Jack Monroe #566 Set flavours to none

[Valiofthedolls]

She might have threatened/suggested that she would kick him in the shin. I can't remember, but I definitely have the feeling that she did suggest she would cause him harm. It made me (still makes me) feel quite shaky and uneasy because she hadn't even asked him to move his leg or anything, didn't even give him a chance to move.

I'm short, and have short legs but the man I spend my time with is tall, with long legs. I know a lot of the time, he doesn't fit into spaces like I do. He might put his leg down the side of a seat, not realising it would annoy someone. If they asked him to move it, he'd be so embarrassed and move immediately. If someone just...attacked him?! Makes me feel like crying.
She does have a lot of train incidents. Prick.

Not sure if it’s the one you’re thinking of, but in 2020 right after LJC LEFT, she woke up with “sexy hair” then a man sat close to her on the train so she kicked him in the shin, then another man “leered at” her in the street.

Starts here

Jack Monroe #17 The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg

Back on topic, I’m a bit uncomfortable with the comments on JM’s appearance specifically teeth/gums — that’s the way she was born, and it seems a bit unnecessarily bitchy. However I think it’s fair to comment on her hair as that is something she has chosen to do to herself. Also commenting on...

tattle.life

She’s always going on about kicking, fighting, decking, throwing things at and otherwise attacking/harming men and carrying a knife. It’s beyond disturbing and makes her sound bleeping deranged.
https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-561-me-i-happened-youre-welcome.43594/post-18042848

 

[Never would have guest]

Not sure if it’s the one you’re thinking of, but in 2020 right after LJC LEFT, she woke up with “sexy hair” then a man sat close to her on the train so she kicked him in the shin, then another man “leered at” her in the street.
View attachment 2794574
Starts here

Jack Monroe #17 The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg

Back on topic, I’m a bit uncomfortable with the comments on JM’s appearance specifically teeth/gums — that’s the way she was born, and it seems a bit unnecessarily bitchy. However I think it’s fair to comment on her hair as that is something she has chosen to do to herself. Also commenting on...

tattle.life

She’s always going on about kicking, fighting, decking, throwing things at and otherwise attacking/harming men and carrying a knife. It’s beyond disturbing and makes her sound bleeping deranged.
https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-561-me-i-happened-youre-welcome.43594/post-18042848

That hair shouldn't be allowed out. But not for the reason she thinks.....

 

[L3moning]

Fucks sake this is tit but I’m absolutely flying on my meds tonight so this is as good as it’ll get.

Based on her Gazpacho Soup recipe on her website…. I call it Horny GazJackSo

First you grab your cucumber;
No need to peel it back,
Your skin is full of goodness
I’d pay good money just to feel it against my crack

You are an onion with papery layers
Who needs wrapping in cling film
For this game in which we’re both players

You’re a naughty stick of celery, who I desire the most
And I can’t concentrate without having you close
Like garlic and pepper too,
You leave your stain on me, and in the middle of my Foo.

But that doesn’t matter because I need all of you
We are blended together,
Just like gazpacho soup

They say we are perfectly useable.
We just need to be put in the freezer
But I can’t think straight right now
Thinking about you, my bleeping geezer.

You garnish my body,
From my head to the ends,
You give me a pleasant little crunch
And you’re my texture, my lover and friend


I still want to put part of you in my blender
And season you with sugar
But I feel that we wouldn’t last that long,
We’d be the texture of a booger

We go at it top speed for a minute,
And if feels like everything is super smooth .
But I can’t do more than two minutes
As I’d burn out my camel hoof.

I love how you season me
With saucy compliments and kinks
I need to go in the freezer right now
And have 40 winks

Then I’ll be your deliciously cool treat
And you can serve me right up
Then flourishingly beat your meat.

Gazpacho soup is more Red Dwarf than Star Trek, which checks out, as far as Jack is concerned, I think.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Wasn't there a train incident where a man sat in the same row as Jack. Not next to Jack but across the aisle, so she may, or may not have accidentally kicked him in the shins.

There are so many Jack and Train related incidents I get confused.

The fact that she has so many train “incidents” is proof she doesn’t get out much. Anyone who regularly travels on public transport knows that other passengers can be annoying or downright weird, but unless they cross the line of actively doing something that seriously impacts you in some way you just accept it as part of existing alongside others. You can always tell people who don’t use public transport much because they complain about their “nightmare” journey where someone listened to music without headphones or there was a screaming baby or they sat opposite someone with long legs or someone was eating a curry, and all the people who do use public transport a lot just shrug because that’s their everyday.

 

[StewPots]

Gazpacho soup is more Red Dwarf than Star Trek, which checks out, as far as Jack is concerned, I think.

“I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SERVED COLD”

I reckon Jack saw that episode and that’s the only reason she tells us to cool it down. If she hadn’t, well….she’d be a right Arnold Rimmer.

 

[Cat Face]

I'm sure it went like this, he manspreaded his legs into her space and she got so enraged that she jumped up, kicked him in the shins, told him to get fucked and then flattened him with her giant Mediterranean arse. The impact caused the train lights to go out and the doors were locked. She panicked, but ever plucky, whipped out her latest expensive mobile and tweeted foul mouthed rants to the train company twitter page. This caused offence to the train twitter admin who repeatedly asked her to stop using foul language. A fascist on twitter decided to slander her kumquat and during all this carnage a bunch of reporters turned up to interview guest. However, they could not find her as she had her sleeves rolled down. BTW, all this occurred on the sleeper train to Celery Town where guest had an affair with a bearded old man called Rab C something or other. It might have been Rabert the Bruce. He wooed her in Dishoom with a milkshake from 5 (homeless strawberry costa drink loving) guys. When it was time to piss off and sandwich back down south, she complained again on twitter about the lack of plague doctor masks and insisted a train representative meet her with a shoulder sling which is code for snow. Once the train arrived at Southend, she teetered off the edge of the platform due to her ugly orange heel boots (made from orange peels dried on the radiator) and derailed the train with that arse. She is being taken to court by the train company for reals and that is why she has been so quiet. Oh, also HMRC have cracked onto her because she steals donations. A real class act.

