Jack Monroe #566 Set flavours to none

[MurielSnark]

They are divorced unfortunately but he still isn’t with guest and she has never been married even once - nor did she manage to lock down a man to have another baby with, while SB’s dad has two children with his ex-wife

Hi @witchofwestbyfleet,

Since you're here correcting the facts today, I want to really acknowledge you for all the work you've done on the Wiki. I dip into it every now and again and I've noticed that all the data has been re-organised and everything has working links and cross references. And I see your name attached to almost all of it.

It must've been a massive job, undertaken in your free time and with no accolade. So, please know that I have seen it and appreciate all of it.

You are the absolute antithesis of the attention-grabbing fraudster that brings us all together here.

This weird little convocation on the internet seems obscure but I am convinced that Jack would not have been so effectively cancelled without the solid research, fact-checking and archiving that you and other ninnies have done here. It's an odd form of justice but an effective one. Thank you.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Anniversary tattle playing the greatest hits is wonderful!

Speaking of anniversaries, was looking for receipts for something else the other day and encountered this one of a kind beauty that @colouredlines created back in Feb 2021 to commemorate the two year anniversary of Jack falling under a train

Jack Monroe #146 Can we see the Emin please, cos the rest of this is ugly af

Thank god it's Friday. Anyone else had a bit of a rollercoaster one this week? I've been up and down like a yo yo. I can't wait to order a takeaway tonight (50% off code yasssss) and open up this thread 😂 Babe, same I never get sent these discounts but luckily my partner does!!

tattle.life

ETA That event has inspired some truly incredible artwork over the years. @traumatised sideboard

Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

Jack Monroe: Not A Professional Account That's got to be a thread title if ever I saw one!

tattle.life

 

[BeardyBap]

Amazing how between the ages of three and thirteen, SB has remained the same height as a mini-tripod on a worktop.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Does anyone remember this train incident... Jack was on a train journey and had taken offence to the man sitting behind(?) her, because his long legs were encroaching on her personal space. She tweeted a photo of his leg, and expressed her irritation. Not to him though, she didn't ask him to move or anything, just told thousands of people he was annoying her.

But then... she tweeted something really horrible. I cannot remember exactly what, but I feel like maybe she suggested she would... hurt him(?) God, am I remembering it wrong? I just recall that whatever she said, it left me feeling really, really uncomfortable. Surely someone else here remembers it. It was a really long time ago though, pretty sure it was long before she had a Tattle thread. Unfortunately, she's a duplicitous pos so she will have deleted the tweets and deny it ever happened, but I know that she said something which made me feel like she'd crossed a line into some place dark.

I'm sure it went like this, he manspreaded his legs into her space and she got so enraged that she jumped up, kicked him in the shins, told him to get fucked and then flattened him with her giant Mediterranean arse. The impact caused the train lights to go out and the doors were locked. She panicked, but ever plucky, whipped out her latest expensive mobile and tweeted foul mouthed rants to the train company twitter page. This caused offence to the train twitter admin who repeatedly asked her to stop using foul language. A fascist on twitter decided to slander her kumquat and during all this carnage a bunch of reporters turned up to interview guest. However, they could not find her as she had her sleeves rolled down. BTW, all this occurred on the sleeper train to Celery Town where guest had an affair with a bearded old man called Rab C something or other. It might have been Rabert the Bruce. He wooed her in Dishoom with a milkshake from 5 (homeless strawberry costa drink loving) guys. When it was time to piss off and sandwich back down south, she complained again on twitter about the lack of plague doctor masks and insisted a train representative meet her with a shoulder sling which is code for snow. Once the train arrived at Southend, she teetered off the edge of the platform due to her ugly orange heel boots (made from orange peels dried on the radiator) and derailed the train with that arse. She is being taken to court by the train company for reals and that is why she has been so quiet. Oh, also HMRC have cracked onto her because she steals donations. A real class act.

