who I desire the most
And I can’t concentrate without having you close
Like garlic and pepper too,
You leave your stain on me, and in the middle of my Foo.

But that doesn’t matter because I need all of you
We are blended together,
Just like gazpacho soup

They say we are perfectly useable.
We just need to be put in the freezer
But I can’t think straight right now
Thinking about you, my bleeping geezer.

You garnish my body,
From my head to the ends,
You give me a pleasant little crunch
And you’re my texture, my lover and friend


I still want to put part of you in my blender
And season you with sugar
But I feel that we wouldn’t last that long,
We’d be the texture of a booger

We go at it top speed for a minute,
And if feels like everything is super smooth .
But I can’t do more than two minutes
As I’d burn out my camel hoof.

I love how you season me
With saucy compliments and kinks
I need to go in the freezer right now
And have 40 winks

Then I’ll be your deliciously cool treat
And you can serve me right up
Then flourishingly beat your meat.

I'll have whatever it is you are on @StewPots !!!

 

[Shawads]

Hallo Frauen und Herren,

Please find the previous thread here; https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-565-demand-0.44072/
There was a lot of mithering about Valentine's poems and semi-motivational Jack quote memes. It went on for ages, because Jack's not doing much (apart from still taking Patreon subscribers money) and we all ran out of steam.

Jack's Duolingo stats were a source of much amusement and I got my wish of a Star Trek-themed title, thanks to the inexplicable presence of Klingon in the long list of languages she's "learning".

View attachment 2794330

Well done to the title creator @CrackingOwlSanctuary and nominator-in-chief @Lurkeryaar
You both win a magical £5 (all currencies are interchangeable) book token which will allow you to dine out on this event forever.

Remember to nominate a thread title in the second half of the thread and no swearing!

As someone who’s jack boil has gone off somewhat I have to say I did enjoy the rebirth of the inspiration memes.
I remember halcyon days of counting chairs. And teeth and I really admire those in the cabal who have remained faithful and loyal to the cause while I’ve been flitting around tattle.
I have to say, this thread is still the best most erudite, funny and meandering thread I’ve found.
And want to tip my hat to @CrackingOwlSanctuary for your wonderful name. Can I just shock you? I like owls.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Hallo Frauen und Herren,

Please find the previous thread here; https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-565-demand-0.44072/
There was a lot of mithering about Valentine's poems and semi-motivational Jack quote memes. It went on for ages, because Jack's not doing much (apart from still taking Patreon subscribers money) and we all ran out of steam.

Jack's Duolingo stats were a source of much amusement and I got my wish of a Star Trek-themed title, thanks to the inexplicable presence of Klingon in the long list of languages she's "learning".

View attachment 2794330

Well done to the title creator @CrackingOwlSanctuary and nominator-in-chief @Lurkeryaar
You both win a magical £5 (all currencies are interchangeable) book token which will allow you to dine out on this event forever.

Remember to nominate a thread title in the second half of the thread and no swearing!

For anybody new to the canal, BIB only applies to the titles. We can say what we bleeping well choose in the thread!

Viz, Jack Munroe is still a thieving, grifting, lying bleep who needs to bleeping fess up to her devious scamming behaviour over the last bollocking decade.

 

[Shawads]

Can't believe you influencers have got to me. I'm just arriving back from the Geri thread. I don't care if it is a finger or a cock, I just want to know why most men are SO BAD at taking dick pics?

I’m convinced it’s a weird finger.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Can't believe you influencers have got to me. I'm just arriving back from the Geri thread. I don't care if it is a finger or a cock, I just want to know why most men are SO BAD at taking dick pics?

I think it's ego and a lack of shame, traits they share with guest. It's the same kind of lack of shame and monstrous ego that causes one to pose in geriatric crusty undies on a sideboard. It doesn't occur to them for one moment that nobody but nobody wants to see that. Even the desperate neckbeards would not pay to see sideboard shots. The ego-tastic men think they are giving us a magnanimous gift when it comes to dick pics. In that moment, they are truly thinking with their dick. Intelligence, common sense, shame, they have all left the building, they don't know her/them.

 

[MurielSnark]

I think it's ego and a lack of shame, traits they share with guest. It's the same kind of lack of shame and monstrous ego that causes one to pose in geriatric crusty undies on a sideboard. It doesn't occur to them for one moment that nobody but nobody wants to see that. Even the desperate neckbeards would not pay to see sideboard shots. The ego-tastic men think they are giving us a magnanimous gift when it comes to dick pics. In that moment, they are truly thinking with their dick. Intelligence, common sense, shame, they have all left the building, they don't know her/them.

Plus, all willies just look ridiculous. I'm sorry but it is so.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

As someone who’s jack boil has gone off somewhat I have to say I did enjoy the rebirth of the inspiration memes.
I remember halcyon days of counting chairs. And teeth and I really admire those in the cabal who have remained faithful and loyal to the cause while I’ve been flitting around tattle.
I have to say, this thread is still the best most erudite, funny and meandering thread I’ve found.
And want to tip my hat to @CrackingOwlSanctuary for your wonderful name. Can I just shock you? I like owls.

Didn't we do Jack as bowls too? That was glorious. Oh and fish jacks and cake jacks iirc? She needs to put out some new facetuned selfies, we need new comedy material.
---

Plus, all willies just look ridiculous. I'm sorry but it is so.

Aesthetically, they are the least attractive part of a man (sorry men). If you were to perch a pair of glasses on one, it would look like a ridiculously large droopy nose. Ooh, a coke nose cock. After all, noses are made of erectile tissue. Must be why they become so stiff after a sneeze.