Chapeau, dear tenderpeep! This has absolutely made my morning

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

The fact that she has so many train “incidents” is proof she doesn’t get out much. Anyone who regularly travels on public transport knows that other passengers can be annoying or downright weird, but unless they cross the line of actively doing something that seriously impacts you in some way you just accept it as part of existing alongside others. You can always tell people who don’t use public transport much because they complain about their “nightmare” journey where someone listened to music without headphones or there was a screaming baby or they sat opposite someone with long legs or someone was eating a curry, and all the people who do use public transport a lot just shrug because that’s their everyday.

She’s the one who causes all the incidents. Mediterranean arse. Scrabbling on the dirty floor for her Apple Tile. “THEY’RE LUCKY I DIDN’T BOOT A bleeping DOOR IN!” Complaining about COVID seating arrangements when she’d been swanning all around Celerytown and eating in restaurants every day

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Chapeau, dear tenderpeep! This has absolutely made my morning

All of that is true BTW, just not necessarily in the right order.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Came up in a Discord server I’m in with friends - Tabby is not an influencer/famous, just someone we don’t like. A couple of years ago she posted a fundraiser saying her boyfriend was moving out and leaving her to pay off rent arrears but in fact he hadn’t LEFT and is still there! I when I saw this (and no, none of the people in the group know I post on Tattle lol)

 

[YerDa]

View attachment 2795111
Came up in a Discord server I’m in with friends - Tabby is not an influencer/famous, just someone we don’t like. A couple of years ago she posted a fundraiser saying her boyfriend was moving out and leaving her to pay off rent arrears but in fact he hadn’t LEFT and is still there! I when I saw this (and no, none of the people in the group know I post on Tattle lol)

I feel it’s my duty to drop it into any cookbook, food, grifting or scamming commentary I can, heh!

 

[ticktock123]

Didn't we do Jack as bowls too? That was glorious. Oh and fish jacks and cake jacks iirc? She needs to put out some new facetuned selfies, we need new comedy material.
---

Aesthetically, they are the least attractive part of a man (sorry men). If you were to perch a pair of glasses on one, it would look like a ridiculously large droopy nose. Ooh, a coke nose cock. After all, noses are made of erectile tissue. Must be why they become so stiff after a sneeze.

We would likely be having a very different conversation about this if Gerri Halliwell had had an affair with an assistant and he then posted pictures of her genitals on the internet to humiliate her. At the very least, I don't think it would be 'tee tee, look how silly her minge looks haha'.

 

[YerDa]

We would likely be having a very different conversation about this if Gerri Halliwell had had an affair with an assistant and he then posted pictures of her genitals on the internet to humiliate her. At the very least, I don't think it would be 'tee tee, look how silly her minge looks haha'.

Women are always (still) held to different standards - Fern Brady’s* autobiography is really good on this.

*she’s actually autistic (officially diagnosed) unlike guest

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Anyone who says dicks don't look silly is just lying.
Huv Tae didn't even specify whose peen was ugly, no names were mentioned.
The END!

 

[phoebuscartel]

It was a finger

on topic, at least guest’s dirty fingers aren’t that gross

 

[nothanksbabes]

Women are always (still) held to different standards - Fern Brady’s* autobiography is really good on this.

*she’s actually autistic (officially diagnosed) unlike guest

There's a bit in Fern's book where she comments (I'm paraphrasing here) how women like her don't elicit care and sympathy the way some other women do (she's working class Scottish, tall etc.) and it really resonated with me (undiagnosed neurodivergent, working class, big girl, I don't come across as "vulnerable") and I think it's interesting in the context of Jack, who has had way more benefit of the doubt and sympathy solely because of her obvious middle classness, despite all her protestations to the contrary.

 

[glubby]

I have nothing to add but I just wanted to say that this might be my favourite thread title of all time I’m hooting like Jack did when she saw some rocks with googly eyes.

 

[HotesTilaire]

How come it’s fine for men to send dick pics you didn’t ask for, but not for you to share them

 

[YerDa]

There's a bit in Fern's book where she comments (I'm paraphrasing here) how women like her don't elicit care and sympathy the way some other women do (she's working class Scottish, tall etc.) and it really resonated with me (undiagnosed neurodivergent, working class, big girl, I don't come across as "vulnerable") and I think it's interesting in the context of Jack, who has had way more benefit of the doubt and sympathy solely because of her obvious middle classness, despite all her protestations to the contrary.

Nailed it.

 

[Geetbo]

Can't believe you influencers have got to me. I'm just arriving back from the Geri thread. I don't care if it is a finger or a cock, I just want to know why most men are SO BAD at taking dick pics?

Straight men need lessons from the gays in good dick pic angles. You can add 2 inches easy with a good angle. So I’m told.

 

[hereforthechaos]

“I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SERVED COLD”

I reckon Jack saw that episode and that’s the only reason she tells us to cool it down. If she hadn’t, well….she’d be a right Arnold Rimmer.

Someone should check her head for an H tbf. I know it's bit tricky with pOrTait Mode but still we are forensic af here