 

[Geetbo]

Can't believe you influencers have got to me. I'm just arriving back from the Geri thread. I don't care if it is a finger or a cock, I just want to know why most men are SO BAD at taking dick pics?

Straight men need lessons from the gays in good dick pic angles. You can add 2 inches easy with a good angle. So I’m told.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Also the version where her friend intervened to save her, as the school teacher stalker (who also extorted cash from her) yet again followed her, to her latest job where SB’s dad worked. He accompanied poor fragile stalked Jack to a flat where (this actually just sounds exploitative now I write it out, even though it wasn’t meant to be) she fell into his loving arms and something something shag.
---
n.b. The stalker primary school teacher who lives round the corner had caused her to run up credit card debt, because he demanded cash to not stalk her. You know, how stalkers do.

Ah yes. The stalker under whose windscreen wiper she was coerced to leave massive great piles of (invisible to anyone else walking by who might have been tempted to nick it) cash.

Absolutely fucking egregious centering herself and making herself the main character after the murder of Sarah Everard.

Nice little dig at SB’s stepmum as well. “People who’ve attempted to come between us…”. The whole thing is just vile. Utter, utter cunt. She really is a despicable human being.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Oh yeah she’s not testing anything, she’s just word vomiting on a page with a list of ingredients and vague instructions at the end.

As any content creator knows, having a good template is the key to consistent content creation - I've taken the liberty of doing one for Guest to help her along the way.

• Insert 3 paragraphs of self-obsessed moaning about poverty, bad mentals and SEVERE health conditions
• Chop your onion in a cold pan with oil. Add in a pinch of herbs or spices (any will do - all flavours are interchangeable).
• Cook on low heat for 5 minutes until still mostly raw (this is called Sowteeing, if you want to be fancy)
• Open a tin - beans, hoops, steak in gravy, chicken in white wine, Pedigree Chum - any will do, all ingredients are interchangeable.
• Rinse off any flavourings from the contents of the tin.
• Add to the pan.
• Boil vigorously for half an hour. This will ensure that your already cooked tinned goods are properly cooked.
• Add water to loosen It will look disturbingly unpleasant at this point but stick with it!
• Blend to a mucilaginous slop.
• Plenty of black pepper (but no salt. Never salt. Except the recipes she's obviously copied). Squeeze of Cif Lemon optional.
• Shovel it all in your face straight from the pan like a greedy goblin - yum yum I ended up eating it all because there was barely enough for one person for lunch, if I'm being honest.
• Feeds 20 people generously at 6p per portion.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Imagine turning up at your son’s new girlfriend’s house and its guest.

The car journey home would pass in stunned silence.

You just know that after the nightmare narc twat forced her way along on his mother’s birthday weekend mini break family get together “twinned with hers” (complete with Colin birthday cake she brought along for herself),

there was a horrified group phone call between all the other cars that began the second they turned the corner away from the luxury cottage and out of her and OH’s sight that didn’t finish until they were all parking up outside their homes hours later.

What fucking nutcase calls their brand new partner (of 3 months maximum at the time)’s family “the extended fam” and his mum her “mother in law”?! And that’s before she allegedly inflicted her vile slops (courgette and potato rash?!) on them all weekend and plastered their holiday cottage all over the internet.

All ss @Silver Linings who thoughtfully and kindly protected an innocent sheep’s dignity in this mortifying series of events

Main character nightmare narc bullshit starts here

Jack Monroe #271 David Cameron does far more charity work than Jack Monroe

Squigs' use of the word tsar makes me feel a bit given current world events. Although maybe to be expected from the same people who liked the dead people merch, I guess.

tattle.life

Spoiler: Mither! 😂

unbelievably, Parliament PoPo and the hat recognizing MPs are later in that very same thread!

