Jack Monroe #56 I, Jack Monroe

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She’s scraping out the bottom of the barrel and hit the ground beneath it with this Twitter spree.😡.

She has no morals , just a yearning for fame and the money from well meaning but dopey Jackolytes.

She’s loathsome.
 
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She can’t possibly do the tv show now, can she? Maybe it came close to actually happening and she wet the bed.
 
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I realise this is a deeply divisive and controversial issue fraught with all sorts of ramifications but I have to say it - magnum is really ice cream.

As for the crime novel, it won't happen. But if it did....

... the protagonist would definitely be a plucky and rebellious lesbian working class single mum, who has pulled herself up by the very straps of her hardworking boots and made a successful career of having tattoos, blending things and swearing on social media.

She is called in to investigate after a policewoman, a tv chef and a bafta award winning tv producer are all murdered in the same distinctive fashion - choked to death on a tin of unrinsed beans.
Who do you think would play wee Jackie if it was made into a TV mini-series??
 
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She is exhausting. She's never been better, no wait, she's never been lower. She's never worked harder, no wait, it's impossible to do even one thing. She's been a book a day, oops no, she's been sleeping 22 hours a day. Pick a story and stick to it Jack FFS
 
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Tumbleweeds from the blue tickers......Tonight’s schedule - angry reassurance she is FINE because we all need her, an ‘i’m here to stay and looking hot’ pic and profile change and then a night of tweeting every fart that comes into her head.
 
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Hasn't she done this many times before? Last one I remember was ouchy mouth.

It goes like this - she asks for advice, well intentioned people give advice, she gives reasons why she can't possibly follow advice, has a tantrum and starts being foul.

Same old, same old.
 
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How could I forget the lapsed silences after triggery tweets to really churn that worry up. 😡😡
 
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Tumbleweeds from the blue tickers......Tonight’s schedule - angry reassurance she is FINE because we all need her, an ‘i’m here to stay and looking hot’ pic and profile change and then a night of tweeting every fart that comes into her head.
I don’t think she got the response she wanted from flashing her tits
 
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Is she playing with us?

How can any of her followers not see the bullshit? It's so bleeping blatant this time.
 
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Well, you pay the bills in advance with the money you made from your most recent commissions. Five figures ought to cover it. Especially when there's effectively another person's salary coming in from Patreon every month.

You look for a cheaper property to rent for when that money runs out. With a parent who owns property, it won't be difficult to get somewhere as they can stand as guarantor. A two bedroom flat would be more than adequate for a single parent - after all, if any were to present as homeless to the council. they'd be doing well to get a three roomed property these days.

Once the money looks like it has genuinely run out and your accounts are up to date, you close the company and get online to claim Universal Credit. At the time of submitting the claim, if you have provided all the information required (such as said accounts and proof of cessation), you request a partial advance on the first payment. During this period, you put things such as expensive sideboards, desirable appliance brands and additional white goods in addition to the bare minimum of fridge and washing machine, works of art and designer clothing up for sale. As the adviser will require anybody with a child above 5 to be actively seeking work for the equivalent of a full time week (and be able to prove it), you complete your side of the jobseeking agreement and then you keep to it.

If you do receive any monies from self employment or work, you notify them at the end of each assessment period and provide evidence as appropriate and if any payments are due, you receive them the following week. It's beneficial to start your claim so that the assessment period falls mid month, so as to not fall foul of the two salaries in one period duck up where it automatically assumes that you have suddenly doubled your income. You also submit a claim to your council for council tax relief, as that's not handled by UC.

When you are in receipt of UC, the electronic award notice will tell you if you're eligible for free prescriptions and dental treatment each month. Make a point of getting your NHS prescriptions filled during that period and be careful to complete the back correctly, so that it is clear you are a UC claimant. Or, with the last of your money, buy a prepayment certificate for the year if it's not clear whether you will actually qualify. Unfortunately, any private prescriptions are not eligible. It might be possible for an NHS GP to prescribe them upon receipt of a letter from a private consultant, but it's not guaranteed, as it might be expressly prohibited under NICE guidelines or local trust policies. But it's worth a try. If discontinuing any medication presents a medical risk, it is possible to request referral or self refer to local Drug and Alcohol services with a view to detox/managed withdrawal.

You abandon any notions of being the sort of person who owns their own house, you prioritise rent, any proportion of council tax payable, child maintenance, TV license, alectricity and gas. You cut down to one phone contract, because you still need to have internet access in order to fulfil the requirements of the jobseeking agreement and to manage your claim.

And you get on with it. One of the best things you can do is prioritise healthy food that provides a good source of carbohydrate, vitamin C, fibre and B vitamins. Such things as jacket potatoes with cheese and beans make it possible to do so, rather than picking items that have very limited nutrition. Taking a multivitamin helps, too.
 
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