What an absolute pile of incessant fantasist steaming bullshit this thieving narc grifter has spouted over the years.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Wasn't there a train incident where a man sat in the same row as Jack. Not next to Jack but across the aisle, so she may, or may not have accidentally kicked him in the shins.

There are so many Jack and Train related incidents I get confused.

The fact that she has so many train “incidents” is proof she doesn’t get out much. Anyone who regularly travels on public transport knows that other passengers can be annoying or downright weird, but unless they cross the line of actively doing something that seriously impacts you in some way you just accept it as part of existing alongside others. You can always tell people who don’t use public transport much because they complain about their “nightmare” journey where someone listened to music without headphones or there was a screaming baby or they sat opposite someone with long legs or someone was eating a curry, and all the people who do use public transport a lot just shrug because that’s their everyday.

 

[Phillipa78]

Hallo Frauen und Herren,

Please find the previous thread here; https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-565-demand-0.44072/
There was a lot of mithering about Valentine's poems and semi-motivational Jack quote memes. It went on for ages, because Jack's not doing much (apart from still taking Patreon subscribers money) and we all ran out of steam.

Jack's Duolingo stats were a source of much amusement and I got my wish of a Star Trek-themed title, thanks to the inexplicable presence of Klingon in the long list of languages she's "learning".

Well done to the title creator @CrackingOwlSanctuary and nominator-in-chief @Lurkeryaar
You both win a magical £5 (all currencies are interchangeable) book token which will allow you to dine out on this event forever.

Remember to nominate a thread title in the second half of the thread and no swearing!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I made a nice collage of Jack wearing glasses.

 

[Geetbo]

We don't need to speculate about guest's genitalia because she's told us all about them, and we can clearly see her made-of-erectile-tissue nose. Isn't she thoughtful?

I suppose technically every selfie guest has ever posted is a dick pic.

 

[CrushedIcePlease]

World Book Day.. it did cross my mind to send my little one in with rolled up sleeves, biro tattoos and a sieve of rinsed spaghetti hoops.

Purely to test the water and see if there are any Fraus local to me.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

As much as I loathe her honking personality, it browns me off that she can just disappear without accounting for all the money she's scammed

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

“I was fit. I looked like THIS.” Because being a smoker with not much muscle screams fitness

 

[houseofhoop]

The best bit about that was always the GOODNIGHT! View attachment 2798224which meant she’d be back within about 90 seconds to needless to say get the last word.

perfect example from @Sideboard Bob
View attachment 2798232

Jack Monroe #374 It's half past midnight and I'm weighing a single anchovy

Hello Tender ones. We are currently recovering from the Self-Love Loving Jack gave us at the book festival. It was a lot. Well done to @Justacatindisguise for winning the thread title competition. You get to ride with Jack on the way home. Sweet! Jack gave her talk, and she lied again, she...

tattle.life

Oh remember this delight!!

 

[Geetbo]

If it’s her what would the M stand for? Jack Monroe Hadjicostas or Jack Melissa Hadjicostas? Or both although that’s a pretty long name

I think you’ll find it’s Dr Dr Jack Melissa Monroe Xatzinikolas Hadjicostas tender one x

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Do not click on stories without an anonymous viewer.

Is this real, Jack?

 

[Jelly Bean]

Uncanny

 

[TrolleyParton]

I got bored so I revisited 2019

View attachment 2797497

I never saw any of that in the Quarterhack™ shopping lists

View attachment 2797498

Or that

View attachment 2797499

Lol, rowing machine. No wonder she thought patreons were too stupid to notice she wasn't poor, she was talking about it all the time

View attachment 2797500

haha hokay then

And this chaos which... I don't know. Is she claiming to only earn 10k a year? When she's been in full time employment for the best part of two decades and/ or works 200 hour weeks as a freelancer, whichever it was. ( best read bottom to top)

View attachment 2797505View attachment 2797506

I agree with her on one thing, it IS absolutely infuriating when scamming thieves help themselves to thousands of pounds of other people's money.